Support at work during peri menopause

[CoQ10]

I've just posted on another thread.

I've had a shit year due to peri menopause:

1. Chronic fatigue, which took me off work for three months (GP incorrectly diagnosed long covid and tried to prescribe me anti depressants) and again for two months after I tried to return to work prematurely.

1. Huge loss of personal confidence and anxiety.

1. Bursts of anger and irritability towards my kids.

I also completely messed up a promotion interview that I should have sailed through, largely as a result of major confidence loss. I couldn't answer simple questions that were asked of me, despite being a competent and confident person.

I've subsequently recently passed the promotion and am on HRT and (at my request!) testosterone.

However, the support I've received at work has been sporadic and inconsistent. No one talks about menopause, I was naive completely to my initial symptoms, and I don't feel that managers and career counsellors are equipped to support women going through this.

I nearly resigned 12 months ago from my 22-year career. To leave feeling the way I did back then would have been sad and a huge personal loss for me and the organisation, which would have had to then spend a fair amount recruiting to replace me .

I have quietly been lobbying various senior men at work on this topic and I have the attention of one of our global leaders who wants to meet me on the 19th January to understand what I went through and how I believe things need to improve. He alluded to his own family's circumstances in an email, so I am expecting the conversation to be very much two-way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on what workplace support should look like for women aged 40 plus. Has anything your employer done helped you? I want to share some thoughts on what I think my organisation could do to ensure we retain women who might be menopausal and having to cope with all the physical and mental challenges that it throws up at us, often for many years.

All thoughts are welcome, and please also include any horror stories related to workplace support (or lack of) too, if appropriate.

Thank you!

The TUC has some stuff -
www.tuc.org.uk/menopause-work

Also ACAS -

www.acas.org.uk/menopause-at-work

Personally I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to portray middle aged women as incompetent due to menopause.

Many people have health challenges at different points in their lives. Surely it’s up to us as individuals to work through them with NHS support if appropriate. I’d be mortified to suggest to my boss that I’d like yo
discuss HRT with him.

Until the majority of women are educated about peri-menopause/menopause, I don't think much will change in the workplace. It's shocking to me how many women are absolutely clueless about Peri/menopause.

Thanks for both of these.

My employer has a monthly ‘Menochat’ meeting that anyone can dial into, from women going through it to managers, partners etc.
There is also a Menopause toolkit for managers which discusses what women may experience during peri and menopause and suggests reasonable workplace adjustments.
Open discussions are encouraged, to break the taboo - within people’s comfort zones. I’m 46 and probably peri, so just starting to look into it. My line manager won’t be grilling me in my 1-1 and it isn’t something we’ve discussed (as I don’t feel I’m struggling) but if I raise it as an issue it will be taken seriously.

I agree with this.

I was utterly clueless and naive.

Actually, I'm saying the opposite.

Extremely competent women are missing promotions and leaving the workplace because they are seen as actually incompetent - because there is no acknowledgement of the menopause symptoms and what they may be coping with secretly.

You are right we all have health challenges in our lives and I would hope that most (if not all) of these we could be open about with someone at work who could offer support - particularly if they are long term and impacting our ability to work.

My personal view (which you may disagree with) is that menopause is something that should be discussed more and acknowledged.

Actually, I'm saying the opposite.

Extremely competent women are missing promotions and leaving the workplace because they are seen as actually incompetent - because there is no acknowledgement of the menopause symptoms and what they may be coping with secretly.

You are right we all have health challenges in our lives and I would hope that most (if not all) of these we could be open about with someone at work who could offer support - particularly if they are long term and impacting our ability to work.

My personal view (which you may disagree with) is that menopause is something that should be discussed more and acknowledged.

This is very helpful, thank you.

Does a third-party provider run the monthly Menochats?

I'd also be interested in the toolkit and what adjustments are offered - although I appreciate it's probably confidential!!

Any other thoughts?

Fans should be given out freely!

To be honest, I think work supported you a lot by allowing 5 months off then still promoting you.

Plenty of jobs give people a hard time for a day or two off. I don't think we can expect them to know about every illness either - that's for your GP and medical team to advise on.

Also, the 'will soon be pregnant' assumptions are bad enough based solely in age. I don't want people at work jumping to conclusions about my capacity in yet another age bracket.

I'm 49 and have mixed feelings about this. Firstly I think everyone should take more responsibility for their own health - sleep, diet, exercise, self-monitoring of well-being etc.

If someone is not performing in a job for personal reasons, they are the primary person responsible for sorting it out.

Yes, employers should understand and support people dealing with health and other issues, but they can't carry underperforming staff members for years.

Especially if they are in a job where competence is critical. If you're a marketing head and you have a few duff campaigns, no one dies. If you're a medic or a social worker - different story.

I don’t actually want to get into any personal discussion of peri menopause and menopause in my workplace. It’s a health matter and private.

General awareness raising is fine but I would run a mile from something like Menochat. What I would like to see is workplaces across the board to be more accommodating for people suffering health problems, both physical and mental, so that people get time off for appointments without quibble, and every incidence of absence not scrutinised and questioned. Respecting people’s work times and need for rest and holidays. The rest stays between my doctor and myself. That’s my comfort zone.

I'm 49 and have mixed feelings about this. Firstly I think everyone should take more responsibility for their own health - sleep, diet, exercise, self-monitoring of well-being etc.

Right. So I’m 53 I have broken sleep due to hot flushes, can feel hot to the point of feeling sick, flooding - although that’s stopped quickly.

What part of my life style should I change to alter this? Yes I could have medication - I choose not to go down that path.

@NewYearNewCareer my sympathies, I also have major gynae issues at present and similar experiences.

If you read all of my post I did say that employers should understand and support.

I hope you're getting good treatment.

What are the logistics of it
Do all employer assume women between the ages of 45 - 55 are potentially incompetent
Are those same women then put on a compulsory menopause awareness course. chat group ?
Or does a line manager approach staff member with concerns about their performance and suggest the above, which is a potential minefield and I could see quickly moving towards a tribunal in some instances.
Your own doctors has misdiagnosed you, what hope does an employer have.
Awareness as a whole is great. but I think it should be tackled on an individual basis, with an employer. Likewise any other health problems that impact your work.

Does OP want peri to be a recognised caused of disability, and for afflicted women in peri to gain disabled status? Would this be evaluated like DLA is?

I find it very disingenuous that OP says she wants some kind of "support" at work, but then doesn't list anything specific she is asking for. I have no idea what concessions OP wants for her disability. Journalist?

I am wiling to believe it might be right for OP to get about as much support as my colleagues did to do their jobs when they had:

breast cancer
Tourettes syndrome
Menierres
wheelchair usage
severe anxiety

Of note, all of them could interview well when they had those conditions. It was day to day work environment (hours, equipment, access) that needed adapting for their health challenges: Statuses which they volunteered, was not assumed about them. There was adjustment in the interview for Tourettes outbursts, too.

OP, sorry, but this is ridiculous and I say that as a woman in her 40s.

OP, I would genuinely like to know what specifically should your employer have done differently.

I'm a team leader at work, plus myself of the right age to be peri. Some of my staff tell me about their personal lives / health, and some choose not to - I would be very wary of assuming anything about their health.

I think it would be constructive of when commenting, people would say whether they are pre, peri or menopausal.

The younger me would have scoffed and said just deal with it. Now I'm approaching peri age, thanks to slightly older friends and colleagues willing to speak up about such a 'personal' subject, I'm aware of how destabilising and debilitating it can be, albeit secondhand.

Those of us yet to experience it should be grateful to those willing to speak out because it should be a good thing if there is more support available when and if* we need it.

*if being important. No once is saying anything will be forced on people.

OP I don't know why you're getting a hard time here at all. I do agree that workplaces should have menopause policies. In fact many do. (My workplace does for example). These will cover perimenopause too. There's even accreditations that companies can get.

Many of the women I work with are in their 40s or later, and we openly discuss insomnia, brain fog and other issues we're experiencing. Could you approach someone in HR to look at this? I'm pretty sure that CIPD have got guidance on it. Many unions have definitely and model policies.

the Unison guide to menopause