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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

So fed up with waiting!

41 replies

Catsycat · 27/06/2011 21:03

Sorry but I'm going to moan.

Last monday I had a scan that showed my 9 week pregnancy was not viable. I had another scan on Wednesday privately that confirmed this, and again on Thursday I was scanned as I changed hospitals, and it was still not looking good. (I put a post on the pregnancy board about all this last week). I'm just horrified that this is happening, and so sad about the baby :(

What I'm finding just awful at the moment is that I have to wait a week for another scan to show no growth before I can get any medical help with the mc. I realise they have to be sure, but it just seems so cruel (my baby should have measured 24mm last week and measured between 2.7 and 4mm depending who was measuring, so I'd have to have conceived the day before I tested positive, and still have a below average size baby for this to fit with my dates). I know there is no hope. I started bleeding and cramping on and off just when wiping on thursday last week, and this carried on over the weekend. It is a bit more today, but only like a very, very light period, nothing more.

I just feel like I can't do anything or go anywhere, as I'm terrified I could suddenly be in agony and bleeding heavily at any moment. I would love to be able to go out shopping or something just to take my mind off it, and my parents want me to go out with them tomorrow, but I'm feeling so intimidated about not knowing when the actual mc will occur. DH works away, and has been going out loads in the evening so he doesnt have to think about it, and it's really annoying me that he can get away from thinking about it, and I can't.

If it was all over and finalised, I just feel I could try to move on, but it's like a big horrible stumbling block lying somewhere in front of me. Sorry to moan, but just hoping some of you will get what I mean and not just think I'm being a whingy cow!

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babysaurus · 08/07/2011 23:29

Oooh, fancy seeing you two here Catsycat and Mama5

I went and had an eyelash tint and eyebrow wax today and plan to book a haircut as soon as I feel capable of not busting into tears at random intervals. Great minds must think alike, eh?!

Mama5isalive · 11/07/2011 00:13

Hope you are all well today!
church was emotional announced today that we have double figures of upcoming births and i thought" oh wow i was in that number!"
i have some close friends pregnant and 1 has 8 weeks to go another 9 weeks and another 10 weeks and all i was thinking was i was counting my weeks like that but now i stop and counting weeks from my loss like that!
The sunshine was fab today and it put all in a really good mood!
hope your day went well - big hugs to all xxxx

Catsycat · 11/07/2011 15:42

Hi Babysaurus and Mama5. Eyelash tinting scares me to death, so well done for having it done! I only had it done once, nearly had a panic attack, and then you couldn't even see it :( other people I knew had done it, and it looked lovely on them. I did have one of those fish pedicures the other week, which was really hilarious. A bit odd as well, because I really didn't feel like laughing, but could hardly stop myself because it tickled so much.

Sounds like your Church is packed with babies, Mama5. It must be a bit full on for you at the moment. I hope it will get easier for you soon... One day at a time...

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babysaurus · 11/07/2011 21:48

One day at a time indeed. How is everyone today? I have my re scan tomorrow so currently feel crap. Absolutely crap. Am hoping that once today is over with I can start trying to move on and look forwards instead of backwards.
Hey, lets hope we all meet again very soon on some of the ante-natal boards, eh? x

Catsycat · 11/07/2011 22:04

Hi Babysaurus. Sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and of course we'll be here if you need to talk afterwards... xx

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Mama5isalive · 12/07/2011 00:30

yes BabyS - all the best for the rescan - pray all is well so you can heal and move forwards taking it day by day!
Hi CC - yes my church is bursting with pregnant women everywhere, its hard but im getting better cant wait for my book to arrive to help me through this all its a christian book on miscarriages and baby loss!
I guess im a bit fed up of people expecting me to stay strong because i have a strong faith but i wanna scream sometimes because everywhere i look its just constant reminders and the fact that my christmas wont be full me buying new stuff for my baby!!!!!

Catsycat · 13/07/2011 14:38

How are you all doing today?

Babysaurus, I hope you are OK.

Mama5, I don't think it's fair for anyone to expect you to bounce back from a mc, even though you obviously do have strong faith. I don't think it diminishes your faith that you are finding it tough right now, and I don't think anyone would not find it tough after what has happened to you. For myself, I am an atheist/humanist, and have a lot of faith (and find comfort) in evolution, science etc, so you would think the whole "there was a probably a chromosomal abnormality, it wasn't developing properly" point of view would bring some meaning to what happened. However, I am also finding it very hard. I think whatever religious / philosophical stand point you take, it is just a horrible situation. I do hope your book will bring you some comfort, and a way to work through your grief. xx

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Mama5isalive · 13/07/2011 20:47

Hi CC - how are you, the people around me are just not talking about it and i think thats what bothering me the most sometimes, if i was still pregnant they would be asking me how im feeling etc, but now baby has gone would be (15 weeks now) its the dreaded silence or totally not saying what they are really thinking.
how you today Babys- ? hope your ok today!
still not ready to go to work but dont know when i can tell them really of me returning!

Catsycat · 13/07/2011 20:58

Hi mama5. People ignoring what happened must be really awful. My friend had a still birth at 38 weeks (before I knew her) and she had people cross the road to avoid talking about it afterwards...

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babysaurus · 14/07/2011 19:57

Hi all,
keeping this brief for reasons that will be obvious in a sec. I posted in the link below.
Here
Will write when feeling better. Hope everyone's okay too xx

Mama5isalive · 14/07/2011 21:15

ahhhhhh BabyS- im so so sorry that you had to go through the pain and my gosh word wont be enough to express how your feeling mind,spirit and soul!!!!
be kind to yourself its much easier said then done but 1 day at a time is all you can do!
CC - B.Midwfe came today we chatted and it really did help, if others havent thought about talking to a pro please reconsider, it was good to get the real facts and understand that i had 12 weeks of feeling pregnant and i cant expect my feelings to just go just because im not pregnant anymore!
done some good retail therepy online today cant wait to get them try and most probs send back knowing me!!!!!( LOL)

Catsycat · 14/07/2011 21:46

Hi Babysaurus, I saw your other thread. I'm really sorry - it is very frightening bleeding so heavily. How awful it got to the point of haemorrhaging. Wishing you a speedy physical recovery , and hope you can move forward now xx

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babysaurus · 15/07/2011 12:54

Hi all, I think I may have a bit of sadness to come but, currently, feel reasonably okay. I am glad I am not in the position I was in last week anyway (the horrendous waiting!) The lovely gynea doc who treated me when I was at my worst on Wednesday night / Thursday morning said, as she went off shift at 8am, 'hopefully the next time I see you it will be because I am helping deliver your beautiful baby' which I thought was a wonderful thing to say. Lets hope she's right, eh?!
Retail therapy sounds fab - shame I'm so skint!

BeattieBow · 15/07/2011 13:02

catsy I know you posted on my thread a couple of days ago, but I wanted to say that what happened to you happened to me last year (forceps and all). It was awful - I hadn't heard of this happening to anyone else before and I'm sorry it happened to you too. I was also rushed to hospital and needed a blood transfusion. Blood loss made feel crap for weeks. so i guess I'm saying, take care of yourself - it took me months to get over that traumatic event and I had flashbacks for ages.

(mc this time, although hideous is much better in comparision - touch wood as it hasn't finished yet).

Catsycat · 15/07/2011 14:37

Thanks Beattie, yes, the forceps was particularly grisly... I'm glad it has not been as horrible this time for you, though still really a hard thing to cope with. Sorry you have had to go through it again, and I hope you are doing OK.

Hi Babysaurus, sorry if my previous post sounded a bit "hey, now you're over it"! That wasn't what I meant - hope I didn't offend you . I was referring to the waiting bit being over really, because you really can't think about anything else while that is going on, and like you say I found it horrendous too. I'm glad if you are feeling a bit better today. I found it does get easier day by day, though I still feel very sad about the baby.

I have a charm bracelet that DH bought me after I had DD1, as her birth was really traumatic. Every time it is her or DD2's birthday we put a charm on it. Yesterday we got a charm for the baby we lost - it is very pretty, a little silver star with crystals, it seemed very appropriate.

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babysaurus · 15/07/2011 22:07

No offence taken, dont worry about that! Off to sleep now as exhausted (well, been awake since my 4 hour afternoon 'nap') Willl write again soon. Thanks again ladies and hugs all round. x
ps the charm bracelet is a lovely idea!

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