Weight gain

[AlertCat]

In the past say three years or so, I have put on 2 dress sizes (I don’t own scales so tend to go by my jeans, but when I was a member of the gym last summer their scales had me between 78 and 82kg (you could get a different result by moving the scale around a bit). At 20 I was a size 10-12; at 42, 43 I was a size 12-14 (always been busty). Now at 47 I’m nudging a size 16. It’s all on my belly, really.

(Also I know I am heavy but always have been, even as a teen when I was very slim I was heavier than other people. I’m pretty strong. That’s another reason I don’t go on weight but on size.)

I am annoyed because I’m pretty active and do cardio and walk a lot (7000+ steps most days) plus yoga etc. I don’t diet because I had disordered eating as a teen/young adult and I hated my body for years, only happy when I got rid of the full length mirrors and the scales!

If I’m honest I have been on the chocolate and I eat big portions, BUT I eat similarly to how I have always eaten and have never been this big.

Am I right to blame menopause? And is there something I can do about it? My jeans are uncomfortably tight at the waist (fine still at the thigh and the bum) and I can’t afford new ones!

Of course some people will have to eat very little. Others won’t. That’s the point. We are all different and there is no point looking at those who can eat a horse and stay lean and insist that you should therefore be able to.
I train hard 4x a week and go on 2 hour brisk hilly walks 2x a week. I also walk my dogs daily. I am stronger and have more muscle mass that ever as I approach 60. But I now have to eat very little. I’m clearly eating enough as if I wasn’t I would have the muscle mass I have nor the energy. So yes, for some of us the answer to menopausal weight is to eat very very little of the right foods.

and I agree with you, the OP seems reticent to actually doing anything to resolve the issue. To get change you must change.

The difference is that in women more than men, weight distribution (fat) changes.

Women put weight on around their tummies (as do men but men's testosterone falls very slowly over decades.) This change- loss of a waistline - is linked to loss of estrogen.

However, weight gain at menopause is not inevitable. The change is shape is due to eating more but the fat is stored on the belly instead of being spread more 'evenly' on the hips and thighs.

People used to believe that metabolism slowed after 50 and that was a 'reason' for weight gain. New research has disproved this. The slowing of metabolism begins after 60, so we all need to eat slightly less unless we're exercising more (and trying to build muscle.)

'And is this a reason why the only part of me getting bigger is my belly'

It's just a common, well documented effect of the menopause - 'referred to as "menopause belly," primarily due to shifts in hormone levels, particularly estrogen, and changes in metabolism. Reduced estrogen can cause fat to be stored around the abdomen instead of the hips and thighs, and the slowing metabolism makes it easier to gain weight'

Just Google menopause weight gain, you'll find lots of info on why fat tends to accumulate around the abdomen and lots of advice which sadly boils to eat less and move more that what you've usually done before. I know it's been mentioned and dismissed but eating earlier really does help.

Hertsmum we are basically the same person! Just described what I do except I can’t kick wine and need to go back to no sugary treats at all which is why I’ve just gone over normal bmi after maintaining 23 bmi for last few years.

@AlertCat I'm going to suggest something that you might think about. You said earlier you had 'disordered eating' when you were younger.

Being serious- and trying to be kind!- what you describe now does come over as disordered eating. There are few pointers - you're defensive over your drinking.

It is on the high side and consuming all your 14+ units in a couple of days would be categorised as binge drinking (Drink Aware define it as more than 3 units in one sitting.)

A few posters have mentioned your obstinacy to change and the reasons you're coming up with why it's not possible (work hours, what your partner eats, etc.) So it ask the question if you're really motivated to do this.

There are plenty of swaps you could make - for example planning ahead with your brunch so you don't eat leftovers (which are probably carbs like white pasta etc.)

The other thing is your need to feel 'full'. That's another name for comfort eating. So maybe some help/analysis around why you need to feel full when you go to bed is a way forward? This is psychological- it's not about being hungry.

And if you can't drop the need, you can substitute food that fills you up without being carbs. You could have a smaller portion of your main meal and finish off with a large apple or another piece of fruit.

Have you lost sight of what a 'normal' portion of food is, especially if your partner does physical work and maybe eats masses?

Comparing how women is Spain eat isn't relevant- it's just digressing- without engaging with how you can change your own eating patterns.

@JinglingSpringbells that is a kind and considered post, thank you.

@springbringshopespeaks sense. We are all, indeed, different. Some people aren’t able to understand concepts like “food noise” or the fact that weight loss is hard won by others.

I am a big believer in the semiglutides revolution. I think we’re just at the start of how they can be prescribed to support weight management. It doesn’t mean we can all binge on junk food and pop a pill, but for those who generally eat well and exercise but still gain weight, it could be a game changer.

'my OH and dc would refuse to eat the food you describe. OH would have the fish but not the salad, maybe once under duress but would vote with his feet if I served it regularly. DC wouldn’t eat any of it except the cucumber. I’m not being deliberately difficult, but I have 3 people to meal plan'

I would review this. My dh works various hours and happily makes his own meals, ditto dc. Once kids are into secondary school age and I'm guessing at you're 47 yours may be they can prepare simple meals. Fill the fridge and make the pair or them be a bit more independent.

Yes of course it is important and nice to sit down and eat as a family but it doesn't have to be every night. You don't need to serve them.

Eat earlier and have a slice of toast at bedtime if you're feeling peckish.

Having thought a bit about @JinglingSpringbells i think there is something in what you say. I don’t have a balanced view of food- I HATE wasting any, so I struggle to leave food on my plate or throw away leftovers. when I’m told about a food “fact” i suddenly have to believe it (eg recently I learned that in Ayurveda, you don’t eat fruit at the same time as other foods because it digests at a different rate and ‘goes off’ - that first part is true, I’m not clear about what happens- but I now “can’t” have fruit and yoghurt, for example). It’s all bits and pieces of nonsense and if I don’t think too much about it I’m ok, like not having scales or looking in mirrors, but if I start thinking about it I get into a terrible tangle and end up not doing anything useful, or getting really anxious about it for my dc and my OH. I have done loads of therapy but this hasn’t come up before. I guess it doesn’t usually show up.

Thanks for your points. I appreciate the time you took.

I know about the alcohol. I did dry Jan and am drinking less than I was. It’s on my mind.

I hope it didn't upset you. Only you know how much this bothers you but it may be worth thinking about talking to a professional about it- one who specialises in ED or self-worth or whatever the legacy of this is, going back to your childhood. I hope that doesn't come over as too 'strong' but there is a definite link between a lot of the things you've said.

I'd also query the support of your partner - you say you're living together only recently- because ideally he ought to be more supportive and appreciate healthier eating for all the family. Not just you. And not just being a 'meat and 2 veg man'- although maybe that's an exaggeration! Focus on YOU not pleasing him and your DD.

I hope you can find a way forward - take care x

In menopause we lose oestrogen and our body tries to hold onto it in the middle so it does make a difference to how our body works, doesn't it?

OP I think if you possibly can, cut out the wine altogether. A gym instructor years ago used to shout at us "don't drink your calories" (and also "abs are made in the kitchen") it's always stuck with me so I rarely drink soft drinks, fruit juices etc and am mindful of how much alcohol I drink. I'd say if you cut out the alcohol completely from your diet you'll see a difference in weight.

The key for me has been making different meals when I’m trying to lose weight. We all still eat as a family, but I have something different to everyone else. So if they are having pasta or something else quite heavy, I will make myself a ramen or salad instead.

This.
Sadly this is what needs to happen to stop weight gain with menopause. I did find that I was putting on weight round my tummy and not all over as I did before menopause. I had to lose weight as I looked pregnant and it looked even worse as I had skinny legs! I don’t cut anything out of my diet even cake, I just have small amounts. I can’t eat milk chocolate as I have a dairy intolerance that makes me ill and I’ve switched to dark( it’s not the same but I eat less of it)
I have actually lost weight due to portion control and eating salad nearly every day for lunch but it’s not been easy. The way I look at it now is from a health point of view as weight round tummy is a serious risk of stroke diabetes etc and this is what motivates me now not how I look, although that’s a bonus. I have days off and I don’t feel bad and the weight loss has been very slow and steady. I have increased the amount of protein in my diet and find this stops me feeling hungry.

As you get older you need fewer calories so if you eat as you used to you will put on weight

its a mixture of menopause and muscle loss - and the later you can do something about with more weight bearing exercises

depdnding on how menopause lakes you , you may end up eating more - to counteract being tired or stressed - in that case HRT will help

I forgot to mention I’m on HRT patches with a Mirena. It took a long time (maybe 2 years) for my oestrogen levels to get sorted out as I had issues absorbing patches and then the waiting to see menopause specialist again. I was definitely still putting on weight round my tummy when taking them if I ate too much, so it wasn’t a magic bullet. I’m also on testosterone so this clouds the picture a bit as this can cause weight gain round tummy if it’s not at right dose.

I wanted to come back and admit I was wrong. I’ve stopped buying chocolate at all, and am having a half-loaf of sourdough every couple of weeks, smaller helpings of pasta in the evenings, and eating no starchy carbs at lunchtimes- and have lost some weight. I feel more myself and better, although I spent the first week feeling very hungry and very cross. I’m also having just one milky coffee per day instead of 2 or 3, and am delaying my coffee until 12 hours since my dinner, so getting in that fasting window.

I haven’t kept a record of the weight loss- but I did hop on the scales at the doctors and had lost about 3 kilos in the first 3 weeks or so. By my clothes I have got to a much better size. I’m honestly surprised at how dishonest I was being with myself about how much I was eating. So thanks all, for the advice and the frank feedback. I appreciate you 🙏