mmc - let it happen 'naturally' or not - what to expect?

[nevercansaygoodbye]

Hi.
I am about 9 weeks pregnant but after an early scan was told that the pregnancy looks like it didn't develop past week 5 or 6. I have a follow-up scan next week, and have been told I might miscarry in the meantime, but if not I have to decide whether to pass naturally or have a d and c.
I am a bit worried about the pain and what I might see if it happens naturally - can you see anything other than clots with a 6 week old embryo?
Also, I'm not sure how much time to take off work afterwards - right now I can't concentrate on anything at all and want to hide at home with the phone off the hook! Just sort of numb and sad and want to not really be here...
thanks in advance.

I didn't want to go out for weeks and I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone unless they knew what had happened.

Yes, I just wanted to be by myself or with people I didn't have to explain anything to. I didn't want to talk about it.

Funny you all had similar reactions. I've basically just told the details to a couple of people at work and asked them to let it be known in vague terms if necessary so when I go back I don't have to talk about it to anyone. And weirdly I have just slept and slept. The outside world seems cold and hassley.

Kat, the orange stuff is iodine and it's used to keep the area sterile during the op as it is a broad spectrum antiseptic disinfectant.

I also wanted to hide after mine, I had to travel to Northern Ireland just 2 days after though for a two week work trial in a new job. It was awful as I had to try and be upbeat and make a good impression when all I wanted to do was cry. I also felt physically weak and anxious afterwards for a couple of weeks.
Needless to say I didn't get offered the job in the end.

Hi all,

I don't really have any advice, more to say I've read this thread and actually it's really helped me also.

I started bleeding on the 13th (my birthday) and had a scan which showed a strong heartbeat at 6wks +5 (although my dates said 7wks) I didn't bleed for the rest of the day but then started again the following day and bled continuously until the Weds of the next week when I had another scan. This sadly showed no heartbeat. I have to admit to not really thinking too much about them getting it wrong, hope I'm not being too trusting!!!

I've opted for the d&c option as unfortunately for me, they couldn't fit me in for the op for a further week. This has mean that I've had a wk for it to happen naturally but despite some bleeding (lots of stop starting) it's definitely not done it itself. I thought it had the week between scan but apparently it was all virtually the same.

Anyway, I have the op tomorrow so finally I'll be able to start trying to move on from it all soon.

The hos was very nice to me BUT they don't give the detail I've read on here. No it's not nice detail and I wish it wasn't true, HOWEVER I'm much happier that I know what to expect now. I had wondered about the pants situation but figured the nurses would sort that for me. Now I know this isn't the case, at least I can now prepare a pair of pants like someone has kindly suggested on here.

I think this is such a personal thing that it's hard to know what to tell people or not. However I think we just have to read and take note of the bits that help us and try and skip past the bits that don't suit us.

Thanks everyone, you've all helped me!!!

Xxxxx

Other practicalities they might not tell you about - take yourself a pack of decent sanitary towels in, otherwise you'll be going home with an NHS issue one which, let's face it, aren't the most pleasant ones in the world. You'll go through a lot once you get home as well (think I went through a couple of packs of the mega heavy duty night Always ones - bless him, I sent my hubby to go buy them since I was doing the hibernation thing - and he went willingly... not many blokes would!).

This might raise a smile at my expense though - I'm allergic to the adhesive used in sticky plasters etc... during the post-op bleeding thing I also made the very pleasant discovery I'm allergic to the sticky used for sanitary towels. A blooming itchy undercarriage with no real solution to the itch is a very very very very very very irritating itch indeed!

I'm just about coming out of the hibernation phase now, still avoiding situations I'll come across happy families and snarling at the P+C spaces in Tesco etc. What's helping us is we've got a house purchase in progress and it's throwing ourselves into fantasy interior decorating etc that's helping us, we lost one set of hopes and dreams, and I guess this is us trying to carve out an alternative one. If life continues to be cruel to us, the room that would have been a nursery is getting commandeered as my crafty sewing bits room (blokey hasn't been informed of this minor detail yet) - not the path we'd planned for life, but who's to say the road most travelled is the better one?

The other thing that I found bizarre but really helped - I bought brand new bedding, and when I got back from the hospital and wanted to shower it all away, we put that stuff on - it gave us the little lift you always get from fresh new sheets, and because they were new - they didn't have any of the memories of the horrible previous weeks lying in bed wondering if every twinge and twang was the begining of the inevitable. I guess perhaps getting away from this house is getting away from those dark days as well or something - but slightly more expensive than a nice new set of bedding!

Oh yes, will certainly be taking my own. DH would be fine getting me some but I've already stocked up because of the not knowing when it might happen.

That's really not a good itch to have - especially with everything else going on!!!!

I've not had too much choice with dealing with people. Went to back to work yesterday and Fri as was told only those that I'd told myself knew - wrong and got seriously caught out. I then had to go to mothercare to but a baby present for a girl from work - that ended in tears. Had 2 weddings at the weekend, first one I'd told the few people that I knew that the subject was banned that worked fine. Second wedding thought it was only 2 family member that knew - was wrong again and got caught out. That conversation resulted in me being told the person knew exactly how I felt as she'd had an abortion (nothing against it myself but NOT the same!!!!!). Monday at work then met me with a newborn baby being brought in - wow it's amazing how you can stop yourself crying when you know you've no choice!!!!! (didn't want her to feel bad, it's not her fault).

As for the new bedding - two great minds think ike, I've got new fresh ones sitting there ready to go.

I truly hope that your new house doesn't mean you get a craft room. You're right, if life doesn't work out quite as we hope, it doesn't mean it will be a bad life though.

Xxxx

for anyone who has been through a 'natural' miscarriage - were there any initial pains? getting a lot of twinges

Although mines not completed itself, yes, I've had period pain feelings on and off.

Xx

Hello - yes both my MCs started with twinges, mainly backpain, take pain killers you don't need the pain on top of everything else.

My natural or whatever you call it at 9-10 weeks was not really painful but was gushy and the sensation of passing clots was not great. That was mostly because I was imagining what it was and I did have a look before I flushed a few times but I didn't see anything iykwim . I don't even remember much more than period pains tbh.

I think the second day of proper bleeding was when most of the clots passed and then, yes, you do have to be at home.

for you.

Thanks everyone so much for sharing your experiences, so instructive but saddening.
Of course those at the hospital just said was it would be like a heavyish period, but they then wrote an unasked-for prescription for heavy duty painkillers.
While the house arrest is pretty annoying and the waiting nerve-wracking, I hope that after the inevitable bad news at the next scan I then have a d and c/erpc and if it happens before then I know I won't be too freaked out as I've a much much better idea what to expect now. wow...life can be a bit challenging

How long will you have to wait? That must be really hard for you being in limbo like that still. feel really sorry for you being stuck in that situation - the bad news is hard enough to cope with without things like that to add to it. Hope you are getting lots of support at home.

have to wait till next tuesday/wednesday for scan, but go in fasting so can have d and c straight after if I want. first bad scan was last week so will be 2 weeks all in all if it doesn't happen 'naturally' before

I didn't have much pain to start with, just some blood, but when it really started I had quite bad cramps and pain, worse than period pain but very similar just more intense.
I guess I was fortunate that after the scan it all happened quite quickly so I didn't have much waiting around.
Hope you're ok over the next week OP.

kat2504 (and everyone) - thanks. Yes, fine support at home thank you, super nice dh who puts me to bed with a hot water bottle and herbal tea every night..I suppose the only niggle is he won't say that he is sad for himself and sees the loss and experience as all mine (and is keen to try again asap). Its typically selfless but sort of lonely.

and - sorry to be asking so many questions - does anyone know if there is any danger in having an undeveloped pregnancy inside for a while? I've been feeling very naseous and generally unwell - could I have an infection? thanks again

It might just be the pregnancy hormones making you feel sick - I had sore boobs and felt very nauseous up until the point the miscarriage actually started.

I'm so sorry - a missed miscarriage is vile :(

It's a shame you have to wait so long for a scan/op, nevercansaygoodbye. You might find yourself feeling a bit sick over the next week that you have to wait unless it happens naturally. There is a risk of infection with MMC, unfortunately, which is why the D&C is recommended if it doesn't happen naturally. In your case, a week one way or the other shouldn't make much difference though so don't worry too much. Keep an eye on your temperature anyway and call the doctor if you start to feel feverish.

As I said further up the thread, my pregnancy ended at almost 9 weeks but I didn't find out until 11 weeks and in the last couple of weeks before the scan, I was feeling quite sick. I had just thought it was pregnancy hormones but looking back now, it was a different kind of sickness to the first two months. I had some diarrhoea (sorry for TMI!), felt queasy (not nauseous as before) and the small bump that was starting was tender to touch. My stomach was bloated too. I remember thinking, I didn't know you got a pregnancy bump all over... how odd... . Looking back, it was probably some reaction to having the pregnancy still inside me but it didn't affect me badly and I never developed a temperature or anything. A temperature or fever would be the main danger sign of a serious infection developing.

InMyPrime: I guess I'm waiting so long for the scan because I am still earlyish and the dates are a bit uncertain so the hospital have to be absolutely sure...the waiting is a real pain alright...
Yikes, I didn't know about the risk of infection. Wish I could go to sleep and wake up next Wednesday when this can all get sorted. Imagine I had an infection and ended up with a hysterectomy or something?!
And thanks for the info on how you felt - I've also a bit of diarrhoea (definitely opposite problem when I was pg other times!) And yes, maybe it is queasiness rather than nausea, eating crackers certainly doesn't work the way it did when pg the other times...I don't have a bump
Thanks so much for everyone sympathising and so on. I must say, trying to be semi-optimistic, there are worse things to be waiting for - imagine the results of a scan if you had cancer or something. We aren't too used to waiting nowadays I guess

never I am so sorry you are having to go through this, mother nature sure is one hell of a bitch!

i suffered a natural MC in august this year. Can i just say it was totally pain free, with no cramping more than a hot bath, hot waterbottle and lots of TLC helped.

I was 12 weeks and i was lucky enough that my body decided to do it naturally. I wasnt wanting intervention.... even though i wanted it out.

If you do choose to go down teh natural route, you are in your own home, relaxed as muc as you can be, sat in your own bath/on toilet - with access to as many pairs of trousers or pants that you need. would suggest grandparents to look after your DC

The level of blood loss was a bit scary but once all the debris was gone, it was just like a light period. I had no embryo to worry about as my womb contained only a fucking empty sack. That made it easier.

I hope you receive some positive feedback on here, and its not all scary stories/experiences that people are posting and that you draw some strength from it!

You will know if you have an infection. My embryo stopped developing very early, reabsorbed into the sack so it was just filled with a bit of fluid, i then didnt pass anything until 12 weeks. I do have an infection, BV, but i may very well have had it before.... it can cause early MC :(

Its not an STI its a bacterial infec that sits on cervix. Also - if you have a womb infection you would have a high fever so EPU advised me.

hi i understand what you are going through right now as i am going through the same ( mmc at 10 and half weeks baby died at 8 and half weeks) i opted for the erpc as i could not bare the thought of seeing baby come out, not sure if its same at your stage....i found out last wednesday i had mmc and i had the procedure done the next day, the operation lasted about 10minutes and i was up and about 2 hours later i am still bleeding now but nothing more than a heavy period and i have had no pain so i am glad i didnt opt for natural way as iv been told so many horror storys, i will never forget the baby i lost and on 15th october (national miscarriage day) i will light a candle and remember my baby as the pain at losing my baby is still so heartbreaking :(

I wouldn't worry about infection for the moment. When i was in your situation they would have been happy for me to wait it out at least another two weeks. So long as you are not feverish or anything.

Glad your dh is helping you. I had the same with my partner not showing emotions etc. I know he was absolutely gutted too, and we have talked about it since. He was just being strong for me and isn't much one for big displays of emotion. He did a great job of helping me through but never realised that one thing that would have helped me would have been for us to have a good cry together. I would have felt that someone shared my pain. That's men for you sometimes. They have been so used to being strong and big boys don't cry and all that. I think the main reason why mine wants to ttc right away is because it will make me feel better.

One thing mine said to me was that what pained him the most was that I was having to go through all that physical horrible stuff and the hormones and the awful wailing grief and he just saw it but could do nothing whatsoever to take any of it away from me even though he would have taken it all himself if he could. he must have felt very helpless. In time you'll be able to talk to your dh about his feelings but take it easy for now, he is certainly feeling it too but it is harder for you because you are the one with it going on inside you.

Echoing Kirstie.... ribbons are available to buy online for national babyloss day......