Anyone else started to not enjoy holidays?

[Movinghouseatlast]

I'm on HRT and all my symptoms are under control apart from lack of motivation.

I've stopped getting any joy from holidays though. We got back a week ago and to be honest it was a total waste of money. It didn't help that the weather wasn't great, but I felt so stressed while I was there about leaving our cats, about leaving our business with someone else looking after. It it just doesn't seem worth it.

Last year I didn't enjoy it either, again the stress.and we had a very noisy family in the apartment next door which ruined it.

I used to adore holidays and my partner still does. Its something we have always prioritised over other things. He has already booked for next June at the same villa we just got back from. It's SO expensive and should be an amazing treat but I wish we weren't going. It's not fair on him though if we don't go.

I don't know what to do

I think menopause can suck the joy but it could also be you aren’t going on the holidays you’d enjoy, eg I wouldn’t go to a hot country and hang about in a villa for two weeks. I don’t like eating in restaurants every night. I don’t fly. Maybe think about what a good holiday looks like to you.

This resonates with me.

hrt fixed some things but not lack of interest
other factors: cost of living - v broke; holidays ridiculously expensive, even camping; kids are ungrateful teenagers and not much company on holiday even when they are not moaning; covid took the fun out of travelling; climate change - feel guilty re flying and the weather in the med in the summer is now too hot; age , lack of physical energy plus I have a lot of stuff when younger,

Two weeks in a villa eating out every night was a good holiday for me before menopause!

I've changed my holidays. I'm more noise intolerant so choose houses with more space not big resorts. I'm happier at home too and go away in the UK more

The other - massive - factor for me is that my husband is still the same sociable extrovert that he ever was.

I'd like to be in a quiet self-catering place. Healthy yoghurt and fruit type of breakfast. Read in the shade on the beach all day. Simple grilled fish early dinner, an ice cream on the walk home and in bed, reading, early.

My husband is happy to have a chilled day but is ALL about going out in the evening. A cocktail in this bar. Three courses in noisy restaurant. A brandy in another restaurant.

If we stay in a hotel he gets chatting with some dreadful old soak at the bar about sport.

I can't bear it. I've become completely introverted and anti social as I've got older. All of our marriage is a compromise these days.

This is so interesting

I'm 44 and Although I still like holidays I now get horrific anxiety when I'm on them

What do you do when you’re away? Holidays should be exciting and fun or very relaxing. Why not stay somewhere else that’s much quieter, have food you like and maybe something that interests you more?

Travel solo. It's great at any time of your life but particularly in menopause. I do it all the time. Don't have to deal with other ppls schedules or interests.
Planning a solo trip to Greece shortly.

I kind of get what you mean. I had to stop listening to numerous podcasts because they all presented menopausal women as terribly anxious, scatty, depressed, mourning the empty nest etc etc.
I haven't seen this dog programme but I sometimes wonder if the pendulum has swung too far the other way. There is a LOT of money in telling women how anxious and depressed they are and overmedicalising them. Like overpriced Happy Mammoth pills!

Oops please ignore above post. Posted in wrong thread. MN please delete above.

Me too. We have just got back and I really wish we hadn't gone. DH really wasn't well enough although he insisted he was OK and we'd had enough stress beforehand sorting out his travel Insurance. He is not a good traveller at all.
We hadn't been anywhere since pre COVID when we got caught up in the Thomas Cook collapse and we'd both had a few health issues in the intervening years.
We'd had a miserable summer with the school opposite having extensive building work done for the whole of the usually quiet holidays. Generators and power tools going from 7 in the morning every day including some weekends so was desperate for some peace and quiet.
The travelling was so much more stressful than I remembered but all seemed well when we got there but we were woken up at 6.30 the next morning by the street team mowing, strimming and power washing right outside followed by boat engines revving away opposite for most of the day. There were some quiet periods but it set the tone and not helped by me getting a horrible cold halfway through that I've still got.
My DS and family meanwhile sent pictures of them in a caravan in the middle of a field in the sun in North Wales overlooking the sea and I just wished I was there with them.
The money we spent could have bought a cheap caravan. It will be a long time before I think about going abroad again.

The place I stayed was where we wanted to go. Maybe my post wasn't clear. Holidays used to be enjoyable, now not. I'm not choosing the wrong holiday, I get anxious while I'm away.

Do you get anxious about other things OP or is it just holidays?
Does your partner worry about the business when you're away or is it just you? If so why?
Have you discussed your anxieties with him or anyone?

Could you work on resolving your anxieties before June?
Or perhaps you are just changing as you get older and life and holidays need to change with you.

It's just holidays now. HRT sorted out my anxiety for other things, which was severe.

No, he doesn't worry about the business. He has always been an incredibly laid back 'we'll worry about it when it happens' kind of person.

I've always been a bit 'what if'.

Yes, he knows I'm anxious and he's already compromised- I said I wouldn't stay in an apartment again so we got a villa this time. We cancelled part of our holiday in January because I said I couldnt go away for more than a week.

It rained 6 days out of 7 so the holiday wouldn't have been great anyway! It just seems a waste of money when I'm more stressed on a relaxing holiday than at home. I also get anxious about the amount of money we're spending on something that isn't perfect.

I think I should get some CBT maybe. It's hard where I live though

For me , it’s day trips I can’t be bothered with , the travelling feels too much .

Same here @Toomanysquishmallows , especially as I do all the driving which I cba with anymore.

Sometimes I think that if someone told me I’d never be allowed to fly again and had to travel by land or sea for the rest of my life, I don’t think I’d be too unhappy.

Maybe you'll begin to love them again when the holiday is what you fancy doing and not pleasing the entire family! What would be your ideal trip if there were no children to please?

The point of my post was that I go on my ideal trip but don't enjoy it anymore, not like I used to. I feel anxious about everything. It's the menopause.

We don't have children.

It's normal to feel worried about things like leaving your business to someone else, or your pets. It's not helpful to label it as 'anxiety' and make it a medical condition. Just accept that's how you feel and do everything you can beforehand to ensure your business is being looked after as are your pets.

I don't think this is 'menopause'. Everyone changes as they become older. Even men.

Give yourself a good talking to and tell yourself to stop worrying.

Or, just don't go on holiday. Do day trips.

I actually didn't say I 'have anxiety'. I said I was anxious about things. Anxious is a word that has existed for as long as I can remember, it's not a medical state at all and I am not claiming to be ill.

Menopause actually does cause feelings of anxiety for many women. It can be overwhelming but obviously if you haven't experienced it you may not believe it. It started for me in my mid 40's and was debilitating. HRT helped a huge amount.

I feel anxious about everything. It's the menopause.

If your HRT isn't optimised you may still feel anxious to the point where you can't do things.
If you feel anxious about holidays, dont go. Or do something like a very short break which isn't expensive then you won't feel bad if you don't enjoy it. I quite understand anxiety is a meno symptom for some women. But I'm pushing back a bit (not particularly at you) that as we get older we can be more anxious about things than in our carefree 20s.