Do you still feel sexually desirable?

[RudsyFarmer]

I just don’t. I don’t even look too bad!

I’m in a relationship, I take HRT, including testosterone, but the idea of someone actually desiring me is laughable. I honestly think it’s a mindset and since I lost the ability to have children I’ve placed myself in a new category of matron or some maternal but celibate role. Sexy things are for young people with taut bodies and tight vaginas in my mind. I don’t know how to change that?!

I don’t know but perhaps this is just a phase and you will come out the other side feeling desirable again.

Aww this is really sad.. clearly lots disagree with you as couples continue a sex life into old age.
I know people who are having the best sex of their lives now they're in their 50s as they don't give a fuck what someone thinks of them, not worried about pregnancy etc

Does your partner make you feel unattractive in any way?
Sex is for anyone who enjoys it and it feels good for.

Nope. My partner is lovely. This is totally in my head only and I agree, it’s sad.

I am astonished my partner finds me sexually desirable, but he definitely does. I’m not in bad shape for my age, still have a good libido myself, and fancy him even though objectively I know he is the male version of me. But I look at my saggy tummy, droopy boobs, wrecked vagina, odd varicose veins, grey roots etc and think wtf?

This changed completely for me when I started sexting men. Would your partner be up for it? I had so many hangups about my body but having multiple men inform me (for example) that my arse was great, instead of awful/flat the way I thought of it, was a gamechanger. It got a lot more graphic than that but I'll spare you!

I'll admit I only initially sent pictures with incredibly low lighting but I got over that.

And if you're thinking they just wanted a shag.. of course. But that's the thing, they wanted a shag with me. I ended up feeling pretty hot as a result.

I dont. But I put on a ton of weight and am permanently bloated and reflux-y. I feel icky - neither attractive nor in the mood.
am just starting oestrogen and getting blood tests for other stuff.

Not really. It’s depressing.

No, not any more. DH seems to desire me, but the fact that I don't see myself as a desirable creature any more, puts a block on it from my end.

Vaginal atrophy doesn't help either.

Yikes. Why would you let your self esteem hang on what some bloke says about your body in the hope that you'd shag him? Why would you be happy for randoms to have naked pictures of you? They could do anything with them. Honestly why not just do only fans - at least that way you might make some money out of those weirdos.

I feel the same way and I'm 45, not menopausal and objectively quite good-looking. Men still fancy me but I just can't shake the idea that sex and love are for young people. I wish I could get past it.

I’m not through the menopause yet but no, I don’t feel desirable. I am slim and have some good muscle tone, but I absolutely hate the sagging, especially my breasts which I find repulsive. DH still wants sex with me so I can only conclude he is a lot less judgemental than me or is perhaps picturing someone young and attractive when we get it on 😂

Very occasionally but I imagine those times only occur during my ovulation phase (I’m peri but still with periods)

So it’s more of a biological urge like “oooh i fancy a bit of sex tonight” rather than me believing I am sexually desirable myself.

Im an absolute disaster to look at to be honest, DH is happy and we have a good sex life but the thought of another man fancying me is laughable. I’m about as sexy as a potato (and not a delicious roasted one - a plain, uncooked, rotund potato)

46, single and in peri here. I don't feel very desirable, but equally I don't often desire anyone or find myself bothered about sex. I used to love it and it mattered a lot, so it's been a big shift in identity. I now value other roles and aspects of myself more, but I can't help hoping that it will all come back one day and I'll get giddy for someone who's giddy for me.

I am 50 and have experienced a huge spike in libido and how desirable I feel.

When I was young I was oblivious to when men were attracted to me. Now I am feeling it and am getting more attention because as a result.

I am happier with how I look - my hairstyle is cool and I do a good line in subtle flirting

I’ve only got one boob following cancer and failed implant. The rest of me is ok for early 50s but I feel fundamentally no longer someone anyone should be attracted to.
I think, if I still had both boobs, I would be as attractive as I wanted to be.

@Herecomesdehotstepper Ovestin cream for atrophy. A game changer x

Um no but I accept it. There aren't many desirable men of 53, they're like 4 cats

I have been using Vagifem every day for the last five years. Penetration is still too painful to contemplate, even if I didn't have the mental block.

I couldn’t give a shit. Sex is overrated and no men over 45 are all that. So be confident and don’t worry!

This isn’t what I came here to post but whilst I’m here … Vagifem won’t help in the same way that Ovestin will. Ovestin can be used externally as it’s a cream so you can literally rub it around the vulva and surrounding vaginal areas as well as using the applicator to insert it - as opposed to Vagifem which is a pessary. I don’t really understand why doctors etc still prescribe Vagifem when Ovestin is so much better for most women (I’m on a menopause forum and we talk about it a lot). Even if you don’t want to have sex etc it’s a total game changer comfort wise.

I am 43 and feel totally unsexy. I really hate my ageing body and I can’t equate the me of the old twenty something days with the menopausal me. Hate it. Dh is always complimenting me and saying he finds me sexy etc but honestly I just feel like sex is something for young attractive people and I can’t feel that way about myself at all.

Reading this is really sad. You're not too old to be sexy until you're dead!

Exactly the same. Sex is for the youngsters in my head. I’m just horribly bogged down with housework and kids and the daily grind. By the end of the day I honestly couldn’t feel less sexy.

I use Vagirux (same as vagifem I think), and penetration is also quite painful for me. I have no idea what more I can do to fix it.

im usualy myself and try to get along with everyone, as to my appeal, im not sure