Please help. This is ruining my life

[Movingdramas]

I believe this is perimenopause. I’m nearly 41, but my mum went through menopause relatively early. She was ‘done’ by 47. She was never the same after and we are now estranged. It was the beginning of the end really. And honestly? I can now understand why. I just don’t want to go on. The slightest thing sets me off. I’m so angry all the time. My cycles have become short so I am constantly either ovulating or on my period and I have developed PMDD. Some months are worse than others. I ache everywhere. I’ve stopped going to the gym as I’ve got nothing left after just getting through my daily life. I have neurodivergent children and am probably myself. I just can’t cope with anything. The brain fog has been so bad that at times I’ve felt like I am developing dementia. My eyes are gritty and dry, my nose is dry and bleeds. Recently I can’t bear my husband. It’s just all too much.
I went to the doctors back in July and they did blood tests and said I could have hrt if they came back showing anything which they were certain they would with all my symptoms. Only they came back ‘normal’. So here I am.
I don’t have any family or friends so no one to talk to. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m never going to ‘get better’. Can anyone give me some light at the end of the tunnel?

No advice op but I’m bumping for you for those who know what they’re talking about x

Could you try a Mirena coil? They will let you have that as contraception and it would probably stop your periods.
For the other symptoms, if you can afford could you go to a private menopause specialist Dr?

Or actually at 41, go on the pill and see if that helps?

@Movingdramas the blood tests can show " normal" hormone levels depending on where you are in your monthly cycle. Can you ask for a GP that specialises in the menopause? Or for a referral to a menopausal clinic??? I'm 56 and post menopausal for 3 year's. Peri menopause took 10 years. There are some very good vitamins available now. I tried everything...even acupuncture. It was the only thing that gave me any relief. Please message me if you need to chat x 🫂💐❤️

I can sympathise, I'm 41 too and my bloods came back "normal" as well and GP nurse said I'm too young for HRT. I've been told though that it you go to a private menopause specialist they'll most likely prescribe HRT. My symptoms are mainly anxiety and I also find everything (including my husband) so so irritating.

Did the GP do two blood tests 4-6 weeks apart, as per NICE guidelines?

https://cks.nice.org.uk/topics/menopause/diagnosis/diagnosis-of-menopause-perimenopause/

If not, go back and ask for this.

If they did (or if they do and no dice) go back and say you are suffering from peri-menopause symptoms and you wish to be referred to a menopause specialist as per NICE guidelines.

Sorry you feel like this. It's shit. HRT (or, as a PP says, the pill) may well help. I hope you get the support you need and deserve.

Oh forgot to say I take magnesium, vitamin d and a perimenopausal supplement and it does help a bit.

Just keep going back to docs. Keep on at them and don’t let them fob you off. Once you get started on oestrogen the difference is worth waiting for I promise!

They can do blood tests under 45 to see if it's perimenopause and then prescribe HRT.

My NHS Menopause Specialist does group consultations and at mine she prescribed to a 36 year old and a 40 year old.

You can ask your GP. Fill in a symptom checker on line and take it along. If they refuse ask to be referred to a specialist. Or you coukd go private.

My mum had horrendous symptoms, never took HRT and was just awful. I had no idea what was wrong with her.

GPs are meant to prescribe HRT based on symptoms not on bloods as they can be all over the place. Go back and cite the NICE guidelines for prescription. As long as you can point to at keat one typical symptom e.g hot flushes, irregular periods they need to prescribe.

Thanks so much for the responses. To answer some questions, yes I did have blood tests 6 weeks apart. Both came back normal although I did note that one of the levels was higher than the reference range considering where I was in my cycle, but not by very much I guess.

I have looked at NICE guidelines and as I am under 45 I think it does say to do blood tests. So I’m not sure where to go now. I could go back and I think they do have to let you try it for 6 months if they can’t find any reason for your symptoms despite blood results. But I just have no energy to fight and my mental health is too bad.

i could go private but im worried about having to pay private prescription costs and how much this would end up being. Im also terrified things will just get worse. My life feels like it’s falling apart over the past 6 months

Did they test your oestrogen as well as your FSH? Rarely due to other problems with your pituitary, fsh can be low to normal with low oestrogen. If I'd only had FSH tested i would never have had my problem picked up, my oestrogen was extremely low (as was my testosterone, and other hormone anomalies).

If you can't face fighting your case with your GP again then you can get it tested fairly cheaply via online companies like 'forth with life'. Do a 'Day 3' test. You can do it at home, with a finger prick kit.

HRT can be transformational once you get the right stuff and right dose for you, so hang on in there.

If you go private and they only prescribe what your GP is able to prescribe (100mcg or less of oestrogen, no testosterone) your GP should take over prescribing.

@Periperi2025the GP said they only test FSH and won’t test estrogen

Some GPs used to be (possibly still are) the same with Thyroid, only testing TSH, which is all well and good for the majority of patients with primary thyroid problems and likewise primary ovarian failure (normal menopause), but it means those few of us with secondary failure due to pituitary dysfunction go undiagnosed and untreated.

@Periperi2025yes I know, I’m hypothyroid too. I don’t convert Levo well to t3 so know the frustrations at them only testing TSH. It took me years to get the right dose and feel well

A year ago I got a private menopause blood test and did it on day 3 of my period and these were the results. GP wouldn’t look at them.

Please do go back to the GP, @Movingdramas. I know it can be horrible and when you are in the depths of misery it can feel like just one more insurmountable chore - even making an appointment can feel too much. But it is SO likely that HRT will help - and it's literally your GP's job to help you.

What are the barriers to going and how can you overcome them? Might it help you to write down your symptoms and how awful you are feeling, so you have a script to work from? Do you have a friend who can go along and advocate for you? (Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree - just thinking about things that have helped me.)

Or if your GP is unhelpful, can you see a different member of staff or register with a different one?

@crunchynutgirlthank you, I will try to get the will to complete the online forms for another appointment tomorrow. Something has got to give.

Endocrinology is bloody hard to get your head round, so I'm not surprised GPs aren't great on it, but what should be less hard for them to get their heads round is the fact that they have massive limitations in their knowledge and need to act accordingly.

I had normal FSH with very low oestrogen and testosterone whilst simultaneously having very low TSH (0.04) with normal (ish) T4, and yet this still didn't ring alarm bells and GP refused to refer to endocrinology, i had to go private.

Interested in this as DH diagnoised with Hashimoto's although I think Low Thyroid genetic in his family. His GP has to be reminded to do annual blood tests and frustratingly DH won't pick up detailed results so I can Google & monitor over time. They just keep prescribing more and more Levo, but I don't think it is boosting his energy or metabolism and he seems low on testosterone etc Worth going to private to Endocrinologist in your opinion? Thanks

Op - I went through the same as you mid-40's, my bloods showed no signs and in fairness quite a number of years later I'm still to hit menopause

I know several people low thyroid, so worth checking out

Yoga several times a week helped sleep and anxiety and coping mechanisms more than I ever dreamed possible. Now a way of life. Sugar intake really correlated with night sweats, so I try my best to avoid. I haven't ruled out HRT, but unfortunately may be higher risk for certain cancers etc, so just trying all I can naturally.

Hope whatever route you go works for you.

@NamechangeRugbyi have hashimotos and have done since i was 30 so im well managed on meds for my thyroid so def not that. I also completely overhauled my lifestyle 3 years ago when I first started experiencing symptoms. I haven’t had any alcohol in that time, was eating clean, gym, swim etc. sadly I have no energy left for any of that within the last 6 months. I think hrt is the only route I have left

Yes, definetly. But, the majority of endocrinologists specialise in diabetes, the biggest cohort of their patients, then next biggest group is Thyroid, then there's all the other niche stuff like pituitary. So do your research and find an Endocrinologist specialising in Thyroid, it is worth travelling if you have to.

My vague knowledge of Thyroid disease (my Dad had Grave's) is that it disproportionatly affects females, so a more generalist endocrinologist may not have seen a huge number of male patients with Hashimoto's, so another reason why finding a specialist privatetly is worth the money and effort.