when to start trying again?

[sweetlucy]

My baby was stillborn at 37 weeks. It was my first pregnancy and I was really felt I had it all until it happened. 3 month on I'm thinking about trying again but I'm not sure how long I should wait. I've almost lost all my pregnancy weight and have started taking vitamins etc... I'm waiting for the autopsy results but hope that I will be able to conceive in a few weeks time. Does that seem like a reasonnable amount of time to wait?
Has anyone had a similar experience and had a second successful pregnancy? Is there any steps I can take to make sure things go well this time?
I'm so worried of losing a second baby.

Lucy

Not sure I can offer too much in the way of advice but i didn't want your thread to go unanswered.
I lost my first baby too but much earlier on (had a D&C). That was hard enough so I can't imagine what you're going through.
My consultant advised waiting 3-4 months but my GP said it was fine to try again straight away. The impression I got was that if you asked 5 different doctors this question you will get 5 different answers. Are you still under consultant care? If so, perhaps put this question to him as they best know your circumstances. How long will you have to wait for your autopsy results? it maybe better to wait until you have these? Again, check with your consultant. My baby had anencephaly and something as simple as taking a super strong dose of folic acid was enough to prevent this from happening again. I now have 7 week old daughter. A second pregnancy will be stressful of course, but your midwife/consultant will be aware of what's happened so you should get plenty of support.
It sounds like you're already doing eveything right, so keep doing that. I found myself desperate to conceive again and it made for a very stressful few months - if this is how you feel try and relax (easier said than done I know).
I'm sorry for your loss.

Kirrin thank you for answering and sharing your experience.
The hospital started by saying that there would always be someone available to talk but sadly no one there seems to have time for me anymore.
I was meant to have an appointment 6 weeks later but 3 month on I still haven't seen anyone. And when I tried to make an appointment, I was told there was no point as the autopsy results were not back.
I want to start trying during my next cycle, although I'm nervous because my baby was conceived in March last year so the due dates might be close.
Also the thought of being pregnant again scares me, my last pregnancy was perfect until that day.
I guess it's safer to wait until the results are back before trying again.
Thank you again for answering.

So sorry to read your story. I think only you know when you are ready. I also experienced loss of a child (a premmie), and then difficulty concieving, then difficulty maintaining pregnancy....have had 7 pregancies but do now have 2 wonderful children. My advice is follow your heart...if you feel ready then go for it. My second child was concieved exactly 1 year after my first, it does make every milestone painful, but let's face it, they are going to be painful anyway.
My third child was concieved against medical advice (ie was specifically told to wait for some results)but due to the problems I had experienced with conception I felt it was unlikely to happen anyway..and of course that's exactly when it did!!
I also felt slightly abandoned by the hospital, but do recommend that you try to find a counsellor to talk to...it's going to be a difficult journey for you, but there is hope and you know what is best for you. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Sweetlucy i am so sorry to read about your terribly sad loss. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to lose your baby like that, when you were so close to having a health pregnancy. I mc in dec at 12 weeks and getting over the grief and starting to ttc again has been hard enough.

You sound as though you are emotionally reads to ttc and so i would say to go ahead, although i don't know about the medical advice for physical reasons but 3 months sounds long enough.

I am so sorry the hospital has not been there to support you. Is there anything your GP can do?

If you decide to ttc again there is a lovely thread on the conception board of women who are ttc after mc. Most of us lost our babies in the first trimester but they are all lovely are and there for support when you need it. have a look , and feel free to join us

Take care xx

sweet lucy firstly my thoughts are with you, only you know when you are ready my sweet be brave.
i am so desperate to be a mum myself, life is perfect apart from this one thing we want more than anything.
I had a little girl last year jan 2010 and she died at 2 days old in hospital due to not being looked after properley in hospital during my labour,following emergency c section, we since found out they did not follow their own guidelines and procedures.i had a perfect pregnancy.
imagine this it should never have happened!
big investigations are happening, autopsy clear.
It took 7 months to get pregnant again after the physical and emotional recovery and shock and at 10+5 they confirmed via scan i had a mis mc at 6 weeks.they scanned me a week apart to double check.
we are gutted and i am due for checks in hospital on wed and i am nt sure about passing natural or d/c, just want it over.
still bleeding, i am just so low, but i will have children one day , i try to be positive and it is one day at a time, i feel scared,anxious and i am depressed as you would be.
but i have friends and family that support me and my fiancee is my rock.
i will look to the future but i hate being knocked back down each time.
it really is such a big thing physically and emotionally to deal with.
i am so suprised that i am still smiling, still level headed and not a drunken drugged out sad bitter female!!!
so there is hope and i pray for you all, cause that day when it comes is gonna be soooo special to us all.
xxxxx

Oh sweetlucy im so sorry. My baby girl was stillborn on the 28th feb, everything is still so raw and devestating. My DF has already started to talk about TTC we havent even had our baby's funeral! I dont know how i will feel months down the line but right now it is a big no! I too am so scared of it happening again, i had a problem free pregnancy, went to hospital on the sat for monitoring as i hadnt felt her move and they couldnt find her heartbeat. My labour was induced and i gave birth 2 days later. We are waiting in the post mortem results results and have been told it can take up to 8 weeks. I cant imagine the pain you are going through with still not knowing.

Jane Your message brought tears to my eyes.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's awful.

My experience is very similar to yours. I often have nightmares about the moment they told me they couldn't find my baby's heartbeat. And as I waited to deliver him, I kept hoping they made a mistake and waited for it to move.
I got the results few days ago, but it offered no answer. All looked normal until the day he died.

It's going to hurt for a long time, be strong and send me a message whenever you want.

charlie I'm sorry about you baby, it's awful to think that your little girl would have survived if looked after properly! good on you for not giving in to bitterness and alcohol! I too hope that one day we all have the babies we want.

Collie2 Thank you for your message, I've had a bid of a hard few days following the autopsy results and decided to wait before ttc. my dp is relieved as he feels we should give ourselves a break to recover. I also feel I would feel better if the due dates could be different for my next baby.

feelingthestrain Knowing that after all the difficulties you faced you had 2 children feels me with hope that I too will have the chance to have children one day. Thank you!