i feel old before my time

[kelway]

for the last 6 years i have been so consumed with the desperation to try and have a second child that i really hadn't noticed that i think i have been perimenopausal for the last year at least, i feel a real fool. it is a while ago now that i have pretty much come to terms with the fact that i will never complete my family, i know i am lucky to have one child, i am 45, and it has suddenly occured to me that my phases of unexplained anxiety (stressed, the feeling that you have forgotten something important when you know you haven't but cannot control it), no night sweats but eratic periods ie one cycle 34 days, light when it comes, then come on 2 weeks later, heavier, sometimes a week before af comes light brown spotting, some times the af will drag on for a couple of weeks with very light spotting of red, only when you wipe after a wee, really depressing the realisation that your body is changing. i don't think i would be that bothered about it, not if it hadn;t wanted another child, this makes it so final, i feel really old and washed up. not sure if to go to dr, i assume it is age, i too have put weight on only on tummy and tops of legs, go to gym and live pretty healthily, feel really depressed, especially as everyone around me (school run bollocks) seems to be knocking them out like rabbits.

I was wondering about the gel when I read about it on MN recently. GP never mentioned it and I didn't know about it at the time. The patches work, I have no side effects, and I don't want to mess with that. But I hate the glue marks. They are a pain to clean off and often the parches roll off on my clthes. Maybe I'll ask about gel at my next review.

Do you just rub a bit on every day? How do you dispense an accurate dose? Do you adjust the dose from day to day according to how you feel?

PC- you jst rub it on your arms or inner thighs. Use same time each day. Pump dispenses a set amount. You can use from 1 dose ( 1 pump) to 4 a day.
The normal dose is 2 pumps. I use 2 but do 1 morning and 1 bedtime as found 2 at once in morning made me feel queasy- like morning sickness. You have to avoid washing or using body lotions etc on top for 1 hour afterwards.

Drs advice to me was start with 1 pump and go up if required.

It's very easy to use- only downside is if travelling the pump takes up more space in case/bag etc.

Hi Kelway

Hope you're feeling okay - and sounds like you're coping very well and making some pretty rational choices.

Just wanted to say that until you've not had a period for (I think) one year, you are classed as perimenopausal ... and can in fact get pregnant - even if it is pretty rare! I was diagnosed as perimenopausal at 38 - had all the usual symptoms eg hot flushes, sweats, mood swings, forgetfulness + sky high fsh readings on at least two occasions and was told that I was highly unlikely to conceive without help - and a donor egg.

Eight months later - and completely unexpectedly I was pg with twins - so the end is not always the end ... though six months after finishing bfing I was on hrt and have happily been so ever since.

Take some time to think through your options and look after yourself!

Kelway I just had to reply to your post I think I am going through similar emotions to you.
I started ttc for my second dc 3 years ago at the age of 36 going on 37.
It was only then than I started paying proper attention to my cycle length and realised that they were in fact very erratic sometimes going 2 months with one, I started to fret really bad that it could be the menopause. I was attending a infertility clinic and after extremely high fsh readings and erratic periods I was told I had premature ovarian failure which is basically a premature menopause.
I am now still having periods but there is no telling when I will get them so my body is basically transitioning into the menopause.
I am still hoping that by chance I will spontaneasly ovulate and I will achieve a surprise pregnancy but I know its very unlikely given the fact that I am almost 40.
I feel really down and depressed about it all and really envious of younger women who still have years of fertility ahead of them and feel bitter my choice to have another dc has been taken away.
How I wish I was one of those women who can keep having babies well into their 40's.
Its right what you say the sight of pregnant women sets it all off again plus the fact that members of my extended family are popping them out pregnancies been anounced everywhere I feel like running away.

Hello,
I don't have kids, and feel quite sad about that somedays, a personal choice. I understand how you must feel Kelway.

I don't know if you have considered alternative therapies, what about medical herbalism. Many women have has success with herbs like Agnus Castus and False unicorn root. There are a number of clinics that special in medical herbalism to help couples conceive. There is also accupuncture to try.
Far cheaper and less disruptive than IVF.

Even just trying some agnus castus tincture may be helpful. You could try a few drops of tincture in the mornings, it works best then. I would seek the advise of an experienced medical herbalist.

45 is still young, young enough to have a second child.
Just read about the grandmother who gave birth to triplets age 66. Vaguely remember reading about this recently.

Good luck!

I agree with you other mnetters. . .the first post from EW was putting down, "having children is a bonus, not a right," "Is this the whole problem, or is there something i am missing?" How putting down is that ? OP was asking for support not a put down.

I believe diet, nutrition and exercise is the key to good health. Food for life rather than drugs for life. Lifestyle changes will help balance the hormones and remove toxins from the body that may be interfering with your balance.

Can I just say that although things are not feeling too good now for you at 45,Kelway, because perhaps you are mounrning for your youth and the baby and appearance issues may all be tied into that, you hopefully will begin t feel a whole load better in time because most women seem to find their 50's a very good place to be.

It may be as simple as stopping being an old young woman and being a young older person but once you become of an age where babies are not even a possibility (excepting trips to Russia etc.) you do begin to see all the otherpossibilities that life offers and start to have the time to get involved in them. I don't think I felt things as keenly as you but yes, I did go through a miserable phase when I would have liked another child, realised my career options were rather fixed and I felt I was not looking as good. But now, although in theory I should feel worse I feel absoloutely marvelous - and quite pleased with how I look. Stick with it, have a wallow if you need to - but things will get better.