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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Help :-(

48 replies

Ellovera · 03/04/2012 14:26

I've just had my 12 week scan but poor wee baby had died , last week , measuring 11 weeks 6 days

I've come to hospital just waiting to see doctor. I'm having sharp pains but could be just shock and stress. I would rather have the surgery is that the most sensible option do you think? Nurse said they dont like doing surgery if baby too big as can damage cervix? I don't know what to do. The thought of going home and waiting and having to see all that? Lola like it's been about five days since his tiny heart stopped beating

What do I do now ? Glad I saw little one after I was bleeding at six weeks. Expected it then but not now :-( my poor wee baby tucked up inside his mummy :-(

OP posts:

funthatisfunny · 06/04/2012 07:40

Hey ello, you sound a bit better this morning, I hope you got some sleep. Are you going to go for the op then? I hope you are ok. waiting sounds just bloody awful, if it makes you feel that way it is ok. x

teaandchocolate · 06/04/2012 07:55

Hi ellovera. I really really feel for you. It's so rubbish that we get treated this. I had my 1st op within 2 days of scan (although nearly got bumped off list because an emergency came in). However this time in a different city I was told the wait was at least a week. So I ended up going privately as bupa covered it but still had to wait 4 days. I cannot believe some people are expected to wait 2 weeks, it's just inhumane. I know this isn't really any help to you but can you maybe try other hospitals or just kicking up a big fuss?! I know it probably the last thing you feel like doing though.... Just try & take it easy in th meantime. Forget about housework if you can, get as much help as you can and try to get freshair or rest or whatever you can to get through this. Thinking of you x

LondonKitty · 06/04/2012 08:09

I am so sorry Ello.

I had same story, a week later than you (for me and for baby so was glad scan was late or I would not have known mmc). Also had to wait ages for erpc. Found the wait really, really hard - can't believe they put women through that wait when you're already going through something so traumatic - but the procedure itself was fine. Was home again in hours. No side effects, relatively little pain.

We had another dc less than a year later, but I will never forget that tiny little person I saw in the scan. My lasting regret is that, because I was so upset at the time, I never asked if it was a boy or girl.
I really feel for you. It is such a tough thing to have to go through.

funthatisfunny · 06/04/2012 08:21

london, so sorry for your loss. Don't want to hijack thread but if you were a week later than ello you would have been under 16 weeks (correct me if I am wrong) but did want to say you can't tell the sex of the baby until 16 weeks minimum, please don't feel bad that you didn't ask, they would not have been able to see the sex organs yet anyway. Be well (and congrats on your DC!) x

Original poster

Ellovera · 06/04/2012 08:23

I don't think it matters how hard I shout as it's fri and Monday bank holiday , but op booked for tuesday afternoon so maybe things can sit tight until then, I've just no way of knowing

OP posts:

VerityBrulee · 06/04/2012 08:30

Hi Ellovera, I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it must seem like torture. I just wanted to let you know that I miscarried at 13 weeks. I had some bleeding and spoke to my GP on the phone. She advised me to stay at home. I had bad period pains and sat on the loo for most of the afternoon, then it was all over. I was glad not to have needed medical intervention. It was heartbreaking and took me a while to get over.

It is ridiculous to expect you to wait so long, but try to rest and be kind to yourself. Have some Nurofen in the house in case you do mc yourself.

Thinking of you x

LondonKitty · 06/04/2012 08:50

Be extra nice to yourself for these few days Ellovera. I know how hard it is, but Tuesday will come! Treat yourself with all your favourite things. Your other dcs should help distract you too.

Funthat thank you so much for your support.

I think it is a travesty that the NHS does so little to help women in this awful situation. You are shocked, grieving for loss and yet are forced to wait in that awful limbo of not being pregnant yet still pregnant. V upsetting time.

LadyMaryCrawley · 06/04/2012 16:12

Hi ellovera, so sorry for your loss. As other posters have said, please be nice to yourself for the next few days.

I don't want to hijack a thread but what londonkitty said about the NHS doing so little to help us poor m/c'ers really made me think. When I miscarried 4 weeks ago, the care I received was superb - scanned within 24 hours, offered all the treatment/counselling etc. I did book an ERPC and would have had to wait 4 working days - which I think is standard, but then I live close to a major city with a huge maternity hospital.

I did some sums based on the number of deliveries at said maternity hospital (Simpsons, for anyone who's interested), and the mc stats given by tommy's. The mat hospital delivers over 6000 babies a year, which accounts for 80% of all pregnancies (the other 20%, as we all know only too well, being lost). That means that the hospital deals with up to 1500 mcs a year, or 144 a week. I know that a lot of those mcs are v v v early (as in "period a few days late early" - I'm not dismissing them in any way, but they're unlikely to need medical attention), but it's still a LOT - so with that in mind, a few days' wait seems reasonable, doesn't it? I do know how shit it is to have to wait in the horrible "pregnant but not really" limbo though, but I think the NHS do a good job given how common mc is. Your experiences may vary though, I'm just going on my own experiences.

LondonKitty · 06/04/2012 23:42

LadyMaryCrawley (fab name!), you are right, I over generalised. I am sure in some places the service is excellent. But my experiences, and those of others I know here in London, have been far more frustrating than yours appear to have been. Eg. MMc at the start of second trimester, with a fully 12 week + developed foetus, almost two weeks wait for ERPC, with inadequate pre-op support and pretty much nothing after. I was lucky to have a good support network, but I wouldn't wish that distress on anybody.

Having said that, the staff were fab during the day and carried out the procedure perfectly. All credit to them.

Ellovera, I know the weekend seems long, but before you know it, it will be a memory. The support threads here are great and it looks like there is always someone around to listen. I really hope you feel a little better soon. Your OP was so sad!

Original poster

Ellovera · 08/04/2012 08:03

Still waiting. Still sore.. Too scared to go out in case it suddenly kicks off :-( does it all start rotting away at all, I hope it won't make me ill .

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VerityBrulee · 08/04/2012 10:56

Ellovera can you snuggle on the sofa for the day. Only a couple of days to get through now, sorry you have to endure this.

FoofFighter · 09/04/2012 10:39

How are you getting on Ellovera? So sorry you've had this terrible awful news, it's really really horrible I know

Original poster

Ellovera · 09/04/2012 11:13

Hi thanks for asking after me, I'm actually doing ok, I'm less panicky about it all as I'm 24 hours away from the erpc which I think , hope, will be less traumatic. Dp has been amazing and very supportive and has been running after mad toddler and I've rested lots so feel better in myself. Nearly there.

OP posts:

FoofFighter · 09/04/2012 11:22

come back and update when you're done x hope it goes... "well"....?

LondonKitty · 09/04/2012 14:19

Hang in there! You will feel so much better when you come out the other side of tomorrow. Thinking of you and wishing you well!

Original poster

Ellovera · 09/04/2012 14:27

Foof sorry you have has bad news too . And everyone else too . I'll be fine I'm sure .although I won't be able to have my cocoa pops in the morning. Thanks Londonkitty xx

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CarrieMoonbeam · 10/04/2012 22:18

Hi Ellovera

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. I have had 2 miscarriages, both at around the same stage as you (12-13 weeks) and both with previous heartbeats. Even now, when I look at my three lovely grown-up children, I remember that there were once 2 more. That helps somehow. You won't forget your darling baby.

Big hugs to you my lovely x

Original poster

Ellovera · 10/04/2012 23:04

Aww thank you.

All done. Am ok . Surgical team were absolutely fantastic . We are very lucky in this country . Thank you nhs .

Night smallest baby xx

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Hebiegebies · 10/04/2012 23:23

Ellovera, glad to hear that you have been treated well today. Have you thought about how you will remember your smallest baby? I know not everyone wants to, but I found it helpful to keep a box with the cards we were sent, a few other memories and we bought a Russian wedding ring. Others plant a tree, name a star or something special to them. Just a thought

Treat yourself with care over the next few days and weeks

Manda91 · 10/04/2012 23:52

So sorry for your loss :( may your little angel be in peace x

FoofFighter · 11/04/2012 11:01

{{hugs}} for you and yours Ellovera x How are you today?

Original poster

Ellovera · 11/04/2012 11:30

Sore but ok. The relief is huge . Been a long week waiting and worrying with pain but it's made me more grateful for the op and gave me time to deal with it.I think a quick op in hindsight would have added to the shock in a way.

Cannot praise the staff enough for their care . And thanks you guys for your thoughts and sharing too . This board feels a safe place .

I hope maybe some of my thread can help someone else going through similar ?

OP posts:

funthatisfunny · 11/04/2012 14:51

glad you ok ello x

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