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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Feeling wobbly now December is here

26 replies

soupmaker · 01/12/2011 09:42

I had a MC at 8 weeks in October last year and another at 10 weeks in July this year. I woke up this morning feeling wretched as I should either have a 9 mo or be 8 months pregnant and looking foward to a January birth. I've been great for a few months, but today I feel completely floored. DP is fantastic and understsands that Christmas is going to be especially hard this year for us both. I don't really have anyone in RL, apart from DP who understands what it feels like. We are lucky as we have a fab DD who is 4 in February, but I just can't help feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness and that life just isn't bloody fair.

OP posts:
pookiecat · 01/12/2011 15:24

Guess lots of us who have MC feel like this, its almost like at Christmas we evaluate our lives. I had a MC in August, I was looking forward to having a bump at Christmas, I have a gorgeous dd who is 2 and feel blessed to have her. Be kind to yourself x

cher31 · 01/12/2011 18:53

Sending you love. I can relate to how your feeling. The first baby we lost would have been 1 year old on Christmas day. Just going through my third at 11 weeks. Life seems so unfair but we must try to keep positive if only for our children xxx

Northernlurker · 01/12/2011 18:58

I have a friend who had her daughter with her last Christmas as a new born but she should have had a 9 mth old - lost to late miscarriage in Autumn 2009. It is two years today since her funeral. I have another friend who will have her baby daughter with her this year but she should have had her daughter last year - lost to stillbirth at 36 weeks. It isn't fair, it's terribly cruel but you are not alone and there is always hope.

Thinking of you and praying that you can just get through this Christmas.

Bluetinkerbell · 01/12/2011 20:02

((hugs)) for you, I should have had a 6 week old this Christmas, sadly lost our DD2 at 20 weeks in June :(
I know how you feel!
DD1 keeps asking for a baby that she can cuddle and play with!
I'm hoping to see a BFP before Christmas!

Original poster
soupmaker · 02/12/2011 10:27

Thank you all for your kindness. I just needed to vent yesterday. None of us would wish how we are feeling for anyone but it does help to know there are people who understand how tough this is. Sending big hugs to you all.

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charlii · 02/12/2011 12:51

Hello, I know how u feel. This time 2 years ago I had my 3rd m/c on the 23rd dec, Ive also just gone through my 4th m/c, would of been having my 12 week scan this week :(
Sending a big hug xx

Countmyblessings · 04/12/2011 16:48

i also have a deep sadness looming would of had my baby just a few days after christmas 2011 or maybe would of come early - will never know but feeling very sad!

Hugs to all - who have the deep feeling of loss and christmas seems to make it worse!!!

JaffaSnaffle · 04/12/2011 18:00

Sending you all big hugs and much empathy. I am sorry for all your losses.

I had a mmc in August at 17 weeks, was due in mid January. I had visions of a big fat waddly Christmas, and newborn in New Year. To be honest, I dislike January at the best of times, and I am dreading it all looming up. I just feel that Christmas is churning it all up again. When I look back over 2011, it is shadowed by the loss, and then trying to cope with the loss.

My DD is 2 in February, I am trying to use that as something to look forward to, but I am also thinking about how I will mark the January due date. I think am going to light some candles then.

Besom · 04/12/2011 18:03

So sorry. I've also had 2 mc and have one dd already, so I know where you're coming from. for you. XX

warriorwoman · 04/12/2011 18:39

Really sorry that you are feeling so down and that you have had to go through such sadness. I do know how you feel. I am feeling so down and I just want to run away and be on my own. I should have had a 1 year old this Christmas, 3rd mc and I am finding things very difficult. Big hugs to you and everyone feeling sad now.

Countmyblessings · 05/12/2011 00:53

As my username I'm trying to hold onto all good things I have right now and be thankful for good health for myself and my family! Some people will never know the joys that I have experienced and for that I'm so grateful!
Miscarriage & still birth is a heartbreaking thing to go through and live with, but I know we as women are so strong and I think we down play how strong we really are, love my DH but he is clueless about how I feel about it! Such a deep thing that I guess only women who have dealt with it know!
Christmas 2011 will hold sadness but joy for a new year and hopefully new beginnings for us all xxxx

NortheyPole · 05/12/2011 08:58

I had planned to tell people at Christmas. I'd have been 5 months, so would possibly have had to explain a bump a bit earlier, but that had been my plan. And now there is nothing to tell, which makes me dwell on things whenever I am doing Christmas prep stuff.

Countmyblessings · 05/12/2011 19:31

ahhhhh NortheyPole - im so sorry for your loss! this time it makes it hurt more but i do hope with time it wont be sooooo very painful! having a good support network really helps! xx

birdofthenorth · 06/12/2011 22:35

I had planned to tell people at Christmas too, but miscarried two weeks ago today at 11+3. Crying as I'm reading this for my own sadness and all your's, especially those who've lost late term angels, just awful to hear.

In my head my attitude is like CountMyBlessings & I am extremely thankful for all that I have. In my heart however I can't help but feel very sad today Sad

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. You are not alone.

Countmyblessings · 11/12/2011 19:25

how are we all feeling today??

Original poster
soupmaker · 11/12/2011 22:34

I made the decision to get some help after suffering insomnia for weeks. Went to see our very lovely GP who confirmed what I pretty much already knew. I'm depressed. So, been for a 90 minute hot stone massage, booked counselling appointment and spent a fab time today out in the park with DD teaching her to play on the flying fox. Felt a proper surge of real joy doing that. Feeling so much better for doing something and admitting in RL that I need help. Had such a hellish summer as lost very close friend and had MC all in the same 2 weeks.

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Countmyblessings · 12/12/2011 21:44

Hi Soup - so glad that you seeked out help and that you see that you are suffering depression is not something to take lightly! i cant imagine how naming it may really of helped. sound likes those treats helped a bit! i guess you just have to do 1 day at a time and maybe expect that sometimes just sometimes something will trigger some sadness! that was me at work today picking up my office diary and noticed in big bold letters maternity leave starts here then due date! a lump was in my throat and i struggled to swallow!!!!! to top it of my manager may not allow me to take leave around that time! as its in the christmas period and we are so busy blah,blah bloody blah!!!!! like i really care about anything right now all i know is if i was still pregnant i wouldnt be thinking of stupid leave dates and christmas staff cover!!!!!!( and breath) i needed that!

hope everyone else is doing fine

Countmyblessings · 16/12/2011 09:00

would be 39 weeks today! Sad

Original poster
soupmaker · 16/12/2011 15:59

Sending you a big hug. X

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Countmyblessings · 17/12/2011 14:46

thank well received! just need to get through to 2012 and hopefully wont hurt so much!
Soup- i hope your well x
Bird- how are you coping with it all also?
Northey- hows the christmas prep going?

RozziB · 18/12/2011 15:09

Would have been due Jan 1st, I felt sad last month but feel ok this month (think Xmas is keeping my mind of it). I am a bit worried how I will feel on the day. Sometimes I feel that It is wrong for me to be upset as I have 3 dc already (youngest is 8) and know that so many people who have miscarried don't have any dc yet or only have 1 and long for a sibling for their dc.

NortheyPole · 19/12/2011 11:09

Not too bad thanks, blessings. I am doing quite a lot of heaving of enormous sighs, but am basically ok.

A few people had helpfully said that I would probably be pregnant again by Christmas. I can't help noticing that I am NOT.

katiep123 · 19/12/2011 21:33

Oh, it is such a sad time of year. I had a mmc at 12 weeks in october, and still finding I have ups and downs. This was going to be the first year I didn't have to give up my bed back at my folks for family, as I would have been pregnant and with a bf, but I've been informed I'm back to a mattress on the floor of my mum's dressing gown as I'm not pregnant any more and am single (bf ended it a month today after the miscarriage and 3 days before my bday, nice).
I'm desperately sad as fear it will never happen for me, but then I think how absolutely awful it must have been for those of you that were so much further on. Thinking of you all, and sending strong thoughts to help everyone through the festive season...

katiep123 · 19/12/2011 21:35

I mean dressing room not dressing gown!

Original poster
soupmaker · 19/12/2011 21:47

Hi Blessings. Not feeling so bad today. Have been to see counsellor and I think that is going to help.

Hello Katie. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like you've had a really horrible time. Please look after yourself and put yourself first.

OP posts: