Is there a polite way to tell someone you are not pregnant when you are fucking 50

[JaneFondue]

Please let me rant. It's too embarassing to talk about anywhere else.

I am 50. I have greying hair. I have wrinkles. I am peri-menopausal. And yet young men on the Tube apparently think I am pregnant. Today, one kept insisting I sit down, very loudly. The entire carriage turned around to look at me, wondering as they stared.. I was wearing what I thought was a flattering black dress.

I have a pronounced menopausal tummy which has emerged in the last 3 years. I am pretty slim elsewhere so it looks worse. A size 10, but with a size 14 tummy.

Tried everything from low carb diets to exercise but if I lose weight, I lose it off my bum and bust. Investigated for ovarian cancer and fibroids. I do have fibroids but they are tiny, not big enough to cause my stomach to bloat so much. My mum is exactly the same. She is a 75 year old woman who looks pregnant!

Started on HRT ( Urogestran) last month. Will it help? I am so fed up and embarassed. I honestly think I would be better off being a size 16 but more proportionate.

Please tell me I am not alone.

Me too, and I have a 48 year old pregnant mate right now (😱) and another that gave birth at 47 last year, so it’s not like you are totally out of the ball park.

Beyond that, lots of pre meno women carry any excess weight up front (apple shapes) so it can happen to anyone - go see a dietician and a trainer I guess? You may always have a tummy (I sure do) but you can likeky bring it down.

In 5 years if they offer you a seat you’ll know it’s because you’re an Older Lady and they are Nice Boys. 😁

Are you sure it's not a respect thing? It was drummed into me as a child to vacate a seat for anyone older than me.

I'd just say thanks and take the seat 🤣

Me too 😂

It’s very rare that anyone bothers to give up their seats nowadays so I’d be rubbing my tummy like there’s a baby in there.

Trying to be constructive here to help...

How did you get on with low carb? How long did you do it for?

You can't 'spot reduce' any part of your body but if you lose enough weight it will come off your tummy.

Low carb is around 50gms a day. That's not a lot. Basically, it usually means carbs at one meal a day only and a small portion at that. So maybe one of the following in a day - 2 slices bread, or a small portion of pasta, or rice (and you need to weigh them and do the maths!)

The rest of your food will be protein, fruit and veg, and some pulses (though they may count as carbs depending how strict you go.)

You could also try something like HIT which increases your metabolism.

Hey @JinglingHellsBells I know you are trying to be helpful:) Been low carbing for nearly a year with varying results. I lose weight but it disappears off my bust; I am already very small busted ( 34 B). I only have carbs one meal a day and not very much at that. My vice is rice, and I measure out less than half a cup:) Trying to increase protein as well, which is a bit tough as I am veggie ( but I eat eggs, lentils, tofu, yoghurt and a LOT of veggies).

I think I need to lose a lot of weight before my tummy disappears.I know spot reducing is tough. I am a very classic apple shape. Stick like legs, small bust and small bum.

Some people reckon the various types of 'intermittent fasting' are more effective for dealing with visceral fat than some other approaches. Not sure if it's been proved but might be worth looking into.

I'd would have just said thank you and taken the seat. It's not your job to explain anything 😁

I'm more bloaty since I was perimenopausal. Much more sensitive to all kinds of food. I can barely eat anything now.

Sorry OP not helping much - sympathies!

(I keep seeing those ads where they promise removal of menopausal belly if you take their supplements - no idea what they are. ).

I do do intermittent fasting, have also cut out most carbs and all sugar from my diet (mostly because of my sleep more than anything else) and barely drink as that affects my sleep and mood too much. I can't eat wheat or dairy or most pulses. Also lots of yoga and walking. I seem to be keeping my weight in check, but not the bloat.

Hmm... I think I may have been focused on weight rather than bloat. I find it hard to tell the difference. The time may have come for IF which I have been trying to avoid as it felt a bit restrictive.

@JaneFondue I feel your pain.

I had to laugh as your description of your body shape is mine too! Flat bum, small boobs, thinnish legs and any weight goes on my belly!

Have you thought about doing weights? (sorry if you have!) It's just that if you can increase muscle mass, it burns calories even when you aren't moving. Maybe at a gym or at home with dumb bells and bands?

I can't eat anything like I did in my 20s, without adding inches very quickly in all the wrong places.

You may find that HRT helps, so keep going!

Just read your update. If you can't do the Full Monty intermittent fasting, even going 14 hours from last meal at night to breakfast is known to help.

Are you sure it's pg not old age? My friend gets this at 58 with grey hair and it drives her nuts

I'm the same. I am 46 though. I'm out of proportion and look pregnant. Basically I never lost my post baby weight after I had my baby (at 39) due to a health problem which meant I wasn't as mobile as I always used to be pre pregnancy, and then afterwards, two ovarian cysts which I am still waiting to have removed and have grown to the size of grapefruits. The rest of me is a reasonable shape but my tummy is protruding and looks ridiculous. I am 10st 2 whereas before I had my child I was 8st. I am not tall so it looks even eorse. Everyone I meet who doesn't know me assumes I am pregnant. I wear the baggiest things but they still comment. It gets me down. I don't understand why people feel the need to comment because I am obviously quite late in life to be pregnant ( apologies to anyone reading who is 46 and pregnant). I am tempted to get a t shirt which says 'I'm not pregnant I'm just fat' to save me having to explain to people why I look so ridiculous. It surprises me actually how many people feel the need to comment on personal appearance. I feel your pain! The only advantage that I can see is that almost anywhere will let you use the loo, which comes in handy as the cysts press on my bladder.

@JaneFondue I was exactly the same as you; fairly slim, big tum. But it's gone now and I don't bloat anymore. It's not everyone's idea of fun but I stopped drinking alcohol and it was nothing short of miraculous for me. Before I stopped I did Pilates and walked a lot, now I've started running and also lift weights and do a few boot camps. Honestly was the best thing I did, even getting muscle definition on my stomach now.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs I don't drink and haven't for years, except on rare special occasions. But I take your point and PP's advice on changing up my exercise. Must do weights. God, I find them boring though.

@FflosFfantastig I have cysts too but according to my doctor they are tiny and not to blame. Hmmph. I really wanted something to blame:)

@JaneFondue ah, not alcohol bloat then. I didn't really enjoy weights either much prefer kettlebells plus I can do them at home easily. Hope you find a solution though.

I've been quite like this (on and off) since my late 20s. Very (very) flat-chested, slim all over, rounded (not 'bloated') tummy. It's more pronounced since I had my last child (of 3) - a bit of diastasis recti and also it's partly anatomical in my case (spine issues). Am mid-40s now. Size 10, BMI 22.5. Tbh, I live with it and just say 'no, left over from the last one' when a 'pregnant' comment comes. I don't owe anyone a flat stomach. :)