Has menopause affected anyone else's desire to socialise or host?

[Candle12]

Does anyone else find that their desire to socialise and particularly host, is just gone.

I used to adore socialising and particularly hosting but apart from casual meet ups with the girls, I really don’t want to go out.

Anything that involves getting dressed up, brings me out in hives and last week I ended up meeting a visiting friend and her family in a local restaurant as I just couldn’t fathom hosting them.

Is it just me ?

Yep. Can't be arsed with people (at all) the majority of the time. Rarely socialise, HATE going out at night and always meet one of my 2 friends - or adult DC - at lunchtime. Never have any visitors except my adult DC and their partners, (and I have one of my 2 BFF around maybe 3-4 times a year.) HATE hosting. Cannot be bothered. Very little extended family left (mine and DH's parents died some years ago, and we have one sibling each who we rarely see as they both live abroad - different countries...) And I am really not bothered. I have friends/acquaintances who have 10-20 family members in their life, and they are constantly having trouble/discord/arguments. Always stressed they are! I just have peace.

In my mid 50s now and have been like this since my mid-late 40s. Used to love having people around and entertaining and going out for meals with people. I had 4-5 parties a year for the kids - birthday parties, and Halloween parties, and Christmas parties.... I loved the buzz and the socialising. Now I prefer to be alone 70% of the time, and with DH, one of my friends, or my DC the rest of the time. I'm a free spirit and love being alone. HATE big social meet-up groups, and couldn't think of anything worse than living in some kind of Retirement Community ... shudder! 😬

I do go out a lot, but mostly on my own. I walk about 30 miles a week but on my own. I could never be in a walking group.

I know I sound anti social and grumpy. I don't care. 😆 I do talk to people in the village and will help anyone in an emergency, and do like to chat now and again, I just don't want to socialise. Not any more... I am very happy with my own company! I work 2 days a week (16 hours) but when I'm not I love walking, reading, writing, photography, feeding the birds and hedgehogs, playing with the cats, and doing my gardening. I LOVE gardening, it's so cathartic! Luckily we have a large garden and multiple hundreds of flowers and dozens of trees and bushes, and there is always lots to do in it between March and October! I am definitely never short of something to do, so really don't need to socialise a lot.

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I think some of this is because you don't actually NEED the socialising/filter/ability to stomach people once your career - and life in general - is in place.

Much of the people pleasing we do in early adulthood is about meeting partners, making connections, putting up with boss' wife at a dinner party cos, you know, Boss' wife.

Now enduing those things just doesn't hold the same promises or risks.

Also, everyone is on their bloody phones all the time 😕

Yep, for me it happened just as I became perimenopausal.

I also lost the ability to tolerate alcohol which, in the past, would help me tolerate people. No alcohol = no tolerance for people = absolutely no socialising whatsoever.

It definitely changes again possibly post menopause.

This is true - and its the beginning of the end as far as normal human interaction is concerned.

Chilling, isn't it? They're designed to be addictive of course and our brains can't handle them/resist them. Designed to be addictive by tech bros, who won't rest until we're all as asocial and angry as they are.

Absolutely not just you! Exactly the same here. For me, I think it’s menopause but also more generally the Covid lockdowns had that effect on quite a lot of people. A large number of people spent months in pyjamas watching Netflix, doing online quizzes with friends or sitting in the garden. Don’t all come at me and tell me you worked in a challenging job throughout, or had to attempt to support home learning while WFH- I know plenty did all that, and I thank you for it 🙏

But many of us realised we quite enjoyed not having to make much effort or go anywhere and getting back to a fuller social life afterwards seemed a bit too much like hard work.

I HATE ‘dressing up’. The thought of it makes me anxious. To be honest even when I was younger and attempting to keep up, I never had much clue about style and beauty. It’s kind of freeing to give up on all that and accept myself as a wild-haired, fleece-wearing middle aged woman with lines on her face. I can scrub up well, according to my DH and friends, on the rare occasions I need to; but it all feels like a chore, and I get very anxious about the whole process. (I am also ND which might be relevant to all or some of this).

I do like to see friends but not super frequently, and I usually prefer a daytime meet for a dog walk or lunch, rather than evening in a pub. I rarely drink these days as it makes me feel so shite, so I save it for high days and holidays.

And yes hosting too- far too much effort.

Great Q and definitely not just you OP. I don’t worry about loneliness in old age and would rather that than visitors too often!

Yep me too. I quite like to socialise once a month just to avoid becoming a total hermit, but generally I just don’t need it. Happy to be in with DH, dogs and a book.

It's not affected my lifelong lack of desire to go out and socialise, but it has affected my response to the opportunity.

I used to force myself to go out anyway despite not particularly wanting to, but these days I have developed the ability to say 'No thanks, I don't want to'.

Bliss.

I was a non stop party animal and social butterfly in my teens, twenties and thirties. Organised all the events, hosted parties and get togethers started slowing down after my 40th. DH is older and would start to roll his eyes when I suggested the next event. I would get FOMO and wanted to be involved in everything with several groups of friends and neighbours.

Early 50’s and I get JOMO. The joy of missing out what the younger work colleagues are up to so I can snuggle in the sofa and watch Strictly. I’ve been more sociable during summer, but in the daytime, with people I genuinely like. Me and DH can’t wait for winter hibernation 😅

I don’t host anything. Cannot be fucked with people about 90% of the time.

and I NEVER do anything I don’t want to do.

Yeah because the division of labour is so crap

i would clean the house, do the food ship food prep everything

DH would pour a few drinks and feel we made the effort together

i can no longer be ducked with this kind of wife labour

it now makes me too cross

i do socials with groups of friends without husbands and then e we all just bring snacks to share 😁

Oh you mean you joined the Can't Be Arsed Club? 🤭

I'm 45 now and can't be arsed but then to be fair, I've never been arsed so nothing has really changed!! Too much of an effort!! 😄

Glad I am not alone !