Miscarried my first - now panicking

[Vics79]

I know in the scheme of some of the stories on here, mine could have been so much worse but I miscarried my first at 7 wks , two months ago. It took me a few weeks to cheer up but I find myself panicking now that I will never have children which is probably heightened by friends announcing their pregnancies. Has anyone else felt like this? I have become slightly obsessive over taking my BBTs in the mornings and now I am convinced my luteal phase is too short. It just seems that there is no medical person to advise you until you have 3 m/cs. Have other people miscarried their first to go on and have healthy pregnancies??

Yes, l had a miscarriage when we first TTC, it happened at 5 weeks but we didn't find out until 12 week scan. Then went on to have my daughter.

Unfortunately early miscarriages are very common and almost always mean that there was something very wrong with the baby and not your body.

It is awful now but you will soon come to realise that it doesn't mean you are any more likely to have another and you will trust your body again.

Look after yourself, eat and sleep well. Try not to worry and look into massage or reflexology or something. Learn about your cycles and if you like get some books on miscarriage but to be honest, you will learn as much from here!!

Vics sorry for your loss. No matter how early,its still painful. A friend of mine had an MC first, then went on to have 2 healthy boys. I was the other way round. 1 healthy DS followed by a MC @ 12 weeks for no 2. Yes i agree, i am obsessive! Worse now though :( With the distinct lack of consultants when you have only MC once, people do turn to alternative therapies such as acupuncture or reflex... maybe something like that could help :(

Thanks guys for your advice, really helpful. It's nice to hear from people who have been through the same thing as I don't know anyone who has!!

Vics79 I am so sorry for your loss. I also went crazy with charting after my first MC and also think my LP is too short, I have the added complication of a problem with my prolactin levels. Sadly I have had a second MC, but I do have a DD so have managed to have a full term pregnancy.

I know lots of people who have had one MC and gone on to have a healthy child. It is so very hard especially when friends are all announcing their pregnancies and I don't know what to suggest. Good luck and again I am sorry you are going through this

Yes, I felt very like this. You get PG, think, OMG, this is it! I'm actually going to have a baby! and then it all goes wrong.

And then I started with all the 'what if it never works out?' type thinking. And I did panic that there was something wrong with me. But within a few months I was PG again and had DD (now 3).

Second what wobblewatcher said, you will find lots of help and advice on MN if you have a poke around. Good luck.

Oh you poor thing. I am very sorry for your loss.

I did miscarry my first pregnancy at 5-6 weeks. We waited 3 months, as was the advice and then went on to conceive our DD. She is 2 next week. Keep your chin up, although miscarriage is sad, you are not alone. It gave me great comfort (oddly) that something like 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, it is so so common. And chances are it is just down to genetics and next time you will be completely fine.

Take care.

The odd thing is, you think you don't know anyone who's been through this but the odds of that being true are very slender indeed - given how many pregnancies end before 12 weeks.

People just tend to keep quiet about it. I had to tell my boss when I mc and it turned out she'd had 2 x mc - and my SIL had had one too.

I know it's easy to panic but rest assured, like banana said you are not alone and people on here will understand your worries.

It takes a while to come to terms with what's happened but there are some lovely people and threads on here that you can use for support. Hope you are feeling better soon :)

Vics, I am very sorry for your loss. I mc'd at 5 weeks in Jan, only knew for five days and I know it's still a bereavement.

I've actually had two mcs this year (although have one DS, so in a slightly different boat to you) but am now 20 weeks pg, so looks like I've just been horribly unlucky. The same is almost certainly true for you, although I'm not dismissing your fears at all.

People I've known that mc'd before going on to have one or more babies include my own mum (three babies, no trouble at all), a work colleague (two mcs, then two beautiful children), and several good friends.

Not to mention the very many friends who've had one SINCE having a baby.

Once you've had a mc, and started talking about it, the number of women that say 'yes, me too' is staggering.

MN has been a total lifesaver for me, too, like tunnocks said.

I miscarried my first and went on to have two normal pregnancies and have two lovely DC.

I'm sorry you've lost the baby, it's really hard.
I hope you feel better soon.

I know just how you feel, it is really tough and you feel like there are so many questions that are not answered. I lost my first too, found out at a scan at 10 weeks at the end of July.
I also felt that I didn't know anyone else in the same position, but loads came out of the woodwork when people at work found out. It is just something that isn't talked about much.
I really worried that there was something wrong with me and ever since have been a bit obsessed with bbt/opk and menstrual cycle. Think I will have to give that a miss next month as it is too stressful. You have managed to conceive once, and although nobody can say how long it will take next time, the stats say that without taking any extra steps than doing the necessary 2 or 3 times a week, 85 percent of women should conceive within the year. The next time you do, the odds are also in your favour. Reading about others who have had a second m/c is scary, but even read about people on here who have had more than two and been lucky in the end.

It is easier said than done not to panic. I am a bit panicky often myself. I think it's due to feeling that being pregnant soon would really heal my pain. I can't be doing with the bbt business. I forget every three days at least! also after a m/c your bbt might not be reliable in the first couple of cycles. I have had all sorts of confusion with opk in the past week, probably hormones not settled.

Wishing you the best of luck with ttc.

Thanks everyone for your support. It is comforting to hear other people's success stories, so thank you all for sharing your stories. Sorry to hear of your loss Kat, that just sounds dreadful. I found opk's so stressful The one time I used them as They never Showed a surge. I thought I wasn't producing the right hormones so was very worried- but I then fell pregnant! So I just use Bbt which do help me show where I am in my cycle although I can think about every temp far too much!
I guess panicking is the worst thing to do and what will be will be. I just hope in ten yrs time we'll all be sitting around with our brood of kids, completely having forgotten the stresses of ttc!

Vics, don't know where you got your test strips from but I used the eBay ones and have never ever had a surge. And manage to get pg on average every other month when trying (even though the 'sticky bean' rate isn't that impressive lately).

I was rubbish at temping, too.

What I did find useful was reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wechsler, and using the physical signs of ov instead. If you haven't read it, might be worth a try?

I just found these stats from Miscarriage Support:
Couples with no history of miscarriage or if their last pregnancy was a live birth, have an 80% - 85% chance of a successful pregnancy.
Couples who have had one miscarriage still have an 80% chance.

So one mc doesn't really alter your chances at all. Even a second one only reduces your chances by 5% - or, as one of the wise ladies on my support thread pointed out, things are three times more likely to work out than not.

So no, no point panicking. Not that it stops any of us - it's a scarily obsessive time. The thing I love most about MN is that I might be mad, but I'm not alone in being mad

Stillfrazzled - I'm glad you feel mad too!! I hope I don't become too neurotic. It sounds like you have been through it poor you. I used expensive opk's - the first response ones. They cost about £30 and I was using them twice aday. I was dehyrdating myself but they just didn't seem to show any strong surge. When I missed a period I also used first response pt, where you can use them 6days before a missed period and that showed negative as well. I then tried a cheapy from sainsburys which was positive. So I have given up on first response products!
Thanks for the advice on that book. I am a big believer in a healthy diet and exercise so I am just starting that again as have fallen off the wagon since my m/c!!!

I've had BFNs with FR tests and then positives with cheapy tests before now. Although First Response have been dead on for me if I test two or three days before, rather than 6 - at a point when I was still getting BFNs from Clearblue Digitals.

OTOH, I have been recommended Tesco cheap tests as being brilliant and had BFNs on my due on date.

Seems to be a bit of a lottery, really.

BTW, how are you going to measure TOO neurotic?

Sorry for your loss Vics.

I miscarried my first pregnancy at 10 weeks and then went on to have my DD(3) and I am currently 17+5 weeks pg with DC2.
I have 2 other friends who also miscarried their first pregnancies (one at 22 weeks ) and both now have 2 healthy boys each!

I know that it's hard and it sounds easy for me to say, but the best thing to do is to try to think positive. This will happen for you! Good luck!

Hi there - I miscarried on 11th September at 7 weeks 4 days (my first pregnancy). I went to A&E and was booked in for an ERPC on 15th September. I go up and down each day but am desparate to be pregnant again and want to start TTC asap.

I was very fortunate that I didn't suffer much with bleeding after the ERPC and physically feel fine and would like to start .... is 8 days to wait too soon? I obviously haven't had my monthly visit yet.

Opinions please on when I can start trying from another panic stricken and desparate person trying to get pregnant ...

I mc my first at 7 weeks too after trying for 18m. 3m later I got pg again with my 5 year old. Now have a 3y old as well and about to give birth to a third any day. all 3 subsequent pregnancies went absolutely fine (tho I had some bleeding at 7 weeks again with the first after the mc with was nerve-wracking but turned out fine). It is normal to feel just like you do and I felt exactly the same but the chances are your next pg will be fine. Good luck.

When do you think I should start trying though? Do I really have to wait for first period ... some people don't have one for 3 months ... fingers crossed for next time I just want to start TTC again.

I believe current thinking is that you don't need to wait at all, although drs may advise you to wait a month for dating purposes.

The EPU nurse told me to give myself a month to let my body and mind settle and I did that, but I am not sure it was physically necessary IYSWIM.

I had two m/cs both at 11 weeks before having 2 successful pregnancies. DH and I had genetic testing after the m/cs and waited to TTC until after that. Fortunately it was all fine .

TBH I was glad I gave myself a little time after the two m/cs but I was lucky enough to conceive immediately on all of the pregnancies.

When I became pregnant for the third time, I'm afraid I was a frantic knicker checker. I did have a number of early scans at the EPAU which were really reassuring especially when I got past the time when I had my m/cs.

It will be OK for you. I'm sure although I know it doesn't feel like that at the moment.

Hi Loubeelou, I'm very sorry to hear what happened. I am in exactly the same position but I m/c'd in August. It's an emotional rollercoaster isn't it? My doc said to me that we did not have to wait and we could start TTC straight away as long as we felt ready. She also said we should just see it as a blip and not as a sign of anything else...although I can't help myself! The gyno at St Mary's told us to wait until after one period...and she said that was purely for mental and for dating reasons. We actually didn't bother with contraception as like you we were ready to ttc straight away...I have already had 2 periods but i actually think hormones are only just getting back to normal. I think quite honestly if you're ready then you should go for it - I haven't heard anything about there being more chance of m/c'ing again if you conceive straight away...well my doctor didn't say so.

Hello Vics79 - I'm sorry for your loss.

I had two miscarriages before I had my DS, now 3. I had another MC last year, but am now 37 weeks pregnant with DC2 - it is very hard to relax and enjoy a pregnancy after a loss, but I try to take one day at a time.

Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy for you very soon :)

Thanks NinthWave for your support. I'm sorry you have been through it too with so many m/c's but it sounds like you're nearly there with DC2, really big luck for every thing

Thanks guys - just being able to talk about it helps ease my anxiety as obviously it's not really you discuss at the lunch table with colleagues. My OH has been fantastic and we talk about it and he's very supportive. I think I'm going to wait 2 weeks (just to give cervix time to close up) and then go for it and cross my fingers and toes.

I guess then only time will tell.