MMC, don't know what to do

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Sorry, I'm sure there are hundreds of threads asking for the same advice. Diagnosed MMC this morning at EPU. Should have been 11w, baby died at 6w. Was told I could either wait for it to happen naturally or come in for a d&c. Was veering towards naturally but reading a few of these other threads a couple of people have made me question how likely or soon that will be as the baby died 5 weeks ago. Added to that, I have work and a 3yo so it's quite tricky.

But I don't fancy the d&c either. I'm so confused and although they said to take my time to think about it, it doesn't feel like I have time. I have had some spotting and, the last couple of days a bit more than spotting although nothing major. It could be weeks though, couldn't it? :( I have no idea what to expect.

Hi, really really sorry to hear of your loss. I went through something very similar about 2 years ago. Almost identical timing too.

I decided in the end to have the D&C. It was over with quickly, and it allowed me to feel that I could "move on", and not have to wait and dread what was going to happen. I am not a patient person at the best of times.

For me, the operation didn't hurt at all, and I had no negative repercussions. I feel pregnant again 3 months later, and now have an energy zapping boy who is almost 1.

The staff at East Surrey Hospital where I had my operation were very kind and patient. The only problem for me, is that the ward was very close to the labour wards- so did have to see a lot of pregnant women and babies.

I hope that you can make the best decision for you, and wish you a speedy recovery. Take time to be together with your family, and allow yourself the space to grieve.

When I had my mmc, I had the choice of d&c straight away of let it happen naturally. I had bleedings so opted for the latter. I had to come back a week later for a check up and to make sure nothing was left behind. In my case it didn't happen naturally (bleeding just stopped) so I had the d&c a week later just after the check up.

Thank you. It's so confusing. I guess my main problem is that I really don't want it to happen at work. And also, as it seems to be quite common to need a D&C anyway maybe it's better to opt for that in the first place.

Sorry, I know no one can make the decision for me but it helps to hear others' experiences.

I went for the ERPC option because it was over quickly and I had some kind of control over it (rather than bleeding at work or whatever as you said). It was over and done with very quickly, I was in at 8 and home by lunchtime and hospitals vary, but I was in a normal day surgery unit in a different hospital building nowhere near the maternity. The staff were lovely and sympathetic.

So sorry for your loss xx

I'm sorry you're going through this. Such a horrible time. You will feel brighter one day, even though it probably doesn't feel like it now.

I've been through the exact same thing, for my 3rd miscarriage. The first two happened naturally, but the third was diagnosed by ultrasound - we'd been having early 'reassurance' (ha!) scans so that's how it was spotted. I was also given the option to wait or to have the op. Chose to wait one week - luckily I could work from home and DD was in nursery; I had the same fear as you about being away from home when it happened - or trying to look after DD while it was going on. So after a week nothing had happened and I asked for the op. I was booked in within days. Was nerve-wracking but, as pennypoptart and wellieboots have experienced, it was quick and painless and I felt like a weight had been lifted afterwards. Allowed me to get on with the rest of my life. I distinctly recall sitting in bed the next day, looking out at a blue sky and feeling so relieved. I booked that week off work as sick leave so that i could mooch around at home and watch endless episodes of Grays Anatomy. Perhaps not ideal to watch a medical drama, but it helped at the time!

We've not yet ttc since but that's because of other big life things (potential redundancies, relocating with DPs work). Hopefully planning to get cracking again soon...

Good luck with whichever option you choose xx

have had both ERPC and nat MC, and both were fine honestly.

sadly no one can tell you for sure what will happen in your case, which does make decisions hard I know.

IME the differences were:
ERPC

• quick, you're (more) in control of timing, though sometimes there is a wait list for surgery (happened to me with MMC2, hence nat MC whilst waiting)
• physically back to normal more quickly
• after both my ERPCs my cycle took longer to get back to normal

Nat

• no General A
• not that painful though it was disconcerting to lose that much blood (my bean was estimated at 9weeks so a bit bigger than yours)
• cycle returned to normal much more quickly and hence I conceived more quickly again.

It's a horrible time - sorry you are going through it. You WILL get through it though, having another child helps I think. You simply don't have the time to dwell too much.

Good luck x

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate the help. Have booked ERPC for Monday although bleeding a bit again so it may be that it's all over by then anyway.

Thank you for the kind words, sorry you've all had to go through it. You don't realise how awful it is until it happens to you, do you :(

You really don't, and somehow it always happens to "other people". I also took a week off work to recover, and amazingly so many of my female colleagues just seemed to have an intuition as to what had happened. A lot of them had been through the same thing.

Miscarriage is a horrid thing to go through, whether natural of D&C, and it really is more horrid as it is quite a taboo subject still. One in five pregnancies... But when it happens to you, you feel nothing like a statistic, and just really really sad and quite scared.

Buy the biggest bar of chocolate you can find, and have a good munch. Book in for a massage for the end of next week. Indulge in the trashiest magazines. It won't take away the way you feel, but you should definitely be spoiling yourself at a time like this.

I'm so sorry, I've just been through this. Found out last Friday the baby had died, and had erpc on Tuesday.

The procedure itself was fine, a lot better than I thought it would be. Emotionally I'm a bit of a mess today, and think my hormones are all over the place.

Be kind to yourself,don't expect too much over the weekend. We went to town on Saturday to try and do something normal for dd, and sat in the cafe thinking how odd it was that everything was carrying on as normal around me.

Thinking of you x

I'm sorry for you too harassed :( I've just been reading some of your posts on other threads x

You've had lots of good advice gwendolin, but I just wanted to add that my experience on natural mc was that it came on quite slowly and you would have time to get home from work. It wasn't like its portrayed in the films as a sudden huge bleed.

I hope your weekend is bearable, and good luck for the future.

Gwendoline and harassed I'm so sorry for both of your losses :(

When I had my MC I chose medical management, going in as a day case to be, in effect, induced. It didn't go well and it didn't complete properly, which was then missed and subsequent complications I ended up off work for 4 weeks. When I fell again I had already decided that if I lost again I would go for ERPC, then at least physically I could start healing quicker.

Hope all goes OK on Monday Gwendoline - the only other advice I could give both you and harassed is to please try and make sure that you don't bottle up your feelings, if you want to cry then cry, or scream, stamp your feet, laugh... do whatever you need to do. Your hormones and emotions will be crazy for a while and you need time to get back to "normal". Ask your EPU if there is counselling available, it may help.

You're both in my thoughts x

Gwendoline, just thinking of you and wondering how you're getting on. Hope they looked after you in hospital. X

Can't type much as wasnt expecting to stay in hospital so phone battery is almost zero. But I just wanted to say thank you. I never thought I'd have to know about miscarriages. DD was so easy to conceive and give birth to so I thought I had it sorted. How naive is that . On Friday when I had the scan I had no idea what to do next, it was like a big brick wall that I couldn't see past. There is so much support and advice here even though the same questions must be asked over and over by each newcomer. It's helped so much to be able to 'talk' to others and just read the experiences. I hope I can be some help to others x

Gwendoline, hope you're doing "ok" today. I found 3 days after was the worst day, I think my hormones plummeted then. I have 3 other dc's aged 21, 19 & 4, all conceived on first month of trying and no problems what so ever. I think I took it for granted tbh!

I have to say that I've found this forum invaluable.

Shiny - thanks for the advice. I'm def asking the doctor to sign me off for a bit longer as I don't feel up to going back to work and having to act like this hasn't happened!! Still very up and down, so think that's for the best for me x

Sorry for your loss Gwendoline. I just found out I have had a missed miscarriage today, having erpc on Thursday. Feel awful as it took us a year of fertility treatment to get here after another missed miscarriage in 2009. I had an erpc then but they missed the products three months and alot of pain later the hospital finally did another scan and found the retained products the procedure had to be repeated. Scared of the same thing happening again and terrified that I will never carry a pregnancy to term. Sorry if this is all about me just hurting today :(

confu3ed I'm so sorry for your loss :( What an awful experience you've had. I don't know what to say. Of course it's all about you hurting, that's totally natural and understandable. Please come back and 'talk' if it'll help in any way x

Ladies, I just wanted to send my support.
I think my natural MC is just about done now, just waiting and hoping for no repeat bleeding.

I also went to see a homeopathy and am taking a month's course of remedies to help my body restore itself. I started taking it after I found out about the MMC but before it all happened. I think it might have helped there.

I am also going to get hold of those ovulation kits so that I can see when I am ovulating. DH isn't keen on it as he says it takes the fun away, but understands that I need to get back in control.

Hormonally I was a mess, but a week after the day it all came out, I feel stable. I feel sad of course and that won't go, and I feel scared to conceive again, but I have got a handle on things again. So it does get better .

I hope you all recover quickly and feel strong again.

Thanks Gwendoline I am hurting lots and here is the only place I feel comfortable talking to people. Really gone into my shell and can't talk to dp as he seems to think everything happens for a reason and we need to move on, not sure how yet.

Coldcuppa Homeopathy sounds like a great idea as hormones need balancing. I remember last time it took months to feel better and af took over 2 months to appear! Sounds like you are doing really well which gives me hope!

Am sorry Gwendoline and Confu3ed to hear you have to go through this too.

I had a MMC last Sept, discovered at my 12 week scan but the baby had not made it past 8 weeks. So sad and such a cruel way to find out when you think you're home and dry by then.

I second the poster who said to spoil yourselves at the moment, lots of chocolate and trashy mags. I have found that it does get easier in time. I have also booked myself some reflexology and started to exercise more in the hope that I can re-boot my body and get it right next time. Confu3ed, I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason too, but sometimes we don't know what the reason is.

Be kind to yourselves and do / don't do whatever you need to to get through it.

Hi, I had a missed miscarriage in March 2010 and I have had another one that was found this Monday.
I don't really know what to feel anymore - I have had 4 miscarriages in a row. This was by far the most heartbreaking as we saw the baby's heart beating 2 weeks earlier, then on monday, nothing.
I am waiting to miscarry at the moment, but I actually want an ERPC so I can ask them to do genetic testing on the baby to see what was wrong.
It is the worst when you go into a scan thinking you'll see a healthy baby, but you come out devastated.
I find that keeping busy with my daughter is helping me get through this.

Mrs Robin, thanks for your kind words. I think I need to take some time out for myself and maybe some alternative therapy. Taking your advice, sitting on the sofa stuffing chocolate!

Milkyway so sorry for your loss. I don't miscarry naturally its like my body doesn't want to let go. I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks years ago so I do understand what its like to think that you are in the clear only to be bitterly disappointed. Are the hospital going to do some tests now?

I am not sure what to do to get through it again, managed to get signed off work with some fake reason for a week, so at least I have some time to heal, or at least not burst into tears in public!

You we right btw Harrassed. Day three for me and I've hit a real low. Everything seems very near the surface today, IYKWIM and I seem to have been in tears all day. I don't feel like I can do anything, I'm just going through the motions of getting DD to wherever she's going etc.

How is everyone else doing?

Strange isn't it? It must to do with hormones.

I'm quite down at the moment and having a particularly bad day today. I have a bit of an infection from the erpc. I thought it was a water infection, as that's what if feels like. So am on antibiotics and signed off for another. Secondly, one of my closest friends is due 2 days before I would have been and she had her 12 week scan today. I so happy for her, but it just reminds me of what I haven't got any more. Plus it would be my scan on Monday .

Be kind to yourself. My dd is coping remarkably well,and yours won't notice either x

Mine was on Monday too. It'll be my first day back at work after this and I was thinking that if things had been different I would have gone into work after the scan waving the picture and telling everyone. Now I'll go in to shuffled feet and awkwardness.

I would have been 12 weeks today (I think our due dates were both 11 August?) and my booking in was today at 1.15. Exactly the same time as I had a meltdown by the kettle. The coincidence has only just hit me.

I'm sorry you're still physically unwell. That must make things so much more difficult. I'm still bleeding but physically otherwise ok. Fingers crossed for you that the antibiotics clear it. You've enough to cope with without that :(