Has menopause affected anyone else's desire to socialise or host?

[Candle12]

Does anyone else find that their desire to socialise and particularly host, is just gone.

I used to adore socialising and particularly hosting but apart from casual meet ups with the girls, I really don’t want to go out.

Anything that involves getting dressed up, brings me out in hives and last week I ended up meeting a visiting friend and her family in a local restaurant as I just couldn’t fathom hosting them.

Is it just me ?

Not just you !
But i think it comes with age not just menopause , iv'e gone from party animal to hermit !

Not just you. I have zero interest in socialising. I find I can't engage in meaningless conversation any longer. My face says it all which is never helpful. I had a family bbq at the weekend and it took all my energy to smile and be civil!

Yep. Not sure if it's menopause or age but I cannot be arsed anymore with people or going out. I used to be sociable. I'm not now.

The appeal of lying in my pyjamas reading a book is much more satisfying than the idea of going out anywhere. And definitely more appealing that the thought of cleaning the house, cooking, hosting and tidying up again.

I don't know if it's menopause specifically or just being in my fifties but I am feeling done running around after people and clearing up. So I am less keen on hosting dinners, don't mind coffee and cake. But lots of my friends are the same now so we tend to meet in restaurants these days. Nobody drinks as much as we used to so eating out is less pricey now.

Not there yet, but people say it causes tiredness, pain etc, so it makes sense that you don't want to give yourself extra work.

Yep, I don’t enjoy it anymore. I dont mind a group fitness class though, that’s my socialising for the week.

I have certainly lost my patience for overnight guests, especially the ones who turn up and stay for a week, so I’ve had to stop hosting them. I still enjoy hosting dinners though.

So I am not alone, but is anyone else concerned that they will face loneliness in old age.

I can avoid hosting , but I am pushing myself to socialise more than I would actually like

Yep. Same here! I do go out, but I'm always glad to be home early.

Re the loneliness, if you remember what it was like when you were at home with a baby, I would draw a parallel with that - you have to find people you click with and then cultivate those friendships. Also I think women are more resilient than men generally, and prepared to try new things. I have three friendship groups from different activities. I also enjoy doing stuff and going places alone, but maybe that's because I'm an only child. The only time I feel lonely is when DH is ignoring me!

I quite like a coffee out with a friend but I don't like going out in the evenings. I eat early- around 6pm- and the thought of getting made-up again and driving somewhere- can't be bothered. I am late 60s and HRT'd to the hilt so it's not menopause. I joined a ladies social group and a few have meals out or go to a pub quiz. I live rurally and it's 4 miles to a B road! Let alone town.
Most of the women in the group are single though and they are younger than me.

This is me 😬

It's not just you, I don't know when we last had people over and it used to be very regular. I can't be arsed with going out, I get the notion now and again and then wonder why I bothered. I like swimming in the sea and walks and coffee and not much else at the moment.

Absolutely! Also prefer afternoon/evening meet ups and love to be back home and in PJs by 9 pm😂 I've also been reassessing 'friendships' and choosing only to spend time with my lovely friends who I can be my authentic self with where we top each other up, if I feel drained from one sided whinge or boast fests I avoid now. Why did it take so long?? People pleasing filter has been removed.

We moved to a house with no spare room, best move we ever made 😂

Totally. I also have a very low tolerance for anyone who doesn’t reciprocate hosting.

I think there is a balance here.
Being antisocial means you run the risk of being lonely in old age (when many of the elderly join everything they can to just talk to another human being!) But being choosy who you spend time with.

Why on earth have you ever chosen to spend time with 'friends' you cant be your authentic self with? I'm not being snarky, my mind is genuinely blown that anyone would ever do such a thing.

Not just desire but ability.

I have NO idea whether I’ll be able to get what needs doing done. It might happen, it might not but I have no idea.

My filter is disintegrating. I never realised how smoothly I could change gears to accommodate different people’s sensitivities/ viewpoints/ values/ raging xenophobia. Now what I think just comes out.

To top it off the hangover begins within half an hour of a glass of wine, followed by a 24 hour depression.

Does it get any better after menopause or is this life now?

Good point, and I didn't read it as snarky, it has taken me decades to realize that I've been conditioned to be a people pleaser from an early age, putting others' feelings and needs before my own. Had a long career where others always come first too. It has sadly taken me this long to see my own worth and needs as well as other people's. Menopause is actually serving me well, the new version is self protecting!

I've got way less inclination but find it's worth pushing myself because I do enjoy spending time with my friends. I'll take far more shortcuts when providing food for people though, via Waitrose/m&s stuff. I still like that feeling at the end of the evening when everyone's fed and happy and we're sitting around chatting gently, it feels satisfying to know I've created that atmosphere.

I don't know if it's just age/menopause, I think it's partly pandemic tbh. We all got out of practice during that time. But it's important to connect with people.

I've pushed myself to socialise much more than usual this Summer because of 'making the most of the nice weather'. But most of the time I find myself wishing I'd never planned it on the day - spend hours wondering if I can wriggle out of it, always end up going but don't enjoy it as much as I used to, then feel tired and drained for 24 hours after.

So I think I'm going to knock it on the head and go back to seasonal socialising only.

edited: I love my friends though and I'm not knocking them - I just don't need to see them 2 or 3 times every week - exhausting!

I force myself to socialise a bit but I started saying no to things I don't want to do about 5 years ago and its now easy to just do whatever i want. I just don't care about being around people and I don't worry at all about being lonely in old age.

Omg you are NOT alone. I live abroad so when people come to visit it's usually for a week or so......I hate it. I just can't be arsed anymore.

Thank God I have found you all…..I was starting to think I had something majorly wrong with me….im off to bed now but will read more and post more tomorrow…..I’ve been feeling like this for a couple of years …bless you all…I will be back xx

I think it changes again at some point. My mum and her friends are always zipping about, going to operas, country fetes etc. I don't remember her doing that as much when I was a teen.