Feeling terrible and devastated

[Blufelt]

GP thinks I am in peri at 43. I am terrified. My breasts have swelled and become painful to the point that the GP initially thought I had cancer (scans clear and the specialist said hormonal pain). My body aches. I struggle to do simple housework. I can’t play my instrument any more because of the pain and stiffness in my arms and hands. I constantly feel sick and upset tummy. I wake up at night and feel too unwell to go back to sleep. My brain is foggy. And the scary thing is that there’s no cure.

The GP has also given me a long talk about how terrible it is that I’m starting menopause early. I should have had another 5-10 years of feeling young and healthy. Instead I’m suffering these terrible symptoms. I’ll age faster and be at higher risk of heart disease and osteoporosis. I feel like the last of my youth has been snatched away and I’m devastated.

It is shit OP but it gets better. I'm out the other end now and I'm happy my sex drive has stayed with me. I do lots of stretching because I feel tight. I think most people are peri in their 40s, it's just that most people won't admit it. What is annoying is the length of time it takes to come out the other end and suddenly aquiring an apple belly having been a size 10 all my life. Freedom from periods is a bonus!

There's no reason to be terrified, this is normal. Your GP is being very dramatic, you really aren't that young to be going through it. There's loads of useful threads on here, once you've caught your breath a bit, have a read and empower yourself.

First of all, the sky is not falling, you will get through this. Secondly, you need to go to a private Peri/menopause clinic, as soon as humanly possible. It is not as expensive as you may think, it's worth every penny, and you need to start HRT right away.

I started Peri at 40 and was on HRT by 41. I'm 49 now, still using HRT, and I feel great. You need to take charge and get the help, and hormones, you need.

I’ll age faster and be at higher risk of heart disease and osteoporosis.

Not if you take HRT. Your GP is shit, BTW. Most are when it comes to peri-menopause.

the average age is between 42 and 47. did the dr offer you any mediation options?
although everyone's experience is different, your symptoms sound rather severe.
i wouldn't be surprised if you had an autoimmune type issue along with perimenopause.
don't just accept that this is it, because at the age of 65 i've not met any other women who have mentioned to me this level of discomfort.
most moan a bit about a few issues but not anything incapacitating.

43 isn’t early for perimenopause though so don’t be alarmed.

HRT is your friend - it has helped my achey joints, hot flushes and bloating.

Did the GP give you any advice on your management plan?

Please don’t worry !!! I promise you this is not the end of the world. I feel so much better now I take HRT - I’m 55 and I exercise 3 times a week including weight training sessions. . I have lots of energy and the joy has come back into my life. At 45 I was a stone overweight and had to have afternoon naps and couldn’t contemplate exercising as my joints and muscles ached so much. I was so low and felt like a washed up old lady. I was about to be referred to a rheumatology specialist. Started HRT aged 50 and life got back on track. Wish I’d taken it years earlier !!

Don't be terrified this is a normal part of being a woman I'm afraid, maybe try some calming sprays, drink camomile tea, avoid caffeine
Maybe even try some kalms,
Hopefully your symptoms will lessen.
I do feel your pain though, that is why I'm awake, because I'm boiling hot and my feet and toes are hurting and legs itching and jittering about. X

Stuff the herbal remedies. Get HRT. And I think the pp who mentioned possible auto immune issues could be on to something.

And buy Davina's book and read about it for yourself op xx

This 'natural' thing that some women breeze through yet others can.feel.like their body has been invaded by some horrible force. I cried when I finally was told I was post- menopausal. No children now,even though I didn't particularly want any. The aches etc I sympathise with. I was told for years I had suspected Lupus,it was a blight on my life . I then had a few 'well' years only for the permanent body aches, you associate with flu and fatigue, came back with a vengeance. Blood test and scans revealed it was not Lupus,as a process of elimination it is Fibromyalgia. Have medication and feel.more like my old self. Go to dictore. See another one if necessary- don't bother with voice of doom.doctor. Maybe you have something No HRT yet though. Still get symptoms- find carbs and sugary stuff make blood sugar spike then I have hot flush. I try to avoid. . Good luck.

Meant to say maybe you gave something like me. I had mammograms early.too. I often feel that I have 'pulled myself doing something that most people coukd do with no side effects. If I accidentally knock my arm etc even lightly feels like agony. Read something the once that said,try to resist the temptation to do one more thing. Take care

DH keeps saying I’m not ill, it’s just menopause which is a natural thing, and there’s nothing actually wrong with me. Which is not helpful at all. It might be natural but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel extremely unwell and unable to function.

@Blufelt perimenopause. menopause is after 12 months of no menses.
depending on how much time and how much youtube/reading you wish to do i find dr mary clair haver helpful with food choices and hormone regulation.
but there is more and more info out there.
you've not mentioned the dr suggesting hrt? and since blood tests are not useful at diagnosing perimenopause did he just go based on the symptoms you mentioned? any further investigations blood work?

Try to embrace it. I'm 48 went thru the change about a year and a half ago. It is WONDERFUL. It is so liberating to not have extra clothes in my desk at work. No carrying supplies everywhere.

Even if it is a natural thing we go through,the side effects are real. It can make some of us feel unwell as you know but your husband seems to be oblivious too or forgotten. It does affect those around us in a secondary way too.

I started peri-menopause symptoms in my early 40's. I didn't have full menopause until my mid 50's. Your GP should learn a little more about the current medicine on menopause. It's shameful how ignorant so many medical professionals are about something that affects 50% of the world's population.

Try going on the pill to help with your peri-menopausal symptoms. Every woman I know (including myself) who has tried hormone therapy has had amazing results in mitigating the symptoms that you are describing. You may have to experiment with different types of estrogen to see which one works for you.

The Upgrade by Louann Brizendine is an excellent book about menopause and the hormones involved and what is "normal" which is basically nothing like what your GP is telling you.

Also look at the UK NICE guidelines on peri-menopause and menopause and the North American Menopause Society guidelines/2022 Position Statement.

And tell your idiot dh that a heart attack or a migraine or gall stones or giving birth are "natural things"....that doesn't mean that it isn't painful or lifestyle affecting.

He said the same thing when I was pregnant. You’re not ill, pregnancy isn’t an illness. While I was puking my guts up and so tired I could hardly move.

I'm sorry....I had awful pregnancies and terrible peri-menopause symptoms, so I can totally empathize with what you are experiencing and would love to give your not-so-D H a piece of my mind.

Get a new GP. I'm not joking.

There are oestrogen receptors all over your body so on days when your oestrogen levels are low you can suffer a wide range of symptoms from aching joints to bowel/digestion problems to difficulty sleeping and low mood. Topping up your hormones with oestrogen in form of a patch or gel can alleviate these symptoms plus protect against heart disease, osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s etc. If you are hypothyroid you top with thyroxin. Diabetics top up with insulin. This is no different in my opinion. I would read up all about it - there are also excellent podcasts - Liz Earle Wellbeing /Dr Louise Newson/and a whole host of other GPs and menopause specialists. It’s like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw. You may also decide it’s not for you. Hope you feel better soon X

Sorry your H is being such a dick/ mansplainer. That's a comment that begs a response. Something along the lines of helping him in very concrete ways to understand that something that affects you so horribly will also affect him. Don't carry your share of the household duties on days you're not feeling up to it.

Maybe try a new GP op. I'm 40 and think I'm going though peri - looking back could've started a while ago as I got a coil fitted 2 years ago for heavy periods and clotting

My GP explained im higher risk of osteo etc WITHOUT treatment.

It sucks going though this earlier (I'm finding the mood swings by far the worst and it's affecting my relationships). I'm trying to see it as a positive - ie if we know what it is it helps and can also hopefully help with treatment

I'd also recommend a new H too

I'm a bit confused @Blufelt

The GP has also given me a long talk about how terrible it is that I’m starting menopause early. I should have had another 5-10 years of feeling young and healthy.

Is this in the context of your GP also offering you treatment to prevent bone loss and heart disease?

Peri can start at 43, and it can last for many years. Just because you are in peri, doesn't mean your periods are going to stop now. They might dwindle out over anything from 3-10 years.

Do you want HRT?