Tell me it will get better

[lemonsherbet]

Hi. I am almost 8 weeks and had small amount of dark brown spotting yesterday. This then stopped. I went to EPAU today and although it measures at almost 8 weeks there is no heart beat. I had to go back to work afterwards. I have not told anyone at work and my husband is working away. I have been given the 3 options but am not sure what to do. This was my first pregnancy. I guess I am just after people telling me it will get better.

Big Fat Negitive x

Hopefully i will get a BFP (Big Fat Positive) soon!!! Take care x

beefcake
The waiting is the worst. I really feel for you. I started bleeding on a sat and could not get a scan till the Tues (it was a public holiday on the mon!!) I felt so angry. It almost seemed that I was irritating anyone I phoned for advice. I got the impression from the docs that it was ok to misscarry as long as it was mon-fri, 9 til 5!!! any time out of that then you face an agonising wait. I held onto that my sis bled heavily at six weeks and was totally fine. but everyone is totally diffferent. Once I knew for certain I cannot describe the feelings I went through. I already have a 3 yr old so it never occurred to me it would happen. Best of luck for your scan.

Lemonsherbert echoing what the others have said. The pain does ease. I miscarried naturally about a month ago now at 7 weeks, I had two weeks off work. I still have good and bad days (had a rare afternoon to myself yesterday and rather than go out and do something nice I sat at home and cried). It will come back when you see pg women, or hear of others who are pregnant and you will keep thinking of how pg you would have been at this point. It has been hard, but we are now ttc again and focusing on that.

Beefcake I really hope you're ok. I was same point as you when I lost mine but my bleeding stedily got worse and worse and then passed the placenta which looked like a piece of liver or something, about 2 or 3 inches long. As your bleeding has subsided it may be ok. Have fingers crossed for you. I know it is terribly worrying.

Another hospital question, sorry never been a patient in hospital. Do I need to leave at home my wedding/ engagement ring? Will I bleed a lot after the operation? How much does it hurt? Did you need to take painkillers at home and if so do you get given them by the hospital or do I need to buy them before hand.

I guess I am just trying to get myself prepared and trying to be organised. Since the only slippers I own are novelty furry slippers so now need to buy some.

You need to remove all jewelry. You may wake up in pain, I usually do, but tell them in recovery and they will dose you up with some good stuff :) After that you should be fine. I never bleed more than lightly afterwards.

So sorry lemonsherbert

Easy to say, but beefcake please try to relax and not worry

My first pregnancy was a MMC, two weeks before my wedding. No bleeding, just severe cramping. I had the ECRP as I didn't want to be blleding on my white dress walking down the aisle. The first 48 hours after were the worst. I was 35.

My second pregnancy, 3 months later, and I bled very heavily, including a big clot, at 9 weeks. All fine, gorgeous DS, now nearly 7.

I feel guilty posting this, but I very rarely think about my miscarriages ( I had another after DS ) now.

Lemon
I was taking co-codamol for the pain before i went into hosp. while there I told them I was uncomforale and they gave me two + a heat pack. I was amazed at how pain free I was afterwards (i guess it was because the cramps before were incredibly painful) The bleeding was minimal after I personally never had to use anything other than a panty liner. The hardest part is your body still thinks your pregnant so you are still hormonal. With regards to your rings, I am not married or engaged but I was allowed to keep a necklace on, I totally forgot about it. I think tafetacat offers comfort that we will one day feel at peace with ourselves. I firmly believe in whats for you wont go by you. x

I got lots of dire warnings about jewelery - ended up not going in with even my wedding ring on (which made me feel even worse) to be honest.

Pain-wise - I asked for pain relief when I came round - they forgot because the fire alarm was going off in another part of the hospital so I just slogged on without it.

I bled to the level of using a towel every couple of hours for the first day afterwards, stopped within about 5 days (thank GOD because I'm allergic to the sticky they use for towels and it wasn't half giving me an itchy undercarriage!).

I took pyjamas and a book - didn't actually use either, but I was a bad gal who discharged myself before they'd have willingly let me go.

lemon sorry for your loss; I know it stinks.

Have had 2 ERPCs - both were fine, recovery physically really quick. I didn't take in anything with me first time, and as I had no gown of my own, they just gave me 2 gowns, one to wear back open, then one to wear front open over the top (if that makes sense). I just wore my trainers into the pre-op area... 2nd time I DID take a dressing gown but they didn't even ask me, but just gave me 2 gowns... I wore Birkenstocks rather than slippers. (So you don't need to buy anything special, just some easy slip off sandals would be fine).

I cried both times coming round in recovery. 2nd time much worse , so much so I think they called my DP to come in earlier to collect me (I don't mean that they could get rid of me earlier...! Although, thinking about it....)

Pain was very manageable for me - 2nd time was a bit worse; but I still stopped the painkillers the same day. They should discharge you with drugs. The only thing you should make sure you have is lovely fluffy pads.

And wear something loose and comfy. I would take a book in case you are last on the surgical list and you need to kill time beforehand.

Have just spotted that your ERPC is a way off; that happened to me with my 2nd MMC and I mc naturally whilst waiting, a week after the scan. As you have a while to wait, I WOULD get some heavy duty painkillers in, just in case.

Good luck - hope you are being well looked after.

They gave me disposable slippers to walk around down to the theatre area in, and the attractive two gown combo (check which way you're "expected" to put those on - I got an earful from the surgery staff for putting them on the "wrong" way around - I ain't a mindreader!)

Will try to give you some idea about timescales as it might help in knowing how long you're likely to be waiting around.

We had to be there for 7.15am, was in a room by about 7.30, they put pessaries up your doo-dah in preparation for it all (they hadn't mentioend this in advance for me so I'm just putting it in in case)... by about 8am the endless flow of consent forms and "do you understand what is happening to you" had started - for their internal processes or whatever they had to ask me the same questionnaire about 10 times and I was getting really cheesed off by it by the end and I went down to the surgical area about 8.30 - was left waiting around there for quite a while (probably the worst bit about it all, sitting there in disposable slippers and a hospital gown combo which is probably the worst fashion statement known to man.

Was back up on the ward about 9.45 (delayed due to a fire alarm going off) and demanding to discharge myself by about 10.30!

Take a paper or something for whoever's going to be with you to read - I ordered my husband to go buy a paper and left him with a pen and the soduku - he thought I was nuts at the time but it did help pass the time for him while I was out for the count.

I went to be clerked in today. Took about 4 hours. I was in a waiting room full of people coming out with their scan results. Then taken round to a bay with curtains used to separate us. I think I was the only one for a miscarriage. The woman in the cubicle next to me was there because of her morning sickness and on the other side I had someone who was not sure of her dates. It was really grim. I then saw a student midwife. I was then told that most people opt for medical or expectant options. I am not bleeding and I am not cramping or in pain. I don't want to wait for weeks and weeks I just want it to be over so I can feel like I can move on. I know I do not have any children I know it was/is my first pregnancy and I know having surgery could damage my womb and cervix. But most people have the operation and do not have complications. Sorry really annoyed at how it was today. Just was not sure if they felt I should sit there and wait for me to start miscarring.

Hi lemonsherbert I was in hospital again today for my scan. We had pinned our hopes on having a conclusion this morning, only to find that despite having an internal scan they were unable to say if what they saw was a viable pregnancy or a blood clot but being positive they saw something. It was hard as everyone else on the unit seemed to be at least 30 weeks pregnant, and on the walk home there seemed to be pushchair after pushchair going by!

We've now got to wait 10 days. I'm still bleeding, it started again on sunday morining so realistically I think we are waiting for the inevitable.

I went to work today for a distraction but was next to useless. Got meetings tomorrow so I had better buck myself up!

Take care lemon, and thank you to everyone for your good wishes. It's a very lonly time so it is a comfort reading your messages. :)

Oh lemonsherbert it sounds like you've had a super crap day, am so sorry. If you want an ERPC don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I've had two as like you, I just wanted it over with so I could move on, and they were both simple operations. They have to talk about risks to cover themselves. I too had experiences where I was put next to women going into labour etc, it is appalling there is so little thought given to how upsetting this must be for those who have losses.

If MN hasn't started a campaign for this yet, they should.

Beefcake - am so sorry you have more waiting anxiety.

Hi lemonsherbert, it sounds like you had a horrible time at your scan.

I too have just MC my first pregnancy, i had to have 3 scans so they could make sure... I had my last scan on wednesday just gone, i opted for a ERPC as i wanted it all over with, i went in friday just gone. I was really worried about complications like you are, and it was the first thing i asked when i came round, im fine it all went fine. I am very glad i had one now and found it has really helped draw a line under it. If you want a ERPC make sure you get one.

Hospital was fine, all the staff were great although do take a book, i was waiting for about 3/4 hours to go to surgery, afterwards i bled heavly and felt terrible (i dont come round from anathetic very well), however they gave me oxygen which really helps if you feel bad. I only have spotting now (3 days after). I didnt take any PJ's or anything but i had the gown combo and walked to pre surgery in my trainers.

Its comforting to read all your stories, makes me feel not alone. Thanks

Beefcake your story sounds so like mine. I started bleeding at 7 weeks, went for a scan which was inconclusive and had to wait 2 weeks to find out.

I wish I could tell you that it all turned out to be fine but sadly I lost my baby. I never had any pain and the bleeding was never heavier than a normal period, but it went on for 10 days.

I did a pg test the day before the second scan as the wait was killing me, and it was negative so I knew before the scan that here was no hope.

The only part that didn't make sense to me was that I'd never passed any large clots. However, straight after the second scan that confirmed I'd miscarried, I went to the loo and there it was in my knickers (sorry if too gross) - a hard bloody lump that was about 2 inches long.

It helped to see it in some ways as it didn't look at all like a baby and it was clearly a very long way off being a baby, IYSWIM.

This all happened a month or so ago. I've just started my first period since miscarrying so we're hoping to TTC soon.

I havne't cried much really, but I was quite zombie like for a couple of weeks. I had no time off work but I was there on autopilot. I've just taken a weeks holiday now, and I feel so much better for taking a bit of time out.

Best of luck with everything, I really hope you have a happier ending than me - it does happen

Thanks Jojay I was told not to take a test yet probably as my hormone levels could still be raised enough to give a positive result. I'm clutching onto hopes of nothing short of a Miracle but your story sounds very similar to mine so far.

Less bleeding today but everytime I say that it starts again! 9 days to go :)

I also had the ERPC (2nd august), it was my first pregnancy too and although they have to tell you about possible risks, I'm not aware that any of them are greater risks for first timers. It is essentially a very safe procedure. I had to wait 5 days for mine and the waiting was hell. There is no way I'd have managed to be at work during that time.

The hospital will give you detailed instructions about when to stop eating and drinking. I was allowed to eat up till midnight and have a small amount of water up to 6am. I forgot my slippers and dressing gown and didn't really need the pyjamas as I stayed dressed in clothes until I had to put the gown on. The dressing gown would have been handy.

I found the paper really handy. We had over an hour to wait after checking in to the hospital. Doing the sudokos helped take our mind off it and calmed my fears a lot.

I would take some toiletries and perhaps some wet wipes to help with cleaning yourself up afterwards. you will obviously need pads and could save yourself hassle by sticking one in your clean knicks before hand. I didn't take food, they gave me tea and biscuits and offered a sandwich. I decided burger king would be better....

I didn't bleed massively for the first two days but then I had quite a large bleed with some clots. I didn't expect this and was quite scared so went back to hospital but apparently it is quite normal. I think the amount of bleeding varies quite a bit from person to person.

If the ERPC is what you want you should go back and insist. For me it was the best option because it got it over and done with quickly.

I have started to have occasional brown spotting does this mean I will miscarry very soon? My ERPC is now scheduled for Friday. I sort of want the going to sleep and waking up with it all done. If I miscarry naturally what will it be like? Will it be over quickly?

On a different note how did you get your partners to deal with this. My husband has been off the past couple of days but is just keeping himself very busy. It is like if he ignores it then it will go away. He has not even told his brother or sister or any of his friends. I have found some comfort in having told some of my friends, admittedly it is awkward in telling someone you were pregnant but that you are not now, though you are waiting for it to all be over.

Hi there lemonsherbert I am really sad for you and your husband I will be thinking of you both.

I had my 5th miscarriage last week and my 3rd ERPC. I think people's experience of mc varies. I found out we no longer had a viable pregnancy last Wednesday having had no pain and no significant bleeding. Then I had quite a bright bleed but no cramping and nothing for two days so from my experience, a little brown spotting probably is not the beginning of active miscarriage.

I had a 'natural' miscarriage first time round and the main 'action' was over about 4/5 days with two of the days being particularly bad (heavy and painful). The key is to keep on top of the pain, mixing paracetemol and ibuprofen if you are ok with those drugs, a hot water bottle or a wheat bag and a box set of your favourite comedy. I don't mean to sound flippant but '30 Rock' got me through an otherwise very dark evening.

We had one mc where my husband told no-one - it really upset me at the time because i thought that it meant he felt it 'didn't matter' but when I asked him about it later he said that when he saw his best friend he just wanted to switch off and have a nice evening. Part of me felt jealous as I'd like to switch off too but sadly I can't get away from my own body but then I thought 'he's had a crap time looking after me and being strong and why shouldn't have a few beers and talk rubbish with his friends'. Another mc he didn't tell his parents and I'm pretty sure he hasn't told anyone this time round but he knows there are people who support us should he ever want to.

It's really tough on both of you - my thoughts are with you. I'm sorry you're having to endure this and am sure that much happiness lies ahead. Don't be downhearted by my experience, I'm a pretty rare case I think! x

Beefcake - yes you are probably best not to test yet. I only did so 'cos I had bled for 10 days then stopped for 3-4 days. I tested then and it confirmed that it was all over.

But as you say if you test too soon you can still get a positive result, even if the miscarriage is underway.

I sound all doom and gloom - there is still hope. Hold on to that, I've got everything crossed for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone. I had my ERPC on Friday and am now recovering. I do not think I could of got through some of the dark days in the past week without you. Knowing I was not alone really helped. Thanks again.

Lemonsherbet, I lost my second pregnancy at 11 weeks. I was at the theatre laughing my head off, went to the toilet and bright red greeted me. Two days later went into labour - just like real labour but less painful and quicker. Had felt terrible before the baby left my body, as sick as can be, and then felt instantly well. Such a shock, but I did get through it.

I've had another baby since and it's weird because she wouldn't be here if her brother or sister had survived.

You will know that it happens to nearly everyone, and that won't help except that you'll know that it won't stop you having another when you're ready. A big hug to you.

Beefcake, I bled for 28 weeks with my last child which made me very anxious as I'd lost my second child. Suddenly stopped at exactly 28 weeks, why noone knew. So my fingers are crossed for you. This waiting is awful for you. A big hug to you too.

I am so glad that you are recovering lemonsherbert, its less than 2 days until I find out what's happening for definite. I've felt better in myself, still get a wave of tiredness at some point each day but apart from that no longer feel "pregnant". I have shelved emotion as best as I can until Thursday.

Fingers crossed wannabeglam that maybe its the same story for me, but my partner (fiance) is really supportive and says whatever the outcome we will be fine and we'll deal with it.

I haven't bled since sunday so have no idea what's going on. I'll let you know, and thank you to everyone for your support and kind words :)

This is purely for my out relief - its 26hours till my scan and I'm freaking out. I think I'd managed to sweep emotion under the carpet but this morning its as if the rugs been pulled from underneath me again. Probably because in my heart of hearts I genuinely feel I've had a miscarriage not just bleeding. I've got a full day at work today so hopefully I can bury my head in my work and lose myself.