Is there a polite way to tell someone you are not pregnant when you are fucking 50

[JaneFondue]

Please let me rant. It's too embarassing to talk about anywhere else.

I am 50. I have greying hair. I have wrinkles. I am peri-menopausal. And yet young men on the Tube apparently think I am pregnant. Today, one kept insisting I sit down, very loudly. The entire carriage turned around to look at me, wondering as they stared.. I was wearing what I thought was a flattering black dress.

I have a pronounced menopausal tummy which has emerged in the last 3 years. I am pretty slim elsewhere so it looks worse. A size 10, but with a size 14 tummy.

Tried everything from low carb diets to exercise but if I lose weight, I lose it off my bum and bust. Investigated for ovarian cancer and fibroids. I do have fibroids but they are tiny, not big enough to cause my stomach to bloat so much. My mum is exactly the same. She is a 75 year old woman who looks pregnant!

Started on HRT ( Urogestran) last month. Will it help? I am so fed up and embarassed. I honestly think I would be better off being a size 16 but more proportionate.

Please tell me I am not alone.

Oh I sympathise, not menopausal but very bloat-y as a woman. Have you tried ruling out intolerances etc? I think mine is wheat.

I'm not menopausal but I have ibs so I feel your pain on people assuming (and in my case often judging me) that I'm pregnant!

My main triggers for bloating are caffeine, wheat and dairy so I have totally cut them out. Also alcohol which I rarely drink it as its the worst one for me, I look pregnant for around a week after a few drinks on a night out! Could cutting down on those possibly help you?

I'd just say thanks and take the seat 🤣

oh god yes I had the same on a trip to London recently. Also 50 and my tummy does stick out. Yes would be good to have a polite way of letting people know maybe we need a 'baby not on board' badge?

Just be firm and factual. There’s no need to be overly polite.

someone asked me when the baby was due, I was mid to late 40s I replied I'm not having a baby it's just fat but thanks for thinking I look young enough to be having one

Well if it's any consultation the baby on board badge doesn't seem to do much good - i might have the logo tattood on my face.

I really wanted to say "I am not pregnant; just menopausal" but I thought that might be rude or TMI. So I said "No thank you."

I don't eat wheat really or drink alcohol more than once a month or so. Caffeine and dairy now my only vices; do I have to give that up too? I was never bloaty before.

An old lady once insistef she gave me her seat on a bus, declaring, "You shouldn't be standing in your condition". I was 20 and wearing what I thought was a pretty cool retro hippy smock, and was definitely not pregnant.
I was so shocked I took the seat.

Try running? C25k specifically (see if you can find a coached one). I tried because I put on weight during covid and felt bloated. When I started it felt like I was running with lead piping in my belly but gradually this feeling eased. Belly is there but less droopy and belly button is going north again. Probably lost 2-3 inches from waist.
Definitely have better posture and more toned upper body too which surprised me.

Definitely! My menopausal aches and pains would appreciate it!

Oops sorry, I have two names at the moment and get confused between the two.

Is it possible that he was offering it to you just as an older woman? Did he actually refer to pregnancy?

I just take advantage of it.

When my stomach bloats and I'm on a tube or train I give it that 'absentminded little loving rub' that preggos do and if no-one reacts to that I push it out a bit more and put my hand on the small of my back and wince because being 'pregnant' all day is so tiring.

Then I get a seat and it makes my bloating well worth it!

Going back to my new name.

Currently walking and swimming. I suppose I could try running though I have quit Couch to 5k many times. Many of my friends have put on weight too but they are all evenly covered:)

Possible but there were a lot of older women as well. And it just keeps happening. Also friends and family have commented on my tum:(

I guess Pilates or yoga is next. I just never manage to keep it up.

‘No, I’m just fat,’ is my favourite response.. it definitely shuts down the conversation!

To be honest it’s not rude, it’s a compliment at best (they clearly think you look younger) and misguided at worst. They think they’re doing a nice thing, im not sure snapping back to shut them down would be fair.

Sorry, I'm confused - how do you know they think you're pregnant? Are they maybe just thinking that you're a woman who is older and are therefore offering you a seat?

I think I need to say this and own it.

Cannot wait until the menopause is over.

Exactly what I was going to say. We were always brought up to offer our seats to anyone older. And to be fair it sounds like you are older than him. Used to happen to me on the tube all the time, and the fact that I appreciated the seat suggests I am probably feeling my age more than I want to admit!

I think it's nice! I'd take the seat

Not only do you not look menopausal, you look like you might get sex occasionally.

As a post menopausal old woman I'd take that as a compliment. 😉

Is it possible that he was offering it to you just as an older woman?

I doubt it. I'm 61 and would be amazed if anyone offered me a seat.

Give the Pilates a go, OP. If you find going out to classes hard, some instructors started doing zoom sessions in lockdown and have continued - that's how I do mine nowadays.

:) Thanks. I needed to rant a bit. DH is also putting on weight in his midsection but is more philosophical about it.

I am going to try harder with pilates or running or something other than what I am doing.