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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

anyone scared of ttc after mmc

6 replies

Cazm2 · 26/01/2011 15:57

Hi all

I had a mmc on 23 oct was told after scan that my baby had died at 8+3. this was my first pregnancy.
I unfortunatley had to have two erpc's as not all was removed after the first one.

I thought i was coping ok but i seem to have lapsed. .

My DH is desperate to try again but although i would dearly love another baby i am also very scared. of it happening again and something being wrong. we just cant seem to find a compromise in the middle and he thinks i am being unfair.I wanted to lose a bit of weight before trying to conceive again i am a little overweight nothing major. but i dont know if this is subconsciously me trying to make sure nothing happens again.

anyone esle had any experience of this if it even makes sense

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tlw2102 · 26/01/2011 18:40

Hi Cazm2

I had a mc 13th January at 10 weeks. I know it's going to be very scary if I manage to fall pregnant again, the fear of losing again will be with me everyday. I've got 2 children already though and maybe that helps to make me feel a little bit more confident about trying again as soon as possible.

However, it's a very traumatic experience to go through and if you don't feel ready to try again yet, I think you should take as much time as you need. MC is hard to deal with physically and mentally, and each of us need to deal with it in our own way.

You will need to be able to deal with another pregnancy emotionally as well as physically, and you need to give yourself the very best opportunity to recover from this experience first.

So difficult with it being your first pregnancy. There's no reason at this point to think that you won't go on to have a healthy pregnancy, but if you have any doubts or fears, I would advise waiting until you feel the time is right to try again.

Wishing you all the very best xxx

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Cazm2 · 27/01/2011 10:41

Thanks for your message. I had a chat with DH last night and he just desperately wants to start as soon as possible we just dont seem to be able to reach a compromise about it. I think its his way of coping with the loss of a baby. And he is worried about something being wrong and if we wait to long it will be too late. we are both 30.

its so very difficult!

Caz

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tlw2102 · 27/01/2011 13:00

Hi Caz
Yes it is such a difficult time. We sometimes forget that our other half's are grieving too.
I really hope you can work out what's best for the two of you. If it's any consolation, I'm 35 and my husband's 40, but with this being your first child, I can understand how much harder it is to know what to do for the best.
Hope you work it out between you.
Best wishes, Tina.

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MrsSteph · 27/01/2011 13:46

Hi Caz, Sorry for your loss, I had a scan on Monday & there was no heartbeat, I am currently bleeding but haven't MC yet! The main thing that is keeping me going is the thought of getting pregnant again, although once it happens I will then spend my time worrying! I am turning 37 in May the nurse at the hospital told me I still not classed as old (although I think she was just being kind) My husband is very keen on TTC straight away but I feel he thinks that will correct my MC, almost like I have lost an earing & he will go & get me a new one to replace it, I know he cares but I feel like we are in 2 different places completely & if anything I wanted this to bring us closer together. I am just trying to keep talking to him x

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Cazm2 · 27/01/2011 15:09

oh so sorry Mrs Steph. Its the worst thing. It really has knocked me much harder than I thought. I think my husband is the same he said its like something is missing from our relationship but I feel that he has not grieved properly for our last baby. and like you I think I will be panic stations once I get pregnant again. I do at the moment like you feel in a different place from my DH at the moment like you hopefully will get somewhere.

best wishes to you
xx

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cep · 27/01/2011 15:29

I'm sorry for your losses cazm mrssteph and tlw. It is a very difficult situation. Have you told him exactly how you feel? Might be worth speaking to someone a counsellor maybe? When you do feel ready to try again there is a wonderful thread with people who have all had m/c and are ttc again. They are full of wonderful information, are lovely and are very supportive. here's the link (i hope)

here

If that didn't work we're on the conception page just mc and ready to try again. name is longer than this.