Did reaching menopause make you feel invisible/invalidated

[whatisforteamum]

When I was in my 40s I saw 50 plus women in my workplace treated like fools,to be sneered at or the butt of aĺl male jokes.
I always vowed to be more confident, colourful and voice my opinion which I have tried v hard to do.
Until now when all my opinions inside my family and workplace are mostly sneered at or dismissed.
I have struggled with meno anxiety yet tried hard to stay updated with fashion Tec.
Did you find yourself sidelined or silenced in your 50 s ?

Honestly I have never seen this. I have one rubbish older colleague (even older than me and I am 59!) but she has always been rubbish tbh. I just get more confident as I get older. Most people seem to appreciate it and if they don't its not my problem. Also, for what its worth I'm not invisible either. If I go into a bar and seem to be on my own, I am almost always hit on. Not often by people I would give the time of day to, but it happens nonetheless. If I'm running on my own, I still get call outs from random idiots. I have never seen the invisibility of middle age for good or for bad.

It sounds like you are surrounded by arseholes.

Fix that & then put anything else down to the menopause.

I think you may be right wombat64.
Menopause is making me less tolerant to being treated badly though.

No, but I work in a library, and middle aged women are pretty much treated with respect here.

No, but I am currently going through menopause at the age of 43 and I am feeling pretty down about myself really. I hate that I have internalised some of the misogyny in our society as I consider myself a feminist. But I feel unattractive and ‘past it’ all of a sudden. I am still trying to come to terms with my diagnosis but I just feel like my ‘pretty’ days are behind me. I don’t feel attractive or desired by my husband or anyone else tbh. I have worked my butt off during lockdown to lose 3 stone and get my figure back. I have enjoyed wearing clothes I like and feel good in then bam, suddenly I feel unattractive again just when I thought I had a few years in my prime to enjoy it. I know that sounds vain and I really am not vain normally which makes these feelings all the more surprising. I just feel like I will never be wanted or desired again and that makes me really sad… along with all my symptoms of pains, and all the usual stuff I feel like my body has let me down. Sorry if this offends anyone or sounds self involved… it’s really not indicative of the sorts I normally have and I see so many women in later years who I think are incredibly attractive. And actually we are worth so much more than just our looks anyway. Yet still these awful, vain thoughts fill my head.
So I guess, to answer the question, no I don’t feel that I am treated as though I am invisible by other people but my own thoughts and feelings certainly suggest that I am now invisible.

I'm definitely not struggling at work, but I am a freelancer and I never admit my age to anyone. I invested in a really, really good camera for zooms and stuff (up until now most of my conversations were by phone rather than by camera) and I style it out. My DH is supportive, DS16 not so much but I think he'd be the same if I was 30 - it's part of being a teen, isn't it?

I think this is you building up to making a lot of changes actually. It seems to me that you've been ignored or invalidated for quite a while - what's happening is that you're not prepared to put up with it anymore.

Good.

Take control.

Leave all the Bs.

Life is long.

Essexlioness it isn't vain to want to look nice.
43 is young to be feeling like this.Im sorry that you feel this way.

Thank you @whatisforteamum, your kind comment brought me to tears (although most things do lately). I felt so guilty for caring about these things so much.

@EssexLioness

Thank you *@whatisforteamum*, your kind comment brought me to tears (although most things do lately). I felt so guilty for caring about these things so much.

Just read your longer post.

If you are in peri meno at 43 and having symptoms, medical advice from NICE is that young women (you!) should use HRT up to the average age of menopause (51.)

Have you seen your GP or asked for help with your symptoms?

Here is a fact sheet on peri and there is a paragraph on peri in younger women.

d2931px9t312xa.cloudfront.net/menopausedoctor/files/information/483/Perimenopause%20and%20HRT%20v15-03.pdf

No I haven’t seen my go since but I have read that guidance so it is something I’m considering. Tbh I need a bit of time before going to see the gp. My diagnosis has completely floored me and I am totally overwhelmed and freaked out at the mo so need to get my head together first. I won’t derail this thread and I have started my own post to try and make sense of my feelings

*gp!

No - quite the opposite. I no longer give a fuck and so others’ opinions don’t really matter. Probably because I’m too tired to care if I’m being honest. DH still thinks I’m gorgeous and I do occasionally get looks from blokes (middle aged or older ones ) but while the looks are nice DH is the only one who matters.

I lead a female dominated team in the NHS where we have policies and unions to deal with a-holes and inappropriate behaviour, which helps.