Missed miscarriage: has anyone else been through this?

[Penel]

I had 8 week scan yesterday and were totally heartbroken to be told there was no heartbeat and our much wanted baby had died about a week ago. My body hasn't clocked on to this yet so I have not miscarried. I have been told I may miscarry naturally, if not will need to have an ERPC.

Bit about us. We lost our first baby a year ago at 14 weeks. Baby was very poorly and we were told would not survive. We therefore made heartwrenching decision to have a medical termination and I was induced on 23 December 2009. I then had to have an ERPC in January 2010 as I was still bleeding heavily.

I don't know what to expect next (apart from the emotional emptiness and devastation of course). Anyone else able to advise on what to expect?

Penel, I'm really sorry to hear about your losses. I had a mmc in April of last year but it was medically managed ie they gave me some tablets to take. Once the process started it took about 2 weeks for my body to get back to normal. If you start to bleed heavily or the pain gets too much for you i would suggest calling the early pregnancy assessment unit at your local hospital. Take care of yourself xxxx

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a missed miscarriage about 18 months ago. Had a scan at 12 weeks and was told baby had died at about 8 weeks. So I can understand how devastated you are feeling, especially given your earlier heartbreak.
I had a very bad experience with the doctor which I won't go into here, but basically it made me want to go home and wait it out rather than having an ERPC. I had a little bleeding so hoped nature would take its course - which it did after a few days. Are you wondering about what happens physically? I didn't know what to expect but am happy to explain more about what happened to me if you think it would help (I don't want to offer TMI).

So sorry you are going through this, especially after your problems last time.

I had a missed miscarriage in November 2010, at ten weeks, although the baby stopped developing at 8 weeks. I had an ERPC as my body would not do it naturally (I had a suspected ectopic in June 10 and couldn't go through the waiting for it to happen).

Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. It is a very hard thing to deal with. Keep posting, there are lots of supportive people here.

You could also duck across to the 'pregnancy loss/miscarriage' section - there are lots of ladies there who have experienced the same or similar and are very supportive.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses Penel; there are few words of comfort.

Mine was 14 years ago. My baby had died at 6+ weeks and it took another 4 weeks before I knew anything about it as I started to bleed :( I had an ERPC as I was in horrendous pain.

Yes, the emotional pain was the worst bit for me and I know it is for most of us.

The only advice I can offer is to be kind to yourself, talk about it if you want to and maybe make a memory box with things like your tester, scan pic if you have one and maybe a poem or something you have written about your experience with your baby. I hope that everything goes Ok for you.

Solo's memory box is a great idea. I was able to get a scan picture from the EPU, and I have put in my pregnacare tablets and my appointment letters etc as it's all I have to remember teh baby. It helps when I feel low to open the box and look at the thins inside.

The miscarriage association has a 'memory garden'on their website - you can send a message and it is 'planted' in the 'memory gaden'.

I wrote something like 'goodbye little poppett, we love you. Mummy and Daddy'.

I also planted a Bleeding Heart in a bucket as a memorial to him. The strange thing was that it was thriving for many years and my broken heart was very much 'alive' in the painful sense, but slowly, I stopped thinking of him every day and the pain lessened and one day, I noticed that the Bleeding Heart had died...it was like I didn't 'need' it there any more, it was there when my heart was heavy if that makes any sense.

Oh Solo. What a touching story.

Thank you all so much. You are all amazing. I have not miscarried before so kind of don't know what to expect. I should be at work on Monday and am terrified I will miscarry on the tube. I work in a very career orientated office with lots of single people who though lovely and great fun, wouldn't know how to handle the situation! I think I just need to book in for ERPC and forget work and just focus on getting body healthy again. I just had such a horrible experience the first time round (I was on a ward with lots of geriatric patients who had slipped in snow and spent whole night praying and screaming!) so don't want to go through it again, but must be sensible.

I have two of the original flowers pressed in a card hfl and did the same for his father. It's just a little memento that keeps the Lo close :)

Penel I have had 2 mmc at 12 weeks each and for both I had ERPC and then at least 2 weeks off work. I would go for ERPC if you can rather than waiting to miscarry, and you should certainly not be going back to work until you have mentally and physically recovered.

I'm very sorry you are going through this, I know how awful it is. But please do give yourself time to recover.

Penel, in my opinion, you should forget about work for at least a week and get yourself straight before you go back. The emotions of a MC are huge and wavy.

Also, when I had the ERPC, I was on a ward with other women in the same position and also those with threatened Mc's. It's unreasonable to put you in with geriatrics, though you should find that you are only in for a very short time and not have an over night stay. Let us know how you do and are wont you. We all understand the pain you are going through this time at least.

And my goodness! It's 15 years ago on Sunday/Monday for me, not 14...
I now have two beautiful, healthy Dc's btw, but did have another MC between them (possibly 2, but was very early if it was the case). Don't give up hope and look after yourself Penel.

Thank you so much. I definitely won't go into work next week and hubby is telling me the same thing and will speak to my GP on Monday to book myself in for ERPC. We had scan privately so GP and hospital are unaware of complications. I think I only had to stay in overnight last time as blood pressure was really low so they wanted to monitor me. Hopefully won't have same complications this time. And I love the memory box idea. Will definitely do that. Our first child was called Joseph (we knew he was a boy from CVS), so will try and find out sex of this child and name him too.

so sorry for you :(

have had 3MMCs, had ERPC twice and MC naturally once.

Both resolutions were fine. IME my cycle got back to normal more quickly after MC Nat, but the advantage with the ERPC was that you were in control of the timescale. IME (and of others I've read about) the onset of a natural mc is not immediate, you have warning signs that things are about to start/get heavy.

Both my ERPC were day cases.

Sorry you're going through this after your sad loss last year.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I mc'd naturally at 11 weeks last June. The baby had died 2 weeks before apparently.

I needed 2 weeks off work to recover physically, and dr was fine signing me off.

Just to reassure you, if it does happen naturally before your ERPC it won't be an immediate thing, in my experience, so I don't think you'd be caught at work, there would be time to get home.

Be kind to yourself and grieve as long as you need to. There is no golden rule.

Penel, something to keep in mind also is that anything pregnancy related should not be put down in a negative way on your file. It should not count, but if as I did, you go back too soon, then want/need to take more time (I had abdo pain in the second week with my second MC) it will most likely be classed in a different fashion. So basically, if you aren't ready, don't go back until you are. HTH.

Crochetcircle, my natural Mc happened quite quickly. I had spotting the day before and then when showering in the morning, I'm sad to say that I it there and then.

**I lost it there and then. Was 6 weeks.

hi penel sorry i keep popping up in all these threads, our experiences are quite similar, i lost a baby in august and found it more painful than full blown labour i started to bleed at 11 weeks and went for a scan wich showed the baby had died at 8 weeks the pain got worse and worse and i lost an awful lot of blood so was put in for an emergency ERPC it was best for me because of the blood loss but strangely i wish i had been able to mc naturally so i was awake to see what id lost if you know what i mean its difficult that you only end up with a test that fades and a scan pic no one wants to look at, this time i knew something was wrong as the hormone levels didnt rise on cb digi and i had no symptoms so i booked a private scan for today, i started bleeding a week and a half ago so went for scan at epu wigh only showed a sack at 5 weeks when it should have been 7+4 but they thought id got dates wrong wich i knew i hadnt and they took bloods to check if HCG was rising, t rose 15% in 2 days, far too low but as it was a rise they suspect its ectopic, im praying its not and that ill pass it naturally but im waiting for more blood results and then deciding what to do, if its not ectopic and i havent passed it naturally in a few days ill opt for ERPC as its too painful and i have 2 year old dd to chase around, i hope this helps with your decision, sorry for the essay x

Hi Penel and Laylasmummy09. I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks in October last year. I also went down the ERPC route. I did not want to have no control over when I would start miscarrying naturally. It was tough emotionally. The ladies on the miscarriage board were brilliant and it was helpful to know that they had been through it.

I am sorry that you are both having to go through this.

I can't thank you enough for all your advice. It really does help. I think I would prefer to miscarry naturally to help with emotional healing, but I also want to do what's safest for body but I don't think there is a right answer. We went through so much last time and I bled for such a long time after I was induced (not all of the placenta had discharged) which made me so weak and I had to go back into hospital a month later for ERPC, so must be really sensible this time.

Laylasmummy09 don't be sorry. I feel as though you have become a friend as you've been so supportive. I feel for you so much as you are going through so much more than I am. I really hope it isn't an ectopic pregnancy and that you too get a diagnosis soon and can begin the grieving process x

aww penel thats soo sweet but you are going through hell too the loss is awful in whatever way it happens i just hope talking will help you because its soo hard to talk about it in RL and its lonely, im here anytime for a chat, hope you are being looked after x

hi penel, just wanted to let you know i miscarried naturally this morning and it was much less painful than i was expecting it was just like a strong period and i was waiting for it to get worse but it never did, i passed the tissues when i went to the bathroom and it wasnt painful, thankfully that means i dont need ERPC or methotrexate wich is about the only good thing to come out of this, but you pregnancy had progressed further than mine so it may be more painful for you, i really hope its not and that you are getting lots of support HTH x

Laylasmummy09 thank you so much for letting me know. A horrible experience but we must count out blessings and at least your worst fears weren't realised and you can now get on with your life again. Do give yourself time to grieve though as it is hard to come to terms with all those hopes and plans you and your family had made. I hope to have a natural miscarriage too, but will phone my GP in the morning and get their advice as nothing seems to be happening at the moment. Meanwhile I am enjoying wine, stilton and pate!

Just seen a really excellent Consultant and he will do ERPC tomorrow morning. Feel much more positive about things and confident that he will do a good job. My last experience of an ERPC was so unpleasant I was dreading going through it all again, but hopefully this time will be much better. With luck will be home tomorrow afternoon. My poor hubby will have to cope with a grumpy me not being able to have a cup of tea or breakfast in morning before surgery! Thanks for all your support and advice. It really has helped x

hope you have managed to go home and eat loads, glad youre feeling positive, look after yourself xxx