Has anyone experienced a change of feeling for their partner but came back again

[Heartbrokenhusband24]

Hi to anyone that will read this, bit of a desperate husband here looking for some hope. My wife is currently going through perimenopause and she's recently hit me with the "i don;t feel the same way" bomb shell. This has been sudden, i mean very sudden. My birthday was on July 4th and the card she wrote me was full of loving words, about being together and loving me forever, we have always love each others company, often saying we're each others favourite person to be with, 2 months later it feels like its all over. I am not a bad husband, we have always made decisions together, always a partnership, we back each other when it comes to the kids, i do my fair share around the house. I'm not perfect, who is, and i'm aware of my faults and maybe in recent months i've been a bit needy and we have perhaps pushed each other away, i don't know why either, maybe because of us not communicating and expressing our feelings and expectations. cutting out the needy shit and passive aggressive comments has been top of my priority list, i am working on myself for myself during this time and can only hope she comes back to me. But the timing of this has all coincided with Peri and going on to HRT. We're still in the same house, same bed and we still get on well in each others company, i think she's maybe fed up with life and reviewing where she is and what she's done, i've seen the anxiety in her at times and things she's said have been harsh. i've remained clam and for the most part not reacted but its incredibly hard and despite her stern exterior i know she's hurting on the inside too. She's always been very independent and strong, not as strong as she thinks at times though! and now she's just cutting me off and she's always been stubborn! I know she doesn't need me but she's always wanted to be with me so it's destroying me that we find ourselves suddenly in this position, i've researched so much but i guess my question to you ladies is, have any you ever experienced these feelings and come back from them? i know those feelings are in there somewhere, i'm willing to stay and ride this out, we have 2 wonderful kids, decent house and jobs and we've always had a strong bond and close relationship that for my part is well worth fighting for!

Im in exactly the situation, I could have written what you just written nearly word for word, everything we had has just dropped off a cliff but reading this

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/menopause/5202464-positive-menopause-experiences

gives me hope so i'll hang on in there and ride the storm as Id take a bullet for my woman

My advice is be as supportive as poss without over doing it, get ready to be shouted at and used as a anger vent, dont be needy AT ALL, as our missis's cant be thinking about us about at the mo as we're not experiencing this menopause

Good luck man

Yes this happened to be. I really went off my DH, he was driving me crazy! Everything he did was just downright annoying tbh. I thought maybe we had come to the end of the road tbh. I was already on HRT but it wasn't really working for me. I still felt very emotionally up and down. Generally just incredibly piss off with life!

There were definitely issues that did need addressing, mental load really but asides from that our relationship had always been really good. I was at an absolute cross roads then switched HRT and within a couple of weeks I thought 'oh i really do like you after all'. It felt like a switch really, very odd. This was around 2 years ago now and things if anything are better than ever.

Thank you for this, gives me some hope, I have been wondering if she’s in the right dose or right HRT and all sorts, I guess it can be trial and error!

Thank you mate, I feel your pain, best of luck to you too

May not be peri related but the sudden drop in estrogen, which is the female hormone that makes us amenable/ pick up the slack/ forgiving/ smile at the shit jokes and overlook the bad stuff is common. Make of that what you will.

Yes I know all about estrogen, oxytocin and progesterone. And no there isn’t anyone else, we’ve had that out already. Think you’ll find my dad jokes were always spot on thank you 😂 you might think I’m making this sound perfect but there really wasn’t much wrong in the relationship, communication this year could have been better but nothing that couldn’t have been worked through. Close friends who know our situation are gobsmacked. I love my wife and will always be here for her

Yes in a nutshell, DH and I came the closest we ever have to divorce when I first hit peri and I definitely didn't feel the same way about him during that time, but we got through it and I would say we're stronger because of it. There was external stuff happening at the time too which combined with peri (as for a lot of women I think) highlighted how little my needs were being met or even listened to and I think it shocked us both how hard I kicked back against feeling taken for granted.

Fortunately DH took it as a wake up call (after some initial resistance and butting of heads) and we made changes but I honestly think we may have split if we hadn't both been willing to put the effort in. Ultimately your DW has to be willing too OP, you can't fix this on your own and only she can say whether there's still enough to fight for.

I have the most incredibly DH, he is my rock. He does everything around the house so i only have to focus on working, we don't have children. He is incredibly patient about the lack of sex and intimacy and yet I still criticise him and find the way he breathes irritating! I love him dearly but life has had the joy taken out it by peri.

It might be worth you looking at the CBA'ness thread in this section, it might give an insight to how many of us feel and how it bloody frustrates us.

I really hope you work it out and well done to you for wanting to understand.

I think going through phases of going off your partner, and falling back in love again, are common in long-term marriages. I think you partly have to ride it out and let time pass and partly see if there's any of her complaints that you can address (e.g. has her career come second, how can she get her own happiness back, is there something you do that is very difficult for her). I would be calm, but don't grovel, give her some space, but don't beg her to be with you or not to split up the family. In fact, I'd make sure I had my own fulfilling and interesting life, which will stop you desperately clinging on, and if it does all go wrong, you will have your own life to continue. If it went on more than a few months, I'd call it out and say- I want to be with you, that's my preference, but I do need to know as I'm also planning the next couple of decades of my life. She may realise what she could lose, she may not, that's the bit you can't control but don't play 'pick me' too much in this scenario.

Thank you for this, the fact we are still on the same house and bed I hope is a sign, I did read elsewhere on line this could be her way of telling me she wants change, like I said, I know where I’ve faltered and I’m working on myself, we’ve had far more good in our lives than good

Thank you x

She’s definitely more focused at work but I have always supported her with that and she appreciates it, but that should. It be to the detriment of your marriage, in my eyes anyway but I know she can’t help how she feels, she has told me she doesn’t know why she feels this way. I’m trying to give her as much space as I can and not smother her.
We definitely do have things to discuss and iron out if we are to come through this it

Thank you 🙏

Hi Girlintheframe, can i ask, if you don't mind sharing, what were you prescribed originally and what did you switch to that made such a difference?

Virtual hugs OP. Marriage is a bumpy ride particularly when married couples are in their middle ages. And menopause phases make it even worse. Please hang in there. Hang in tightly. Women are tactless when suffering from menopause symptoms. You can make things lighter for her by covering the chores she used to do like cooking and cleaning the house. It's mostly enduring to do house chores or anything when in menopause. Best of luck.