GP says menopause but I’m depressed and convinced is cancer

[Blagdoon]

TL, DR: I’ve been unwanted and excluded my entire life. Now I’m unwell and the GP is convinced it’s menopause symptoms. But I’m convinced that it must be cancer because the world has no place for me and I have no future prospects.

I have autism. So nobody has ever wanted to be my friend. Nobody has ever wanted to employ me. Nobody has ever wanted to be in a long term relationship with me. People have frequently excluded me from social groups and clubs. Even at uni my dissertation supervisor refused to work with me. I’ve only had min wage jobs where they needed a warm body and didn’t care who.

Lately I’ve had breast pain spreading to arms, hands, back and hips. Pain in my left ribs. Upset tummy. Achy all over. Difficulty sleeping. Mammogram was clear, based on blood hormone levels my GP said menopause. But I’m convinced it’s cancer. Partly because I feel so unwell, how can menopause do all of this? And partly because I feel like I have no further purpose.

I’ve tried. Repeatedly. The world didn’t want me. Now I’ve run out of time. What’s left for me to do? It’s too late to hope and strive. At my age I’m supposed to be winding down, from a peak that I never achieved. I’m supposed to be enjoying friends and success, that I never had. In a few years I’ll be at the age where people take early retirement, but I’ve never earned enough to pay into a pension.

My daughter has reached school age and isn’t glued to me any more. Her Gran picks her up from school twice a week and could easily do it every day. I feel like I’ve served my purpose in producing and raising her, and now there’s no future for me. No career, no friends, no pension, no retirement, no plans. Nothing to carry onto the next stage of life. There’s nothing in my future but death. Which is why I feel like it’s imminent. Life feels like a big empty desert with nothing but a flashing neon sign saying “Exit this way”.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I hope your gp has referred you for counselling and mental health support.

Please don't think you don't have a purpose, you're a mother if nothing else focus on that. Your dd needs you, it doesn't stop when they start school. My dm is elderly and I need her.

Do you get out in the fresh air for physical activity etc?

If you are menopausal then any existing physical and mental issues will be heightened. Please ask for help irl. Good luck

There's a good thread about autism and menopause here.

Unfortunately, menopause (I'm in perimenopause) can cause horrible physical and mental health symptoms and autistic women often experience menopause differently from NT women.

It sounds like you are in a deep depression and need some urgent help with your mental health. Your daughter needs a mum for a long time.

Thanks. I’m just scared. I’m so very poorly, how can this just be menopause? There’s something wrong with me, something really bad to be causing this level of illness.

All of your symptoms do sound menopausal.

And it can feel overwhelming. I've felt overwhelmed with mine. And very low. Lots of tears. No hope whatsoever.

I appreciate that yours might feel so much worse. My DS is ASD and is incredibly anxious. Your GP should have taken that into account too.

< fellow neurodivergent waving >

ADHD and please see username to know I understand how serious life rain can leave you less attached to this mortal coil than your average person. Until a couple of years ago (when grief and the perimenopause decided to put out a collaborative album) it was all I ever thought about.

We get depression. We also get the perimenopause. Sometime the two happen at the same time. Sometimes one is made worse by the other.

When we become parents putting down our bucket of pain stops being an option. Because all we do is hand it to our kid to carry. With their small arms and inexperienced brains less able than ours to keep on keeping on despite the weight there is to carry.

We have to try all avenues. I was lucky. The first anti-depressants I tried worked like a charm. Then I was able to do all the wellness stuff people say makes a massive difference. Irritatingly enough, they were right. HUGE difference. But the mood base line has to come up high enough to let some of us on that track to feeling massively better.

I’m about to post a thread, as soon as my weirdo ADHD brain will let me, asking to help update my plan to live well, inside my head, cos my hormones have gone bonkers. Which let awful feelings and intrusive thoughts back in. Which I was not prepared for. So don’t feel like you have to pick between depression or perimenopause. It might be both. Or dealing with one will make the other settle to some degree.

Honestly love I had the same symptoms as you. Except I was convinced it was lung cancer, because I could barely breathe. Had to have my lungs scanned before they could convince me it was my wonky brain (and wonky hormones) that needed help.

There may be some trial and error with pinpointing which issue is causing/contributing to which symptom. But let yourself get on the path to finding out. It’s not always smooth with a pleasant gradient. But I promise you, from this side of the bridge, it’s better than the one I walked on for decades, the one you are on now.

Come on over the “fine doctor, it’s a misdiagnosis and you’re not listening, but I’ll humour you and take your prescriptions just to prove you wrong…, ohh !” bridge . It can’t hurt, nobody will take the bridge to old path down while you aren’t looking. And there are plenty of us over here who understand exactly how you feel right now.

I’m sorry you feel like this, if you had blood tests done they can tell if you have something like cancer as your white blood cells would be off. If you can access you blood results they might put your mind at rest. If all your bloods are in normal range you should be fine.

Hormones are horrible and most definitely can make you feel extremely off.

Blood tests would show up any serious illness, you've had a mammogram and your gp will have examined you and taken a full history. Depleting hormones really can have a significant effect on mental and physical health.

Are you having counselling?

Try to focus on fitness by eating well and having plenty of activity. Obviously as you are autistic you may need extra support so please read the link the pp posted.

Honestly love I had the same symptoms as you. Except I was convinced it was lung cancer, because I could barely breathe. Had to have my lungs scanned before they could convince me it was my wonky brain (and wonky hormones) that needed help.
This is me. I thought it was breast cancer. Was planning my funeral. Then the mammogram was clear. So I said ok it’s obviously ovarian cancer then. Or maybe MS or something worse. And I’m terrified.

My stomach hurts. I feel sick and have wind. My breasts ache. My arms and hands hurt. I can barely type which is preventing me working. My back and hips hurt. I’m incredibly tired but can’t sleep at night. I’m convinced my heart keeps racing. And this has come on suddenly in the space of six weeks. I’m so scared thinking that I’m seriously ill, because I feel terrible. And obviously I feel like my life is over because these symptoms are crippling.

@Blagdoon I'm so sorry you feel this way. Your Dd definitely still needs her mum and there will be so much for you to look forward to in life once you get past this hurdle.

I've just joined this board as my peri-symptoms feel like they have literally exploded overnight (in reality theyve been in the background for a year or 2).

I've been blown away with how much worse it is than I thought. I'm really struggling with the emotional/anxiety/irrational thoughts - and I'd have classed myself as having great mental health until now. If that's how it's affecting my MH I can only imagine what it's doing for ladies starting this journey with less than great MH.

Sending a big hug but please go back to the dr and listen to the treatment options. At least give it a try

Have you tried CBD oil? It's great for aches and pains.

I had the heart racing too. For no apparent reason it would just start banging inside my chest. I barely got off the sofa. Everything hurt. I’ve had lifelong insomnia that got so bad it made having a newborn look like a walk in park in compassion.

I thought it had come on really fast, and it certainly upped the ante in a short space of time. But in retrospect it had been creeping up on me for a while.

I paid a ton of euros for extra heart tests because I didn’t want “to be a statistic” due to a GP not knowing how women work. Loads of extra cash we didn’t have to spare just to be told my heart was in perfect working order, despite my crappy diet and being so sedentary that your average sloth was giving me judge looks.

Turns out I have ADHD, a three decades old untreated depression and perimenopausal anxiety and very hurty mind, body and soul.

To be honest, despite all that coming out at the time, and accepting (eventually) anti depressants, I’ve only genuinely accepted the perimenopause bit in the last 48 hours. When it has kicked me so hard in the arse I can’t carry on kicking it back into the long grass anymore.

You are so not alone in feeling like it must be something more serious. Some of us don’t even know what serious shit (but not terminally so) the perimenopause entails until it’s eaten half our (figurative) face off.

I also thought I was dying. Awful feeling, horrible impending doom feeling.

HRT has solved it for me.

Suicide rates peak in menopause, probably badly due to the terrible effects menopause can have on mental health.

Your daughter sounds young. She does need you.

Many of your symptoms do sound like menopause. About a third of women have a terrible time at menopause.

Have you tried HRT? It got rid of my insomnia and most other symptoms.

Have you had support for your autism. I have heard some other people with autism say they learnt certain ‘tricks’ to enable them to find it easier to get along with NT people.

You sound miserable OP, I have felt as low as you do. I have some of the fears and feelings you have. I really feel for you and hope you get support to help you through this.

Honestly, please don’t under estimate how utterly horrendous & poorly meno/peri can make you feel. There are days when I ache, feel sick, can barely get through the day because I feel like i’m at deaths door.

When I first got knocked with symptoms, half the time I could barely get up the stairs without being in agony with my joints. I had zero energy & was waiting for the time I could get in bed.

It sounds like hormones to me. Your DD needs you, you are her whole world.

just reminded me, I convinced myself I had bowel cancer, even the Dr sending me for tests confirmed this & I had real symptoms. There was no cancer or even anything wrong.

I get terrible Brest pain, feel like something inside them is pinching. I also get hip, knock & stomach aches!

PS for the wind (and if constipation has decided to join the party, that too) have you got an old washing up bowl with a decent depth or smallish household bucket ? Turn it upside down. Stick that under your feet when on the loo.

It helps get the angles right for easier exits of all things wishing not to be inside you. I think they sell thingie now specifically for this purpose. But having spent a shit ton of money to be poked at by a cardiologist I reserve the right to recoup the costs by repurposing existing household items. Which now live permanently in my bathroom.

Breast*

I appreciate your life experience is different to mine, but as well as the physical symptoms I found menopause made me feel very like you do - what's the point of being alive, they'd all do fine without me. I wasn't suicidal, but it all felt so pointless I'm not sure I could have been arsed to get out of the way of a runaway bus.

If you'd told me that HRT would make me feel better then I wouldn't have believed you, but it did. It has made a real difference: my outlook on life is so much more positive.

When I was first pregnant I thought it had to be something awful, probably cancer, I felt so ill and drained, like nothing I'd felt before. But it was just my powerful female body doing its thing.

I hope you can bring yourself to talk to your doctor about your options, and to give some a try.

You've had some great advice here @Blagdoon

Is your GP referring you for counselling or /and MH support? I do hope so.

It's worth trying HRT and although it might not be the whole answer, it may well help.

Have you thought about looking at the website of MIND?
They have some good ideas for self-help for depression and anxiety.
If you are looking to make some friends, some places do walks and gardening groups for people with MH issues.

Are you able to exercise? Even just doing a 30 minute walk each day will help your mental and physical health.

You can turn all of this around with some babysteps and setting yourself some very small goals.

I feel your pain - literally! Some days I can hardly walk, I have hypermobile joints which menopause is causing hari cari with - back feels like it's breaking. Get pains shooting in my legs. I also go through the cancer thing in my head - I e sone this before with GP who sent me for a scan and bloods and told me this was for me only because she knew I was ok. Skews a great doctor!
Have you been prescribed anything to help, hormones? Antidepressants? Counselling?
Things will get better

... forgot to say, you won't believe me but sone light exercise will help. I go to a menopausal age women's PT class x2 a week and it really helps

Sounds like meno to me too. I never knew bones could ache so much. Try HRT and see if it gets better.

Those symptoms all sound like classic perimenopause. Your GP will have seen this a lot.
Why not try any treatment they offer? What have you got to lose?

You feel that you are dying.
Ok.
But feelings are not facts.
Our brains can be wrong.

Can you get outside for a 20min walk every day? Even if it's raining. It helps.

When I was first pregnant I thought it had to be something awful, probably cancer, I felt so ill and drained, like nothing I'd felt before. But it was just my powerful female body doing its thing.*
*
This is worth repeating - it's well documented and possibly your own experience that early pregnancy can have some horrific symptoms and they are mostly caused by hormones gone haywire.

So if they do that in pregnancy perhaps that will help to demonstrate how powerful they are and how they could absolutely be responsible for how you are feeling now?

Those symptoms all sound like classic perimenopause
I asked Dr Google and everything that comes up is ovarian cancer. Or breast cancer. Or other types of cancer. Nobody tells us what perimenopause can do. I’m literally incapacitated. But I don’t see other incapacitated menopausal women, they just seem to carry on. Which leads to the assumption that it’s cancer.

Sounds like menopause, depression and anxiety to me. I’m so sorry, it sounds awful and unbearable. There’s some good advice on here, please see your G.P.

Try to drink lots of water, eat well and take some light exercise.

Your daughter loves you OP, I hope you are able to access some help. You will be ok.