Secret Santa gift has made me paranoid

[Nikki3009]

Not menopause related but it feels relevant to this thread, and I’m trying to work out if I’m being over sensitive!

We had our secret Santa at work today and everyone got lovely gifts, but I was given a handheld fan. I felt really embarrassed - why would you get a woman of a certain age something that screams ‘you’re going through menopause so you must be having hot flushes’. Not only that but we all gather round and open them in front of each other so I was mortified!

For context, we all give gift suggestions and this was definitely not on my list (I’d asked for a reed diffuser or a cookbook), its made me feel paranoid that I walk around the office looking hot and sweaty 😬 or that the woman who gave it to me was being mean.

Could this be the duffest secret Santa gift?

You asked for a reed diffuser? It's secret Santa, it's not about expecting to get what you asked for!

I'm always cold, so would understand if I got something to that effect.

If you've never shown signs of being hot it's a badly thought out gift. I agree with sending it back next year. That'll get the message out.

That’s really tempting, I’m just not sure I’ve got the nous to do it 😂

I saw a whole load of the fans in the discount bin in our local waitrose months ago, so I can only assume she’s picked it up on the cheap back in September and decided to save herself the bother of getting a gift specifically for me. So as far as I’m concerned it’s a total cop out and it’s definitely not entering into the spirit of Secret Santa.

But don’t worry, next year I’ll rig the secret Santa and just clear our some tins from my cupboard and gift her a naff hamper! She’ll get it back 😂

I have no idea. But whether they’re fantastic or not, a fan is useless to me in winter, I didn’t put anything like that in my gift suggestion and it’s downright rude to give someone something that she had knocking about in her cupboard when everyone else spends their tenner and chooses something for their recipient!

She actually put an Amazon link for her gift and she got it! I wouldn’t personally do that because I think that takes the fun out of choosing something for someone. So I hope you can kind of understand why I’d be annoyed that she’s completely ignored what I would like and just given me something that she’d picked up cheap earlier in the year or re-gifted something that she didn’t want!

Yeah, if she’s going to be that specific about what she wants she should have at least have picked one of your items. As secret santas go, it’s a bit odd and not in the spirit of things to know who your buyer is and all pick your own gifts. I’d opt out next year if I were you.

Although it's thoughtless I wouldn't have linked it to the menopause. I'm menopausal now and wouldn't take offence at this gift.

How rubbish! This is why I hate office secret santas. Hopefully it was someone trying to be thoughtful but getting it way wrong

If it was in Waitrose then it probably is the John Lewis one that's gone viral before. If you really hate it then just regift as loads of people would love it - plenty of trendy 20 somethings I know rave about them, as does this 40 something in peri.
It's a shame you didn't get something you asked for but as far as secret Santa presents go I wouldn't take this as a diss. Your locale sounds different, if it was reduced, but it sells out most years.

That's awful! Definitely crap someone had lying around. People who take part in secret santa to get a gift, knowing that they'll just be getting rid of something from their cupboard, are pretty sneaky IMHO.

Gift ideas are helpful but it's not that I was expecting something from my gift suggestions, it's more that she didn't buy anything with me in mind at all. She wrapped up something she had knocking about at home and definitely something that was picked up from the discount bin months ago. I would never do anything like to that to someone. For me it's about choosing something nice for your colleague, actually thinking about what that person might like!

Thanks ladies for your input, I was being totally oversensitive feeling like it was because of my age (that's completely my own insecurity). However, I do still think it was a crappy re-gift or just something she picked up on the cheap when they were in the discount bin a few months ago.

Her cards are marked lol and I will get my point across to her one way or another. It is NOT in the spirit of Christmas to say you'll buy a gift for someone and then make zero effort. She's a bloody scrooge lol.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope your Secret Santa gifts aren't duffers and I'm off to treat myself to a nice reed diffuser haha xx

Ah, playing the long game - I like it 😂

Other people saying how great a fan is, that’s not the point.
This ss operates with participants giving suggestions of what they would really appreciate. We used to do one where you staying a couple of things you like, or interests you have, plus a couple of things you really would not appreciate.
For example: I love animals and furry things. I don’t like edible items.
It’s quite clear the giving already had this fan and just wanted to clear out her cupboard.
Most gifts operate in this way.
Would those saying it’s fine seriously rock up to say a baby shower with a bottle of Whiskey? Or a wedding with a duvet cover? Unless the receipts had specifically asked for those type of gifts.

i think you’re being way over sensitive. Life is too short for this drama and to be mortified by a gift. Think about this:
perhaps she likes the fan and thought it would be useful
there is nothing mortifying about being in peri menopause, it is a normal stage of a woman’s life
its Secret Santa, don’t have expectations and if you want to take part accept what you get graciously
lastly, life is TOO short! Time to grow up

About 15 years ago, when I was very early 40s I took part in a secret Santa at work. I put a lot of effort into my gift, what did I get? A pack of bath cubes. Yep, cubes. The thing you used to buy your granny in the 60s. Christ knows where they got them from.

I was mortified and angry.

Never taken part in one since!

If you hadn't all expressed preferences for gifts then I'd think nothing of it.

My kids are getting hand held fans for Christmas. They will actually be delighted with them - yes, slightly strange kids.

However, you asked for a reed diffuser or cook book and got a fan. That's thoughtless and annoying.

If it's a joke it's not funny. I can see why you're annoyed.

If she spends the summer waving her own fan around though, then she obviously likes them and was just mistaken when she thought you might too.

If there's no summer fan, I'd go with regifting it to her next year to see if she finds that funny too.

If you know who it is turn it around and make her feel bloody awkward by telling her that you got the subliminal message about her gifting you a fan but you're sorry her crush on you is unrequited and you're not that way inclined but are flattered she considers herself a fan of you.

I'm one of the fan fans. I do bloody love a hand fan but was mostly posting in response to the original question about if this was a savage diss gift for a menopausal woman. Lots of cool young things in events and telly jobs love them - to me they aren't a middle aged dig, they're a desirable thing in themselves.
I know the OP asked for a reed diffuser and is disappointed not to receive one, but to me that was secondary to the actual question posted.

I would have thought that a fan was a safe office gift that couldn't possibly cause offence. You can't win.