Miscarriage - how were you treated ?

[OnlyJust]

I had a M/c (my 2nd) a few weeks back - both happened around 5-6 weeks. First one happened at home, 2nd one at the hospital just after I had had a scan that couldn't see anything. The actual nurses at the Early Preg Clinic were lovely but I was amazed at the lack of support elsewhere. Literally about 10 mins after it hapened I was given an internal by a doc who kept commenting that he couldn't see anything for the blood - what did he expect! I was in agony, not only physically but emotionally too.
I was then sent down to a general ward where no one spoke to me, I wasn't even oficially admitted or monitored in anyway - even though they were supposed to be keeping me in overnight under observation. In the end I discharged myself as I just wanted to be with my family. Since then I have had a letter + a phone call from the midwife team wanting to book me in - not what I needed.
I feel I can talk about it now - so just wondered what other peoples experiences were. Did you find medical staff understanding or supporting or just very matter of fact ?

I lost my first baby at 12 weeks and still remember that pain and distress. Dh and I were left in a room at the far end of A&E. No pain relief offered or pads or anything. The gynae doctor who admitted me to the ward was very kind but during the night one of the nurses came in and asked why I was crying - I've never forgotten it. Thankfully I went on to have three lovely daughters.

I lost my first baby at 13 weeks over 13 years ago.I had a missed miscarriage.I might as well as had an ingrowing toenail for how I was treated.

I went on to have a healthy daughter 11 years later and then a stillborn daughter this year

This time around I was treated exceptionally well and all the hosp staff were amazing.

I am sorry for your loss and the fact that you did not recive the support you so deserved
xx

I agree that there is not much else they can say to you perhaps in an A&E and also that time to speak to many women is limited, fairymum.
I still think that there is absolutely no need whatsoever for them to be dismissive or tactless at the time of a major trauma in some ones life.
No need and no excuse either.( i know thats not what you are saying here)
If i was aware that one of my coleagues was bieng less than respectful to any of the dozens of people i see in my job, i would have some very strong words to say to that individual both on a personal level and on a professional level.

I had an mc in June this year at 11 wks. I went to the Drs on the Monday morning and she booked me in for a scan at the EPU on the Wednesday. But on the Tuesday, I started bleeding. So DH and I went straight to the EPU. They didn't like that because I'd not gone through casualty or A&E (the "offical" routes for being admitted) The EPU only do scans in the morning and wouldn't make an exception for me. So after being examined by a Dr and having a blood test, I was sent home. I turned up for the scan appointment the next day and they were really kind. But I knew that I'd lost the baby by then anyway. They said that if/when I became pg again, they'd do a scan at 8 weeks for reassurance. So now I'm 6+5 wks and it looks like I'm going to have to fight to have an early scan. The midwife wouldn't refer me because "they don't like to do scans before 10wks because you can't see anything." (Wonder if she's got mixed up between antenatal and EPU?) So I rang up the EPU and told them and they said they're quite happy to do them from 6 wks. I'm going to try and make an appointment with the Dr to see if he'll refer me and fingers crossed, hope to have a scan next week.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the way that you were treated.

I miscarried at 8 weeks and 11 weeks. The first time I went to saw my GP and she was lovely. She set up a scan for the next day at the EPU. The lady who did the scan was a little bit matter of fact and said my dates could be wrong, there was nothing to see on the scan and to go back and be re-scanned two weeks later! I knew my dates were correct and that afternoon I passed all the clots and tissue. It was a scary, gruesome experience and I wished someone had prepared me for it.

The second time, when I started bleeding at 11 weeks, I bypassed my GP and got a referal straight to the EPU for a scan. They confirmed the loss. Again, I went home that afternoon and bled heavily, gruesomely passing clots and tissue. I realised you can never really be prepared for it. I continued to bleed heavily and ended up passing out that evening so DH sent me off to hospital in an ambulance. Luckily they took me to the gynaecology ward, attached to the EPU, rather than the other hospital to the regular A&E.

The bleeding had stopped and the ward sister was a bit flippant with me - as though I was wasting their time being there overnight. She 'humoured' me and put me on an IV drip. When I asked a doctor why it had happened to me again, was I just unlukcy - she told me actually I was lucky, as she'd seen women who had suffered 12 miscarriages, and 2 was nothing to be distressed about!

The next day I bled heavily again and was rushed for an emeregency ERPC. After that everyone was very nice and sympathetic to me. The horrid ward sister said she was sorry I'd lost my baby and the miscarriage counsellor introduced herself to me.

If I'd just miscarried at home again, I'd not have received any of that extra care. I think everyone should have offered the services of a miscarriage counsellor, how ever many miscarriages they have had.

So dreadfully sorry to hear about the way some of you have been treated. It makes me realise how lucky I was to get the compassionate and caring treatment I received at Homerton Hospital. They were absolutely fantastic and never once made me feel like cases such as mine were routine. In fact, I didn't feel like a 'case' at all. I felt like a bereaved person who'd been treated with respect and kindness throughout.

So sorry to read about these bad experiences.

My experience was the total opposite. I was 19 weeks and went for normal midwife appointment. She couldn't find a heartbeat so took me to one of the doctors who had an ultrasound (baby was about 16 weeks). They were both so kind. The midwife explained what would happen and organised for me to go to the hospital the next day.

Got to the hospital and they immediately put us in a special room complete with comfy chairs, tissues, etc, so we didn't have to wait in the normal ante-natal waiting room. The lady was lovely and answered all our questions, took us through the process (inital tablet to trigger labour, then back in for induction), suggested we talked to the chaplain (previously a midwife) who was also an amazing source of support.

When I did start to bleed that evening, we called the maternity unit and they knew all about us so we didn't have to re-explain anything. The hospital had a special room with 2 sets of doors so you weren't accidentally disturbed. The room was nice with your own drinks again so you didn't have to go out. The midwives were with me the whole time and were so considerate and kind and gentle. Nothing was a shock, I was prepared for everything ... they told us what the baby looked like so we were prepared when we saw him. They offered me pain relief - even an epidural.

There was a remembrance book in the room which others had written in - it was hard reading but some had come back and written again when they'd had another baby. Quite inspiring.

Again the chaplain visited the next day and blessed the baby. They'll take photos if you want and give you a special sticker to put on the film so if you took it to the local Boots for development, they understand what it contains and treat you sensitively.

When I had my 6 week follow up appointment, it was called a special name, again, so everyone was aware why I was there and no explanations were needed.

To be honest, I couldn't fault them or my community midwife one bit - she visited me in hospital and when I got home. My DD's health visitor also knew what had happened.

What makes me sad is not all hospitals are the same.

v badly - nearly kicked the dr up at A&E during the internal - had just had one in the dr's surgery then Gyno wanted to do another but said I wasn't relaxed - so she 'ramed' and twiseted - I nearly kicked her the cow. then when takin my blood she left the room with the needle still in my arm (veins) to get another bottle was gone about 5 mins in all, I was not impressed, but didn't think at the time.

First time - scan people and consultant were kind but ward was awful. Nurse in charge marched up as I was wheeled to theatre and said 'you're not upset are you? Oh dear - you are upset - never mind, you know it doesn't mean anything don't you?'. Never spoke to me again. After ERPC I was left for hours in blood-soaked theatre gown listening to a baby's heartbeat on a monitor (the woman opposite me was being monitored). Could not even turn myself over in bed (had frozen shoulder at the time), nobody offered a drink. Ward filled with male visitors for whole afternoon, couldn't make myself decent to get to loo. Couldn't reach buzzer. Late afternoon a student nurse pulled curtains round bed, came in to cubicle, rolled her eyes and sighed, started telling me what a terrible day she'd had.

Second time radiographer said it was a normal five-week pregnancy and I must have got my dates wrong. I said it was eight weeks, she said I was probably mistaken and 'anyway the tests are positive very early these days' (it would have had to be positive the day after conception for her to be right). Made me come back a week later for another scan. Had lost the baby by then. Saw a different radiographer who was expecting a normal six-week pregnancy. The first one hadn't even written down my dates.

Last time (twins) I stayed away from hosp till it was all over but then needed repeated scans for other reasons. Had to go back to hospital about four times. Despite that the midwives still left repeated messages asking me to come for a booking appt.

And then I never got pregnant again.

Surprised how angry I still feel. Only people who have miscarried themselves seem to understand.

OnlyJust and others on here with such bad experiences of A & E handling miscarriage, my heart goes out to you all. I think there is so much hospitals and health professionals could learn about handling first-trimester miscarriage from the good work that has been encouraged by SANDS in dealing with second-trimester miscarriage and stillbirth. Someone mentioned the "clinical" nature of the Miscarriage Association's literature. I could not agree more. I was given some by a health professional as part of my discharge procedure following the death in utero of my son Tom around 21 weeks gestation in 2002. "You may be aware of passing the foetus or the sac" is a phrase that stays with me still for its astonishing crassness in my circumstances. Luckily, as SANDS now supports women of 20 weeks+ gestation I also had their stuff...what a difference.
Like WishingChair, the end of my pregnancy and Tom's birth were handled very sympathetically and discreetly by my hospital. They had a wonderful Bereavement Midwife (part of whose job was to train and support health professionals dealing with stillbirth and neonatal death) who had introduced a lot of the policies WishingChair describes. It was still a harrowing time for dh and me but at least we don't have the bitter anger towards the hospital that many others on here are justified to feel.
Why hospitals and GPs cannot understand that for so many women their baby is a real, loved person from the time of the blue line forward is beyond me. They should be MADE to read threads like this and the huge amount of personal experiences on other discussion forums until they hang their heads in shame.
And, Eemie - radiographers should be banned from passing remarks about gestation/anything else not specifically related to their area of expertise. So for you.
Maybe if enough of us feel strongly about this we should approach Tommy's. To be honest their literature seems more compassionate and aware of the impact of good treatment on how you recover from a miscarriage than anyone else (apart from SANDS).

Just wanted to add ... if my m/c had been before 14 weeks, I'd have been in the gynae ward and the midwife gave me the impression it would have been a very different experience.

So I agree with Marina - there is a long way to go with 1st trimester m/c. All it takes is a bit of compassion - can't see this is an insurmountable problem that requires £billions to be spent on it.

I also agree with you Marina - maybe this thread or some variant of it should get sent to Tommys/SANDS/Health Minister etc to highlight the need for a bit more thoughtfulness during this time.

Didn't go to A&E. Started bleeding (a bit) at work on the friday - went to see GP who was lovely, but obviously didn't have any answers. Went home to wait and see. Kept bleeding through w/e. Went back to GP on monday, referred for scan on Tuesday. At the hospital was told there was no viable 9 week pregnancy, and I had to come back regularly for blood tests until hormone levels back down to normal. Went to work on Wednesday, still bleeding. Went for blood test on Thursday, telling work I would be back in later in the morning. Whilst waiting for test, started bleeding much more. Examined by 12 year old doctor who told me he suspected I had a molar pregnancy, so I had to wait until blood test results. Explained that if it was a molar pregnancy it would be a year plus before I could safely try to conceive again. I then sat in the waiting room for 9 hours - not allowed to eat or drink, bleeding heavily, reading the same 3 computer magazines over and over (why only computer magazines?!) watching the snow falling outside and panicking about picking my son up from nursery. Eventually the 12 year old came back and said it probably wasn't a molar pregnancy, but could I keep any tissue that was expelled for testing? Sent home (leaving big blood stain on hospital chair!!), didn't have enough money for car park (cost me £10!) so had to find a cashpoint at the other end of the hospital. Got stuck in the car in the snow for 2 1/2 hours, where I expelled most of the said tissue. Husband also stuck in snow, and didn't arrive home until 4 hours after me. Still get upset thinking about it, and it was over 2 years ago. Hospital couldn't help the snow of course, but the 9 hours in the waiting room with computer magazines was pretty bad too!

x2 mc. The first no heartbeat was detected and the treatment was a disgrace. I was not prepared for it at all & was treated as another number. I only found out & received mc counselling months after it had happened.
The 2nd mc I had prepared myself for so I knew what to expect but the treatment again was not what we deserved.

When we found out we were expecting dd we went private & after 2 scans at 6&8 wks our consultant saw us under the NHS where she made sure we were scanned every 2 weeks until 22 weeks. This time we were treated more like human beings. DD is now 16 weeks and is so precious to us, we just hope that we never have to go through those experiences agin. Horrible, horrible, horrible.
Good luck to those of you who are trying following a mc/s. Keep positive, we are proof that it does happen.

I hope starting this thread hasn't dragged up things that people wanted to forget. I just felt as though I had to let it all out. Thankyou to everyone for sharing your experiences and I am shocked at the level of sme'care' out there. I agree that maybe some 'healthcare' people should read stuff like this from time to time.
I'm OK (I am a regular poster by the way - just hiding behind this name) & contemplating trying once more.
Big Hugs to everyone - it sounds as though we all need one from time to time

onlyjust..don't contemplate trying for a baby...Just do it! I know feelings and memories are very hard to erase but you will be happy one day. Sadly mc is very very common and it doesn't make it harder to cope with but if dh & I didn't go for it our dd wouldn't be here now sleeping next to me looking adorable .
Wishing you and everyone all the best.xx [kiss emoticon]

I went to the EPU at the Royal Free for a scan during my first (early) miscarriage. The nurse was very nice, the doctor who did the scan was very sensitive (and - let's not underestimate! - gentle with the TV ultrasound wand). They gave me leaflets on miscarriage, counselling etc. They also told me that on becoming pregnant again, I didn't need a referral, I could come straight back to the EPU for an early scan, if I wanted.

That night, my blood pressure dropped dramatically and when my husband called the out-of-hours GP, she too was very sensitive.

So far, so good.

My second miscarriage, at 8 weeks, I went to the local hospital, not realising that they only had a minor injuries unit, not an A&E (we had only just moved to the area). They found me a room while they got the on-call GP, but the nurse was a bit sniffy and asked me if my pregnancy had been confirmed by my doctor. I'm passing clots - and she's wondering if I'm a fantasist...??

The on-call GP was again very sensitive and called the on-call obs/gynae SHO at Watford General (because let's direct criticism, where criticism is due...). She was very off hand, interrogated me about how much pain I was really in and put the phone down on me. The on-call GP went out of the room to give her a b@ll@cking for being so unprofessional. She then agreed to see me.

When I arrived at Watford, said SHO proceeded to examine me and do something fairly excruciating to my cervix. This, I could take - but found it most insensitive when she went through the usual questions about risk factors (had I been smoking / drinking / having sex) in a manner that suggested she was looking for something to blame. She settled on the fact that I'd got pregnant straight after the previous miscarriage, allegedly making a second miscarriage more likely - and told me that because of this, they wouldn't even include this one in my tally of 'recurrent miscarriage'. This is of course rubbish.

She admitted me overnight. The night staff were very nice. Painkillers, toast, regular checks throughout the night - and I was lucky enough to have a room to myself. The day staff, however, were a different matter. I went to the nurses' station to borrow a pen and heard them talking about the 'inevitability' of my miscarriage (which the doctor hadn't confirmed at that point) and how they didn't know what I was doing there. They didn't realise I was a patient standing at the desk - presumably because I was wearing civvies and they don't recognise a patient out of their nightclothes.

The sonographer was very nice, very sensitive and gentle - but the scan was ultimately inconclusive.

I then had to wait hours to see another SHO before discharge - by which time I'd been nil by mouth for 14 hours - and with no drip - so if I wasn't feeling pants beforehand, I certainly was then. This SHO was fairly sniffy with me as well about the back-to-backness of my miscarriages - which made it impossible for her to calculate how far along I was. She couldn't believe I knew when I ovulated.

By my third miscarriage, I'd figured that the only benefit in going to the hospital was to clock up the numbers necessary before you're entitled to investigation on the NHS. Had a TV ultrasound at Hemel ante-natal clinic (hmm - because that's tactful...), performed by a woman who acted as though she was unblocking a drain. She also acted shocked and outraged when I initially took off my undergarments and said that wasn't necessary because she would do it abdominally 'IF my bladder was full'. When my bladder turned out to be only half full, she blamed me for not being able to see and reluctantly got the TV wand out. The fact that I was only 6-and-a-half weeks pregnant at this point presumably had NO impact on visibility...?? She still couldn't confirm anything - and so had to get someone else to have a look (who was much more gentle).

Both my mother and my grandmother had a number of miscarriages, a molar pregnancy, difficulty conceiving etc - so I never expected NOT to have problems, to be honest. I do accept that miscarriages happen, even to people without a medical problem, and I don't dwell on lost conceptions. However - I do think that the offhand and insensitive manner of some of the staff I've met is highly reprehensible - not to mention the fact that some of them were peddling untruths. I didn't particularly want counselling - but only one place (a properly established EPU) shoved a leaflet in my direction. A lot of the time, I've been made to feel that I'm wasting their time.

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and taking anti-coagulants for the clotting disorder it transpires I have. Recently - I've found my miscarriages being used as emotional blackmail by a consultant who obviously wanted me to follow her plan for induction, without providing any evidence for why it was necessary. She also told me things that were blatantly suspect, if not completely untrue. And really - someone at her level should know better.

Ooops - that was a long one...

First time was a nightmare and I feel left me completely scarred for life (sorry if that seems ott). Without having to live it again the lack of sympathy and compassion shown to me was awful. I went on to a normal pregnancy (dd2) but spent the entire time petrified and again was really disappointed with the complete lack of sympathy that is shown to women that are naturally frightened that its going to happen again. I was made to feel downright stupid and on reflection that makes me angry. I had another miscarriage last year, this time at only 5.5 weeks and didn't go near the hospital. I phoned my gp and informed her that I was treating it as a late period. (I don't have a sympathetic gp). Its made me serious consider becoming a midwife and focusing on women that miscarry. I feel that sooooo much more could and should be done for us, both in the event of a miscarriage BUT also when that women tries again. The attitude I came across is that its natural to miscarry therefore "GET ON WITH IT" - British stiff upper lip.

AARRRGGGHHHH - sorry if I came across too passionate but want a third child and possibly a fourth or fifth(dh would probably have left me by then). Am actively trying at the moment but know that when/if we're successful that it will be like picking up an enormous rock of fear and plonking it on my shoulders. Mumsnet is fab but wouldn't it be great it there were community support groups out there where us preg but scared mums could go at least once a week!

I'll get off my soap box now - sorry

I am begining to think that they didnt actually think I was pregnant as they could not see anything!!! The midwife said maybe come back for a scan when things settle down but radiographer said no need!!
I had a positive test and passed clots..so I must have been pregnant. I was just sent home and heard nothing more! This was 4 weeks ago, should I go get checked out?

Mumtosomeone - I've always thought you are meant to get a scan to make sure that there hasnt been anything retained that could lead to an infection - while you are probably fine it would be worth getting checked.
I had 2 miscarriages and it sounds like I was really lucky to get good care - both at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh - the second time they had a pregnancy support unit and they were great with my next pregnancies - you could self-refer and get a scan whenever you wanted. I also got investigated after the 2 miscarriages (rather than the customary 3) which was great for me as well. It sounds like there are so many different experiences with far too many of them bad.

I had a mc (eventually) at 7-ish weeks. The EPAC called me the mystery woman as although my preg test(s) were posistive I had some bleeding and with the scan they could see the yolk sac and I had the preg hormones in my blood, the foetus didn't grow as fast as it should and the hormone levels didn't increase as fast as they should. Brilliant treatment by the EPAC staff at the hospital, offered D&C or to lose naturally. Decided to lose at home rather than have general anaesthetic/op. Felt angry that I seemed to be flushing what would have been a precious baby down the loo so to speak, had 2 weeks off work (since I had the first bleed) then got on with life. As you do. This May I lost my baby at nearly 19/20 weeks. Horrendous, I had a bump, had felt the baby, bought maternity clothes, EVERYONE knew. Like Wishingchair, had to go through induced labour,waters breaking, birth,(even had retained placenta which req surgery exactly the same as my two births) milk coming in, baby blues hormones, the lot. I had about 2 months of 'bumping' into acquaintances asking how my pregnancy was going, this was tougher on them than me. However once the physical side was over, I went through the initial horror and gut wrenching loss, now I feel as if everyone has forgotten. Since the hospital discharged me and I hand delivered my notes from the hosp to my GP I have had no contact at all. The EPAC team were great and did a home visit, but surely the GP would a) make sure I was pysically and mentally ok and b) what about the 6 week post delivery check???? I would now be 37 weeks preg and am getting very emotional and if I let myself think about the baby for more than a few seconds I cry. In fact since the lady scanner said those god-awful words there has not been 30 minutes I haven't thought about my baby at least twice. My first and last thought each day. I do have two beautiful children DD age 6 and DS nearly 3 but I so wanted this baby. Nuff said.

Oh god am with you on this one penpal!

Oh penpal, that's so sad. I m/c'd at about 12 weeks (didn't know my dates) and the baby was gone before I had my scan so I never knew my due date. I was grateful for that really, although I will never forget the date that I lost my baby.

I hope I'm not rubbing your nose in it, but just wanted to say that it must be very hard thinking about what could/should have been happening soon.

I really hope that these feelings pass soon.

I also agree about losing your baby on the toilet. I felt terrible about flushing him/her away, but what else are you supposed to do?

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I have just had my fifth m/c.
Though I am now a patient at the recuurent m/c clinic I don't feel that I am treated any better.
The EPU docotr at QC is really nice. He scanned me and was really quite sensitive about what he saw and said how sorry he was etc. I suppose he feels sorry for me as I have seen him so many times b 4. He actually snuck me in this time as I did not have a referral letter from my GP. My GP wasn't even aware that I was p/g. Never had any cause to tell him.
When I saw prof Bennett at the clinic 3 days later and still heavily bleeding he just said hopefully we will have better luck next time! Bizarre..... I was alone as DH had to work. He said there was nothing more he or anyone else could offer. He even suggested that should I be considering going to get any private consultation it would be a waste of time. Me and DH had loads of blood tests and all were fine apart from my blood being a bit 'sticky'. I was put on clexane, baby aspirin and progesterone when I found out I was p/g at about 5 weeks. Womb, and other internal scans showed no abnormalities. Am at a bit of a loss. I suppose we will try again and see the prof. in a few months time as he suggested.
The only support I ever got was thru mumsnet and work arranged for me to see a counsellor as I had 4 bereavements in one year (close family) and had just about had enough.....My first m/c was the final straw. I was off work for 6 months.
Feel better now and accept that however harsh m/c is a part of life.

Have just got myself a book to read whilst on hols, GETTING PREGNANT by Niels H Lauresen and Colette Bouchez. I am counting on this helping.

peepee and penpal I feel for you both!
I still think, I would be so many weeks today! I am so lucky to have 5 wonderful children and feel guilty for being upset about my m/c.

I had a M/C with my first pregnancy and was really distressed with the treatment. I went to hospital for a scan after some slight bleeding at 7 weeks. After the scan technician couldn't find a heartbeat, the doctor reviewed the scan & told me that it might be too early, or te baby was dead. Either way we'd need to wait a couple of weeks to see.... so off I went home for 2 weeks to sit it out.
When we went back 2 weeks later they confirmed that I had miscarried & was sent for a D&C on a Gynae ward - next to the Martenrity Unit - so daily I was faced with Pregnancy teenagers smoking outside the ward.
Needless to say it took 2 years for us to try again. When I did fall pregnant again I had bleeding again, but this was due to a lost twin rather than a M/C.
The first incident happened at Wexham Park Hospital, the second time I went to Royal Berks who were marvellous, understood what I was going through and happily scanned me several times (to reassure me I think).
I think that the treatment we received first time round was disgraceful and totally ignored the emotional impact a M/C has on the couple. It may be common, but that doesn't mean its less distressing! The doctors and nurses may see this every day but a sympathetic manner to the individual would be nice.