missed miscarriage

[lizz789]

hello, this is my first post here so sorry if i ramble on. I found out in april when i was ten weeks pregnant that i'd had a missed miscarrage the baby had stopped developing at seven weeks i choose to wait and miscarried at twelve weeks.
my due date was the twentith of november and as it approaches i'm just so sad. too top it off the twethyith of november is the anniversary of my mums transplant which we celebrate as a mark of respect for the donnor and in celebration of mum still being here. dont know how ill get through that day. Feel as though i cant tak
lk to anyone, as most peoples attitudes were really horrible. i am soo gratefull for the kids i have but it dosent take the pain of loosing one away. if i had a penny for everytime someone said ohh well at leat you have kids, or well you were ony a couple of weeks i'd be rich.
anyways thanks for listening x

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a MC in Dec last year and found the due date of July really hard, especially the weeks building up to it. I actually found out I was pregnant again the week I was due but sadly have gone on to have a MMC (same as you found out at 10 weeks, naturally MC at 12 weeks).

That was a month ago and am feeling very low again. Not sure how I am going to make it through the due date when the time comes either.

That is not very helpful is it - sorry, I just wanted to say that you are not alone in finding due dates hard to get through, but you will and it will get easier.

Maybe you could do something to mark the baby in the morning before you celebrate your mum's transplant. Would that help you?

Hi both, a lovely lady called AandRMum, saw your message today and wanted to point you in the direction of the thread she has recently joined for support in case it would be of help to you as well, but didn't know how...if you want to talk to lots of lovely ladies in the same position... click here

I've had MMC's at various points, and have living children. Someone once said to me

The scars on your heart are the same, whenever or at whatever point you lose a child.

(I was a bit embarrased to express my grief at a recent loss as a friend had lost a baby at term and that seemed so much more serious to me at the time)

A loss is a loss and unfortunately unless you have been through a MC or loss like this, ime people say the crudest and most unhelpful things.

When I had my 1st mc the baby's due date came to pass during a hastily organised extended family holiday - which was partly organised to help me and my family recover from our loss. The day was difficult, because no-one liked to speak about my baby and I had been virtually hysterical when I realised we'd be away for the due date, but DH and I took DC1 off for the day and we had a commemorative lunch for our poor lost baby - the wine did flow. We took the time we needed for ourselves and still managed to spend some with the extended family.

I find a lot of comfort with the 4 candles ceremony by SANDS, although it's not everyone's cup of tea. DH and I lit 4 candles around the pool that night and remembered everything that wasn't going to be. This is it - apologies to anyone who isn't comfortable with this, it has just helped me so much when I have had to say goodbye to my babies...

Always Loved, Never Forgotten.

We light these candles in honour of you.

The first candle we light represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense.
It reminds us of how deep our love is for you.

The second candle we light represents our courage. We have faced our sorrow and have found comfort in each other.

The third candle we light is in memory of you. Memories of the dreams and the plans we had, of all you would do or be.

The last candle we light represents love.
We cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be saved for you. We thank you for the gift that your life brought to us.

We will always love you.

Sorry to go on. I wish you well for your due date and hope you are as kind to yourself a you can be. Remeber you are entitled to spend time with all your children, even the ones you never got to meet face to face and you can only spend time remembering.

There's a poem I used to read a lot - I'll try and find it.

sorry for all of your losses .....unfortunatly mc are the sort of thing no one wants to go thru and no one really expects it to happen to them. my 1st pregnancy ended in a missd mc. got scand at 10wk n was told baby only reachd 8wk....then i lost it a wk later....i now have 2 lovley girls. 17mnth n 4 mnth old. my 1st wud have turnd 2 on july 4th just gone.my friend suggestd letting a baloon with a note off in the sky for baby.lovley idea but what helpd me most was opening up and leaning on friends n family, thats what there here for.it took me a long time to realise they understand how ur feeling and talking 2 them strengthens ur relationships and takes away some of the questions and feelings. and corse youl be upset over the loss of a child even if u have kids.no one wud ever say that to a mum who looses a full term baby, child or adult, so it seems wrong people wud say that in this situation.i guess sum people just dont understand that even though u didnt hold baby u still had an emotional atachmnt x

sorry for all of your losses .....unfortunatly mc are the sort of thing no one wants to go thru and no one really expects it to happen to them. my 1st pregnancy ended in a missd mc. got scand at 10wk n was told baby only reachd 8wk....then i lost it a wk later....i now have 2 lovley girls. 17mnth n 4 mnth old. my 1st wud have turnd 2 on july 4th just gone.my friend suggestd letting a baloon with a note off in the sky for baby.lovley idea but what helpd me most was opening up and leaning on friends n family, thats what there here for.it took me a long time to realise they understand how ur feeling and talking 2 them strengthens ur relationships and takes away some of the questions and feelings. and corse youl be upset over the loss of a child even if u have kids.no one wud ever say that to a mum who looses a full term baby, child or adult, so it seems wrong people wud say that in this situation.i guess sum people just dont understand that even though u didnt hold baby u still had an emotional atachmnt x

I am so sorry for your loss.
I also had a MMC earlier this year. Went along for my 12 week scan with DP (would have been our first child together, although I have 2 boys from ex h) & was told our baby had no blood supply & had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I was devastated & emotional recovery has not been easy. I really dreaded the due date, as it was also my DP's 40th birthday. Something that seemed so right when we first found out, but now added to the pain.
I didn't know how I would get through it & felt sure I would put a downer on his birthday.

His birthday & my due date has now been & gone. It was last Thursday, the 14th October, and amazingly I got through the day itself without tears. I cried a lot in the lead up to it, and cried myself to sleep the night before, but the day itself I got through fine. Something I never expected to happen.

A poem I read a lot, which I think is spot on, is "child in my heart." The final line reads "the child we had but never had, and yet will have forever." So true.

Do whatever feels right for you on the day. I didn't feel strong enough to mark the day, but know this brings comfort to many.

I'm sorry for your loss and the things people have said. It's probably the sort of thing I would have said until I had my MC.

I found the days and weeks leading up to the due date terrible but the day itself I found strangely peaceful, if that doesn't seem too weird and after the day itself it did seem to get easier.

I didn't do anything special on the day, just allowed myself to think about him a little and tell him that even though I hadn't got to meet him he was still my child and I loved him.

I hope you find your own way to get through it. Come on here to talk about it if you need to on the day, if you find you can't talk to others.

hi again, sorry about the late reply but ive just managed to get a moment with no prying eyes.Thanks you all soo much for your replys, its so strange and a little sad that i feel as though strangers have showen me the most empathy and kindness. All your advice has helped so much (cant express how much) i dont feel quite so alone anymore hugs ex