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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Think I am miscarrying - someone hold my hand please?

37 replies

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 19:50

Hello, I think I am miscarrying. Could someone please just hold my hand over the next couple of days?

I am quite early in pregnancy (I was breastfeeding till 16mo, stopped, immediately got pregnant) so probably around 5 weeks. Zillions of positive tests. I desperately wanted this baby. It took me three years to conceive my son as I didn't ovulate and I was stunned to conceive naturally. Especially as in November, my fertility nurse gave me provera to induce a bleed and it didn't work.

So I thought I was pretty much hormonally rubbish and would be going down the assisted conception route. I was thrilled to get pregnant just by having sex like everybody else (well, not everyone but the lucky ones).

This morning I started bleeding. No pain, just blood. It is red blood, not spotting. It isn't pink or brown, it's red. It hasn't soaked any sanitary towels or anything so light compared to one of my usual heavy periods so far, but now my mind is racing and I didn't feel particularly sick the last couple of days when I had been feeling really quite queasy beforehand. This really doesn't feel like spotting or light bleed etc - it feels like a decent period without cramps/pain as yet.

Anyway, rung NHS Direct. The doctor told me to lie down and call my GP on Monday. Or if it gets very painful, I should go to A&E.

So here I am, lying on my sofa feeling sad. I am trying to remember that I have a son who I never thought I would have; this means I can apply for my much-deserved promotion at work without worrying about confessing I'm pregnant or throwing up at a board meeting; and a miscarriage does not mean no more babies. But I can't stop the tears trickling down my cheeks.

We had family over today who turned up seconds after I started bleeding and now my DH is busy putting our son to bed. I've done cheery small talk and building tower of blocks with a toddler for the last eight hours and I just want to be really sad somewhere. So I came here.

OP posts:
LittleDragon · 14/01/2012 19:56

So sorry ruby. It really hurts when this happens doesn't it. I'm here if you need to sound off.

Beamur · 14/01/2012 19:56

Hello Rubyroo. Sorry you're going through this - having had a m/c myself, all you can do for now is see what happens. If you are having a miscarriage there isn't anything you can do to stop it.
Take it easy, if it is a m/c it is a lot like a period, but with heavier bleeding and more discomfort (in my experience) but you will need to be checked by a doctor.
It is a terribly sad thing to happen and I recall feeling a kind of grief of being denied the future I had already begun to see with my baby.

ohmeohmy · 14/01/2012 19:57

Here's a hand. My Ds has been sad all day about a different kind of loss so I feel I've had some practice today. Keep talking if you want to

peeriebear · 14/01/2012 19:57

I bled when my first period was due when pg with DD1. It was bright red, light compared to my usual clots/deep red/heavy periods but still not spotting. No cramps. I went on to have DD1 so don't give up hope yet.

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 19:59

Thank you everyone. I sort of feel like there is more bleeding to come (can't explain, just feel "heavy") so am not really looking on the bright side, but it is nice to have someone just to listen or read my post and make my sadness real.

OP posts:
RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 20:00

PS. Sorry about your DS, ohme. Hope he is alright.

OP posts:
MaMattoo · 14/01/2012 20:02

Here is another hand I hold. I was in the same situation in my early pregnancy, an early scan showed no sac, and 9 months later DS appeared. There are possibilities always!
But if you feel sad, it's ok too. I weep a lot and then feel better. Just rest and sleep and be very happy with the lovely child you already have!
Take care!

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 20:10

As well as feeling sad, I am also really annoyed with myself. I have secretly let my imagination get carried away recently while constantly telling DH to keep his excitement under control.

When having DS, I was so paranoid that I didn't tell anyone till 20 weeks, didn't buy anything till nearly the end and wouldn't ever talk about the baby until I was sure I had one in my arms. Everyone was scared of me as I was clearly a bit mad.

This time, I was lulled into a false sense of security, I think, because I have been here before and had a baby. So I was daydreaming in my head all the time, imagining a little brother for my DS (only have a boy so all babies are currently boys to me!) and so on. The usual stuff.

I knew it was a stupid thing to get so excited this early. And I am lucky in a way that this has happened now, rather than later in my pregnancy.

But if you've been here, how do you ever build up the confidence to try for a baby again?

OP posts:
feelingratheroverwhelmed · 14/01/2012 20:18

Poor you. It's a horrid experience but you might be ok. I've just had ds2, and had three bad bleeds in the early weeks. The first one (tmi!) was absolutely horrific, but I went to the EPU, they examined me and my cervix was closed, then a scan a couple of days later showed all was well. Same with the next two, and they never discovered what was causing it.

Can you go to the EPU if you're feeling anxious? I'm sending you hugs Smile

Latsia · 14/01/2012 20:24

No words of wisdom but am offering another hand to hold. It must be very scary. Just go with your emotions as you feel them I would say, especially now your DS is in bed. You've had to be strong and upbeat all day.

essexmumma · 14/01/2012 20:29

I am so sorry to hear your story, I really hope it isn't the end you think it is but in the mean time rest easy and have my hand too.

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 20:33

Thanks again for all the kind words and I'm so happy to hear positive stories from some of you. This doesn't feel good though. Still bleeding quite a lot and it seems heavier. Sad

I'll call the doctor and ask to be seen by the EPU on Monday. Which will be tricky as I have to be at work for reasons I can't go into here. But hopefully I will be able to pop down there and get scanned. Then at least I will have been seen by someone and might be sure about what has happened.

OP posts:
ohmeohmy · 14/01/2012 20:53

Thanks for your thoughts. He will be ok. Just learning tough life lesson about the people you love not being able to be with you always complicated by SN.

Perfectly normal to connect and start imaging the future when you are pg. Be kind to yourself.

GodisaDj · 14/01/2012 21:01

Holding your hand too. Make sure you talk to DH tonight. He will look after you and dry your tears.

I bled too at 5 1/2 weeks and dd was born last summer (after ivf too). There is still hope and might not mean what you think. I will light a candle for you and say a little prayer x

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 14/01/2012 21:18

You could always go in tomorrow. Here you go to A&E to be triaged then they send you over to the EPU.

Good luck x

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 21:31

feeling - would they still do that even if the unit operates Monday - Friday? I don't want to sit in A&E with a toddler for hours if it isn't open. Hm, maybe I'll get DH to ring the hospital and check.

OP posts:
kirrinIsland · 14/01/2012 21:48

I miscarried last week and tbh A&E were useless - said they couldn't book me in for a scan until the following week. I rang the emu the next morning and was lucky enough to get a scan the same day. Might be different at different hospitals though?
Thinking of you xxx

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2012 21:59

Sorry to hear that Kirrin. I hope you are alright. X

I'm in inner London so A&E usually comes with long waits and too many people for the staff to cope with.

Will get DH to do some ringing tomorrow maybe....

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Beamur · 14/01/2012 22:29

It's a few years since my m/c - but I seem to recall the blood was not bright red to start with. I think I contacted my MW as I had just booked in with the surgery and they referred me to the Early Pregnancy Unit who did a scan the same day.
We tried again soon afterwards and now have a lovely little girl (took a year to fall pregnant though). It never occurred to me not to try again, the m/c did not put me off, but it does take away the innocence of pregnancy a bit as you then have the fear it could go wrong. Saying that, I had a blissfully easy and uncomplicated pregnancy.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow - let us know how it goes.

ginmakesitallok · 14/01/2012 22:37

Thinking of you - it's shit isn't it? I had 2 early mcs before DD2, and there is nothing like a MC to stop you enjoying any subsequent pregnancy. But you just get on with it and hope for the best. I remember the positive test for DD2 (2.2 now) and all I could think was "shit, here it goes again" - but she stuck and she's up in her wee bed sleeping now.

I know it doesn't help right now, but you've proved the Drs wrong by getting pregnant twice - one mc is considered "normal" (what a terrible phrase for a heartrenching experience). You will get through this (however it turns out) and if the worst happens and, when and if you feel ready, you will be able to try to get pregnant again.

Be kind to yourself. That's honestly the best advice I had when I was going through what you are. Be kind to yourself.


Latsia · 15/01/2012 08:42

How are you doing Rubyroo?

GodisaDj · 15/01/2012 09:06

Have been thinking of you ruby, how are you today?

RubyrooUK · 15/01/2012 09:53

Hi all, thanks for asking - on way to hospital. No big blood clumps (sorry TMI) but heavy red bleeding still. I can't believe this isn't a miscarriage. My DH rung the community midwives who told us to go down to A&E rather than stay home, just to get seen. So now in car with disagreeable toddler (awake grouching since 3am about teething) and disagreeable husband (stressed about me and up since 3am). Will let you know what they say.

Just hope it all ends soon so I can get on with life. Feel a bit less shocked than yesterday so now just hoping I know what the situation is.

Thanks everyone for your help so far. It has genuinely been so helpful to talk to people who understand or are just kind and sympathetic.

OP posts:
ohmeohmy · 15/01/2012 10:27

Thinking of you this morning.

Latsia · 15/01/2012 10:46

Oh I'm glad you're going in. That feels like the right thing to do. Thinking of you here too.

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