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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Help :-(

48 replies

Ellovera · 03/04/2012 14:26

I've just had my 12 week scan but poor wee baby had died , last week , measuring 11 weeks 6 days

I've come to hospital just waiting to see doctor. I'm having sharp pains but could be just shock and stress. I would rather have the surgery is that the most sensible option do you think? Nurse said they dont like doing surgery if baby too big as can damage cervix? I don't know what to do. The thought of going home and waiting and having to see all that? Lola like it's been about five days since his tiny heart stopped beating

What do I do now ? Glad I saw little one after I was bleeding at six weeks. Expected it then but not now :-( my poor wee baby tucked up inside his mummy :-(

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Fisharefriendsnotfood · 03/04/2012 14:28

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice but had to reply. I'm so so sorry Sad

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Hebiegebies · 03/04/2012 14:31

So so sorry to read your news.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who can give more advice, but I'd suggest you cuddle up with a hot water bottle and a box of collates and some tissues and thnk about options later

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Ellovera · 03/04/2012 14:36

Thanks but am at the hospital now waiting to see docs . So sad

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Fisharefriendsnotfood · 03/04/2012 16:20

You ok?

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Hebiegebies · 03/04/2012 16:39

Sorry, assumed you were home.

Ask them to tell you the real risks with each option, yes the cervix may get damaged, but how likely, how long will it take if they don't operate etc.

Really feel for you

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Ellovera · 03/04/2012 19:00

Oh what a hard decision . Becauseits bank hol weekend ill probably have to wait until next week . Sad seeinglittle one all curled up asleep . I thought sonographers were not supposed To show you the screen until they had seen all was ok , she was ages pressing down but I had to point out I could not see heartbeat and it was not moving. ? Strangeandnot pleasant.

Anyway am home, few pains going on and scan was v sore so maybe I won't have to wait a week . Shocking really . Really feel for all those mummies who have been through this and families too

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teaandchocolate · 03/04/2012 19:12

 Im so sorry this has happened to you- it is the most awful thing to have to deal with. I went through something similar with my 1st pregnancy. Had a scan at 7.5 wks & everything was fine then at the 12 wk scan they said the baby had no heartbeat & looked about 8.5. wks. It was just awful and such a huge shock. I had an erpc & for me it was the best decision as like you I didn't want to experience the pain & trauma of delivering the baby. Also my baby had died so long before I couldn't stand the thought of waiting longer. 

I don't think I suffered any side effects from the op and think my cervix was fine as I went on to have my DD with no probs at all about a year later. So dont give up hope. The consultant I've seen said the risks if erpcs are very small & he knows of people who've had quite a few with no problems. I also knew that with medical management I might have needed a erpc as well anyway. Although obviously do what you feel is right for you now. 

 Not sure if this is your 1st pregnancy but if it is then I know how scared you must feel but you will get through this it just takes time. Hope you have support in RL. Keep posting if you need to talk x

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Ellovera · 03/04/2012 19:33

Poor you teanchoc, I've got two children already so appreciate i am a lucky lady. Baby very much planned and wanted . Ihope I dont have to wait too long. My only worry re the erpc is what actually happens to this little baby who is getting on in size now and that makes me feel sad but then like you say the trauma of it all happening at home when you don't know when and then to see it ... Oh I just don't know.

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Disneydreams · 03/04/2012 20:24

Hi ellovera

I've been through the exact same thing and as was having period type pains decided to go through it naturally at home. In all honesty it wasn't too bad. Far less traumatic than surgery IMO. Obviously labour type pains followed by the passing of clots etc. I felt like I needed to be sat on the loo so stayed there acwhile if that makes sense and knew when it had passed. Physically I felt much better as soon as this happened and could go to sleep in my own bed rather than a hospital one. Hope this helps and sorry for your loss. X

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Ellovera · 03/04/2012 20:30

Oh thank you Disney feel better for hearing that xx I'm just worried about the actual fetus part :-( what if I want to hold it? Is that a stupid thing to say ?

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Disneydreams · 03/04/2012 20:43

No of course it's not. But I'm not sure I am the best person to advise you on that bit as I didn't want to see. I know people who have though so it's perfectly normal to want to see. I felt I could deal with it better if I didn't. Maybe you could use a bucket instead. I think in hospital they use the cardboard things that you wee in so would serve the same purpose. Sorry i can't be of more help. Just do what feels right for you. X

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Disneydreams · 03/04/2012 20:48

Also if you do sit on the loo you can catch the blood loss in toilet roll iykwim and that way you could hold it and see it at the same time as not sure you would be able to hold it otherwise? Just hold it there as if you were going to wipe? I'm not too sure sorry. X

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Ellovera · 03/04/2012 21:00

Oh Lordy who knows what a shame I think I'm still in shock really sorry to ask that question and sorry it was more general rather than aimed at you, sorry it must still be painful .

Guess I'll just have to deal with it as best as I can when I need to xx

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Disneydreams · 03/04/2012 21:05

Don't be sorry hon that's what mumsnet is for. I just wish I could help a bit more. I'm sure you will know what's right when it happens but I def think home Is better than hosp. Just ask If you think of anything else. Will be thinking about you. X

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teaandchocolate · 03/04/2012 22:23

Thanks Ellovera. I've actually recently had another mmc but found it much easier to deal with than the 1st. I think because I have my DD which is a huge help but also because, as you say, it was sucha huge shock the 1st time. I imagine after 2 successful pregnancies it probably doesn't even enter your head that this could happen, especially a missed miscarriage - as I expected to bleed.

Anyway don't be so hard on yourself you're bound to be totally confused and unsure about what to feel and do. In terms if what approach to take I would just get a much info as you can and go with your gut instinct. I just felt that an erpc was right for me and it definitely was. Don't be pushed by the hospital either. The 1st time the epu was very neutral and didn't try to sway me one way or another but this time (a different city) the dr seemed keen for me to have medical management rather than the op.

If you have questions about erpcs feel free to ask. Good luck with it all, will be thinking of you x

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lola4lee · 04/04/2012 12:29

Hi Ellovera
So sorry for your loss
xx

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Ellovera · 05/04/2012 14:53

This is fucking rubbish. They can't carry out the surgery until next Tuesday! How cam I carry on until then? This is torture!! I'm in pain and only tiny spotting , it's already been the longest 48 hours of my life since finding out the baby had died.I need to be getting on with things, busy toddler, teenager with health problems, dh busy job ,no family support .


I just want to screeeeeeeeam!

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funthatisfunny · 05/04/2012 15:26

Aw ello I am so sorry for you and all this shit. It is so awful. I am very sad for you that the sonographer let you stare at the screen before telling you what was what; I have never had that, with this one (she asked if I wanted to see the empty sac and was surprised when I said yes) or with my healthy DS.

I know nothing about mc apart from what I have gleaned on here as I am looking at my first (possible blighted ovum, waiting for scan to confirm and to miscarry) Do you think you may be starting to mc naturally if you have pain and spotting? Have you anyone with you who can support you?

Here for a couple of hours if you need an ear, just vent away x

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Disneydreams · 05/04/2012 16:45

Aww hon Sad what's the point in giving you a choice If they are just going to leave you? Sounds like you would prefer the surgery. In which case, get in touch with the head of midwifery and complain. She might be able to push it forward for you. X

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Ellovera · 05/04/2012 16:48

Thanks fun. She was soooo wrong. Very hurtful. I just want it done I am expecting to miscarry naturally but this waiting just seems cruel I don't know what to do with myself

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Ellovera · 05/04/2012 16:50

Thanks Disney . As it's bank hol there seem to be no surgeries . I'm so fucked :-(. Scuse language

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HeeHeeHeeBum · 05/04/2012 16:58

Hi Ellovera. I have just been through the same thing and was 11+4 when I found out at my scan on a friday. The wait at my hospital for surgery was 2 weeks so I chose medical management (which I still had to wait for). It happened naturally at home on the tuesday in the end. I was very shocked by it all at the time it was happening but looking back on it it wasn't so bad and I had no complications.
I hope it all works out for you.

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Quenegge · 05/04/2012 17:04

I'm really very sorry for your loss Ellovera.

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Hebiegebies · 05/04/2012 22:55

Sadly the wait for surgery is longer than it used to be, I had to wait over 2 weeks when I mmc at 11 weeks. Contacting PALs got me faster treatment

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Ellovera · 06/04/2012 07:06

I've drawn strength from all you ladies who have had to wait and who have beenso brave. I'll get through and come out the other side andbe fine , so I'm sure it will be all over soonone way or another.I'm just so grateful that I found out on the scan as there is such a long time between scans after 12 weeks anyway .

Thank you for shariing ladies it's helped me be calmer and patient xx

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