Think I am miscarrying - someone hold my hand please?

[RubyrooUK]

Hello, I think I am miscarrying. Could someone please just hold my hand over the next couple of days?

I am quite early in pregnancy (I was breastfeeding till 16mo, stopped, immediately got pregnant) so probably around 5 weeks. Zillions of positive tests. I desperately wanted this baby. It took me three years to conceive my son as I didn't ovulate and I was stunned to conceive naturally. Especially as in November, my fertility nurse gave me provera to induce a bleed and it didn't work.

So I thought I was pretty much hormonally rubbish and would be going down the assisted conception route. I was thrilled to get pregnant just by having sex like everybody else (well, not everyone but the lucky ones).

This morning I started bleeding. No pain, just blood. It is red blood, not spotting. It isn't pink or brown, it's red. It hasn't soaked any sanitary towels or anything so light compared to one of my usual heavy periods so far, but now my mind is racing and I didn't feel particularly sick the last couple of days when I had been feeling really quite queasy beforehand. This really doesn't feel like spotting or light bleed etc - it feels like a decent period without cramps/pain as yet.

Anyway, rung NHS Direct. The doctor told me to lie down and call my GP on Monday. Or if it gets very painful, I should go to A&E.

So here I am, lying on my sofa feeling sad. I am trying to remember that I have a son who I never thought I would have; this means I can apply for my much-deserved promotion at work without worrying about confessing I'm pregnant or throwing up at a board meeting; and a miscarriage does not mean no more babies. But I can't stop the tears trickling down my cheeks.

We had family over today who turned up seconds after I started bleeding and now my DH is busy putting our son to bed. I've done cheery small talk and building tower of blocks with a toddler for the last eight hours and I just want to be really sad somewhere. So I came here.

[OneHundredSecondsofSolitude]

Don't be sorry, be happy happy happy :)

[Goodkingwalkingslass]

Brilliant news, congratulations

[RubyrooUK]

Yes sorry OneHundred for the rollercoaster thread - I just found this tucked away as I was thinking about my miscarriage at this time last year.

So I thought I would let all the lovely people who supported me when I felt so bad know that the start of this year has so far been pretty good - fingers crossed all will go to plan now!

[OneHundredSecondsofSolitude]

Oh wow! What brilliant news, congratulations. I hadn't noticed the date and was feeling so sad for you. How wonderful :)

[SquashNutButter]

Congrats!

[RubyrooUK]

Hello, small update for everyone who was kind enough to support me through my miscarriage at this time last year (can't believe it was so long ago). Thank you for holding my hand at an awful time.

I'm feeling much better now and am happily (and fatly) 33 weeks pregnant with DS2. So one year on, hopefully a better way to start this year.

[Latsia]

I'm so sorry Ruby. Especially because you already knew. Just one more big hug from me. X

[ohmeohmy]

Sorry to hear your news. Hope you and DH get the follow up support you need.

[Beamur]

So sorry Ruby - some small consolation that it doesn't sound like you will need follow up treatment for the m/c and that the hospital are offering more support and monitoring.
It may takes a while to come to terms with what has happened. Be nice to yourself and take it easy.

[GodisaDj]

Sorry to hear ruby. I'm at least pleased you had nice support at hospital. All the best in the future.

[Boysrstupid]

So sorry to hear this news Ruby. Look after yourself.

[RubyrooUK]

A quick update...

...went into A&E and got sent to emergency women's diagnostic unit. Had a scan and blood test.

The pregnancy test was still showing positive but the scan showed nothing left in my womb. They took a good look and thought they could see a trace of where it had been but it's all gone now.

With that in mind, they had a good look to check it wasn't ectopic and did a blood test.

Given this is the hospital where I've received some pretty crap care before, the doctors were lovely. I saw both the registrar and a consultant. The consultant was experienced at ectopics so that made me feel a bit better.

Also the consultant said that given my complex fertility history, she thinks the fertility unit should be following up with me. So even though they discharged me last week on the grounds that I had a natural conception, she advised they should monitor me carefully. Especially given my past history of possibly low progesterone.

So everyone was nice. I asked lots of questions and deflected my sadness with jokes (old habits die hard) as I didn't want to be too emotional in front of everyone and this was made easier as I was alone with two doctors and two medical students while my DH was chasing our toddler round reception stopping him touching medical devices.

So my DH found the actual hospital visit more upsetting than me because he felt he couldn't support me properly and hear everything due to toddler issues. I feel like at least I know now. I read my body properly and hopefully we can move on.

Thank you everybody for helping me over the last 24 hours. I expect I'll keep feeling sad but you have all really made this much easier to deal with. So again, thank you.

[Latsia]

Oh I'm glad you're going in. That feels like the right thing to do. Thinking of you here too.

[ohmeohmy]

Thinking of you this morning.

[RubyrooUK]

Hi all, thanks for asking - on way to hospital. No big blood clumps (sorry TMI) but heavy red bleeding still. I can't believe this isn't a miscarriage. My DH rung the community midwives who told us to go down to A&E rather than stay home, just to get seen. So now in car with disagreeable toddler (awake grouching since 3am about teething) and disagreeable husband (stressed about me and up since 3am). Will let you know what they say.

Just hope it all ends soon so I can get on with life. Feel a bit less shocked than yesterday so now just hoping I know what the situation is.

Thanks everyone for your help so far. It has genuinely been so helpful to talk to people who understand or are just kind and sympathetic.

[GodisaDj]

Have been thinking of you ruby, how are you today?

[Latsia]

How are you doing Rubyroo?

[ginmakesitallok]

Thinking of you - it's shit isn't it? I had 2 early mcs before DD2, and there is nothing like a MC to stop you enjoying any subsequent pregnancy. But you just get on with it and hope for the best. I remember the positive test for DD2 (2.2 now) and all I could think was "shit, here it goes again" - but she stuck and she's up in her wee bed sleeping now.

I know it doesn't help right now, but you've proved the Drs wrong by getting pregnant twice - one mc is considered "normal" (what a terrible phrase for a heartrenching experience). You will get through this (however it turns out) and if the worst happens and, when and if you feel ready, you will be able to try to get pregnant again.

Be kind to yourself. That's honestly the best advice I had when I was going through what you are. Be kind to yourself.

xx

[Beamur]

It's a few years since my m/c - but I seem to recall the blood was not bright red to start with. I think I contacted my MW as I had just booked in with the surgery and they referred me to the Early Pregnancy Unit who did a scan the same day.
We tried again soon afterwards and now have a lovely little girl (took a year to fall pregnant though). It never occurred to me not to try again, the m/c did not put me off, but it does take away the innocence of pregnancy a bit as you then have the fear it could go wrong. Saying that, I had a blissfully easy and uncomplicated pregnancy.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow - let us know how it goes.

[RubyrooUK]

Sorry to hear that Kirrin. I hope you are alright. X

I'm in inner London so A&E usually comes with long waits and too many people for the staff to cope with.

Will get DH to do some ringing tomorrow maybe....

[kirrinIsland]

I miscarried last week and tbh A&E were useless - said they couldn't book me in for a scan until the following week. I rang the emu the next morning and was lucky enough to get a scan the same day. Might be different at different hospitals though?
Thinking of you xxx

[RubyrooUK]

feeling - would they still do that even if the unit operates Monday - Friday? I don't want to sit in A&E with a toddler for hours if it isn't open. Hm, maybe I'll get DH to ring the hospital and check.

[feelingratheroverwhelmed]

You could always go in tomorrow. Here you go to A&E to be triaged then they send you over to the EPU.

Good luck x

[GodisaDj]

Holding your hand too. Make sure you talk to DH tonight. He will look after you and dry your tears.

I bled too at 5 1/2 weeks and dd was born last summer (after ivf too). There is still hope and might not mean what you think. I will light a candle for you and say a little prayer x

[ohmeohmy]

Thanks for your thoughts. He will be ok. Just learning tough life lesson about the people you love not being able to be with you always complicated by SN.

Perfectly normal to connect and start imaging the future when you are pg. Be kind to yourself.