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Original poster

How long do I have to endure the peri sex surge hormones

39 replies

MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson · 01/08/2024 02:41

Okay this is really starting to piss me off. I've been single for a number of years and no plans to get into a relationship for the foreseeable future. I can't do casual sex (never could).

All fine. Peri comes along and along with the heavier periods, sore boobs that are tender for 2 weeks of the month the thing that is pissing me off the most and quite frankly distracting is the huge surge in my sex drive.

I would say my sex drive during my life was average. I certaintly enjoyed foreplay and sex but during spells without if for the most part didn't bother me too much. Maybe occassionally I would have to use my vibrator.

But this. This is too fuckin much. For the last 8 years I haven't been bothered about sex much at all. I've had alot of stress with ill relatives and put on alot of weight so an occassional use of my vibrator one a month or even less was fine.

Now I'm going through batteries like nobodys business and fantasising about exes who gave great foreplay and unable to stop it. I WANT IT TO STOP.
I hate being so distracted like this. It's just a bloody inconvenience. Is this what it's like for men? I feel sorry for them.

Anyway my question is - when will it stop. It's been about 3 months so far.

OP posts:
VibeVanguard · 01/08/2024 12:02

MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson · 01/08/2024 11:06

oh yes I do realise middle aged men want sex but aren't they usually chasing after younger women.

If I was still married or in a relationship I would still expect my husband/partner to want to have sex with me.

As a single middle aged person who if I'm honest being a carer for 5 years has really aged me and I'm looking knackered plus pretty fat I'm not thinking I'd get much interest on dating sites. There is threads on here quite regular saying once you get to your fifties it is slim pickings.

I'll probably get myself back in shape, get myself rested and looking better, try and get back out there......only for my sex drive to go POOF!
Oh well I need to lose weight anyway.

Thanks for replying. Didn't mean to insult all middle aged women. Some are aging really well. Several of my neighbours are in their sixties and seventies and look far more chic, slim and healthy than I currently do.

Show quote history

A caring role can be tough on self esteem OP. I had similar issues throughout my life.

But bollocks to the idea that you need to lose weight to feel attractive. Many people fully appreciate curves and all that comes with them! Not all people of course, but there are plenty out there for sure.

In my hormonally driven, lusty stage, the people I dated genuinely seemed to love my curves, stretch marks and all. (Believe me, I interrogated them thoroughly as it was a surprise to me 😂)

The thing is, we more mature women can have so much going for us: greater financial independence, life experience, increased emotional awareness etc. We can be straight talking and less invested in relationships that just don't work out for us. Many people like the clarity and absence of game playing that younger people can get caught up in. (again, this is a generalisation, not all of us are older and wiser!!)

So yeah, don't feel you need to lose weight to get laid.... if that's what you really want. And, in the meantime, get on lovehoney and enjoy the sexual peak :)

Original poster
MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson · 01/08/2024 12:07

VibeVanguard · 01/08/2024 12:02

A caring role can be tough on self esteem OP. I had similar issues throughout my life.

But bollocks to the idea that you need to lose weight to feel attractive. Many people fully appreciate curves and all that comes with them! Not all people of course, but there are plenty out there for sure.

In my hormonally driven, lusty stage, the people I dated genuinely seemed to love my curves, stretch marks and all. (Believe me, I interrogated them thoroughly as it was a surprise to me 😂)

The thing is, we more mature women can have so much going for us: greater financial independence, life experience, increased emotional awareness etc. We can be straight talking and less invested in relationships that just don't work out for us. Many people like the clarity and absence of game playing that younger people can get caught up in. (again, this is a generalisation, not all of us are older and wiser!!)

So yeah, don't feel you need to lose weight to get laid.... if that's what you really want. And, in the meantime, get on lovehoney and enjoy the sexual peak :)

Show quote history

Thank you. That was a lovely post x

OP posts:
tfu · 01/08/2024 12:34

Im 49 and very high sex drive - no interest in relationship but I do have several gentleman callers who I see regularly with age range of 29 to 50. Everyone I'm dating knows I'm non monogamous and it's working out pretty well for me. Not for everyone but it's a solution. I'm overweight too but genuinely no one seems to care !

spikeandbuffy · 01/08/2024 12:42

BigPussyEnergy · 01/08/2024 10:48

Trouble is the middle aged men can’t keep up! My sex drive is higher now than when I was married, although it did increase around 40 after divorce. Now 50 and my BF only wants it once or twice a month. I’d have it every day so we compromise about once a week. I appreciate him making the extra effort but I don’t want to feel like a sex pest. I’m on HRT including testosterone. For those thinking they don’t need it, the shrivelling up and shrinking of your labia and clitoris might change your mind! HRT has helped to somewhat reverse it but it’s still not back to normal. Plus it helps with osteoporosis prevention. Don’t write it off completely.

I dunno.. I have a loose arrangement with a 50yo and he would every day and night if we could
It's usually me saying no!

betterangels · 01/08/2024 12:47

Seven years so far. Find a FWB. That's what I did. We have a great time, and I don't want a relationship.

EBearhug · 01/08/2024 12:55

Find a FWB.

Or more than one.

Not all middle-aged men suffer from ED or low drive. There are some good ones on OLD. Just because the pickings are slim doesn't mean they're non-existent.

VibeVanguard · 01/08/2024 12:55

betterangels · 01/08/2024 12:47

Seven years so far. Find a FWB. That's what I did. We have a great time, and I don't want a relationship.

That's what I did, and now I'm engaged to the guy, despite saying I never wanted a committed relationship with a man again 😅

EBearhug · 01/08/2024 13:08

There's nothing like not wanting commitment that seems to inspire men.
"I think of you as my girlfriend now," said one.
"What? I don't! I responded in mild horror.
(He was a bit hurt; I explained why I think like thst - didn't mention he gets away with way more flakey behaviour than I'd tolerate in what I think of as a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

Two others have introduced me to their parents. They don't take it seriously if I say, "you do realise I'm just using you for sex, not a relationship, don't you?" (I don't say that in front of parents.)

betterangels · 01/08/2024 16:42

EBearhug · 01/08/2024 12:55

Find a FWB.

Or more than one.

Not all middle-aged men suffer from ED or low drive. There are some good ones on OLD. Just because the pickings are slim doesn't mean they're non-existent.

Yes, or more than one. Agree.

SpecialPerson · 02/08/2024 14:22

Might be cheaper (save on batteries in the long run) and better to go for a love honey mains power wand vibrator - Amazing and very satisfying.

CornedBeef451 · 07/08/2024 08:35

@MyCatsNameIsMrTomkinson we don't have sex for lots of reasons, usually manage about once every two years for the last decade!

It didn't really occur to me to have sex more as I desperately wanted orgasms and that doesn't happen with DH.

I would recommend having more than one vibrator just in case one runs out of power, I was quite desperate some days waiting for it to charge up!

I think I'm on the other side of it now but I am just about to start HRT so not sure what will happen.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 07/08/2024 08:43

Bit off point, but my lovehoney bullet vibrator is rechargeable….

EBearhug · 07/08/2024 13:13

There's a good range of rechargeable ones these days.

LaJoconde · 07/08/2024 14:43

Your ovaries are in the Last Chance Saloon… your probably through the roof with your LH and FSH hormones -

actually, I’d ask for a brain scan. You might have pituitary gland problem, especially if you’ve put on a lot of weight.

make an appointment with your gp asap

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