Miscarriage - how were you treated ?

[OnlyJust]

I had a M/c (my 2nd) a few weeks back - both happened around 5-6 weeks. First one happened at home, 2nd one at the hospital just after I had had a scan that couldn't see anything. The actual nurses at the Early Preg Clinic were lovely but I was amazed at the lack of support elsewhere. Literally about 10 mins after it hapened I was given an internal by a doc who kept commenting that he couldn't see anything for the blood - what did he expect! I was in agony, not only physically but emotionally too.
I was then sent down to a general ward where no one spoke to me, I wasn't even oficially admitted or monitored in anyway - even though they were supposed to be keeping me in overnight under observation. In the end I discharged myself as I just wanted to be with my family. Since then I have had a letter + a phone call from the midwife team wanting to book me in - not what I needed.
I feel I can talk about it now - so just wondered what other peoples experiences were. Did you find medical staff understanding or supporting or just very matter of fact ?

It's a horrible experience, and medical staff aren't very helpful, except in the EPAU sorts of places.

I've had two m/cs, one at 9 weeks, the other at 10 weeks. I remember the emergency room nurse being very unhelpful with the first m/c, not understanding I was upset, and not understanding I wanted some privacy.

After that m/c I realised there's nothing medicine can do for you if you're miscarrying, so it's not really worth going in ... except I went in the second time, while miscarrying, to find out if I was miscarrying (I knew! I don't know why I bothered!), so I could take big painkillers.

Oh, OJ. So sorry you had such an awful time. Whenever we have had a woman suffering M/C I always try extra hard with them, to try and make sure they are as ok as they can be I'm sorry this wasn't the case for you. The whole thing sounds badly organised with a lack of communications. I hope you are feeling better and stronger and that you become pregnant again as soon as you are ready to be. x

Thats what struck me - the 1st time it happened at home. I went for a scan after as it was already booked - nothing there to see - 1 blood test - no one too bothered.

2nd time - in hospital - internal exam, observation, 2 lots of blood tests, were going to re-scan after 2 weeks but have now changed it to testing a wee sample. It was horrible - left in the ward with useless sanitary towels that leak & having to walk through the ward to get to the loo - shudder. So degrading as well as an emotional upheaval.

Yeah, it's really not worth going in while you're miscarrying unless you're really bleeding heavily, like soaking through a big pad in an hour or something.

You do need a scan afterwards to make sure you've miscarried entirely, so you don't need a D+C.

I had a mc at 8 weeks last year and felt the epu werent very sympathetic. After i'd naturally mc in the hospital (i was going in for a scan to see why i was bleeding but everything came out as i was going into the hospital)because the preg test was still positive they gave me an internal scan and he brought a student in with him and was scanning me very roughly and kept repeating how the womb was empty apart from some small retained products pointing at it for the student i felt like a lab rat. Then i was just handed a miscarriage association leaflet and sent home with more pads and string knickers and never had any further check up.
I am now nearly 28 weeks pregnant and with my first scan this time at 6 weeks because i had a slight bleed the woman who scanned me was lovely and told me straight away that she'd seen a heart beat, the woman who did my 20 week scan was a cow though lol. I think its the luck of the draw sometimes with the staff you get and how you get treated. Im sorry you've had to go through this and best wishes for the future.

Does anyone know of any more support other than the Miscarriage Assoc ? Their stuff seems so matter of fact & 'biological' rather than emotional support which is what I feel I need at the mo?

I used to vist the babycentre website and use the coping with miscarriage board there its full of people who have recently mc and it is agreat support. Im not sure if im allowed to give the address of another parenting website but just type babycentre into google then vist the co.uk one.

The news that I was probably mc was given to me by a GP at 12 weeks with the words' Well we will not book you in now as you might well lose the baby' He then went on to say @MC is vert common'....yes, so? Death is bloody universal but that doesn't mean that we don't have sympathy for the berieved.

He then left me bleeding all over xmas and the new year fobbing me off with the lie that they couldn't pick up a heart beat at 12 weeks.

When I eventually was referied they found there was no heart beat and I had an emergency d and c. The staff at the hospital were wonderful , full of tact and kindness.

When I got home I recienved a phonecall from the idiot GP telling me that my last urine test shoed I was still PG.

My first at 7 weeks was horrid. Went to EFAU had internal scan, radiographer told me that there was a heart beat, turned out to be one of my own blood vessels she could see, pulsating.
I was told this a week later after more bleeding and pain.
Had blood taken daily after that, informed that hormone levels were rising. This i took to mean that in fact the pregnancy was progressing,my hormone levels were not even half of what they should have been for my gestational time. I didnt know that at the time and they didnt tell me.
Had to walk through the post natal ward with new mums, heavily pregnant labouring women to get to the last bay at the end of the ward, which was the EFAU.
Told sorry and all that by a DR who was stood at the desk flicking through a Sun newspaper.

2nd M/C at 13 weeks. Blighted ovum diagnosed due to bleeding at 7 weeks.
Had scan, told no baby there but sac present.
was destraught to even be back in that place again so was inconsolable.
They were very good, informative and sympathetic.
I was given the options of either a D&C or to let nature take its course. I chose the latter.
Went to stay with my sister down south and lost the pregnancy at 13 weeks.
Went to hospital there and they were rubbish, absolutely crap with me.
They did however offer me a counselling service which surprised me as i never knew that there were such things.
Went home, asked about counselling and went which helped.

My God, i have never told any body that sorry little tale and reading back, it breaks my heart that this happened to me this way.
I am not by nature a moaner, i am an optomist and very much a "get up, brush yourself down and get on with it" type of person.
Im amazed at myself that i carried on unscathed from all that.

Oh, some GPs are rubbish on this stuff.

After my second m/c I did some reading up, and became concerned that I might have a septate uterus. (DS1, born between miscarriages, was breech, which is another indicator.) So I wanted an ultrasound scan to check for this. I wasn't convinced I had one, I just wanted to check the possibility.

So I went to see one of our local GPs. Who clearly had no idea at all what a septate uterus was. Which is fine - only he wasn't admitting this. He finally agreed to book me a routine NHS scan - when I spoke to a sonographer, she said this scan would not spot a septate uterus (I had a scan privately, I didn't have a septate uterus.). He also used the word "front passage" and annoyed me greatly. He also suggested I could use counselling for my m/cs (fair enough), and suggested that he provide it. By this point, I hated him. It was harrowing.

My first miscarriage happened last year in july when i was on holiday in Kent. I was 7 weeks gone and had bleeding so went to the local hospital who admitted me with suspected ectopic pregnancy. DH was left with the kids on our holiday and i had to wait till 5pm the next day for a scan,was nil by mouth and on a drip! Scan at 5pm and had to cry to get results the same day because doctors dont look at notes after 4PM!!! Told by consultant that i was pregnant and there was a heartbeat and it was in my womb BUT that i was miscarrying even tho my cervix was closed! Decided to come back to leicester that very night. Went to Local hospital next day to be told i had a water infection, all was well and go home and rest! 3 days later i was admitted again and told my baby had gone! REALLY HORRBILE EXPERIANCE.
Second miscarriage was in January. Had small bleed at 7 weeks but heartbeat at 8 weeks. Bled again at 11 weeks and went to see GP who said he thought all was fine because there had been a heartbeat at the last scan! Ended up sitting in A&E next day and demanded to be scanned! 4 hours later was told i had lost my baby BUT gynea doctor was lovely and booked me in next day for D&C and he performed it and checked on me after etc.
Am now 23 weeks pregnant and have had to fight for scans and things. Saw GP at 5 weeks and refused to leave till i had a referral for EPA, got that and EPAU have been great although did have small scare at 13 and 15 weeks but both times hospital have been great and admitted and scanned me!

I've just started a thread on one particular aspect here I rang my m/w in a panic on Wed 17 (10+4) because I was bleeding and she was really offhand. Sat 20 it got worse but I didn't know who to contact at a weekend so waited till Monday, only to then be told to come back tomorrow. They didn't offer to check for a heartbeat even though we said we were going on hol and couldn't come back.

Went on hol on the Tuesday and when the bleeding got worse I went to a hospital near where we were staying. Total contrast. All the staff were concerned and I was taken to the ward and scanned, told nicely that they couldn't find a heartbeat, offered to be admitted, given phone number to call anytime I was worried and an appointment for a proper exam 2 days later.

Went back and we were seen first. Radiographer was very direct but also compassionate. Nurses were all lovely and answered all our questions.

See my link for what happened when we came home. The nurses on the ward were nice but A&E was a laugh a minute-not. They insisted on doing an internal despite my squeamishness about the amount of blood, and insisted on taking blood although I told them I was terrified of needles. The first nurse had a prod in my arm and really hurt, then gave up in a strop when I squealed and had to call for reinforcements. Then I was just left for ages sitting in blood and soaking through a maxi pad in a matter of minutes. I felt completely humiliated.

What God awful stories.
Why is the service so lacking?
Why are different hospitals dealing with this in such contrast to each other?
We have each been informed of the 1 in 3 possibility of M/C occurring, it is a pretty common occurrance so why are they so bad at dealing with it?

I mis carried at 7 weeks..told to go home and take paracetomal. Nothing else!

2 m/cs - phoned NHS 24 each time. cried on phone both times and both times they were very lovely and kind.

1at time I went into hospital where I waited hours and eventually threatened to leave so they took blood and sent me home. Basically told me that as I was only 5 weeks it would have been better for me if I'd not tested. I phoned back several hours later and they told me preg blood levels were so low I must've lost baby. That was that. Very matter of fact which at the time maybe helped me accept it, but maybe it just prolonged the grief.

Second time I was nearly 8 weeks. I had to wait w/e for scan. EPU at hosp were amazing (different hospital). ultrasound wasn't clear so was offered an internal. Nothing there. Had to go back 3 times for blood tests until preg levels were low enogh for me to be discharged. Felt very well looked after and well cared for.

Horrible experiences. Do you think the pain ever goes away?

No tassis, unfortunately those lost babies will be with me forever.
I feel that you do cope with the pain as time goes on.

I am VERY lucky and went on to have my son.
I still remember due dates though.

Horribly, I think things HAVE improved. Mum lost several babies (foue late MC at 26 weeks-ish, would be termeed premature babis now as were born alive, but not back then), then she got Rubella with fifth PG. Nurse told her she was a cruel lady to keep trying, and another told her she had made the first 4 PG's up!

I was baby No 6, my sister's were 7 and 8. So I guess she thinks it was worth keeping going anyway (the ones she lost were all boys BTW)

I'm really sorry to read your terrible experiences.
I recently had a m/c & because of advice of MN's went to my A&E-it was Sun am. I was given a pg test & then booked in for a scan the next day. I was told I could wait to be examined by the doc but decided to go as there was a long wait. This service was good &/but matter of fact.
The next day I went in for the scan. Had the external & then the internal scan by a very nice lady. She took her time to do a thorough exam & sadly told me there was no hearbeat & the dates showed no growth for 3 weeks. When I cried she cuddled me (DH was away) & said she was really sorry.I was then seen by a doc who went through everything with me ref options. She was also very kind - saying how it was unfair & that she'd been through it herself a couple of times. I booked in for the ERPC the next day. My friend came in with me & we were looked after by another lovely nurse. She brought in cups of tea for my friend & blankets for me & was comforting throughout. Because I had my bookng in with the health visitor the next day, she made several attempts to contact them for me.She also brought in painkillers which another nurse said I had to wait a little longer for. The doc who performed the op was also very kind & reassuring. She took time to thoroughly explain the procedure in a gentle manner.
Obviously it was a horrible experience but I really couldn't have asked for more at the hospital.

I also rang the miscarriage association & found them to be very kind, patient & reassuring.

I have had 1 miscarriage at 6 weeks and 2 MA's both discovered at the 12 week-scan. If you miscarry at 6 weeks there is little anyone can do for you and to me it was more like a late period I think. I found the MA's at 12 weeks more traumatic, but I was quite pleased with how I was treated by hospital staff. Both the people who scanned me (at Kings), the nurses in the EPU and the all the stuff who performed and looked after me during my scrape were fine. I can understand why someone might think they were quite business-like and cold about it,but tbh that's what I personally wanted. I think they see miscarriages all the time and they see much worse things like quite late pregnancy losses, people carrying sick children etc. I don't think it's fair to expect too much if you have an early miscarriage and rather look for your sympathy and support from councellors. For me their rational and quite "these things happens, but are sad when they do" was exactly what I needed.I know some friends have had really insenstive remarks from doctors too and that's obviously crap when that happens.

without belitting anybody else's experience I thought my care was excellent. only time i have been in hospital (other than giving birth) and everybody was very efficient but also caring. it might have helped that I was medically very unwell (lost a lot of blood, emergency op) and A&E and the ward seemed very quiet. great follow up afterwards - effectively counselling - from HV (who I had never had much time for before). Only glitch was midwife turning up for my booking in appt as the message had not got through that i was no longer pregnant. i did ask a lot of questions and for help, extra pads etc when necessary which may have helped me get the care i felt i needed. i do know friends who have had much less positive experiences at the same hospital so i guess a lot of it is down to luck - who is on duty when you go in and how busy they are.

Oh, following the D & C I developed a rare condition that basically stuck the sides of my Uterus together, leaving me infertlie and in agony each month when I would bleed, but the blood couldn't come out and te neck of the cervix was totaly blocked.

After three months of no bleed I went to my GP, described my symptoms and was told that I was @worried' and that this was stopping me ovulating. I told him that I worried pleanty when my dh was in active servoce in the first gulf war, and later when he had cancer and I had never missed a period. I told him that I was ovulating (mittlesmetz and changes in cervical mucus) and that I was having period cramps every 28 days. I told him that I felt I had uterine adhesions and could he refer me. He told me I was imagining it but refered me. I was right.

It took a year of sergery and hormonal treatmeny (costing us£2000) to repare the damge from the D & C.

Thanjfully I now have two children, but it was a dreadful time.

FairyMum I know that medically & physically there isn't a lot that can be done if you MC at 6 weeks but its the emotional support that I feel is lacking. I have come to terms with it now - but in the hospital I felt I had lost a child whereas I as being treated as though I had an ingrowing toenail (yes i'm sure they are painful but you know what I mean)
having said that I went back to the EPU today to ensure hormones were abck to normal - thankfully all OK - & the EPU nurse actually had time to talk at some length & was really lovely. She did say that they were looking at what could be done to help deal with MC & was extremely understanding.

I think that it is the least you can expect at an EFAU, sympathy and understanding.
Just because they see terrible things, that doesnt negate the impact of what is happening to you does it, surely.
I dont agree at all fairymum.

I wont go into details about my experience because it was a few years ago now and it no longer gets to me.

I just wanted to say that I felt like I was treted like sh*t when I m/c'd. Totally agree with the poster who said that it doesn't help to hear that X amount of pregnancy's end in m/c. It still bloody hurts when it happens to you.

The thing that pissed me off the most was being told to queue at reception whilst I was m/c'ing, as that was the only way to book into EPAU. I'm sure they didn't believe me until they scanned me and just thought that I was making a huge fuss about a bit of light bleeding. It was only when I told a midwife that I was going through 2 maternity pads every ten minutes that they pushed me to the front of the queue for a scan. By then it was obviously too late though and all that was left were some dark splodges on the screen.

I know it's painful to miscarry and of course they should be sympathetic and understanding. I just don't think they have a lot of time to spend and actually it is true that many pregnancies end in miscarriages. What else can they say? I do agree you should not have to queue in A&E, but be able to go straight to EPU if your hospital has got one. I just think an early miscarriage is just one of those things and if you are a doctor you probably see hundreds a week.