Secret Santa gift has made me paranoid

[Nikki3009]

Not menopause related but it feels relevant to this thread, and I’m trying to work out if I’m being over sensitive!

We had our secret Santa at work today and everyone got lovely gifts, but I was given a handheld fan. I felt really embarrassed - why would you get a woman of a certain age something that screams ‘you’re going through menopause so you must be having hot flushes’. Not only that but we all gather round and open them in front of each other so I was mortified!

For context, we all give gift suggestions and this was definitely not on my list (I’d asked for a reed diffuser or a cookbook), its made me feel paranoid that I walk around the office looking hot and sweaty 😬 or that the woman who gave it to me was being mean.

Could this be the duffest secret Santa gift?

was it one of those battery ones? I have two, they’re fantastic for the train and nights out etc. I bought my dad one for Father’s Day and he says it’s the best present he’s had in years. He carries it round in summer like a security blanket 🤣

It's a thoughtful gift if you're off on holiday soon to some hot destination, but a pretty dull gift for christmas otherwise. I honestly don't think this woman chose this item in any offensive way, i suspect it was a regift or a last minute buy. Do you know what she got for het gift? I hope it was something equally disappointing.

This is why I no longer partake in secret santa, some of the gifts are absolutely horrendous.

I remember being on the receiving end of some really naff slippers that were 3 sizes too big, why on earth would you gift slippers without knowing the size of someone's feet. Alongside that was a diary and the paper was like that tracing paper you used to get in loos at school!

I always decline office secret santa now, saves me the trauma of finding someone a gift that I hardly know and saves me having to put tat into landfill!

Bucking the trend I think it was a practical gift for a peri/menopausal woman. It's not that deep as the kids would say. Sue doesn't know you that well so it's a practical gift 🎁 no paranoia needed and you are being a little bit sensitive. Honestly am the same so know what it's like. If she knew you better she might have got something more personal but she doesn't. Xxx

It's just a practical joke then - maybe you've mentioned it so many times that it's stuck in someones head. I only ever did a secret santa once, as nowhere else I've worked did them, in fact I'd never heard of it before. This was early 00s.

We were set a budget of £5. I knew nothing about the person I was buying for, and we had no gift list to work from. All I remembered was her once saying to a group of us that she has no dusters, and used a tea towel on the rare occasions she did any dusting. I found a really pretty box, into which I put a pack of yellow dusters, & a £5 gift card. She was really thrilled, I think because it showed her that I did at least listen to what she said...everyone else looked at me like I was totally out of order.

That gift was outright bullying and should have been reported.

Don't be so ridiculous.

Is it one of the John Lewis ones? Because those are great presents!

You are reading way too much into that.

It's an office Kris kringle. It's meant to be a little odd.

A fan is a pretty standard gift in this situation. Not something you'd buy yourself, but might find surprisingly handy.

Same here. It just wouldn't occur to me to be offended or embarrassed by this.

I am also a woman of a certain age (58) and not long through the menopause.

That’s hurtful

but it’s a lesson
next year- don’t get involved in secret Santa at all

I suppose that you need to think about the givers likely intentions to decide whether or not to be offended?

Impossible to know. Could be a dig about menopause or could be a genuine thought that 'X is her age and she loves her handheld fan so maybe OP will too'. I have actually known a few 50+ women to rave about handheld fans! It's not always related to menopause. My mother still loves one and she's way past menopause.

1. I would never ever associate this gift with menopause
2. If this SS is about ASKING for particular gifts (reed diffuser etc.) then why not just ditch the gift thing and everyone just buys their own stuff?

A very useful gift indeed for any age.
It wouldn’t occur to me to feel embarrassed, mortified and paranoid. Sorry that it made you feel that way.
Office Secret Santa gifts are always hit and miss. No need to take offence if it’s a miss. Just regift it or take it to the charity shop.
I think you are over-thinking a bit OP.

I think you’re overthinking it. If you don’t suffer with hot flushes, then she probably just tonight it was a cool gift for when it’s stuffy in the office. If you do suffer with hot flushes at work, maybe she’s noticed and thought that it would actually be helpful, no offence intended.

Why she might have got it instead of a Reed diffuser or cookbook? Maybe it was cheaper or maybe she wanted to get you a surprise and thought you’d like it. Did everyone get it exactly what was on their lists? I agree with the pp..what’s the point of a secret Santa where you tell them what to get? Might aswell just going shopping yourself.

I'm in australia and a hand held fan is quite a good secret Santa gift! But if you are in the UK it's probably not so good.

I'd assosciate it with a "holiday" gift, like once I got a pretty passport cover etc. Just a useful little something that might come in handy.

I also love a fan in the office, not just for temp but air circulation.

Personally, I'd never associate a fan with menopause. Just in case you were worried about opening it in front of everyone - chances are they won't make the connection in the same way you will. It is certainly nothing to get embarrassed about and not in the same league as the stretch mark cream.

What’s more personal than a menopause-related gift?!

Hmmm. I'm struggling a little with this one in terms of intentions of the gift. My instinct is that it probably wasn't a menopause related purchase or if it was it was meant to be useful rather than mean. If it was me I'd probably own it though in an oh excellent, this is a brilliant present for a menopausal woman like me, ha ha kind of way. But then I often mention being menopausal and having hot flushes to my colleagues (partly because I think the brain fog does affect my memory and I have to write everything down or I'd forget to do it, partly to explain why I'm fanning myself in every meeting!) So I'd probably think it was designed to be thoughtful rather than nasty if it was me. But not sure in your situation where your office is freezing anyway.

Last year I gave someone a desk fan for Secret Santa (she is mid 30’s) as she had remarked that she wanted one and they were in short supply. She loves it. I’m 54 and would not be fazed by receiving a hand held fan. I think you may be reading too much into this.

Yet another reason why Secret bloody Santa can fuck all the way off.

We can't know if there was bad intent behind this gift without an idea of what the giver is like. But to ignore the OPs request for a reed diffuser and give this instead is thoughtless at best.

Could you give it back to her? Crack open your friendliest face and say 'Thanks anyway Sandra, I won't use this but it's obviously something that you'd appreciate since you gave it to me'.

Office secret Santa is the worst. I was once given a hideous stripey top (not in my size either) and a tiny notebook from a museum. What’s wrong with chocolates?!

People whinge about chocolates being "too unoriginal" or "wrong brand".

I’d let it go (also menopausal) but i would quietly find out who it was, if only to mark their card. I think they were probably attempting to be funny, and it’s not especially funny at all. I would want to be aware of who it was so I could decide for myself it was a well intended joke or something else.