Peri(menopause) and hating my husband

[ISpeakJive]

I am 48 and going through perimenopause, in fact it has been 5 months since my last period so I am well on the way. Lucky me!
Anyway amongst the hot flashes, on and off sleep, exhaustion, anxiety and depression I have intense rage, especially with DH! I don’t want to be near him, I don’t want him touching me, I don’t even fancy him anymore! Every other day is ‘I want a divorce’ from me! He’s not an awful human being. He provides, he’s a good father, works hard but he annoys the hell out of me! He can antagonise me, make me feel like I’m going mad, be short with me, moan all the time and dig in the knife, especially about my mental health.
So, I'm not sure if the menopause is making me feel like this or this marriage is really over?
I can’t go on HRT because my mum died of breast cancer. Please help? What can I do? Did anyone else go through this? With how I’m feeling at the moment, I don’t want him around! 😬

Yes it definitely sounds like you need hormones, those symptoms are classic

Please contact a menopause specialist, because the advice around hormones and cancer risk has hugely changed.

I recommend watching videos by Louise Newson, educate yourself for free in your own time,

Her clinic also offers in person or online consults. - Cannot recommend highly enough

Don’t bother asking the GP unless you know them to be a menopause specialist - most are completely out of date on this topic!

Go and see your GP. Finf out what your options are.

Regardless of HRT, you are really struggling.

Take care

This 100% — the hell of peri and menopause is not a quick process. Think YEARS. Of misery. See a hormone specialist. I hate to say it, but most GP’s are useless on this topic.

Thanks so much. I truly feel like I’m going mad! The rage is a huge issue, low libido, this feeling of numbness, the list goes on!
I will definitely follow your advice and go and speak to someone. Thank you 🙏

Excellent advice from Lostribbons I’d only like to add, have you actually spoken to your DH and told him how you feel?

(not that you want a divorce, but that you are filled with rage and anxiety and are exhausted?)

My symptoms were different from yours but my DH went off and read up about perimenopause on his own and was great at identifying symptoms I hadn’t realised were symptoms (like joint pain or indigestion).

Get your husband on board to help and support you with this as you would with any other medical issue.

💐

Oh I have told him over and over again! I’ve spoken to him, sent him links, podcasts, you name it! I suppose it just boils down to the fact that I’m insufferable to live with at the moment, which, I totally get, but I just need some support and not to be treated like The Kraken. Thank you for reaching out ☺️

Divorce and live on your own with cats. It’s the only way.

You are not alone I could have written this. I’m booked into a phone conversation with a gp - I’ve requested one who specialises in menopause. Ideally want a face to face appointment. I’ve found out the gp he doesn’t specialise in this area but hoping he can help.

Don't get a divorce I felt like this when I started my chemical menopause, I also suffered from pmdd this is your hormones talking get some hormones from the doctor start of slow in about 3 weeks you will love him again. I'm lucky to have a understanding boyfriend some men just don't get it and that's okay they are men who can expect them to. My boyfriend survived my pmdd with me so he gets it. I hated everyone without hormones my boyfriend my mum my kids. Trust me start with some estrogel.

I’m almost 57 and missed 7 periods but now they’re back so don’t assume yours won’t come back!

I don’t recognise how you feel, I still feel calm and love DH, but I do think he’s having a Manopause as he’s all over the place. I’m having to cope with this whilst grieving for my Dad. It sucks.

Todays hrt has such a small percentage of cancer
Go on hrt and you will lose that mad rage
Speak to a gp and save your sanity.

Thanks all for the support 💐! It helps me so much knowing I’m not alone. Menopause is such a lonely place. I will definitely speak with someone who can help me.

Thank you

i know people who went through it without HRT. A coup
r had antidepressants instead as they couldn’t take HRT and it helped.

This sounds like heaven to me 😁😁

HRT can help some things, but your DH is an arse if he antagonises you, makes digs about your mental health & makes you feel like you’re going mad.

Sometimes when estrogen plummets the scales fall from our eyes and we finally see what we’ve been putting up with for years.

He can antagonise me, make me feel like I’m going mad, be short with me, moan all the time and dig in the knife, especially about my mental health.

HRT isn't going to stop any of this, but for your own sake and so you can feel better, see a specialist regarding options.

I think it's a period when one's bullshit tolerance plummets, especially male bullshit, and I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.

Wise words

If your mum got her cancer over 40 and no other breaat cancer in the family you're probably at no more than population risk. Go and see your GP.

This. I am waiting to start sequential hrt but I am so ready to divorce my husband, the problem is he hasn’t changed I have and I am fed up with accepting half arsed attempts at adulting. I am hoping hrt will help and then I can work out if we have a future together

Why don’t they do his & hers HRT for midlife couples?

I reckon hetero home life would be so much more pleasant and peaceful if men had some of that conscientious, caring estrogen/progesterone goodness going on as well.

As well as getting the HRT, I recommend finding a therapist to chat to….

Tell them allllll about your DH. Hear yourself say everything out loud. Find out what’s inside, see if you’ve been holding back for a long time…

My personal experience was that I tend to blame my DH for stuff when I’m unwell. He’s actually a loving, patient and good man and after many weeks of talking to a therapist I could differentiate between what needed working on in our relationship, and what was just my sad, tired, hormone depleted brain!

I Also realised I do need to take more time to prioritise myself, and that’s on me to do that - sometimes I was waiting for his permission, when in fact he loves it when I go and do what I want and live for ME.

So yeah, HRT and a decent therapist is my prescription! :)

Thank you all so much for your wise words and just hearing me out on this! That in itself is a form of therapy at the moment because unless you go through it, you have no idea!
I actually think that my husband has always been a bit of an arrogant arse, to be honest, but quite low key. It’s only since we’ve had children, been working and just generally living our mundane lives that it has ramped up and coupled with my menopause, well, it’s a bit of a shit show really!

Cancer has also been quite dominant on my father’s side. His mother got it, his sister got it and his niece got it. Not sure if it counts when it’s on papas side.(we are actually estranged)

Thanks again my wise wizards. Therapist first and then possibly HRT.

I absolutely know what you mean about the rage. I think without HRT I would be divorced and unemployed by now. It was a game changer for me and I can cope with normal life stresses again. Definitely worth exploring if it is an option for you.

HRT is probably the only thing keeping me out of a women's prison. And I am still fairly furious.

i second going to see Louise Newson, or reading the Menopause book by Kate Muir, it dispels the cancer, the body identical stuff is a lot safer and dare I say it the good definitely out ways the bad.

I went to the news on clinic after getting nowhere with my GP and was brilliant