Weight gain

[AlertCat]

In the past say three years or so, I have put on 2 dress sizes (I don’t own scales so tend to go by my jeans, but when I was a member of the gym last summer their scales had me between 78 and 82kg (you could get a different result by moving the scale around a bit). At 20 I was a size 10-12; at 42, 43 I was a size 12-14 (always been busty). Now at 47 I’m nudging a size 16. It’s all on my belly, really.

(Also I know I am heavy but always have been, even as a teen when I was very slim I was heavier than other people. I’m pretty strong. That’s another reason I don’t go on weight but on size.)

I am annoyed because I’m pretty active and do cardio and walk a lot (7000+ steps most days) plus yoga etc. I don’t diet because I had disordered eating as a teen/young adult and I hated my body for years, only happy when I got rid of the full length mirrors and the scales!

If I’m honest I have been on the chocolate and I eat big portions, BUT I eat similarly to how I have always eaten and have never been this big.

Am I right to blame menopause? And is there something I can do about it? My jeans are uncomfortably tight at the waist (fine still at the thigh and the bum) and I can’t afford new ones!

It’s tricky if you choose it to be.
retrain your mind to not need a big meal in the evening. It’s not impossible.
on the classes nights either eat before or have a small snack for after.

if you want results different from what you are currently experiencing then you have to change what you are doing. That’s the bottom line. If everything is impossible to change in your mind then nothing will change and you will continue to put on weight. 🤷🏻‍♀️Sorry sound blunt but it’s as simple as that. You want change? Then change. Don’t insist there is a reason why you can’t do this or that and then complain that you are gaining weight

i don’t drink alcohol either. But then I never really did. If you like a drink then modify. Drink less and less often. And eat more protein. It keeps you feeling satiated for longer

Just to add, cardio is going to do bugger all to help you weight wise. Building muscle will though.

Generally we become less active as we age, add things like not sleeping well, feeling crap, etc it's all too easy to turn to food for comfort and be eating more than we realise.

Eat more lean protein and veg. Split your plate (and use smaller dinner plates if it helps) a third lean protein, a third veg and a third carb. Lift weights/do weight bearing exercise - this builds muscle and strengthens bones, which is really important for women.

What are you eating for your meals? You don't say.

I'm heading this way, and due to illness can't exercise at the moment.
Someone upthread posted about appetites waning as we get older- i WISH that was happening to me! I'm starving all the time!!

I also tend to work over a conventional lunchtime so I usually just have a coffee early, with oat milk, and eat a substantial breakfast late morning. I’d go as far as early afternoon without food, but I can’t eat while I’m working and I want to avoid both hanger and ruining my dinner/needing to eat right before bed, if I have a meal at 4pm.

You can change this.

You could make your substantial late breakfast your lunch. If late morning at 11am can't you nudge that to 12?

And make that a main meal.

Then after work and before you class ( 5pm? 6pm ) you could have a small snack- a pot of plain yogurt, or a handful of nuts, or fruit- and after your class another small snack if you needed it.

The issue is you're sticking to something that equates to a family meal at 8pm or later.

On your class nights, can't you change your meal times so you something light and your H eats something else, earlier in the evening? You don't have to eat the same thing at the same time.

You could make your substantial late breakfast your lunch. If late morning at 11am can't you nudge that to 12?
no. I’m travelling and then working and not in a position to eat while those things are happening. If i eat later than 11 I’m late for work. So usually I eat lunch food or leftovers from the night before. It is brunch, really. It gets me through to 7:30pm or maybe I have some nuts, crackers, or occasionally bread and butter, if I’m home, at 5pm.

On your class nights, can't you change your meal times so you something light and your H eats something else, earlier in the evening? You don't have to eat the same thing at the same time.

it’s simpler and easier in terms of Washing up if he and dc eat theirs while I’m out and I have the same thing when I get in because it’s easy and quick to heat up. It’s usually pasta and tomato sauce with cheese, sometimes broccoli or spinach in it as well and occasionally tuna, sausage, or minced beef.

Other nights might be chicken curry, vegetable curry with chickpeas or lentils, another pasta dish, veggie chilli with rice or nachos… stuff that can be served up at different times. I think we eat quite healthily most evenings. At the weekend we might have a risotto with salmon, or steak and chips, pizza, roast, or fish and chips (oven not chippy tea). I don’t have breakfast then either but maybe beans or cheese on toast at lunchtime, or a bacon sandwich. Then snacks at weekends might be olives, or crisps, or nothing- depends what I am doing and what’s for tea.
other lunch and snack foods: hummus, wraps, fruit, rollmops, lentils, sardines on toast, sandwiches of cheese and chutney, tuna, or peanut butter; leftover dinners. I have a bottle of wine over a weekend and sometimes a beer as well (1).

i sometimes eat too much chocolate but other weeks can have none at all.

Incidentally, I wonder about going to bed on a full stomach. In Spain it’s routine to eat between 9 and 10, and people still go to bed before 11. How come they aren’t all struggling with massive bellies? I’m genuinely curious.

Fair enough!

Looking at what you eat, there are lots of carbs with most meals.

Just going to repeat what PPs have said which is reduce the carbs. Almost all your meals are containing chips, bread, rice, pasta, white carbs (pizza.)

So chick pea curry without rice (lots of carbs in the chick peas.)
Fish and chips- 4 to 6 chips (Tom Kerridge says that's what he does.)
Veggie chilli- but no rice or 1 tablespoon.
Roast- 1 small roast potato and increase the other veg.

Swap the sandwiches for salads, have the sardines with green salad, make yourself an omelette instead of a cheese or bacon sarnie. Or a thick homemade soup.

It's not unhealthy what you're eating but just too much if you want to lose weight.

I know the benefits of fasting have been stated on this thread, but I think if you were to eat a protein rich breakfast earlier in the day and lunch you'd be fuelling yourself more evenly and consistently and less likely to eat more than you need in the evening. Feeling hangry is a sure sign you're really hungry and you mention skipping meals and filling up on bread and butter. It sounds almost disordered and it's probably not helping.

I've done fasting until lunch for extended periods and honestly I feel a hell of a lot better and have more ability to not overeat by eating a protein rich breakfast - fat free Skyr with fruit, some oats and nuts. I then have a light lunch, again high in protein, and a meal in the evening such as chicken breast, rice and veg. It's really important to model sensible eating habits for kids. My mother had a weird relationship with food and it's affected me though it's taken me years to realise. She's still on a diet now at over 80. I'm trying to break that cycle and find coping mechanisms that don't involve turning to cake and chocolate. I've lost half a stone in a couple of weeks and I don't feel deprived or hungry.

I think if you were to track everything you ate and track for a week or two, without making any changes at this stage, you'll find the answer as to why you've put on weight.

In Spain lunch is the main meal of the day. The evening meal is lighter.

8.5 hours between meals including an exercise class means you're not fuelling yourself properly. A lot of the foods you're having look to be mainly carbs (depends on what bread you're having as toast, etc) so your blood sugar will be peaking then slumping rather than level.

I was doing really well then out
of nowhere my easy happy teen developed eating issues. Nightmare and very difficult trying to shift my peri additional stone whilst trying to model jolly eating a lot habits. Not something those twenty something fitness influencers have to contend with is it!

Also- sorry!- if you're drinking a bottle of wine to yourself over 2 days, (6 small glasses or 3 large ones) plus a beer, that's the same as one glass of wine a day. That's a lot of calories- more than you imagine. Then you're sometimes snacking on crisps and chocolate. You don't 'need' snacks if you're trying to lose weight. 3 balanced, high protein, low carb meals spread evenly over the day.

I know you don't calorie count (I don't) but overall you do seem to be eating more than you need (heavy carby meals mainly late at night) and over time this is adding the weight.

I’m travelling and then working and not in a position to eat while those things are happening. If i eat later than 11 I’m late for work. So usually I eat lunch food or leftovers from the night before. It is brunch, really. It gets me through to 7:30pm or maybe I have some nuts, crackers, or occasionally bread and butter, if I’m home, at 5pm.

So you work away from home afternoons only and are home by 5pm?

I think this is one of the biggest issues. Being realistic how does your employer expect you to eat lunch if you have to leave home by 11am (or at least not eat after that time) and nothing more till you get home?

Being blunt, the issue is not just what you eat but the times you work- which is afternoons and evenings (3 nights week) meaning late night eating.

You might want to think about adding breakfast as well as lunch and laying off the heavy late night meals and snacks at 5pm.

@JinglingSpringbells I’m self employed. I don’t want to add much more detail as it would be outing. Yes, three days a week I am working or travelling to work between 12 and 4:30, and then going out again to exercise in the evening, leaving home again by 5:20. I then get home at 7:30 or later and we go to sleep at 10. What would you do?

I don’t understand your comment about adding breakfast. How will it help to lose weight if I eat more food, and then anyway someone else said if I don’t eat early then I’m fasting and that can help?

Also as I said, in Spain it’s normal to eat dinner late and then go to bed. I don’t understand why it matters for more than comfort how close to bedtime you eat. Could you please explain?

I think that for me personally, and I know this doesn't work for you as you've said so, I'd not work 3 evenings which meant my dinner was after 8pm. It's not giving you a healthy lifestyle. If you're self employed is it not worth reconsidering how you can work differently so you aren't having this huge gap between eating at 11am and then 8pm at least 3 nights a week?

The reason I said try breakfast is that you're getting most of your food late at night because by waiting till 8pm you're probably eating large portions, to make up for hunger during the afternoon.

I'm sure it's not nice to have your lifestyle and food picked apart here, but from what you've said it's carb-heavy, large portions, you're eating late-ish, 1 glass of wine a night, snacks on crisps and choc as and when, so it's just too much of the 'wrong' food at the 'wrong time'.

@JinglingSpringbells thank you. Yes I did ask!

It’s not wine every night, just at the weekend, I have around or just over the 14 units a week, but 4 or 5 dry nights a week. It’s also not crisps and chocolate every day, I admitted in my OP that I have been on the choc recently but not enough to account for my weight gain, and since posting last week I have been really good- making a bar last all week for example, and also taking smaller portions of the evening meal.

Also I can’t just not do this work. I wouldn’t have any income to replace it and it’s also my heart work, it makes me so happy when before I was miserable. it has to be at these times because that suits my clients.

Also I have been doing this since before the pandemic and it’s only in the last 2 or 3 years that this weight’s come on. So I think when I eat may be a bit of a red herring. Really the only things that’ve changed are living with OH and being well into perimenopause.

So I’m going to cook more of the meals I made before we lived together, eat smaller (a bit!) and see… someone upthread says it isn’t solved by exercise either and that dismayed me because upping my activity has always been my go-to. And try to accept myself as a size 14-16.

'If I’m honest I have been on the chocolate and I eat big portions, BUT I eat similarly to how I have always eaten and have never been this big. Am I right to blame menopause'

Yes. It is indeed a sad and very unfair state of affairs that we put on weight once in peri as our metabolism slows.

I used to eat loads of biscuits at work and stayed a size 10 for years.

Once we hit 40 and over it's all change so it is just a case of eating less and limiting the chocolate intake. I find dark chocolate helps as it kind of satisfies the craving more than milk chocolate ime.

'someone upthread says it isn’t solved by exercise either and that dismayed me because upping my activity has always been my go-to'

Ime increasing physical activity does help. So, for inactive people starting to walk 10k steps a day will make a difference but not immediately. I think folk expect instant results. For someone like you who already is active you just need to increase it. Give it 6weeks and you'll see the pounds start to come off.

OP have you considered not eating in the evening? I get that you had an eating disorder but this is something a lot of women do as they age. Personally I think it's a sensible way of keeping an eye on calories.

I have a massive breakfast once I get to work then a huge lunch. I track to make sure I've had 30g of fibre and 60g of protein too. Then when I get home from my school job about 5/6pm I might have a slice of rye sourdough toast with some avocado on or an orange and a decaf coffee. Then I brush my teeth and take off my makeup.

The only way to keep your weight the same as you age is eat less.

(However we don't eat together as a family ever and I make something different for everyone so it is much easier and no one would notice if I don't eat at all! Appreciate if you have DC who would notice, that's trickier.)

I definitely wouldnt eat if I was doing an exercise class though or I would be sick!

@Ilovelowry

OP have you considered not eating in the evening? I get that you had an eating disorder but this is something a lot of women do as they age. Personally I think it's a sensible way of keeping an eye on calories.

I have tried. Sometimes when I’ve had a massive lunch, like Sunday roast at the pub, I don’t have tea but then I feel hungry at 9pm (bedtime) and I don’t like going to bed hungry. I like not feeling full but I don’t like hunger. In the mornings I don’t feel hungry until close to lunchtime, but I do feel hungry in the evenings, even if I am well hydrated.

Maybe rather than eating what the others have, but late, I could eat lunch type food- but would I be saving many calories by doing that? It would usually be a pasta dinner (tomato or bolognaise sauce with cheese) vs toast or crackers, Hummous, avocado, olives or small tomatoes that sort of picky meal.

This is a big hurdle, having to feed the rest of the family too AMD stay within budget!

Okay forget about changing your working hours.

There is still plenty you can do.

You're right at the top end of safe drinking for women (14 units a week.)
Being really blunt, your drink is adding a LOT of calories. If you really want to lose weight try to cut that right back to maybe two glasses in total at a weekend on a Saturday and Sunday.

I'm repeating myself but your meals seem to revolve around carbs- pasta, bread/toast, potatoes etc etc and high calorie fatty food like cheese, sausage, mince etc.

Just as a comparison, and i am not perfect by any means - yesterday my lunch at 12 was a 2 egg omelette with spinach and a bit of grated cheese. 6 grapes afterwards. Dinner at 6.30 was a salmon fillet, green salad, peppers, few black olives, cucumber and half an avocado. 2% fat Greek yoghurt and blueberries for pud. Nothing else after that- bed at 11.( I do eat breakfast but won't go into the now!)

OP i like going to bed hungry and love waking up empty and energetic. I hate being hungry during the day at work though which is why I eat so much then. Once I get tired I want to go to bed and not eat. (don't understand anyone who can eat in the middle of the night).

So maybe you need to save all your calories for the late afternoon and evening. Calories are calories (in my opinion!) so work out what you need and balance them across the day, don't worry about the time you eat.

I took mounjaro 4 stone down in 6 months

Maybe my understanding of food is very poor (possible). I thought that (a) sugar rather than fat is to be avoided; (b) 5% fat mince isn’t high-fat; (c) a sprinkle of cheese on pasta is pretty standard and cheese is usually 50% fat, 50% protein (so no sugar) (d) a tomato sauce is a good way of eating 2-3 portions of veg, when you count the onions, garlic, spinach if we add that, etc. Am I so very far away from decent nutritional understanding? Where should I look for nutritional advice?

We eat fish including oily fish, meat, some vegan and veggie meals. Carbs like pasta are cost effective and fill us up. Every meal aims to have at least 3 different veg. If I use cream it’ll be the lower fat creme fraiche. Sometimes we use convenient food because we don’t have time to cook from scratch every single day, but so probably 6 times a week. We don’t often have any dessert (maybe 4 times a year). I don’t buy things with added sugar except yoghurts that my dc likes. So the sugar we do consume is evident.

@JinglingSpringbells my OH and dc would refuse to eat the food you describe. OH would have the fish but not the salad, maybe once under duress but would vote with his feet if I served it regularly. DC wouldn’t eat any of it except the cucumber. I’m not being deliberately difficult, but I have 3 people to meal plan and usually cook for, shop on a budget while still allowing for things we all like, and is a reasonably level of healthy (OH eats crap, frankly, if left to his own devices and DC would eat pasta and smoothies (that she makes herself with lots of fruit and veg, but still) and nothing else. It’s not as easy as just making myself that sort of meal because I would have to cook alternatives for the other two, and pay more for our food and make more washing up which one of has to do. We are all busy all day, and tired of an evening. Do you see what I mean? It’s all compromises to a certain extent.

(I’m also not going to completely deny myself treats because when I do it inevitably leads to ridiculous over-indulging. As I said in my OP, I had disordered eating (bulimic tendencies) as a teen/young adult and struggle/d with body image. Food is a pleasure and a comfort for me, it’s pointless denying that, and I also like a glass of wine. I know it’s a lot by some people’s standards but it’s not overdoing it and it’s limited to 2 or 3 nights a week.)