Feeling terrible and devastated

[Blufelt]

GP thinks I am in peri at 43. I am terrified. My breasts have swelled and become painful to the point that the GP initially thought I had cancer (scans clear and the specialist said hormonal pain). My body aches. I struggle to do simple housework. I can’t play my instrument any more because of the pain and stiffness in my arms and hands. I constantly feel sick and upset tummy. I wake up at night and feel too unwell to go back to sleep. My brain is foggy. And the scary thing is that there’s no cure.

The GP has also given me a long talk about how terrible it is that I’m starting menopause early. I should have had another 5-10 years of feeling young and healthy. Instead I’m suffering these terrible symptoms. I’ll age faster and be at higher risk of heart disease and osteoporosis. I feel like the last of my youth has been snatched away and I’m devastated.

And the scary thing is that there’s no cure.

well, there is a way of dealing with this which is HRT. why wasn't this offered to you?

Surely everyone is in peri over 40? it's just the age leading up to menopause can be years. It is when hormones fluctuate and drop off.

It isn't the end of the world, I don't want to minimise but really try not to think of it as something with no cure, it is a stage in life like puberty.

Work on lifestyle issues, lots of physical activity to promote sleep and well being, use calming apps, cut out caffeine and booze. Over 40 is the age we really, really need do take care. Do you have a healthy bmi?

Your Gp sounds an overdramatic prat saying how terrible it is. If you were 20 yes, but peri at 43 I would suggest is common.

Try hrt if it becomes too difficult.

The GP has also given me a long talk about how terrible it is that I’m starting menopause early

I know this is all about the words used, but you aren't having an early menopause. You're in peri and even if your periods stopped at 45, that's within the norm (although most drs now would suggest HRT up till 51 as 45 is still considered early and can affect bone density.)

Your GP sounds a bit ignorant on all of this TBH.

And the scary thing is that there’s no cure.

Gently, you are being so, so dramatic. Of course there's a cure, it's getting older. You don't think women deal with this until their deaths, do you? Until the point when the issues resolve themselves, there's HRT.

I started menopause at 39. Now at 44 I'm stable, done with it.

Ask for a bone density scan - mine was fine.
Exercise to keep your heart healthy.
I don't take any HRT.
I did have nasty symptoms, but now feel fine.

It's important to control your diet and weight. 16:8 is a good thing, carbs need moderating. No fizzy drinks, cut alcohol and caffeine down to zero or almost.

And the GP was being ridiculous saying it's terrible to go through this at 43. It's pretty normal and you will be able to get through it - diet and exercise are critical.

Have you come across Dr Louise Newson? She's a menopause specialist who runsa private clinic and tried to spread the word about evidence based menopause care far and wide. I have listened to her podcast episodes and read her book and educated myself massively. She talks a lot about the massive benefits of HRT for future health as well as dealing with symptoms in the present. highly recommend.

@jtaeapa Make sure those bone density scans are repeated every 3 years.
The biggest loss of bone is after 5 years. You can't say you are ok forever.

Likewise, it is medical advice to take HRT to 50-ish to protect your heart and brain- even if you have no symptoms.

Premature menopause (before 40) and early (before 45) are medical conditions and HRT is supposed to be offered and used even with no symptoms.

I am 59 and still on Hormone Therapy. Really terrible things happened to my body (dihabilatating joint ache, migraines and asthma attacks) when they tried to take me off it. AND it turns out that the conjugated hormones (mostly what's in the common HRTs) are no good for me and I need a different type of estrogen. Just keep working with a good hormone specialist until you get the balance right.

Your doctor and your husband are both shit.

This is not the end of the world. Perimenopause starts around forty (or earlier!) years old for many people, and with HRT it can be managed easily and you will feel so much better.

You need a new GP, and also to tell your husband to STFU. If he were going through this, you can bet he would make sure everyone knew how much he was suffering.

HRT was a lifesaver for me, and it can make you feel a lot better.