Suddenly I'm weird.

[silverffox]

I wasn't, not previously.
Suddenly I am weird. No friends. No one seems to want to make friends. Had our DCs young. We're looking at a new life winding down to retirement. Former friends DCs are doing GCSEs, A levels or starting uni.

Me and DH don't like each other anymore. He doesn't like me. I have forgotten what he is like when he is nice.

10 years ago life was busy. We thrived like that.
Now I am alone and depressed. Can't take antidepressants.

Everyone is weird, which makes you normal.
Sounds like you need to end the relationship though.
As you’re on the menopause board have you looked at HRT?

Tried HRT for four years, it made absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Tried different types, I had a proper allergy to the glue on the patches.

I'm an introvert from a family of extroverts.
Whole life has been forcing myself to be outgoing.
I'm lonely. It's an effort to put myself out there.
I really do want some friends.

Yes we are all weird. Maybe some of us wear our weirdness more obviously than others?

What is it about 'weird' that worries you? Do you feel that it's offputting? That people are judging and thinking 'Why doesn't @silverffox have lots of friends like other people?' I can't really advise about friends - I am terrible at making them and I am weird but I don't think that's why I'm so bad about it. But I do feel I have some friends at least, albeit very few 'new' ones.

Also it sounds like you should end the marriage. You don't like each other any more, you don't get a prize for sticking with it but you might for separating and starting again. It sounds to me like his attitude towards you could be a big contributor to your depression.

There should be a club that women can go to, to do interesting things and make friends.

Isn't that the WI?

There’s a WI near me, they are often seen weaving baskets. I’m not at that stage yet, I’m looking for friends to walks up hills and go to rock concerts.

@DustyLee123 thank you for tactfully saying what I was trying to articulate.
My jam could be considered as a weapon.
I'm sure that many great women go to the W.I., whilst I do have every respect for women who join up, I'm not sure it's for me just yet.

@Echobelly I'm not sure how I am weird, I never seem to fit in. My words are often misconstrued. My Mum is manipulative and in private she is nasty, yet she has lots of friends.

OTOH I rarely meet a person I don't like, yet people are suspicious of this.

@silverffox Honestly I could have written your post myself!
I feel weird too. Hardly any friends, always think it would be lovely to have lots of friends and I did used to have lots but I'm a homebird and always end up cancelling plans to stay home. Friends have drifted off quite rightly.

Husband is an arse, we haven't got on for years really but still plodding on.

Menopause has hit me like a tonne of bricks, I'm now anaemic and very low and cry at everything.

So I feel weird too. I'll join your club!

For someone like me, friends are more of a burden. Always over needy, and some type of drama going on. I see the 'friend" groups at work busy planning a night out, only to come into work the morning after and slag each other off. Fake and shallow.
I am happily single, and enjoy my peaceful evenings alone.
I am also going through the menopause. My body is changing and l try to be mindful of that when feeling low mood etc. Listening to music helps lift my mood.

Why can you not try oestrogel and a progesterone. I think you should try to get another appointment at your doctor and talk to them as it will help. It took me ages to get right hrt and had to make a few tweaks also. I was just diagnosed with underactive thyroid so have no energy to meet with anyone and feel annoyed at myself. I always seem a bit odd also in a big group and feel uncomfortable. Look after your health first and you will feel a bit better.

How would life be if you were to start again and break up your relationship. Does that excite or scare you. Living with someone when it is awful can make you feel really low and bad. Peace of mind counts for so much. Hope things improve and is there a walking club you could join or some other local club that could get you out and about.

Which is it... "suddenly I'm weird" or "I never seem to fit in" ?

You're the architect of your own future, OP. What do you think you want to do to become a happier person?

You would absolutely be welcome @andjustlikethisorthat.

There aren't many (any) places to go out near me, besides I need to decompress at the end of the day. It's not boozy friendships I want, it's people to drink coffee with, to support and be supported by @RamblingRosiePosy. When I was younger I went to plenty of clubs and bars.

I'm seriously considering leaving @BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants, I am working through the logistics now. I'm someone who has to consider things, roll the ideas around before I go.

@lljkk they can coexist. Both suddenly I am weird and I don't fit in. At School, Uni, as a Mum I was always a part of things. Now, as I say, suddenly I am weird and don't feel like I fit in.

I can relate so much @silverffox
I never felt like I fitted in, always pretended and found it easier to fit in after a couple of drinks.

When I became a mum I felt like I had a purpose and things were different, Now ds has started school im back to being lost and alone and not really fitting in anywhere again.

Sorry to jump on your thread but it's so relatable

I'm a fellow weirdo. I love my own company but at the same time, crave connection.

What do you mean by 'weird'? If you just feel like a different person now I think that's quite normal and it's partly just menopause and a desire to slough off the bullshit parts of life and people who actually you don't have much in common with any more.

I read the article below a couple of days ago and thought 'Yeah, that's how I feel too'. Maybe we all do? I think mid-life is a strange time. Everyone is so busy - work, children, parents, house, pets, etc. I feel I've outgrown or at least changed too much now and that old school, uni or work friends from years ago suddenly aren't really people I can relate to. I don't want to sit around reminiscing about old times, our lives have diverged, we have different interests, live in different places, life has taken us in different directions. You're not alone.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12712949/Are-stuck-midlife-friendship-drought-too.html

Funbags3 I am like you, am happy in my own company especially in peri-menopause but everyone else seems to spend weekend drinking and that bored me many years ago in my mid 20's so like many stated just someone to have a walk with or a coffee without it been too much. Am I weird as prefer my dog's company as she is so loving and loyal and am happy pottering about here but other people think what is wrong with you as they always have to have other's around them. My late mum told me many years ago as a teenager I was always up in my room listening to music and hated sitting with everyone in a packed living room with all the noise of tv, etc. Wishing everyone well. I always felt different and always had high anxiety but meds help with that now.

I wrote a long post and then clicked the wrong button.....but essentially what @BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants said 🤩

I will join you all . All if your posts resonate me.

The realisation that my DC will leave home soon is hard to cope with .

You aren't weird, you sound pretty normal to me. Like a pp said everyone is weird.
I've got a few good friends who I see probably once a month or so, not altogether because I don't like being in a big group. Also my dear best friend from school who lives in the next town, I see her once a month too.
Honestly, I can't cope with seeing people all the time so that's enough for me.
DH & I rub along OK most of the time but he works shifts so I get a lot of time to myself as well which I desperately need & miss if I don't have it.
You definitely are not weird, you're just changing as you get older. I hope you find a couple of like minded people, you sound cool.

I'm older than you lot, I think. I am not living the life I expected and thought I was working towards, not at all! However, I've embraced my new role as "Keeps herself to herself, doesn't interact much but seems pleasant enough. Has an idiosyncratic sense of style."

Does it sound like hell to you? It would have to me, 20 years ago or even 15. Life happens and sometime you've got to roll with the punches. Other times, though, there is plenty you can do to radically change your life and prospects. I like the serenity prayer, it's all you need really!

@silverffox, the most blindingly obvious "thing you can change" is your soul-sucking marriage. Are you planning, or merely wishing? Maybe it's time to get going.

I understand exactly, OP. I find that I do or say nice things and they get misconstrued, so now I try to avoid people in order to have peace.

My dogs like me though.

Yes, If you're old, posh, live down south or in Harrogate 😁

I was thinking this just yesterday ! I'm 49 and don't think I have one solid friend I would go and have a coffee with anymore.
My kids are grown up , my youngest is a pre teen so I don't really do the school mum xlub now either.
I'll sound bat shit crazy but I probably talk the most to my dogs once I'm home! I have realised though that I'm quite introverted and it takes a lot out of me having to be all sparky for social meetings etc so I don't mind it really , I'm also single so I don't have to worry about dressing up to go on dates anymore now.
You're not alone at all but weirdness is only a label , I'm sure you're great company on a hill walk etc.
Good luck with deciding what to do regarding husband aswell

I’m 52, not posh, live up north and I’m a member of my local W.I. There’s women younger than me, my age and older that go. We have a right laugh and there’s lots to take part in. Give it a try OP at the very least it will stem the isolation you are feeling.

It sounds like you are in a period of transition. A cocooning phase while you take pause and think about what you want the next stage of life to be like.

What makes you happy? What have you always thought you'd love doing but never got around to trying?

IME the world is full of women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, single/divorced/unhappily married, feeling out of place, who would love to connect with others. They're at work, hobby and exercise groups, volunteering, online. You will find them when you're ready to look!