Can we talk about lack of libido?

[changednameagainobvs]

I feel I can't be the only one with this problem. I'm early sixties, have taken antidepressants on and off (more on!) for about 20 years, menopausal and on hrt patches.
I imagine a lot of people take antidepressants and lack of libido is a common side effect AFAIK. Likewise, menopause CAN cause lack of libido.
I tried testosterone - prescribed then zero interest in monitoring, about seven years ago - but got a lot of body hair wherever I applied it so stopped using it. I hadn't noticed any difference anyway. I've always been hairy and have dark hair so very noticeable. I'm scarred for life by all the comments during childhood/teens about why have I got a moustache etc! I now remove facial hair obviously.
Stopping antidepressants isn't an option, as then life isn't worth living. I know this would make a difference though, it has in the past. I take Duloxetine as I also have chronic pain and it helps - supposedly- with that and coming off it is an absolute nightmare, I've done that in the past and really don't want to go through it again.
On top of that is the weight gain that comes with taking antidepressants and menopause which I'm battling with.
I'm interested to know how others cope with this. Do I just resign myself to not wanting sex ever again and not climaxing? It's just so sad. It's not as if GPs have time to listen to this sort of problem or are able to prescribe something to help. We've no menopause clinics nearby and I'm not able to travel over 100 miles to the nearest one.
Sorry for the long post. I've also posted the same under mental health.

I'm post menopausal and my sex drive has totally vanished. Woke up one morning and poof it was gone. No interest in sex either

You've answered your questions in your post!

Nothing changes unless something changes

I am your age and have the same lack of libido, but have never been on antidepressants. I am on hrt but not testosterone, and just feel nothing. I am not sure what, if anything, I can do- - just wanted to tell you you are not alone, and it might not be anything to do with antidepressants, as it might just be our time of life.

I dont understand why if you dont want it you cant just accept that you dont want it, if you see what I mean? I don't want it, so I dont want to want it, if you understand? I agree life misses a bit of color sometimes, but on the upside I love gardening 😇

What do you mean?

I'd like to want it. Sometimes I do want it but it's not satisfying. My partner wants it too.

Are you using local oestrogen in the vagina? I hadn't realised I was so uncomfortable and it was putting me off sex. The cream really helped the vaginal tissues

I am using it, yes, have done for about 6 years. I'm not that uncomfortable and we do use lube. I'd like to want sex and occasionally do or at least miss it but it's like my body doesn't get the memo! Or my partner isn't there at the time 🫣 - we don't live together. I can "sort" it myself but it's not the same and even then I can't climax, which I suspect is down to the antidepressants.

Might be the antidepressants alright.

I think sadly we have to accept some things, in your case your mental health is a priority and the meds cause the problem which you cannot change.

If I were you I'd revisit testosterone though, apply to non hairy areas like inner wrists or upper inner thigh. A tiny blob will not cause hair growth in those areas.

Do you still find you partner sexually attractive because that can be half the problem, women stuck with men whom they've maybe had a lifetime of resentment with and it's no wonder that they don't want sex with them really.

If all else is good try maybe adult literature or films to get in the mood or sex toys? Those clitoral suction devices would get an orgasm out of a stone lol then incorporate them into sex with your dh. Good luck!

I could have written your original post minus the chronic pain and testosterone caused acne not hair growth.

I don't think I can ascribe it all to antidepressants as my libido was definitely there pre-menopause, even if a bit lower than before. Now it's just.....gone.

I miss feeling desire and my husband misses it a lot. Sometimes I just go through the motions because I know it's important to him. It's not uncomfortable but I feel virtually nothing.

It's so frustrating- I don't know what to do!

I'm not on anti depressants and stoped being able to have an orgasm. It's due to vaginal atrophy.

Testosterone worked for me. I apply it to my inner arms. I'm also dark and very hairy and to be honest I'd rather remove a bit of extra hair than not be able to have an orgasm! How long did you try it for?

You also might need more vaginal oestrogen, both the predators and the cream.

I think you're right. I'm going to contact my gp re testosterone, failing that I've noticed superdrug offer a test and prescribing.

We've been together 3 years and I find him very attractive. He's good in bed too! It's me, not him lol. I have a suction toy and they are great but I'm even struggling with that!

I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. I go through the motions too, but it's difficult because my partner find my excitement turns him on and I don't want to fake it 😔

Thanks, I probably wasn't consistent enough with the testosterone due to the hairiness. I used to apply it to my inner thigh and started growing hairs there. To be honest now I'd be prepared to shave them too as I shave down there anyway, but at the time it didn't occur to me 🙄

What are predators re oestrogen?

Also gps don't monitor testosterone usage either they pretty much leave it up to the individual to report any issues. Start low, as you probably know it can make you feel bit jittery at first. Go for one blob a week to 2 etc. Always in a morning never at night.

'Womaniser pro W500' would be my recommendation, not those fancy stop start no touch ones that cost a fortune and do not pack a punch. The W500 does .

Also it's a cliche but treating yourself to posh undies can make you feel in the mood!

I have zero libido. Almost a minus libido. The idea of this elderly body cavorting around quite repulses me. I just don't want it and feel like there's something unseemly about it. Not that I think sex is for procreation but it is heavily linked with procreation and I am way beyond that. Partly, it is because during menopause it started to be agonisingly painful. Like someone poking a stick in an open wound. Just can't find that sexy!

BUT... DH has not lost his sex drive, and bless him he still finds me sexy after thirty years, weight gain and birthing scars. So, because I love him, we still have an active sex life that stops short of anything I find painful. And although I am never ever in the mood when he asks if I am in the mood, I often enjoy it.

To PP who say why is this a problem - it is if you love a partner who wants to be active. Have to find a way around this. OP - my advice, if you want to stay connected with your partner, is to just make time for it occasionally. Don't do anything you hate or that hurts but do everything else and you might find your body perks up and gets some pleasure from it.

Thank you for your reply. I do go along with it when he wants to, I just wish I could enjoy it more. I'm with you on the thought of this ageing body not looking great bouncing around, that could potentially be part of the problem, my body image, everything sags, I'm overweight, although not massively, I have a prolapse that is uncomfortable at times and a "challenging" digestive system! The thought of farting isn't very sexy! I'm trying to accept that that's just the way it is and he still wants me, which is something! I'm sorry it's painful for you, I luckily don't have that problem if I use enough topical oestrogen and lube.

Sorry it was autocorrect. Pessaries(eg Vagirux) not predators!

You do need to be consistent with it for it work. Inner arms don't have hair so maybe try putting it there.

Nice nightwear/lingerie to hide any lumps and bumps and the radio on to disguise any emissions?! Seriously, men just do not care <although I know it's hard to override a negative body image> and I think the fuller figure is far more desirable than skinny anyway.

Same here!
Married 38 years . Together 42
If I never have sex again it would not annoy me I am over it!
However DH who is 3 years older still wants it.
He has erectile disfunction but pops a little blue pill and voila
I am post menopausal and do not take HRT etc but do take 20 mg fluoxetine(Prozac) daily.

Thank you! Good ideas, although he's not a fan of music on, but I'll talk him into it.

Kinda makes you wish we could take a little blue pill and voila!

That’s so sad how you talk about your body. His body is the same. Sex isn’t just for young people! But if you have to then you can hide bits with sexy nighties etc. I have droopy boobs and a c section overhang and men of all ages have wanted more!

Antidepressants are the culprit, they numb everything.