Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
   
   
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
   
   
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
   
   
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
   
   
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
   
   
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
   
   
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
   
   
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
   
   
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
   
   Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

[DontmindifIdo]

From this week (feck, I hate this week) I'd add, eat iron rich foods. This includes dark chocolate. Drink lots of fluids.

[okavango]

My tip would be to brace yourself for the sometimes not great attitude of the medical staff. For mc1 I sat in ucl epu for five hours waiting for two scans while bleeding out which started on the train, wasn't offered a santiary towel the entire time and when I finally saw her, the consultant left the room without saying goodbye. I have just had an erpc after failed medical management and a false all clear scan again not offered a pad. for what it's worth I have had all three treatments and preferred the medical management, my dh was there; I could say goodbye to the baby; they will do some tests on the baby and I only had to suggest it hurt to be offered drugs. Due date for dc1 is this week.

[Zacsmum80]

Lots of great advice here.

I had mmc 4 wks ago and only option I had was medically induced labour as was 20wks although baby measured around 16 wks and my body hadn't started the evacuation process naturally. Options after tablet was stay in hospital or go home and return to hospital in 48hrs or when bleeding began. It began in 36hrs and then I was there for 31hrs as had to go theatre as placenta got stuck and loss lots of blood which led to anemia. Delivery and theatre was over in around 4 or 5 hrs but had to stay for observation and in case I needed blood transfusion.

Once home I found although I had lots of family and friends offering to do my food shopping I didn't want to put anyone out and I couldn't think what I actually wanted as had plenty of food in already but all required effort to make. So I just asked them to get a few things (mostly junk) to tide me over for a couple of days and done my food shopping online so I could take my time to decide exactly what I wanted (again mostly junk ) and asked a friend to pop by when delivery was due to help putting shopping away.

Although I had tried to be healthy when pregnant I found that I didn't want to be cutting up veg and salad or cooking when feeling so faint and weak and just wanted easy snacks, sandwiches, toast, ready meals etc. Although family/friends were more than happy to cook for me I did find I wanted to be alone at times and having lots of quick and easy to make snacks made it easier for me to do that as I live alone and DP vanished.

Although I wasn't at home when my baby passed I was still sore and having cramps for around 4 days and feeling faint and weak for around 8 days afterwards. Couldn't stand for more than a few minutes. This won't help or apply to everyone with physical effects but online shopping may also help anyone that can't face going out in public too soon too....

My thoughts are with everyone unfortunate enough to find themselves on this thread...past and future xx

[VenusInfers]

Thanks so much for this thread comeonbishbosh. I woke up with cramps and blood last night and, horrible though the whole thing is, thanks to you and the other posters I at least have some idea what to expect over the next few days...

[NColette]

Thanks for this thread. It helps so much to have real practical advice. I'm sorry so many people have to go through this.
It sounds like some of you have had truly horrible experiences with a lot of bleeding and pain. Is this always the case?

I am currently on bed rest with threatened miscarriage but suspect I've miscarried already. Luckily, compared to many of you, I just feel like I've had a period. I am only 5 weeks so maybe that's why. I had cramps and then two full days of bleeding with clots and now I just have spotting with no pain.
I did a hpt today and it was extremely faint so I'm pretty sure my scan next week will confirm the sad news.
I think it's important to remember that this is a big deal no matter how early on and there's nothing wrong with feeling upset about it.
Good luck girls, I hope we can all move on and have healthy little bundles of joy (I am very lucky to have a wonderful two year old girl already).

[jaffajiffy]

Came across this sad but very helpful thread. I'm so sorry we are all in this club, though there's comfort and strength in being together.

I've had three mc. The first was spontaneous and lots has been said about bleeding and pain - all good advice. I'd just add that Tena do mattress pads for incontinence sufferers, and they are great for protecting the bed when your pads just can't cope.

My second was a MMC and I did medical management at home. I read on MN beforehand about waters breaking, which was fortunate or I'd have wondered wtf was going on. I found the experience awful, but there was some comfort being 'in control' and going with the pain. I'd recommend medical management of you're not too far along in the pregnancy.

My third was also a MMC and I had an erpc with a local anaesthetic. I couldn't do medical mgt as it was too far along and my doctor wanted to be sure to capture the products for testing. He persuaded me to have only a local, not a general, as it's "less risky" for me the patient. Well, BY NO MEANS should you enter into that lightly. You're in a hospital with all the 'out of control' that brings, and then you are awake and 'complicit' while the doctor ferrets around in your nether regions and sucks out your baby in pieces. It's not for the faint of heart. Mine went very well in medical terms and took about half an hour for the actual horrid bit, though he'd said it could be up to an hour and a half. The upside is that they are more careful with you than if you're out cold, so it's often a better job, and you're ok to leave as soon as you feel ok (half an hour in my case). So do think that through.

I'm pregnant again and waiting for a scan on Monday. Please God I don't want to be back on this thread!

Emotionally, just be kind to yourself. No one but you knows how you are. Take time. Be still. Put yourself first and be needy. This is not the time to fulfil obligations.

[jaffajiffy]

ncollette I didn't have excessive pain and bleeding for any mc. I was expecting more every time, so it's not always the case.

My thoughts are with you.

[NColette]

Thankyou jaffajiffy. It sounds like I'm having it 'easy' considering some of the awful experiences some of you have had. I just want it over so I can ttc asap and try to move on. I have found that reading other people's experiences on these forums has been a huge help.
I have my fingers crossed for you. I hope all is well at your next scan. X

[jaffajiffy]

Just see how YOU are. No need to be brave just because it's not 'as bad' as someone else. Hope you're ok today

[Thingiebob]

Thank you for this thread. I'm currently waiting to see what happens as have started bleeding at seven weeks.

[PostmanPatsBlackandWhiteCat]

I have found this thread really helpful I miscarried over the weekend I was 11 weeks.
I think there should be information on miscarriage in the first bounty pack you get or a leaflet from the midwife.
I was so scared when I started to miscarry at home I did not know what to do or except. It was so horrible all the blood ,clots and the worst bit for me was the smell of blood. Its such a shock even now. Thankfully I was in hospital for the last part and the staff were so kind to me.

[twirliedobbit]

I am currently in process of a delayed miscarriage started bleeding on Sunday, went to a&e monday referred to EPU straight away and booked in for scan the following day (was only there an hour and a half) back next day for scan where I was told that they suspect delayed miscarriage but I have to wait a week to be certain cause I am unsure of dates and they want to see if any progress over the week to be sure but this is my 3rd pg and I know that it has 'failed to prgress' so now weighing up options to make a decision next week at my second scan. As long as things don't happen naturally before then I think I am going to go for the surgery option as waiting even for this week had been awful, I am scared to go anywhere (Nd I don't own any waterproof trousers!!)
Just wanted to keep this thread active as I hadn't even thought about packing a bag or stuff I might need, was just going to turn up with my handbag!! Thank you to all for sharing, and if I think of any other helpful tips afterwards, I'll be sure to pop back and post.

[PostmanPatsBlackandWhiteCat]

I found having some really nice shower gel helped me feel nice and clean.
Drink plenty as found I was really thirsty.
If you are in hospital take a book MP3 Player , something to keep you busy
Lots of pads.

[GoldPedanticPanda]

Don't try and get back to normal the next day like I did. Take some time for yourself to deal with what happened. You don't have to stay strong, you can have a good cry about it and some time off.

[GoldPedanticPanda]

Seeing the sack was also a huge shock to me, I agree that better information should be provided at the start of your pregnancy.

[SloeFarSloeGood]

Having a miscarriage leaflet in your pregnancy pack is such a good idea.

[PostmanPatsBlackandWhiteCat]

How can we persuade the NHS to give information on miscarriage in early pregnancy packs. I know how scared and confused I was when it happened to me. I don't think any women should have to worry about what to do when you start to miscarry. The information could be used to offer some reassurance and practical tips on what to and what to except when you miscarry or have pregnancy bleeding.I know if I had that in my pregnancy pack Iwould have been more prepared than I was.

[SloeFarSloeGood]

Power of Mumsnet. Reported to try to get this ball rolling.

[PostmanPatsBlackandWhiteCat]

Thanks I think I am doing this to try and help me cope with it. It has given me something to focus on.

[CheckItOutFartShoes]

I think some sort of leaflet on miscarriage is a great idea, especially when docs and midwives are so quick to tell you how common it is - but only after it has happened to you.

[messtins]

I agree about a leaflet in pregnancy pack - both for those who sadly may need the information and to more generally raise awareness as it's still something that isn't talked about.

[MoJangled]

Bumping as I'm expecting to need this next week...

Thanks for all the information and advice, I now feel much better prepared. My heart goes out to everyone who's had to find out how to cope with a miscarriage xx

[babyjamesblackberrycrumble]

I have had 2 MC. One in August'12 and one last week. I have not been given a leaflet even when I was MC and was offered very little information at all. I feel that the NHS need to do more.

[MoJangled]

Here's my tip, based on the week post-scan, pre-miscarriage: waterproof mascara. Sounds trivial, I know. But honestly, if you keep welling up like I do, you can get it back under control in meetings, conversations, train journeys etc with some furious buttock-clenching and distraction, but you really dont want to be worrying about smudges and constantly doing surreptitious under-eye-wipes. Waterproof mascara allows the odd little moment without advertising to everyone via panda eyes.