Miscarriage aftermath

[Sazzel]

This is my first ever post on an internet forum. I had a miscarriage on 17th November at 12 weeks 2 days pregnant. This was my first pregnancy after 11 months of ttc. I was so excited about this baby. I had already researched baby cinema, baby yoga classes and baby swimming classes. In my head this baby was a girl although we never found out because our scan was booked for 5 days after I miscarried and by the time we had a scan there was nothing there just "clots" according to the radiographer.

I'm haunted by the memory of all the blood, the feeling of my husband's hand whilst they were doing the scan, the two of us walking back down the corridor after we found out there was no baby anymore. You know how a scan picture is supposed to look don't you, you see them on friends Facebook profile pictures all the time! and where there should be a baby - just nothing.

I've just had to come home from work because I was on the verge of crying in the office and just didn't feel like I could hold it together any longer today. So I thought I would use the time to try and understand what has happened/is happening to me.

When I first started to bleed which was late at night I found that I was needing to wee every 10 minutes or so. This went on all through the night. Did this happen to anyone else and can anyone explain what causes this?

Does anyone else feel like their whole body hurts? Mine feels bruised and is really sensitive to the touch although to look at I look perfectly normal.

Did anyone else feel sad to see their body change? I know I should probably have expected it but none of the doctors we saw warned me. I found that a few days after I started bleeding my tummy had gone flat again and now I'm sure that my breasts are smaller than they were before I even got pregnant. I feel small and really sad. I keep thinking that by now I should have a little bump and I find myself looking in the mirror missing the body that I was going to have if that makes sense.

Hi baublelugs, no we've not started TTC again yet. When the doctor rang me with by blood test results she said I needed to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks time so that will be this Friday. Really looking forward to that!

I need to know that if it's positive it's because my hormones are not back to normal, not because by some miracle we've managed to conceive again straight away. I thought about doing one sooner but then if it was positive I'd have to do another one and it's going to be pretty weird doing a test and hoping it's negative.

Have you had to do pregnancy test?

It is very ironic. I was feeling brave and thought I'd pick up a test while getting food for dinner so I was ready... they had sold out, boo! I may follow your lead when I do test though and have a glass of wine, it beats water.

Enjoy the chocolate, I've had 2 chocolate bars and a Starbucks rocky road bar today, think it's a rebellion after all that bloody fruit and veg I ate while pregnant. Never want to see another dried apricot in my life!

I am totally confused about when it's ok ttc again. GP said 'whenever feels ok emotionally', gynaecologist said 'there are no rules' & a doctor friend said 'give yourself at least three cycles'.

We want to start straight again (makes a nice change from just feeling miserable around the flat) but don't think I could bear to miscarry again because of not being 'careful enough'

You know what bugs? I'm going to follow your advice!

I think that if you go to the doctor after 2 months of mc, they might tell you to keep on trying for a while... but maybe going to the doctor just for a chat on ttc etc might help. My gp is really nice and sympathetic so I might to to see her in a few weeks for a chat about the mc etc.

Disclaimer: I'm hitting the chocolate & the red wine with a vengeance. Maybe if I pretend to really enjoy not being pregnant my body will, due to its contrary nature, get pregnant very quickly? These are the kind of irrational thoughts that go through my mind at the moment.... :-)

Hope today is A Better Day, ladies.

I just wanted to say I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel exactly, I am miscarrying my very much wanted second child as I type. I came on here to post a message to ask what I can expect to happen (no one will tell me - its a MMC so the doctor won't say for sure I'm miscarrying, even though I know I am). So, I'm happy to tell you that your pain is normal. It's physical, it's mental and the way I feel at the moment, it will take a long while to heal.

Like others on here I'm angry - mostly with DH, which isn't fair, but there you go. It's not fair I'm going through this. Life isn't fair. Like everyone else I'm trying to be happy when I can (I'm looking forward to Christmas, I'm just hoping it will physically all be over by then) and having a few drinks (I'll need them) and getting back into my jeans. But I feel so empty inside, and seeing mums wheeling their prams makes me want to cry every time. I would give anything for this baby to have made it, anything at all.

Good luck with your recovery everyone x

Maja I too am doing the reverse psychology bit on my body, think I hit 6 cups of tea today having previously been very very careful about my caffeine intake due to the increased risk of miscarriage. phah!

nocluenoclueatall So sorry for what you are going though, you're right it's not fair. It makes no sense at all, my SIL accidentally took Cod Liver Oil whilst pregnant and my friend didn't know she was pregnant and drank A LOT before she realised. Both have gorgeous healthy happy babies.

Has anyone honestly got the energy to TTC again? I was sick of TTC before I got pregnant - trying to keep it romantic while you both are thinking "do we have to?" and the thought of another 11 months (or more?) of sex according to the clear blue fertility monitor, well it does not appeal! :)

nocluenoclueatal So sorry to hear what you are going through. I know exactly what you mean about trying to cheer yourself up thinking about drinks & getting back into jeans... I am doing exactly the same, it's my wedding anniversary on Saturday and I try to think 'oh, at least I can have a few drinks and I won't be dead tired etc'. No, it doesn't really work but it might at some point. Try to make the best of the happier moments and look after yourself when the bad ones arrive. We'll get through this!!

Mmmhh... I love people being anonymously abusive on the internet. It makes me feel so intelligent & superior....

Oh the irony! Avoiding caffeine in case of increased risk of miscarriage!! I did that too! Phah!

Noclue, I'm so sorry, it's such a miserable time. Look after yourself and take lots of time to recover.

Have a lovely wedding anniversary maja. Treat yourself. We've just had good news, DH has passed an important exam, which means we'll have him around at the weekends now, I intend to enjoy that.

Hi everyone. I've never posted on here before, but due to previous mcs I have spent a lot of time reading comments and taking comfort that I'm not going made for feeling like I do at times.

Yesterday I had a scan to confirm a 3rd mc, my 2nd missed mc. Unfortunately after this one and the 2nd one I had to go straight back to work as difficult to take time off as no one knew I was pregnant. I spent a lot of time in the loos today! Doesn't help that there are several bumps on my floor that I need to contend with.

The first mmc was identified at the 12 week scan and I had told my boss by then so she was very understanding so was able to be off work for a week. However shes left now (on mat leave!) so I have a new male boss.

Some times I'm fine and then at others I'm blubing, like today during during body pump!

Friends are supportive but i sometimes worry that I am becoming 'that friend' so I don't want to talk about it with them all the time. I used to be a happy go lucky person that was fun to be around and didn't have a care in the world. I feel a shell of my former self.

Wow that was a long one, if you have got this far then thank you!

Dunnitt, I'm so sorry.

I'm really shocked you've gone back to work, have you booked an appt with your GP? They should sign you off sick - they can put something vague on the sick note like gynaecological probs if you don't want work to know.

It sounds like you're just trying to carry on as normal. I tried to do that with my last miscarriage (didn't tell anyone, not even my boyfriend) and I was very depressed afterwards. With this recent miscarriage, I've been much more open and allowed myself to grieve and it's still shit, but a lot easier long term. I've had 3 weeks off work, I would've been wreck going back to work so soon.

If none of this is helpful, just ignore! But please take care of yourself x

noclue- im so very sorry for your loss!
i had a mmc in june11 and so today would of been 39 weeks!!!! on mat leave just enjoying my bday!
but today im so sad and crying and feel so very alone and so heartbroken because my AF also arrived today early! so was hoping i was pregnant!!!!!!!
that would of been the best bday,christmas and new years gift EVER!!!!!!!
i have a wonderful family and kids but the loss of my baby runs deep!!!!!
My work mate gave up her leave date(28) so i could have my due date off! i know its silly its just 1 day that may not of been the right day but it means alot too me! and it feels like only me!
watching snow hit the floor i just want to crawl back to bed but have been up since 5am unable to sleep cramps also bring back horrible memories!!!!!
i hope that we will all soon have some joy in all our lives and all though will never forget our ANGEL BABIES, will some day be able to say its better now!
hugs to u all xxxx

Big wave to Sazzel - hope your well and getting loads of support!
Dunnit - i was signed off for 2 months after and my gp was willing to keep me off for its such a big thing a loss! please see to get time off you need it for yourself to try and heal physically and your wellbeing please!!!!!!

Waving back to Countmyblessings I'm sorry that you are having a hard time today. I don't know if it will help you, but whenever I feel like I can't breathe cause it's just too sad my OH tells me that in an hour I won't feel so bad and to look forward to that, and the man is always bloody right!

I've got the day off today, been for my careers advice appointment which was really positive, then had a cry in the car on the way home thinking that I had a new job, Motherhood, but I got made redundant before I even started. Then they played Michael Buble on the radio and that just about finished me off! Going to sit on the sofa under the duvet for a bit and read a magazine.

Dunnitt what you said about not wanting to be "that friend" rings a bell with me. I have 2 or 3 friends who have been brilliant but I can't talk to them all the time about it, that is why being on here has helped so much. I think it's ok to not be the most fun person to be around at the moment and hopefully your friends understand and will support you and there will be times when they need your support and you can help them.

dunnit really, really sorry about your loss.

I just wanted to mention that I got a phone call from the hospital yesterday to see how I am doing. They wanted to check that physically I am recovering ok and see if I'm coping emotionally. They were very adamant that I should go and see them if I want to have a chat about what happened and that counselling was available if I felt it was all getting too much.

The nurse also said that I can start TTC straight away. She mentioned I might want to wait for my next period so when I get pregnant I can 'count the dates' but said that physically it's completely ok to start whenever and that I mustn't feel that this miscarriage 'has damaged' my body or anything like that.

All in all, I felt 'looked after' and it was a relief to know that I can go and talk to them if necessary (which I might do).

Don't know if you got a similar call but might be worth investigating...

Hope you all have a nice Saturday and feel a bit better.

Sazzel - ahhhhh so sorry i know sometimes just when you think your ok BANG a wall of emotion just comes and get you! i can cry at the silly thing like nappy adverts!!!!! and the clearblue advert also!!!!!!
Maja- thats really nice that the hospital called you to offer support its not done often at all so thats diff good!
well i have finally been allowed to take my DD off so glad about that although would rather have my baby!!!!!!
hopefully 2012 will be a good one for us all!

After a really good weekend away with friends I walked back into the office and before I had even drunk my first cup of tea of the day I knew I couldn't do this.

I was standing at the filing cabinet and I couldn't think what I was looking for and I could not move I was just gripping the edge of the cabinet with my fingers. My colleague who knows what has happened came up and asked me if I was ok and I said no and she steered me into the kitchen and closed the door. I told her I can't cope and she said I've been really brave but I should get signed off and take some time.

The thing is I really hate my job, I've held in there for two years while we talked about trying for a baby and then tried to get pregnant but I cannot hang on in there any longer.

I went in to see my boss and told her I was going home and going to ask the doctor to sign me off.

I drove straight to the doctors from work and asked for an emergency appointment. She asked if it was an emergency and I said that it felt like one to me. She asked if I could say what was wrong and I said no. She said that the doctor would have to speak to me by phone before agreeing to give me an appointment and that I could not take phone calls in the waiting area so she told me to give her my mobile number and then go for a walk to wait for the doctor to ring me! I drove home as I knew there was no way they would call me straight away. The doctor called me after about half an hour and agreed to sign me off for two weeks. She's left the sick note at reception for me but I can't face going back right now to get it. I've been crying for hours and I look a right state.

I've phoned my husband at work, he can't come home but we talked, he said he will help me write my resignation letter. I feel defeated. I am so lost, I had hoped that I could have hung in there until I got pregnant again but I can't.

Everything is spoiled, all weekend I kept remembering how pregnant I should have been for this event and when i had a drink all I could think about was the blood and everything else that I saw. My husband told me he understands but he does not. How can he, he didn't have to spend 10 days being frightened that every trip to the bathroom would be more blood or something worse.

I feel so utterly alone and scared of the future.

Hi Ladies,

I have been reading your posts with great interest and send huge hugs and love to each of you going through a miscarriage. I had one 4 weeks ago when I was 10 weeks long.
Shocked me a lot as everyone always says so many women miscarry before they even know they are pregnant and it's like a bad period....um liars!!!!!
Most painful experience ever! Was spotting for about 5 days then on the sat night I was cramping and passing clots so I knew what was coming. By Sunday morning I was in so much pain and doc has told me to go to hospital if I started getting pain....I thought he was just being over dramatic......
Lost loads of blood, had gas and air and morphine, 8 hour drama! Hospital were fantastic though. Poor Hubby, he was white as a sheet watching me have contractions every 2 minutes and basically going through labour.
I don't know if my experience was uncommon and I promise I'm not normally a 'drama queen'!!
Passed the fetal sack when I got home and was so fascinated I took a photo. Took it to the doctors the next day and they 'disposed' of it, that's depressing. Had my scan which was originally meant to be an EPU and we were going to hear the heart beat for the first time, again that was a sad moment. Have had quite a few tears and hubby was emotional too, but after 4 days or so we were back to normal.

I have to believe that it happened for a reason and that my body did exactly what it was meant to do. It knew something was wrong with the baby so it aborted it. It did it before it made me sick and it did it efficiently so I didn't need a D & C etc. It hurt like hell but it wasn't the worst day of my life as I knew we could try again. We were really lucky and got pregnant the first time of trying and I knew i was pregnant about 10 days before I could take a test. I just felt it, i'm sure you know what I mean!

4 weeks on and I still get sad when I think about it, I agree its the plans you make which are often the worst. I was really looking forward to having a summer baby and it made me laugh reading what someone had written about looking at work dates thinking haha i wont be there to deal with that I will be on mat leave! I'm exactly the same when I was booking brides in for weddings at my work thinking YES I wont have to deal with your craziness!! But alas no such luck :(
I think we will try again Jan or Feb. Doc told us no sex for 6 weeks....no one else on here seems to have been told that which is confusing, so poor hubby has been a wee bit frustrated! Not sure when my first cycle will be but i guess we just have to play it by ear.

My heart goes out to those of you who have been trying to a while and had a MC, its must be heart breaking. I know I will struggle if it doesn't happen straight away again, which my logical side knows is silly.

I'm looking forward to Chistmas but not if that makes sense. Being around all my niece and nephews and I'm the only one without a child, I'm only 28 so I know its not that depressing, but still may struggle. I was really looking forward to feeling like a complete family around the christmas tree, me, hubby, cat ans bump! And we asked for argos vouchers for our wedding but I'm trying to spend a lot of them on xmas presents as I had them ear marked for baby things and I find it too sad.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is we are all still here and we can all (hopefully) try again. It is different for everyone and everyone grieves at their own pace so dont let anyone tell you how to do it, and ignore stupid relatives with silly remarks. People cant believe how OK I am about it all and they expect me to break down about......beginning to hate the sympathetic head tilt!! But I'm not a victim and it could have been a lot worse. * happens!! At least now I can drink over christmas and eat brie again.....silver lining and all that!

Huge hugs to everyone going through it. It gets better I promise. We are going to name a star ~I think.

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