Missed Miscarriage Experiences

[JessieOg]

I found out two days ago that I have had a missed miscarriage. I was 10 weeks. I had some light spotting from 7 weeks onwards but then started bleeding more heavily on Tuesday night. I went to the EPU on Wednesday morning, they scanned me and found that the mmc had happened between 6 and 7 weeks. I have elected to manage it naturally, but I really don't know what to expect now. The lovely, kind sonographer explained that it may well be quite gruesome and painful but that everyone's experience is different. I have been bleeding since but no real pain as yet and just wondered what other people's experiences have been. The hardest part is being stuck at home not knowing what will happen, when. I'm prepared for it to be hard, so please don't feel you will be scaring me. I really just want to know what might happen and so if any of you feel able to share their experience, I would be really grateful.

[Mama5isalive]

Oh Jessieog - im so sorry for your loss, i had a mmc but had the erpc op, so not sure how it will be for you but take care of yourself and dont expect your body to bounce back straight away it is alot for your body to deal with.
all the best for you in the future xxx

[SpringHeeledJack]

I don't know- at our hosp they had a policy (I think) of having an ERPC (not sure I've got those the right way round)- at least, I wasn't given the option of it progressing naturally

good luck to you, love. Hope you find any support you might need on here x

[BloodandScumatron]

jessie so sorry to hear about your mc.

i've had a few mc and have done it naturally twice. personally I did not cope well with it, I found it extremely painful and I bled a lot. i don't want to frighten you but I really wish someone had warned me just how bad it can be. I wont go into detail but both experiences have deeply affected me.

I would go for the erpc every single time without question.

that said, I know many women who have been through it and found it similar to having a heavy period. it 's so different for each woman.

good luck with it op.

[Ktay]

Jessie I'm very sorry to hear this I hope you have people looking after you. Replying on phone so sorry if this is a little abrupt. But I went for the natural option and it took a good week or more of light to moderate bleeding before things really kicked off. The worst bit happened overnight and involved about 5h worth of mad dashes between bed and loo to pass clots. It wasn't too painful but there was a fair amount of blood and it was fairly gruesome. From what I understand, I think my experience was one of the easier ones.

If I had to choose again, I'd go for an erpc I think. If you have health insurance, that often covers the op so you can at least have it done in comfy surroundings at a convenient time.

I hope your experience is as straightforward as poss and you have some good news soon. Happily I am now 23w with dd2 so I was just one of those many one-off bad luck statistics. I have put it behind me now pretty much although today would have been my EDD so feeling a bit reflective.

[ciwi]

jessie I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had a mmc in March this year when I was 10 weeks, the baby had stopped developing at 6-7 weeks. Sorry if this is tmi, I don't want to scare you but to just inform you so you wont worry if you do bleed heavily. Mine started off with cramps and period type bleeding, the cramps were quite painful but the hospital had given me codiene to take home and that worked well. I went to bed to lie down till the cramps settled and I then started to bleed very heavily (felt like it was pouring out) it was uncomfortable but once I took pain killers not that painful. I ended up completely saturating an always nightime long pad in less than half an hour and that was when I phoned the epu as they told me to go in if the bleeding was that bad. I went in and carried on bleeding heavily until I passed the sack (the doc told me I had, I wouldn't have known) but after that the bleeding settled down very quickly to a normal period type bleed again. All in all I was bleeding heavily for about 6 hours. It might not be like that for you though as you are bleeding already, I went from spotting to bleeding like that so that may be why it was so heavy. Like I said, I really don't want to frighten you but I was very frightened when I bled that much and wish someone would have told me it can be like that. Please just ask if you have any more questions x

[Cheerfulcharlie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 2 miscarriages, both naturally. One I had on and off bleeding from 8 weeks and finally miscarried as the bleeding got heavier at 11 weeks. I know for sure the baby got to at least 9 wks 5 days as I had a scan that point that showed the baby was fine. The second time I got to the scan at 12 weeks and the baby had died and was measuring 9 wks 3 days.

I would rather go for a natural miscarriage over an ERPC but then I can't speak from experience of having an ERPC. The thought of a general anasthetic stresses me out and I know I would worry I would get scarring and there's the (very small) possibiliity of perforation.

The worst bit of the natural miscarriage for me was that it was very messy. You wouldn't want to be far from your loo when it happens. The pain was like very bad period pains but only really intense for a few hours. A couple of paracetamol took the edge off it. In total the bleeding was really bad (like pouring out when I went to the loo) for the best part of a day, then likea really heavy period for a good few days. All in all it stopped just after a week.

You have to weigh it all up because some people dont pass it all naturally then have to have an ERPC anyway to get it all out, then you have been through both. There's also the waiting factor. I only had to wait 2 days for my natural miscarriage to start after the scan but I don't know if i could have waited several weeks. Emotionally that would have been tough.
Be strong, you will get through it.

[topsmart]

JessiOg I'm sorry you're going through this.
Ive had 2 natural miscarriages and 2 MMCs for which i opted to have the op. The first of these I'd decided to give it two weeks to wait before having the op, just in case my body decided to get on with it itself. Unfortunately nothing happened, just two weeks of stress and hiding out at home! So I went in for the op. Yep, a bit scary - all the possible (rare) problems and having to be put under, but by that stage I just wanted it all over. And after wards I felt nothing but relief. Didn't bleed too much. Think I'd done my grieving before the operation.

I actually had my second op this afternoon, after my second MMC (4th mc in total) - hence paying attention to this thread!
opted for operation as, after last time, couldn't bear waiting. Plus my daughter (5) is much more aware and curious! Plus we have a hol to Cornwall booked for 2 wks time and there is no bloody way I'm missing that. The hotel has pools and a spa fgs!

But anyway, to cut a longwinded story shorter, my first two 'natural' ones were much as the others have described - like heavy period pains, with a few hrs of v intense pain, but hot water bottle and painkillers sorted me out.
I do hope things move quickly and simply for you x

[JessieOg]

Thank you so much guys for all of your replies. I realise it is a big ask for others to share painful experiences, but it really is invaluable to hear from others what they have been through. I have found it a really lonely experience, even though I have a fab hubby who has been lovely. Just waiting and not knowing what will happen is the hardest part. Thank you ciwi for giving such an honest account of what happened to you - it hasn't scared me at all, and gives me great comfort that people are so kind to share such personal experiences with strangers. I am one of those people who just has to have the facts! It is one of my more annoying traits. topsmart I really hope you enjoy that spa - you really deserve some pampering. Thanks again to all of you, can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind (and factual!) words. Hope the future is kind to you all x

[pep124]

Hi jessie
I've been through it today. I found out yday I'd had a mmc at almost 12 wks and chose the surgical option, as I was scared of the other options, but unfortunately started bleeding heavily overnight so it wasn't an option for me. I wish I had been able to have surgery, and wd choose it if god forbid this happened again, however I got through it.
I'd make sure you have someone with you - i chose to do it alone (family and bf scattered all over the world) but thankfully a friend insisted on coming to be with me from lunch onwards.
It started at about 4am and the heavy bleeding finished at 6pm. This morning was fairly traumatic - I've never seen so much blood, and passing the clots made me feel giddy/sick. This afternoon it became very painful - the contractions left me unable to walk/talk. I was changing massive pads every 20 mins and passing loads of clots every time. I began to worry it would never end and it felt like it never would.
But then out of the blue it just did. There were no more clots, just bleeding, and it felt just like normal period pains.
In hindsight I wouldn't choose it but it was absolutely bearable and strangely I feel I've been quite strong to cope with it. The nurses were amazing and massively sympathetic.
Make sure you have loads of pads in stock and dark clothes on your bottom half.
I'm so sorry you're going through this awful experience, and I don't want to scare you but wanted to let you know what I experienced in the hope it helps. It's far from pleasant but it's ok. It is, it's ok.
Good luck, really thinking of you. And take painkillers if you need to - the doc said ubuprofen helped slow the bleeding!

[Mama5isalive]

Thoughts and prayers go out to you all - such a sad time although people are around can feel so lonely!!!!!!
Sorry very sorry for you also Topsmart & Pep124 - today going through this and to be posting so soon- that shows such strength - we women are made from some strong stuff!
Be kind to yourselves and hope all is good for you and yours in the future xxx

[sooz3101]

So sorry that you are going through this also,I found out just over a week ago that I'd had a mmc,I was 8 weeks but the baby had stopped developing just before 8 weeks,the next day after going for the scan I began to bleed heavily and passed what I think was "everything" the pain wasn't too bad and my bleeding has just about stopped 9 days later,after reading a lot of other peoples stories I have been "lucky" but it just shows that everyone is different.
Thinking of you and everyone else going through this awful time and wishing you all the very best in the future.

[JessieOg]

Thank you pep124 and sooz3101 for sharing your painful experiences. It is a lonely experience but is very comforting to know that, as Mama5isalive says, there are so many strong women out there who are prepared to provide support to others even when they are going through such a tough time themselves. None of the websites tell it like it really is, presumably for fear of scaring people, but that is a shame as I think it is far less daunting to know what you are actually facing instead of not knowing. I am still waiting for it to 'happen' and all of your messages have been hugely helpful. Love to you all xxx

[topsmart]

Thanks mama5isalive and jessieOg. Sorry to hear your news sooz3101 and glad the worst of the physical stuff seems to be over for you.

All one can do is to take one day at a time. But the way I cope best is just to stay home. And find as many distractions as possible! I find (dubiously-legal) free american telly via t'internet is the best. Greys anatomy did it for me last time, am considering what telly series to try this time - mad men maybe?
Am hiding out the from the world from the next week, cancelled all appointments. And a Katy B gig, gah.
Mumsnet is such a great support.

I think my next big challenge will be coping with pregnant friends - which I seem to have a lot of at the moment. Once the babies are born, I'm fine. It's the big bumps I can't handle. My tactic with past MCs has been to simply explain to the friend how I'm feeling and they've been great and totally understanding. So don't make yourself do anything you're not comfortable with.

[sooz3101]

topsmart Ive found myself watching Law & Order Special Victims Unit every night for the past week..keeps my mind busy..I too seem to have a lot of pregnant friends and family including my sister and sister in law,just been putting on a brave face around them and I know they feel uncomfortable and dont know what to say either.

[skinnymuffin]

I too have had a mmc this week. Although I opted for an erpc yesterday, I had begun bleeding between the scan and being admitted to hospital.

Today I feel wiped out, although I haven't had much bleeding or any cramps as such, I'm exhausted from all that has happened this week.

I am so glad to have this board at the moment and not to feel quite so alone.

Hope you are ok jessieog? sooz and topsmart I think almost everyone I know is currently in their second or third trimester, 6 friends anyway, i will have to find a way past that or I will have no-one to meet up with!

Crap tv sounds like an excellent way forward. I also have a kitchen full of cake from well-wishers. Don't have much appetite today though.

I feel like it hasn't really hit me yet, I'm just numb. I'm dreading life going back to 'normal' if that makes any sense? :(

[sooz3101]

I know exactly what you mean,Im going for another scan on Monday to make sure everything's gone and I think after that everything will have to get back to 'normal'...hope you start to feel a bit better soon skinnymuffin it truely is just so horrible but Im finding being able to 'talk' to people on here is really helping as no one really knows what to say so they just dont mention it in real life.

[skinnymuffin]

It seems like a bad dream actually, which sounds corny but I honestly feel like I should be able to shake my head and wake up from it.

The other predominant feeling I have is that of the bit between a death and a funeral, where everyone is busy and fussing around you, but afterwards they all go home and get on with their lives and you just have to begin moving on and that's when it hits you.

Only there's no funeral to come. So when do you start moving on?

[pep124]

Oh skinnymuffin I know exactly what you mean. Everyone's being brilliant and rallying round, but when they've all gone, and I'm totally on my own (bf lives abroad and all a bit rocky) how will I feel, what happens then?
Jessie - keep thinking of you and I'm so sorry for what you're going through, really really hope you're coping ok x

[Mama5isalive]

Hi all - yes its very hard! you find yourself saying why me, why did this happen??? and you dont get any answers that help! some go down the route of testing - i didnt couldnt face the thought that my screwed up dna could of done it! some name the baby calling it by a name makes them cope better - i also didnt i dont think that would of helped either!Finding out the sex of the baby - i also didnt!
Taking it one day at the time is all i can do! i have 10 friends who were pregnant and 8 have had baby so far a few more to go, that was not hard the ones who were due near my due date watching there belly grow is so hard i keep asking myself "would i be that big!"," i would feel baby moving"! also finding out new people are pregnant is also hard because me getting pregnant again is proving hard why?????????
im glad that the days are getting easier and trying to set some life goals are helping me cope!

im so grateful to have mn friend so i could talk and share my feelings, found so much better then RL friend who as i said were pregnant so just never understood, and i wouldnt of wanted them to think about child loss as they were all pregnant! 1 day at a time - and if you cant share it write it and address your feelings! also try find support from gp etc.
look after yourselfs xxx

[welliesandpyjamas]

Hi jessieog
found out last Thursday that we'd had a MMC. I was 10 weeks, baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. I opted for the medically managed option. Today I went back in for the pessaries. Nothing happened except increrasing period type pains for the first hour, but then I started passing bigger and bigger clots, getting as big as 5cm. After about 5 hours I passed the sac. It was about the size of, I don't know, maybe a satsuma? and it was pink/white and not dark red blood coloured like the clots. It wasn't painful to pass (I had been given painkillers too).

There was a sort of natural 'urge' to pass everything and stuff would slip out whenever I went for a pee or just when I sat over the pan and sort of pushed. I know this is very detailed but I think the worst part of waiting to go in to hospital was not having a clue what to expect.

Things that helped a lot were moving around or rocking on my feet (like in childbirth) and drinking tons of water. The rocking helpls the pain and staying upright hepls things move down. The more often you go for a pee, the quicker you pass everything maybe, not sure but it seemed to help.

[RainDancer]

Thanks wellies - its jessieog here, I've name changed just to confuse everyone! Really sorry for what you have been through but thank you so much for sharing your experience - it really does help to know what others have been through. I agree that one of the worst parts of this all is not having a clue what to expect. My hospital wouldn't offer medical management - it was natural or ERPC and I have elected to try and avoid the ERPC - although I might of course end up having to go down that route anyway. I am still waiting for it to happen unfortunately, which is terribly frustrating. But it is a huge comfort to have you all share your experiences with me. Thanks again everyone x

[skinnymuffin]

Just checking in to see how you are doing Jessie/Raindancer, I hope you are coping ok with the wait, it must be very hard.

I found the erpc ok but now waiting for bleeding to stop and for something to help me start moving on, feel I'm stuck in a loop at the moment.

Welliesandpyjamas I'm very sorry to hear that you have also had a mmc in the past week :(

[welliesandpyjamas]

Thanks to both of you for the replies x

Raindancer - after opting for the medically managed route, I though a lot that night and called up in thr morning to see whether a d&c was still an option. It was but with a longer wait, which I didn't want. I had initially rejected it simply because it was an op but the more I read up about it and thought about it, the less that seemed to matter. It was the act of moving forward that mattered more to me. And since it is a short op I wasn't as put off as I was at first. I am full of admiration for you being brave enough to wait :) there is an awful lot more to be said for letting nature take its course but personally I needed to move on, even if just for the sake of my boys.

Skinnymuffin - sorry you feel caught in a loop. I think I know what you mean. It's hard to accept something which is out of your control, isn't it. And next is the wait for the return of a normal cycle and none of us can know how long that will take. It's hard to patiently wait for the unknown.

Sending you both unMNettly hugs and strength :)

[CristinadellaPizza]

The lovely MmeLindor has hosted my mmc story on her blog as part of the MN Miscarriage Code of Practice campaign. I hope it helps some of you and am so sorry for your losses x

[welliesandpyjamas]

Thank you cristina. It is a very moving read. I feel grateful that I didn't find out about my baby during the 12 week scan, which would have been next Friday. To turn up all hopeful to see baby for the first time, like you did, and find out it had died....well, that would have been even more of a heartbreak. Hugs to you.