How long do I have to endure the peri sex surge hormones

[MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson]

Okay this is really starting to piss me off. I've been single for a number of years and no plans to get into a relationship for the foreseeable future. I can't do casual sex (never could).

All fine. Peri comes along and along with the heavier periods, sore boobs that are tender for 2 weeks of the month the thing that is pissing me off the most and quite frankly distracting is the huge surge in my sex drive.

I would say my sex drive during my life was average. I certaintly enjoyed foreplay and sex but during spells without if for the most part didn't bother me too much. Maybe occassionally I would have to use my vibrator.

But this. This is too fuckin much. For the last 8 years I haven't been bothered about sex much at all. I've had alot of stress with ill relatives and put on alot of weight so an occassional use of my vibrator one a month or even less was fine.

Now I'm going through batteries like nobodys business and fantasising about exes who gave great foreplay and unable to stop it. I WANT IT TO STOP.
I hate being so distracted like this. It's just a bloody inconvenience. Is this what it's like for men? I feel sorry for them.

Anyway my question is - when will it stop. It's been about 3 months so far.

I was like that when I started on HRT, I was waking my late dp up for sex all the time, he was knackered until they sorted out the right level for me.

Thanks for answering. I'm not on HRT and wasn't planning to go on it as I'm coping ok apart from some sore joints and of course the bleedin sex drive of a horny teenage boy.

Did you find the correct level of HRT fixed your sex drive back to normal then?
(Bet your late DP enjoyed it all the same even if it wore him out)

I wouldn't mind so much if a had a bloke around to subject to the urges but I really don't want to get into a relationship for this reason (especially since I'm hoping it's going to take a hike really soon and I can get back to my icecream in peace)

It lasted about 2 years for me, then "poof!". Gone. Now none whatsoever. In fact, feel quite repulsive to myself. Neither state is ideal!

Thanks for answering although 2 years is quite a long time. I was hoping someone was going to say 6 months or less.

I guess it is different for everyone so will just have to wait and see.

I'm not in a relationship and no plans for one so I'd cope better with no drive than this.

Do you mind me asking did you take HRT? If you did, did it make it better or worse or same?

Lol, he complained?

Mine started around 40 and seems to be calming down now, probably in the last year at 47.

Im afraid you might have 6 years of it!

Im married but have only had sex about twice in that period.

I'd stock up on vibrators and make the most of it.

Mine lasted about 3 years. I miss those days 😆 I wasn't on HRT during that time. I agree OP, it’s very distracting!!

I now take HRT and my sex drive is back to normal. But I don’t know if there’s a causal link.

Sorry OP. As you say everyone is different... 🤞

I am on HRT. it's made no difference to my sex drive (though has been brilliant for anger issues and "meh"). I think I'd need testosterone but the GP doesn't prescribe that and I can't be bothered to seek it out!!!!

It's always been high, but ramped up mid-40s. Now 52, and I think it's finally calming the last few months, but only to the point men can now keep up with me. I'm not on HRT so far.

Oh dear god - 6 years of it. I might have to rethink the relationship status if that is how long.

How on earth did you only have sex twice in that period if you are married and your sex drive went through the roof? (although I am consoled that even married woman with the sex surge were going without, so thanks for that solidarity

Yes I can see I am going to have to expand my very normal boring occasional vibrator for some more professional ones.

Or hire a male escort? That would be a new one. Do they even exist?
Nah that's not gonna work is it. If I can't do casual sex than I wouldn't have the balls to go through with hiring someone.

God I wish I had a sex drive. I've never been hugely bothered by sex but now I just don't fancy it all, it's like the Sahara down there and nothing works. DH is taking it personally and acting like I don't fancy him and gets really pissed off but I don't know what he wants me to do. Even if Tom Hardy turned up naked I'd tell him no thanks.

Perimenopause for the last 18 months no HRT.

Oh well 3 years is an 'improvement' on the previous poster who said 6.

It's just so very cruel. Here I am not bothered about being single and having the highest sex drive of my life. I'm not impressed!

Plus why god, why. When we get to be middle aged and lets be honest much less fanciable (so more difficult to find a new partner) we have this huge sex urge.

When we are young and pert and beautiful with men in abundance trying to bed us our sex drive is (well mine was) average.
Now that I'm fat and middle aged and invisible I'm turning into a sex fiend.

Now I know God is a man. Taking revenge on us for all the men we didn't want to sleep with when we could.

P.S. Just kidding I know it's my hormones going wonky. Jealous of all your married ladies now with a man on standby!

So 6-7 years then. Better get on LoveHoney now and get stocked up then.

Thanks for answering. Do men know this happens? Perhaps middle aged woman would be less invisible if they knew we were all 'middle aged' on the outside and red hot on the inside.

Thanks for replying. Yes I've not been bothered at all for the last 8 years. I put that down to other priorities plus caring for elderly relatives and knackered. Plus I always lose my sex drive a bit when I get too fat.
I remember thinking how it was nice I was single and not bothered because my sex drive had gone as I thought. Now bloody this.
Oh well. If Tom Hardy turns up you will know where to send him!!
Sorry it's causing friction for you and hubbie.

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I am now looking at middle aged women when I am out and about and seeing them through a new lense.

Trouble is the middle aged men can’t keep up! My sex drive is higher now than when I was married, although it did increase around 40 after divorce. Now 50 and my BF only wants it once or twice a month. I’d have it every day so we compromise about once a week. I appreciate him making the extra effort but I don’t want to feel like a sex pest. I’m on HRT including testosterone. For those thinking they don’t need it, the shrivelling up and shrinking of your labia and clitoris might change your mind! HRT has helped to somewhat reverse it but it’s still not back to normal. Plus it helps with osteoporosis prevention. Don’t write it off completely.

OP you sound a bit obsessed with youth being attractive and middle age not being attractive, that's not a healthy view. Many older women are having the best sex of their lives during this time with partners who are also middle aged. You make it sound like middle age men don't want sex? You only have to go on dating websites to see that's not the case.
You sound like you've written yourself off.. you only get one life.. if you want sex go get some sex!

I’m not sure all women know it happens. To be honest I think you are confusing some personal hormonal issue that you have going on with a universal experience.

oh dear. Mismatched sex drives are no fun whatever way it goes.

I had no idea my lady parts were going to start shrinking and shrivelling.

Yes I heard others say HRT protects from osteoporosis. My mum got that in her later years. She did take HRT but I am guessing the drugs have got more advanced now.

in my experience, middle aged men (excuse the generalisation) struggled to keep up. I started dating younger men during peri. Kinda by accident tbh. But I was astounded to discover just how many younger men find older women deeply attractive.

I realise you’re not quite in the place for dating OP. But honestly, in my experience, men find more mature women very attractive. (Perhaps because they know we’re insatiable in the sack!! 😂 )

I went down the “friends with benefits” route (for the first time in my life) and am currently engaged to a wonderful, slightly younger, man. Hands down the most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had.

but either way, stock up on the batteries and embrace your sensuality if you can! Otherwise, hang on in there and it’ll level out in time.

oh yes I do realise middle aged men want sex but aren't they usually chasing after younger women.

If I was still married or in a relationship I would still expect my husband/partner to want to have sex with me.

As a single middle aged person who if I'm honest being a carer for 5 years has really aged me and I'm looking knackered plus pretty fat I'm not thinking I'd get much interest on dating sites. There is threads on here quite regular saying once you get to your fifties it is slim pickings.

I'll probably get myself back in shape, get myself rested and looking better, try and get back out there......only for my sex drive to go POOF!
Oh well I need to lose weight anyway.

Thanks for replying. Didn't mean to insult all middle aged women. Some are aging really well. Several of my neighbours are in their sixties and seventies and look far more chic, slim and healthy than I currently do.

Ah right. So this doesn't happen to all women then in peri.

I have to admit I had heard that women lose their sex drive around menopause which is why this has taken me by surprise.

Oh well. Thank god for vibrators then.

Yes that's the trouble with the middle aged men as well. My last relationship the guy was 48 ish and had starting having a bit of ED. He couldn't help it of course but from a purely selfish point of view that's not gonna be any good!

That sounds like the way to go then. FWB. So pleased you have found yourself a great (and younger) guy. I'll have to consider younger then! Perhaps peri is going to be more interesting than I thought.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

@MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson The older I get the more sexual attention I get, don't know if it's a combo of confidence and looks. I think the last few hard years with your caring responsibilities have done a number on your confidence as a woman. I'm bisexual and women my age are so beautiful and kickass! Do whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself, you deserve some time for you now!

Yes there are perverts who chase younger women but these are a small number, and of that number the ones who succeed in that are small.
I think when you hear about womens struggles with dating on here, they are mainly looking for relationships which many men don't want. If you're looking for sex then you'll be swamped with offers.

I think peri is probably a pretty individual thing with a large amount of possible symptoms that some will get horribly badly, some will get a bit and some will not get at all in all sorts of combinations.
I'm a year or two into peri and have had night sweats, hot flushes, increased head aches, drier hair and skin but haven't had any change in my 'once or twice a week' sex drive, not had heavier periods and not had sore boobs.
So I don't think anyone can tell you how long it's going to last unfortunately - but as it's probably your bodies way of telling you that it's your last chance to have a baby, once menopause hits 'for real' it will probably be over.