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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

mmc - let it happen 'naturally' or not - what to expect?

69 replies

nevercansaygoodbye · 27/09/2010 18:12

Hi.
I am about 9 weeks pregnant but after an early scan was told that the pregnancy looks like it didn't develop past week 5 or 6. I have a follow-up scan next week, and have been told I might miscarry in the meantime, but if not I have to decide whether to pass naturally or have a d and c.
I am a bit worried about the pain and what I might see if it happens naturally - can you see anything other than clots with a 6 week old embryo?
Also, I'm not sure how much time to take off work afterwards - right now I can't concentrate on anything at all and want to hide at home with the phone off the hook! Just sort of numb and sad and want to not really be here...
thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 29/09/2010 21:35

nickstermum - thanks for trying to be reassuring. I must say I am not the sort of person who would consider a home-birth, had an epidural for both times I was in labour so not sure the at home thing appeals...also not sure about grandparents being available really, my parents are sort of embarrassed about all this and just keep saying 'its nature's way' or 'its natural selection'.
I guess I am not thinking so much about the loss of a potential child anymore as much as what will happen, given I've been waiting a week now...Maybe I'm just callous but I only cried just after the two scans and everyone keeps going on about natural selection and what a terrible life the baby, my dcs and I would have if this didn't happen....
kat2504 - your dp sounds really loving..its funny, my dh is also focussed on the ttc thing. I understand about someone sharing your pain being helpful but my dh is totally concentrating on me. I think we've found it incredibly easy to conceive (first time trying every one of three times) so I feel he thinks its sort of easy-come easy-go or something.

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nickstermum · 29/09/2010 21:44

never i was more thinking about you are in your own clean bathroom! (having experienced some hideous dirty post natal bathrooms!!) I too am an epidural fan having had hospital birth - and would never consider a home birth!

Do whats right for you & your family

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 29/09/2010 21:54

nickstermum - cheers thanks, sorry if I sounded ungrateful for what you said, just thinking out loud - I am grateful and touched you were trying to be reassuring. The idea of a dirty hospital bathroom is horrific alright, I would just hate my dcs to see anything upsetting. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think though, sore and messy presumably, but I'm all stocked up on tylex and its not as if I won't have had time to be ready!

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InMyPrime · 29/09/2010 22:19

Sorry, never, didn't mean to worry you by mentioning infection Blush. The risk is not very high as it hasn't been that long for you so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I had the symptoms of feeling sick etc for about 2 weeks before the miscarriage was discovered and then it took another 4/5 days before the MC actually happened naturally so even if you did have an infection - unlikely as it is - then it shouldn't get any worse in a week. Even after the op, they could give you antibiotics to clear it up anyway.

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 06/10/2010 13:06

just a final update as everything has become so strange and as you were all so helpful I thought you might be interested - I went for the confirmation scan and consequent erpc this morning. The doctor found two heartbeats..The fetuses are measuring a few weeks too small so we will only know after yet another scan next week what is happening with them, but basically, no mc. having a lie down.

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KTRace · 06/10/2010 13:35

Wow that is great news, am so very pleased for you. I hope everything goes well and fetus' continue to grow. x

kat2504 · 06/10/2010 18:00

Oh wow that is amazing. I hope it turns out to be the miracle that you were hoping for. Presumably they have grown since last time? Perphaps it is possible you had your dates wrong after all? All the very very best, look forward to hearing your next update.

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 07/10/2010 07:38

thanks kt and kat, it is completely crazy as we had no hope and now this. I am totally sure of the dates so will only know what might happen after next week's scan. so from minus one to plus two.

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BobbieSox · 07/10/2010 19:49

I'm elsewhere on this thread pre name change but that's wonderful, if daunting, news! Wishing you all the best x

oldboy · 08/10/2010 13:15

Hi
I have had to mc one at 11 weeks after seeing heart beat at 8 weeks .
2nd- at 8 weeks.
My 1st I tried for 4 weeks to loose naturally but in the end ended up having d&c I had started bleeding with both mc I found it difficult doing it naturally due to habe in to be scanned every 7-10 days and the pain was like labour pains.
The 2nd time i went straight for d&c with no doubts in my mind that it was the right thing i found it easier to deal with the 2nd due to the bleeding stopping so quick and the morning sickness stopping straight away.
Sorry for ur loose.

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 14/10/2010 13:14

final installment - for anyone who read earlier stuff - so had a follow up scan yesterday, and both fetuses had died sometime in the last week. The doctor didn't really explain, just that there was clearly something wrong with 'the blueprint for development.' Bleeding a little now but booked in for an erpc tomorrow morning.
boo hoo

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LadyGoneGaga · 14/10/2010 16:40

I've just read your story. I'm so sad for you, that thread of hope was so, so cruel. Be kind to yourself.

kat2504 · 14/10/2010 17:03

Oh I am so sorry to hear that, it must be all the harder for having had that moment of false hope. I think what the doctor meant is that there must have been a genetic problem from the start, that would be why they were too small for the dates and that means that unfortunately there would never have been anything that could have been done to help. It doesn't make it any easier though.

Hope your erpc tomorrow goes alright. It's a horrible thing to have to go through emotionally, but physically it is not that bad.
Look after yourself and allow yourself the time to grieve whenever you want to. Hopefully we will see you on the ttc thread when you are feeling better and ready to try again.

KTRace · 14/10/2010 18:17

God I am so sorry to hear this.

I was small for dates too and there was a HB at 8 weeks but had lost it by 10. It is just awful, I really am so very, very sorry.

Hoping the ERPC goes ok tomorrow and you don't bleed for long.

xxxx

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 14/10/2010 20:09

thanks everyone, having seen the two (two!) heartbeats after the scans not even showing an embryo has made it much much worse.
Identical twins was such a novelty and almost daunting, it was hard not to imagine them, the bigger house we'd need and how thrilled my 2 beloved dcs would have been. My ds was begging us for more babies, and especially twins as he recently met his first set..and they were due a few weeks after his birthday so I had even thought being twins they might be early and on his actual bday...too much of a miracle to hope for!
KTRace and everyone - so sorry for your losses. I've just a tiny bit of blood but big cramps, I hope it all waits till the erpc tomorrow. I guess I'll ask for a final scan just before - there'll probably be a litter of kittens in there or something! Many thanks to everyone, it has been so helpful and so nice that you've sympathised, the doc has been very clinical and my dh so bewildered its helpful to have you say that it is awful.
sorry for the essay!

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KTRace · 15/10/2010 14:22

It is just heartbeaking when your other child/ren talk about siblings, my DD tells me all the time we will have a baby for her birthday and it is chrushing to know that if I hadn't had my 1st MC she would have had a sibling 6 weeks after her b'day and if I hadn't had the 2nd she would be getting a sibling just before her 4th b'day. Now she tells me that when she is 5 she will have one, I am hoping that she knows something I don't!

Thinking of you today xxx

Original poster
nevercansaygoodbye · 16/10/2010 21:11

final installment - the night before the planned erpc, I miscarried at home in gruesome fashion and ended up in a and e with a bad haemorrhage. Still in hospital now but hoping to be discharged tomorrow. Although traumatic, the actual miscarriage was a sort of closure as I passed the embryonic sacs and knew then it was really all over. Thanks to everyone, and so sorry for anyone who has been through this. Feeling almost chirpy but presumably it will all hit home soon. xx

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KTRace · 17/10/2010 08:50

You poor thing, hoping you are well enough to leave the hospital soon. Take care xx

BobbieSox · 17/10/2010 19:14

oh, nevercan, that's so sad. I agree it can be a kind of closure having a miscarriage that way - a few weeks on from mine and this is how I feel.

Thinking of you and hope you can come through this okay. x

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