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Menopause

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Did reaching menopause make you feel invisible/invalidated

37 replies

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 12:40

When I was in my 40s I saw 50 plus women in my workplace treated like fools,to be sneered at or the butt of aĺl male jokes.
I always vowed to be more confident, colourful and voice my opinion which I have tried v hard to do.
Until now when all my opinions inside my family and workplace are mostly sneered at or dismissed.
I have struggled with meno anxiety yet tried hard to stay updated with fashion Tec.
Did you find yourself sidelined or silenced in your 50 s ?

OP posts:
Willowkins · 03/08/2021 16:11

I stopped caring what people thought of me.

JinglingHellsBells · 03/08/2021 16:17

Until now when all my opinions inside my family and workplace are mostly sneered at or dismissed.

That's terrible!

Why?

I genuinely don't understand. what's it go to do with menopause?

To answer the question - no I didn't and I'd have not put up with that from anyone.

BeyondMyWits · 03/08/2021 16:23

Nope, I just feel pain, my joints hurt, my body feels weary, my head is in a fog and every pore is leaking sweat for what seems like hours every day.

Lucky me with a heart condition and some blood problems, so no HRT....

I wish I was bloody invisible sometimes, serving customers with a bead of sweat running down my face...

Apeirogon · 03/08/2021 16:23

No I haven't found this (although I am late 40s rather than in my 50s).

Your family? Do you mean your DH and DC? Angry

Mintjulia · 03/08/2021 16:23

I had an issue with one male colleague but otherwise no. It was a huge relief to be rid of the curse which had got really bad, and to be hassled less by men.
I've since moved job and am head of a dept. No one treats me with contempt.

I think you need a bit of positive support and bolstering. Have you talked to your hr dept? And if your family is treating you disrespectfully, have a stern word and then go on strike. They need reminding.Brew

Maggiesfarm · 03/08/2021 16:29

No, I was better. More confident, in good health, less worries about 'stuff'. Life was good at that time.

JinglingHellsBells · 03/08/2021 17:12

@whatisforteamum If your family are treating you badly, this needs addressing. You might want to think about therapy or assertiveness training to help yourself.

If it's at work, then talk to HR.

No one should undermine a woman just because she's over 50.

That's disgraceful.

Do you work in a very sexist/ageist type of place?

DramaAlpaca · 03/08/2021 17:22

I'm sorry you've experienced that, OP, that's awful.

My experience has been the opposite. I'm postmeno now by a good few years and I know I'm still respected at work for my experience and my skills.

I also care far less about what anyone else thinks of me. I'm confident and in good health. If I got any disrespectful comments I'd stand up for myself.

You do need to address your family's behaviour towards you, they should be the ones to give you their unconditional support.

@BeyondMyWits poor you, that sounds unbearable. I see you can't take HRT, but have you tried any supplements? I haven't taken HRT but supplements specifically for menopausal women sorted out the flushes and overheating. The brain fog has gone now too, thank goodness.

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 17:42

I work in a male dominated industry few women do what i do and no one my age.
All my other places treated me well tbh even if I couldn't progress much as men where put forward.
A couple of yrs ago a new boss came 30 yrs my junior. I thought it could be a good thing the other women we did have left.
I started to have chronic joint pain flushes dreadful insomnia. Got onto get,started exercising in lockdown as I normally work 12 hrs.Went sugar and alcohol free and lost a few pounds.Bmi is 20.2 so good.
But the men all formed a clique and I struggled massively with anxiety.
I could feel the lack of support when I went back.
I was depressed too. I have assertiveness training through MH charity next week.
My dh has had a temper aimed at me for a few yrs.Last week he caused an atmosphere for cooking a ten minute snack for himself and ds as I was off and he expected me to do it.
Ds is kind and respectful.Dd is staying and quite rude to me.
I feel like before I had some kind of respect and I am quite organised now my feelings are poo pooed.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 03/08/2021 17:52

I'm going through the menopause at the moment but I'm not having the same experiences as you with regard to home and work.
Our team is an equal balance thereabouts of male and female workers. We all get on, sure some niggles from time to time but when needed everyone rally's round and is hugely supportive of each other. My DH has my back and has never let me down. My adult children include me and their dad in their plans and are good company.
There have been times that I have struggled recently with an anxiety which I have never really expierenced before. However DH builds me up and encourages me to face any fears I get.
I don't feel like I am being silenced but being encouraged to carry on shining.

user1498572889 · 03/08/2021 18:01

I’m menopausal and I work with men. I’ve told them I’m going to shout at them and go red and sweaty. They just deal with it. I’m too good at my job for them to piss me off. I might leave 😂

Finfintytint · 03/08/2021 18:07

My colleagues are very supportive. We are all in our fifties and sixties. If they don’t experience the menopause then their wives and partners certainly do. The men do seem to think sugar is the solution though. I get fed shite during the working day. I don’t eat their cakes and biscuits though I do appreciate the sentiment. We love and respect each other and I’ve never worked in such a relaxed environment. They like me and I like them.

JinglingHellsBells · 03/08/2021 18:10

My dh has had a temper aimed at me for a few yrs.Last week he caused an atmosphere for cooking a ten minute snack for himself and ds as I was off and he expected me to do it.

Sadly, it looks as if is your H who has the issues and is using you as his 'punch bag'. It's emotional abuse.

Have you considered couples counselling?

And work- changing your job?

SunShinesBrightly · 03/08/2021 18:12

No but my personality changed.
At work I am the silent one who gets in with her job and puts the inefficient ones to shame. I just listen attentively (to their waffle and b’shit) and only talk when I have something important to say.
I smile and exchange pleasantries but show little interest in them so I guess I got there first!
I used to be very sociable and ‘involved’.
I do miss those days but I’m past caring.

Kite22 · 03/08/2021 18:13

No.

I am sorry you are going through this, but I feel this is particular to your specific workplace and, it seems, sadly, your relationship.

SunShinesBrightly · 03/08/2021 18:14

@user1498572889

I’m menopausal and I work with men. I’ve told them I’m going to shout at them and go red and sweaty. They just deal with it. I’m too good at my job for them to piss me off. I might leave 😂
This is brilliant!
whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 18:22

Oh yes sunshinesbrightly I have gone from quite bubbly to more timid.I silenced the work group chat to more as ridiculous rude stuff gets put in there. Women are always bitches and I've been looking elsewhere for something more suitable.
Work was my solace from my unsupportive dh.He was ok in lockdown most of the time now he eyerolls and swears at the slightest inconvenience.
Affection died out a few years ago.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 18:24

Kite22 thank you.
I wonder if I'm living in a parallel unappealing low standard universe.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 03/08/2021 18:25

This is so sad @whatisforteamum :)

It's up to you whether you continue with your marriage but you are worth far, far more than what you have now. (Even your username suggests you are at their beck and call!)

Maybe it's something you could discuss on the Relationships forum?

You don't have to stick with a man who treats you badly.

SunShinesBrightly · 03/08/2021 18:33

@whatisforteamum

Oh yes sunshinesbrightly I have gone from quite bubbly to more timid.I silenced the work group chat to more as ridiculous rude stuff gets put in there. Women are always bitches and I've been looking elsewhere for something more suitable. Work was my solace from my unsupportive dh.He was ok in lockdown most of the time now he eyerolls and swears at the slightest inconvenience. Affection died out a few years ago.
Sounds like my DH.

I wouldn’t say timid, just disinterested.
Luckily I have one or two friends I can chat to but I am definitely not part of anything.

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 18:33

Jinglinghellsbells I have posted on there many times and posters wanted me to ltb.
Got through the teen years exams and the like and managed to find jobs I could through myself into with opposite days off.
Perhaps this is the crisis I need.
I keep blaming myself.I have been told I am too nice.
I wondered if the menopause has turned me into a nightmare.

OP posts:
SweatyBetty20 · 03/08/2021 18:35

I did in my previous job, at 47. Had a female CEO who was a couple of years older than me who breezes through it, and expected me to do the same. I’ve always been able to stand up for myself in the past but I just couldn’t deal with her. She was a dreadful bully, didn’t like women, didn’t like the way I got on with the board, or management team, and didn’t let up. She did a restructure and I managed to get a bit of redundancy and get the hell out of there and away from her. It knocked my confidence massively but I’m now in a new job, better pay, better conditions, and working in an organisation who actually has a menopause network. Best move I ever made but I still hate that woman and the way she made me give up a job I loved.

whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 18:38

Beyondmywits I'm sorry.Hrt has made a massive difference. Can you have alternatives these were suggested to me as my dm had ovarian cancer.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 03/08/2021 18:42

Sweatybetty20 good for you.
I have plenty to offer and I'm sure it is the woman hating boss I have stirring the pot at work.

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 03/08/2021 18:50

I was post menopausal in my last job before I retired ( medically induced, mena pause and retirement)' I didn't give a monkey's toss what anyone thought of me. At the time, id happily tell anyone who interrupted me in senior managers meeting to shut up until I'd finished. Twenty years later, I still don t care too much if others shrink from my truth.

I'm the early hours of Sunday morning my dd (she's in the middle of her mena pause) heard a woman screaming she dashed out of our house, in pjs and flip flops screaming that the police were on the way and she would kill him if she got her hands on him. thank God he ran.

My dd said later that it's a mistake to underestimate the fury of a menopausal woman.

Caitlin Moran has a bit to say about oestrogen and the menapause.

At 70, I've yet to meet a person who can silence me. My DD seems to be of the same mindset.

Menopause means you are no longer a fit subject to try to procreate with. It doesn't mean you are not a worthwhile person in your own right.

If people, especially your family, try to put you down, kick back. Tell them, graphically, what they are doing. Just do not put up with.it. Get angry, not sad. In my experience, anger isn't that far below the surface of most menopausal women.