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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Feeling sad

33 replies

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 13:48

Tentative hello. This is a very selfish thread just asking for some support. I had an early scan yesterday which confirmed miscarriage. It's my first pregnancy. I'm tired, bleeding, in pain and on my own. Can anyone spare a virtual hug to help me through the day?

OP posts:

lostinwales · 07/09/2010 13:50

Have a very big virtual , you can come and snuggle under my big blue blanket with me if you like. What a bogging horrid 24 hours you must have had.

tots2ten · 07/09/2010 13:51

Look after yourself

TheUnmentioned · 07/09/2010 13:53

take care sorry for your loss :(

mumatron · 07/09/2010 13:53

of course you can have a hug ((()))

very sorry your going through this, it really is crap.

how far along were you?

do you have support in rl?

don't have any advice really, just do what feel right for you. cry, get angry do nothing. just whatever gets you through the day.

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 13:54

Thank you lostinwales. A big blue snuggly blanket sounds like just what I need.

OP posts:

daisyj · 07/09/2010 13:57

Big . Can anyone in RL come and hang out with you for a couple of days? Look after yourself and remember you are allowed unlimited amounts of cake, chocolate and wine.

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 13:59

Oh cross posted with others. Thank you all.

I was only 7 weeks so really early and thought I was coping okay but it just hit me. My DH is great but abroad on business and no one else in rl knows. I'm currently trying to juggle working from home today with looking after my mum who's just come out of hospital after major surgery. She didn't know I was pg and doesn't know I'm miscarrying, hence reaching out to kind strangers for hugs!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 14:02

Thanks Daisy - I know I am but I just can't bring myself to eat 'bad things'. Until yesterday I was eating so 'well' doing everything I could to look after the bean. I can't quite bring myself to stop doing that just yet even though I know there's no point anymore.

OP posts:

lostinwales · 07/09/2010 14:06

. IMHO opinion there is no such thing as 'only' 7 weeks, devastating whenever. I do think you should take some time out from working from home though, although I appreciate you can't stop caring for your mother, you need to look after yourself.

nickstermum · 07/09/2010 14:37

wombat think i know you from tightie whities thread!

Im so very very sorry you are having to go through this, compounded by being on your own. Do you have a close friend who can help, someone you would be happy (ish) to speak to?

I hope you are ok. The first few days are the worst, it helps to cry it out and it helps to talk. Please dont feel alone, and even though your mum is sick too, dont feel you have to go through this alone.

Take care, it does get easier i promise. I am now 4 weeks since i MC and i can now talk about it (ish) without crying!!

nickstermum · 07/09/2010 14:41

PS Wombat forget working from home if you can, get to the doctors and sign yourself off sick :) (if you are able)

Work should be able to wait, you are more important. Self certify for 5 days and then the doc will do the rest.

(sorry if that sounds bossy not meant! :))

Make time for yourself to grieve, your loss even at 7 weeks is still a loss and you need to deal with it

remember you are not alone xx

Loopymumsy · 07/09/2010 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 15:22

Thank you all. When I manage to focus on work I find it's a good distration but it's tought to find the focus. I also just got a call from the genetiscist with confusing results that may affect future pregnancies (this is a whole other sorry saga and was already ongoing before the miscarriage). Trying to steal myself to phone the hospital and cancel what would have been my early dating scan in 10 days time.

Thank you for all your support. I have followed you advice and now told a friend. She's emailing me hugs from the office and I'll see her tomorrow when I go in (after I've been to the hospital for another scan because I'm bleeding more than they expected. Humph).

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 07/09/2010 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 15:27

Nickstermum I'm so sorry to hear about your MC too. I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little stronger a few weeks down the road. I'm sure it will all be okay, it's just getting through this first bit that's tough. DH is back on Friday and I can't wait!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 15:32

Loopy - There's no way of knowing whether the genetics issues are linked to the MC. No reason to think they are - so many first pregnancies end in MC. On the other hand, generally accepted wisdom seems to be that the body can sometimes 'know' if there is a chromosomal issue and bring about MC, so you never know, maybe this sad event has saved us from greater pain further down the line. We'll never know. Ho humm, I'm trying to keep faith that if we want it enough and do all we can we will get our happy ever after in the end. I just wish it was as simple as that!

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 07/09/2010 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Wombat33 · 07/09/2010 16:00

Hugs Loopy. I think that's a good way to look at it. I'm telling myself this bleed is clearing everything out so we're ready to start trying again. Not necessarily true, but the hospital don't seem to have any idea what's going on so as soon as I stop bleeding and get a couple of days of negative pregancy tests I'm going to start trying again, or not trying not to at least if you see what I mean.

It will all be okay. It will all be okay. It will all be okay.

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 07/09/2010 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickstermum · 07/09/2010 21:11

wombat glad you have confided, hopefully the 'heartache halved and shared' rule is helping.

Hope you are snuggled up on the sofa, hot water bottle or hot bath, good chick lit with a huge slab of chocolate!

You are strong if you are not taking time off work, hats off to you. Understand about the distraction. I went back after 2 weeks (1 for the emotional, and 1 for the physical) and it has helped getting back that 'normality' but it hasnt helped me to forget. Try not to overdo it tho Wombat your body has been through a trauma and needs to rest too, as well as clearing your head.

I got by BFN last wk and we dtd once already (it hurt!) I was relieved to get my BFN but i was also devastated, finality i suppose. Trying to focus on what may be in the next couple of months.... hopefully a bfp! Many on here have conceived straight away... so there is hope :)

Original poster

Wombat33 · 08/09/2010 16:14

Thanks Nickstermum. I'm trying to focus on the positives too. I'm back in the office toodaybut struggling a bit emotionally. Had another scan this morning which showed nothing to worry about, so that's good. Now have to wait frombleeding to stop and try to decide whether to tryagain straight away or wait the one cycle sugested by the hospital. Seems like a wasted opportunity to me and she didn't really give me any strong reasons for waiting other than dating a future pregnancy, unless I'm doing opks (which i will be, soo that seems, subject to them working okay, to remove that arguement...).

OP posts:

nickstermum · 08/09/2010 16:46

The docs (both at epu and GP) have both said there is no physical reason to wait one cycle!! If you are ready emotionally, go for it, if thats what you want!

My bleeding seemed to go on forever, and still now comes and goes and the frustration is endless!

Hope you feel a little less wobbly tomorrow and that you have someone to give you a hug tonight :)

KTRace · 08/09/2010 16:47

A big hug from me, so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 MC (the most recent I lost overnight) so I know how terrible you feel. I am glad you have told someone. Look after yourself and take care. I cried a lot after MCing and also felt emotionally drained.

Take care xx

Original poster

Wombat33 · 08/09/2010 17:52

Thank you both. My friend is beiing amazingly supportive, she is an absolute angel. I'm still feeling wobbly but tryingto stay positive. Nickster I'm so glad to hear your docs have told you there's no physical reasoon to wait. I'm definately ready (once the bleeding stops) and DH is okay with that as long as there's no medical reason to delay. That's something to look forward to!

KTRace I'm so sorry to hear you have gone through this twice. I don't know how recently that was but I really hope things are getting better for you xxx

OP posts:

InMyPrime · 08/09/2010 20:49

Hi wombat, I'm not surprised you're feeling sad as it was only a couple of days ago so the shock and grief must still be very fresh in your mind. I'm impressed that you're back at work already. Feel like a total wimp now as I've only gone back to work this week!! (Context: very unpleasant MMC on Aug 16th, came as a total shock as had no bleeding, symptoms etc at all until scan)

I hope you feel better soon and best of luck with starting TTC again

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