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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Miscarriage aftermath

56 replies

Sazzel · 07/12/2011 15:41

This is my first ever post on an internet forum. I had a miscarriage on 17th November at 12 weeks 2 days pregnant. This was my first pregnancy after 11 months of ttc. I was so excited about this baby. I had already researched baby cinema, baby yoga classes and baby swimming classes. In my head this baby was a girl although we never found out because our scan was booked for 5 days after I miscarried and by the time we had a scan there was nothing there just "clots" according to the radiographer.

I'm haunted by the memory of all the blood, the feeling of my husband's hand whilst they were doing the scan, the two of us walking back down the corridor after we found out there was no baby anymore. You know how a scan picture is supposed to look don't you, you see them on friends Facebook profile pictures all the time! and where there should be a baby - just nothing.

I've just had to come home from work because I was on the verge of crying in the office and just didn't feel like I could hold it together any longer today. So I thought I would use the time to try and understand what has happened/is happening to me.

When I first started to bleed which was late at night I found that I was needing to wee every 10 minutes or so. This went on all through the night. Did this happen to anyone else and can anyone explain what causes this?

Does anyone else feel like their whole body hurts? Mine feels bruised and is really sensitive to the touch although to look at I look perfectly normal.

Did anyone else feel sad to see their body change? I know I should probably have expected it but none of the doctors we saw warned me. I found that a few days after I started bleeding my tummy had gone flat again and now I'm sure that my breasts are smaller than they were before I even got pregnant. I feel small and really sad. I keep thinking that by now I should have a little bump and I find myself looking in the mirror missing the body that I was going to have if that makes sense.

OP posts:
baublelugs82 · 21/12/2011 13:32

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Sazzel · 22/12/2011 10:57

kibs I wish I had your positive attitude, I could see the silver lining in the first will after the MC but I have fallen into the pit of despair now.

I'm not sure getting signed off work was such a good idea. OH keeps telling me that I have to try and relax and use the next two weeks to heal myself and not try to make any decisions.

My head is just buzzing with all these thoughts going round and round: can't face going back to work, can't stand being at home on my own, can't face leaving the house, must resign my current job, what would we do for money if I quit, how would I ever get a new job in this state?

I texted my friend who works from home and said I'm off work shall we meet up for a coffee but she's not replied. I know she is really busy at the moment so I'm not taking it personally but everyone else who's not at work has small children and doesn't know about the MC.

OP posts:
KibsLang · 22/12/2011 22:36

Sazzel,

You sound like you are really struggling :o( There is no set time to be feeling ok and everyone has a very different view on life. I'm pretty laid back and have a great ability to pretend things haven't happened and put it to the back of my mind. Not always the best thing to do, but it works for me.

It is hugely common to MC and because it usually happens earlier than 12 weeks, no one ever talks about it. You have to know it wasn't meant to be this time and when you have a gorgeous healthy baby in the not very distant future you will know it was just a trial run for your body.

I think being at home is giving you lots of time to think about things and possibly not the best thing for you, but it's personal choice and I would hate to be seen to be telling you how to grieve! I can only say from my experience.

You might feel better telling few people about it. Especially someone you are close to at work as it might make going back to work seem less daunting. We had told quite a few ppl I was expecting as I have a big mouth and can't keep a secret! It sucked to have to have to tell people but I think each time I had to explain it made it more clinical for me. Made it easier some how.

If you are feeling in despair then please speak to someone professional. Remember your hormones are going to be going crazy at the moment and that is bound to make you feel worse than you normally would be in bad situation.

Talk to your OH about it as remember it's happened to him too and he will most likely still feeling cut up about it. Although he wont be having the hormone dips and spikes!!

Keep smiling or trying to smile! Don't let your own head be your worst enemy!

Baublebugs, well done for the trying!! I told OH we can have sex for the first time on Christmas day so he is counting down the days!!!! Need to wait for my cycle to continue before we start trying again though.
But I had told myself I wasn't going to let us start trying again until I had lost a stone in weight. I have out on a stone since my wedding in sept, and I started to feel boated and fat soooo quickly after I found out I was pregnant and didn't get to the showing stage, I was just fat!! So felt uncomfortable in my own skin very quickly. Silver lining was I was going to get a second chance to loose wight before getting pregnant so I wasn't fat pregnant, but cute bump pregnant..............maybe wait til after xmas before the diet start! Think my body still thinks I'm pregnant, I'm heaviest I have ever been and still going....how mean!!

xx

KibsLang · 22/12/2011 22:38

That was obviously meant to be a sad face not a beaming grin.....sorry!!!!xx

Sazzel · 23/12/2011 11:57

Kibs

I think you got it spot on there, my head is my own worst enemy. Plus I have that familiar low back ache so I guess I've probably got PMT as well which is probably not helping.

If I do change jobs, which we are seriously considering, I would have to put TTC on hold for a few months as I would not want to go for an interview knowing I was pregnant, and that makes me feel sad as I'd like to try again but there is no knowing how long it will take to get pregnant again.

Does anyone else feel like their lives are in limbo until they get pregnant again? I do even though I'm keeping making plans with friends and trying to enjoy myself

OP posts:
KibsLang · 05/01/2012 10:10

Hi Sazzel,

Sorry for the delay. How was Christmas for you?
I found mine a tad difficult with my adorable 2 yr old and 3 yr old niece and nephew running around, not to mention my pregnant sister in law!! But being around family was still as lovely as ever, although when the aunts and uncles came round who had been told about pregnancy and MC - not by me! It was a little hard to hear their 'poor you' tones. I don't really like sympathy!

Don't worry about changing your job as you will probably get pregnant within the next 6 months and if you leave now you might not get maternity pay at your new job. Think about how you might be able to go on maternity leave by the end of the year- that is what is keeping me at my boring job!! Its a hypothetical light at the end of the tunnel!!

I know what you mean about life being in limbo. But I am concentrating on losing the weight I have gained since my wedding in Sept and getting myself nice and healthy. Its good to set yourself another target other than getting pregnant.

I'm now of the mind set I want to lose weight, book a cheap holiday in March and look good in a bikini and maybe start trying again around the holiday, but by trying I mean having fun sun filled sex on holiday! Not being too obsessive over it.
I think my mum thinks i'm obsessed by having a baby, and I do want one more than anything, but why let it run my life? I'm young-ish and it was our first attempt. Nothing to say It wont stick next time so why not enjoy your life as it is.

Silver lining- when everyone else was tired and hung over on boxing day, I got to stay in bed till 11am cos I had no hyperactive children getting me out of bed!!!

Look at life that way Sazzle- find the silver lining.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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