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Menopause

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Original poster

Anyone gone off their partner/husband because of menopause?

57 replies

Alicew00 · 29/08/2023 09:56

I've just had it confirmed I'm going through the perimenopause. The last week or so I've been put off by my boyfriend. I don't want to be touched or kissed. He annoys me. We have nothing to talk about unless it's to do with work or his childish jokes and childish behaviour.
I do get put off when he has bad breath because he didn't brush his teeth and when I mention he has something in his teeth he makes a joke about it and ignores it. I also can't stand when he's walking around naked. He has weird shaped body. He keeps asking if I'm alright and it drives me crazy!!
Could it be to do with menopausal symptoms? Will it go away

OP posts:
ShrinkingSusan · 29/08/2023 10:02

I haven't been put off him as a person but I have no interest in sex. It makes me sad and I want my libido back as we are still young (prem meno) and it shouldn't be like this yet.

He does annoy the fuck out of me so much that I've considered divorce lately about the sex thing. He still wants it. I don't. It wouln't bother me if I never had sex again really, now. Maybe I've just got too much going on that I haven't got the headspace for it either. But this is so not me and not what I was like when we met.

I'm post meno, on hrt now and nothing is happening re: it coming back. I'm going to speak to the Dr about Testosterone next I think.

Newgolddream70 · 29/08/2023 10:06

Omg OP, I could have posted this!

My bf is now my ex because I struggled with all these things but, he was also an over-sharer when it came to bodily functions and it just revolted me.

I have to say I am not interested in men or sex at all for the first time in my adult life! I can't offer you any help or advice but I do completely get where you're coming from.

I'm on Evorel 100 oestrogen patches, so the highest dose you can have. I suppose I could take testosterone but I'm just not interested in having sex ever again.

I keep watching (unrealistic) old black and white romantic films and I want that in my life!

Original poster
Alicew00 · 29/08/2023 10:11

That's really sad :( I have gone of sex too. I'm just not interested...I'll have to ask the GP about it. I broke up with him once before and it really hurt him. He didn't take it well at all. I just feel so dead inside lol :-/ I can't stand it but I like talking to other people

OP posts:
Worldgonecrazy · 29/08/2023 10:16

You haven’t gone off sex, you just don’t feel sexually attracted to your partner. This is quite normal around this age, we wake up and realise that being sexually attracted to your partner is important. When I look at most men in their late 40s/50s I wouldn’t want to have sex with them either! I think if you had a partner you still found sexy, you would still want to have sex. The menopause gets the blame for women not wanting to have sex with fat, lazy, unattractive men, instead of men thinking they should look after themselves a bit more.

Worldgonecrazy · 29/08/2023 10:20

Hit post too soon! I have a partner who looks after himself, keeps clean and groomed, does his share of tasks, dresses well. He is still sexy and I want to have sex with him all the time.

Newgolddream70 · 29/08/2023 10:22

@Worldgonecrazy you could be right there!

ShrinkingSusan · 29/08/2023 12:01

Worldgonecrazy · 29/08/2023 10:20

Hit post too soon! I have a partner who looks after himself, keeps clean and groomed, does his share of tasks, dresses well. He is still sexy and I want to have sex with him all the time.

My DH does all that, he's lost weight, looks more like he did when we met etc.

I am just never horny though. Its definitely related because it all started to drop off after I came off the injection so we could TTC.

I had a few months where my periods were settling down, then regular for 6-8 months then periods went haywire, I was 36/37. I was only diagnosed late last year at 41 with early meno, when I was out the other side.

Since coming off depo my libido just ebbed away, to now, nothing.

Original poster
Alicew00 · 30/08/2023 20:58

I guess I'm just not that into him then. He says things that I don't find funny and says I don't have a funny bone. But people at work and family and friends make me laugh all the time. He thinks he's funny but he's not. He's a nice person yes, but that's doesn't make up for everything else unfortunately.
He cant seem to help with anything I have to do it all. He can wash the pots that's about it. Does anyone else's partner leave their crap all down the side of his bed? We've been needed another wardrobe for ages and he isn't bothered. He wastes his money on takeaways and shopping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alicew00 · 30/08/2023 21:01

I am feeling alot less raged and emotional now I have help for peri. I'm just fed up of him. He's nice he dresses well he just annoys the hell out of me. Maybe I should move this post somewhere else haha

OP posts:
Newgolddream70 · 30/08/2023 21:08

Irritability is at the top of my list of menopause symptoms! How was your relationship with your bf before your symptoms started?

WhereAreWeNow · 30/08/2023 23:11

I can relate @Alicew00 . I've been wanting to leave my DP recently and I wonder if it's actually peri hormones making me super irritable or whether actually we're just not good together and the relationship is making me miserable.

WhereAreWeNow · 30/08/2023 23:12

I also find sloppy personal hygiene a huge turn off.

Wheresmemum · 31/08/2023 00:47

I can totally relate, and it's not just my husband that I'm put off by. Another post suggested it could be that it's not that you don't want intimacy, you're just no longer attracted to your partner. I beg to differ I don't want to be touched by any man thank you very much! Not even my famous actor gorgeous man, who I still think is lovely to look at btw. But I want to keep me to myself, I only want to give what I feel is important to me to give, and to those I actually want to spend my time and energy on. That's mostly spending time with my kids and certain family and friends. I've even stopped bothering to make the effort with particular family members and friends who I've realised are just toxic, they don't want to give to the relationship, they just take and have been doing that for years. Perimenopause is rubbish, but it's definitely made me realise that i need to put my energies into people and things that are important and that will value me too! As for intimacy, pah! That's on the "no" list!

Wheresmemum · 31/08/2023 00:52

Just to add my previous post made it sound like my other half is a gorgeous famous actor (I wish) and he's not 😂i meant an actor I've had a crush on for years lol

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 31/08/2023 00:53

Wheresmemum · 31/08/2023 00:47

I can totally relate, and it's not just my husband that I'm put off by. Another post suggested it could be that it's not that you don't want intimacy, you're just no longer attracted to your partner. I beg to differ I don't want to be touched by any man thank you very much! Not even my famous actor gorgeous man, who I still think is lovely to look at btw. But I want to keep me to myself, I only want to give what I feel is important to me to give, and to those I actually want to spend my time and energy on. That's mostly spending time with my kids and certain family and friends. I've even stopped bothering to make the effort with particular family members and friends who I've realised are just toxic, they don't want to give to the relationship, they just take and have been doing that for years. Perimenopause is rubbish, but it's definitely made me realise that i need to put my energies into people and things that are important and that will value me too! As for intimacy, pah! That's on the "no" list!

I am with you in all of this.

PhilMitchellsleatherbomber · 31/08/2023 01:12

Worldgonecrazy · 29/08/2023 10:16

You haven’t gone off sex, you just don’t feel sexually attracted to your partner. This is quite normal around this age, we wake up and realise that being sexually attracted to your partner is important. When I look at most men in their late 40s/50s I wouldn’t want to have sex with them either! I think if you had a partner you still found sexy, you would still want to have sex. The menopause gets the blame for women not wanting to have sex with fat, lazy, unattractive men, instead of men thinking they should look after themselves a bit more.

Not in my case, If Brad Pitt turned up on my doorstep declaring his insatiable passion for me I would have to say sorry Brad, but there is some paint drying that I need to watch.

Wheresmemum · 31/08/2023 01:57

This made me laugh! Thank you for that and I can totally relate! Although I would happily sit and have a cup of tea and chat with Brad, nothing more though!

Wheresmemum · 31/08/2023 01:58

💛

thecatinthetwat · 31/08/2023 02:09

Oh come on, really? If Brad Pitt (or someone better) turned up with a bottle of wine and you just talked and laughed the night away. Would you not want a little bit of something? Literally nothing at all? I’m honestly just trying to work out if I’m peri meno. I’m thinking maybe I’m not.?

smooththecat · 31/08/2023 02:13

I’m at a stage where if he turned up on the right day of the month, I’d do it. All the other days I’d tell him to piss off. Sex drive is basically a once a month deal for me.

drearydear · 31/08/2023 02:29

I don't think it was peri menopause that put me off my ex as I'd hated him (yes hated) for some time, and that was due to his awful behaviour, nothing else. I'd rather have died than let him touch me again. Hope that doesn't sound dramatic.
After we split, and as I'm closer to menopause, I'm actually approaching indifference to him.

Poor personal hygiene would definitely make me disinterested in sex at least.

ShrinkingSusan · 31/08/2023 08:48

thecatinthetwat · 31/08/2023 02:09

Oh come on, really? If Brad Pitt (or someone better) turned up with a bottle of wine and you just talked and laughed the night away. Would you not want a little bit of something? Literally nothing at all? I’m honestly just trying to work out if I’m peri meno. I’m thinking maybe I’m not.?

Everyone has different symptoms. Some people become sex mad.

QueenCamilla · 31/08/2023 09:06

I'm single and I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship again unless I can avoid the initial shag-fest and the eventual co-habitation. Those are the two massive stumbling blocks that put me off completely.
So Brad and I could meet weekly for a cuppa and chat and once a month I'd bring my garters, suspenders and negligee - if he's lucky and teeth all brushed 😂

Newgolddream70 · 31/08/2023 11:28

@QueenCamilla 😂

DustyLee123 · 31/08/2023 11:31

I’m not interested in sex, and I’ve been dithering over a divorce for a couple of years. I’m not sure if it’s peri or the long marriage.

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