Miscarriage at 8 weeks, devastated

[misslaughalot]

So at 8 weeks it seems I have miscarried our first baby. One scan and 2 blood tests this week have not delivered good news, and i have another blood test and a final scan next week which should confirm it (although i know its all over due to how much im bleeding). I'm 35 and we've been trying to get pregnant since May, and I am completely devastated. My OH has been amazing, even though he doesn't know what to say, he just lets me cry on him and doesn't pressure me to talk about it if I don't want to.

I now just want this part to be over. Each trip to the bathroom is a reminder and I'm returned to a weeping mess. I only told my boss on Tuesday that I was pregnant, then i began bleeding on Tuesday night. We had tried not to get too excited when we saw the positive pregnancy test, but after years of wanting this and a few months of trying its was hard not to start making plans.

I just want to curl up and hide away from everyone. We're supposed to be going to a family night out tonight, but I really don't think I can spend an evening with my OH's parents (knowing how much they want grandchildren) and make it through in one piece.

Thanks for reading, I don't need a reply to this, I just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. x

I didn't want to leave your message unanswered. How awful you poor poor thing. It's absolutely devastating. I found with my recent m/c it was the shock just as much as the physical effect of the m/c which got to me. I just wasn't expecting it (though am 39 and aware that that has increased risks).

Be kind to yourself. Do what you want to do - don't go to OH's parents if you can't face it. I think it takes a time for yourself to come to terms with it let alone telling others about it. I found that even saying that I'd had a m/c to someone welled up huge feelings in me. Even now about 3 weeks on, I don't feel comfortable talking about it. Things will get better, don't lose hope. As a few people said to me most pregnancies go smoothly - you're more likely to have a successful smooth pregnancy than a miscarriage - and there are many people on this thread who have gone on to have normal successful pregnancies.
Lots of love xx

Thanks for your reply knickyknocks, I've stayed in tonight but sent OH out as I want him to have a break from being around me in this state. He's working tomorrow, so I'm gearing myself up to have a productive day getting our bomb site of a house cleaned and tidied, I really need to keep my mind occupied.

Can I ask how long the physical side of it lasted for you? I can't wait for it to be over, maybe I can begin to get over the shock of it then?

I'm so sorry. I also miscarried my first pregnancy and had no idea at the time how common early miscarriage is. It was a massive shock which I felt totally unprepared for.

I agree with knickynocks, take it very easy on yourself in the coming weeks and allow yourself to feel however you feel. You have had a loss and it is normal to grieve. Sometimes keeping your mind occupied can really help, and sometimes you need to curl up on the sofa and have a good cry. It does get better as time goes on, but sometimes you can have a bad day after a few good days.

I assume the miscarriage is happening naturally, so I don't know that much about the physical aspect as both of mine were managed in the hospital. however I expect the bleeding should be over within two weeks, and the second week of that would be fairly light, tapering off to spotting. It is different for everyone really but a week to two weeks seems to be quite average.

Thanks KatandKit for your reply. Sorry to hear about your mc too. Knowing that the mc rate is high still doesn't prepare you for it, I don't think anything can.

I had a pretty good weekend, mostly because my OH was around and we kept ourselves occupied, spent a lovely day out walking by the canal yesterday, where I managed to have my first conversation about the mc with him without me being reduced to floods of tears.

Can't say the same about today though, just come back from the hospital where I've now had my 3rd blood test, and I have to go back for another scan on Thursday. I just want it to be over now so we can start to think about moving forwards.

Just wanted to say I feel your pain, I have just miscarried at 7 weeks so in a similar boat. Swinging from bouts of sobbing to complete anger at the unjustness of it all. Hopefully next time will be our time xxxxx

Just wanted to say my heart goes out to everyone on this thread.

I miscarried about a week and a half ago at 11 weeks. Our first pregnancy and it was a huge shock and completely devastating.

We always said we wouldn't tell people until the the 12-week scan just in case, but you can't prepare yourself for that kind of bad news. Knowing that mc is fairly common does help, hope we all go on to have successful pregnancies.

I've shed a lot of tears and felt angry at times but somehow things are getting better and I'm looking forwards.

My thoughts are with you, big hugs xxx

Thanks sproglet and sugarbeat, it really does help to know that others are out there going through the same thing.

So I've been bleeding for a week now, and when the hospital called my hcg levels are still rising (had blood tests last Wednesday, Friday and then today) but of course nothing like they would expect if i was still pregnant. The nurse sounded pretty confused, but hopefully my final scan on Thursday should show what's going on.

On a positive note we're looking into a little holiday between Christmas and new year, and had a meeting with a mortgage advisor which came out positively for us looking to move to our first family home. I need a new project to keep me busy over the next couple of months until we are ready to try again, and I think a house move might be it.

Sending hugs. Until I had a miscarriage I had no idea how common it was. Take your time to grieve and recover then all the best for that family home. (By the way I have 2 kids now so hope is out here!) Take care.

I feel awful I haven't been able to reply to your original questions you asked until now (I went away for the past 3 days and had no signal). My m/c symptoms lasted about a week and my pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs etc) went away over the space of a few days of it all happening. Have no idea now when my AF is due and hoping that it will be no heavier than normal (sorry TMI!)

Really good to hear that you're thinking about a holiday between xmas and new year. I hope you have a well deserved relaxing break.

Here's hoping the new year brings better things for all of us on this thread (if not sooner). It'd be lovely to see us all on the pregnancy threads in 2012. year. Lots of love to all xxxx

Thanks knickyknocks, I've now been bleeding for 10 days and even though I seem to be used to that now I just wish it would stop so that I can begin to think about moving on. I hadn't even thought about AF after this, I guess it throws you out of your normal cycle for a while hey.

Well, I think at least as the new year isn't too far off, that's going to be quite an important psychological point, as the mc will have happened 'last year' so to speak, and maybe we can start trying again. christmas 2012 babies for all of us would be lovely!

Thinking positive thoughts for everyone x

Hey knickyknocks, our situations sound very similar. My DH and I are in the process of buying our first family home, hoping to move in January, and I think this is a great way of focusing on something new and moving forward.

I had a scan today to check everything is ok and got the all clear. I've been bleeding for about 2 weeks now but it's virtually stopped, I'm sure your bleeding will stop very soon.

Hope we can all on a pregnancy bus in the New Year. Lots of love to all xxx

Hi all, it's been lovely to have so many people reply. While I'm not happy that so many women go through this it really does help to be able to have people to talk to about it.

So this morning I went for a scan when I hoped they'd be able to tell me it was all over,or at least it would be soon. But no, the sac hasn't changed in size at all but my hcg levels are still rising by so much that they don't want to take any action until they can 100% rule out there's anything there (I know there's no baby, why can't my body accept that too?!)

So I had my 4th blood test and have another scan next Thursday. I just want all this to be over!

Ok, rant done! Hope everyone else is doing well? x

Oh blimey misslaughalot you poor thing. It's no wonder you just want this over with now. I don't understand what they want to rule out so that's why they're not taking any action? Another week to wait is just far too long. It must feel like you can't begin to even to start to think about 'normality' again until this is all done and dusted.

I'm doing OK, I worked out today that I haven't had my AF since the beginning of September. My pregnancy symptoms have been gone for about 2 weeks now and I've no idea when my next AF will be. Carrying protection everywhere I go just in case, as also don't know how heavy things may be. Oh the joys. I don't think I mentioned but I have a DD who is 2 and yesterday I got the question 'do you think you'd like anymore?' - it felt still just a little too painful to explain so ended up mumbling saying hope to one day. Thank god I didn't get the usual other response of 'well you're 39 time ticking....' I may have ended up slapping them!

Big hugs to you. And you're right, it's awful for anyone else to go through this, but it's lovely to be able to find somewhere to talk about it.

Well, finally I have an ERPC booked for Tuesday so this will all be done with soon.

Thanks to everyone who's replied with kind words on this thread, it has really helped. xx

Hi MissLaughALot. I was on the June bus with you but sadly also miscarried this week at 11+3. Passed a terrifying amount of blood & tissue at home but like you the sack remained so I had the ERPC yesterday. Just wanted to say I feel physically much better now (the bleeding is minimal now) and a relief that I am no longer in that ambiguous state of carrying anything, so I think & hope you will feel better after your op. Sending hugs. Emotionally I am still a total mess. Bit crippled by the fact that life goes on around you. I am sure it will get better. Sending very best wishes your way xx

So sorry for your loss birdofthenorth. Thank you for sharing how you feel. I've never had a general anaesthetic before and am frankly terrified, but the idea of being asleep and then waking up when it was all done was much more appealing than the other options. It's been 3 weeks since this started, I can't wait any longer.

Hopefully we'll meet on another antenatal thread soon x

I was very scared if the anaesthetic too but was only asleep for half an hour or so (the procedure is quick & they don't give you a longer lasting dose of anaesthetic). I was lying on a stretcher bed
chatting to a very kind nurse, had an injection, was told more was to come, chatted a few seconds more, then woke up in a different room after what felt like 30 seconds & asked them "when am I going in (to theatre)?" only to be told it was all done. And I feel much better now than before. I was able to go home a few hours later after tea, toast & a toilet trip, which are apparently all necessary before they let you depart! Whole things was much less scary than I imagined & much less unpleasant than then natural miscarriage that proceeded it. I hope it is quick & painless for you too xx

Thanks for your words here birdofthenorth, they were mostly what I thought about when the anaesthetic was being given to me this morning, so helpful to know that it felt like just 30 seconds to you!

I am so glad I chose this option now, I'm home and comfy and can begin to recover (despite finding out I am carrying MRSA!)

Let's get November behind us all now...

Really glad to have been of some help. Sending my very best wishes for a quick recovery (and no manifestation of MRSA!!).

Too right to putting November behind us. Tomorrow is another day

I just wanted to say that I was in your position 3/4 years ago. At the time I was completely devastated but it does get better over time. Before the MC I used to look at people with babies and think how lucky they were, but it made me stop and think and realise that I didn't know what they'd been through to get their babies.

I just wanted to hide too, but I promise you it does get better. Hang in there and here's to a future successful pregnancy. ((())

Hi ladies, I just had my first scan yesterday at 10+5 and found out my baby died at 8 weeks. I'm going to the early pregnancy clinic today and I'm going to ask for the ERPC because I just want to get everything over with. The terrible thing is my husband is away on business in Japan and I really don't think I can phone him up and tell him - he'll want to come home right away and there's isn't really anything he can do. My MIL is staying over to take me to the hospital and between her and the childminder they'll be able to look after DS1 and DS2. It seems terrible not to tell him straight away but he was so stressed out at having to go to Japan, I'm worried he'd have a breakdown. He's not back until Tuesday so I'm hoping when he gets back it will all be over and I won't still be bleeding or anything.

The stupid thing is I keep thinking about all the pregnancy clothes I have already bought and wondering if I'll be able to take them back since most still have the labels on. Isn't that a ridiculous thing to fret about at a time like this?!

I'm so sorry Stunum. A terrible thing to happen when your DH is away. If I was him I'd want to know, even if there would bf little point in coming back. At least he would understand what you're going through & send extra love your way.

Good luck with the ERPC x

TBH I think I'm over the worst of the shock now. I think I had an inkling at the back of my mind that something wasn't right so it wasn't the surprise it might have been. I'll have the ERPC on Friday and my mum's flying over tomorrow to look after me. I'll just have to see whether DH calls me and whether it would be appropriate to discuss it with him. I can't predict how he'll take the news but I think it could devastate him. Gotta go - DS2 wants to get out of the bath. At least I have the boys to comfort me and they are a huge comfort.

Well I didn't need the ERPC in the end, I was in the hospital getting admitted and had to give a urine sample and ended up passing everything there and then. They didn't get their urine sample and I didn't have to have the procedure after all. I'm glad that's everything over with. I'm just going to focus on looking forward to Christmas with DH and the DC and maybe we can think about trying again in the new year. And I thought I had finally said goodbye to POAS and the 2WW!