Why am I so fucking angry and what can I do about it?

[youareminebestfavourite]

Just turned 45 and it's like a switch has been flipped.
I am so fucking angry all the time... I have usually been very even tempered, haven't even really suffered with PMT since I was a teenager.
However recently I feel like a different person... at first I just felt 'harder', like I wasn't going to put up with anyone's shit anymore- which was actually quite liberating. Unfortunately that bit seems to have tipped over into being very short tempered. I've lost my temper to the point of shouting two nights in a row now and I'm not enjoying it at all.
I'm being a proper bitch to my husband and kids and I just don't know what to do about it.
Normal calming things like exercise don't seem to be working. It's like a massive deep well of rage that I can't calm.
Does anyone else feel like this?!

Go to gp. Get HRT. Sorted.

HRT. Really wish I'd taken it earlier. I cringe at some of the ranty things I did.

HRT. It makes a huge difference.

No advice OP. I just wanted to say I feel the same. I'm 44 and permanently either full of rage or full of crushing self-doubt/low self-esteem. It's exhausting.
Family bear the brunt of it. I manage to keep my anger under wraps at work but I know I've got a really short fuse at home.

Another one that wished I had gone and got HRT earlier, or seen a menopause specialist, it certainly would have been worth the cost, as the menopause can last several years and there isn’t anything else available apart from HRT.

I feel this rage more and more (I'm 44). It's definitely hormones, but I'm sure it's more than that. I'm never angry when I'm alone, or when I'm with supportive friends or colleagues. I'm only ever angry with the people in my life (mainly my family!) who take me for granted, who are lazy, and who have expectations of me that I no longer want to meet. So rather than medicate my anger and try to become the compliant, gentle person I once was, I think I need to listen to what it's telling me. Which is that I need to stick up for myself, speak up and make some changes. Sometimes I feel crazy and irrational, but really I don't think I am. I think I've just reached a stage in my life where I'm not prepared to be a doormat anymore, and it may be that I have to get angry with those people who still think they can walk all over me.

It's how that anger is expressed that's key though, I suppose. I am trying to explain my needs more clearly and firmly and put boundaries in place without making anyone else feel like crap, especially the kids.

Magnesium supplements and a good multivitamin are helping a bit too.

Is it definitely "just" moods or do you have reason to be feeling enraged?

I've found my mood is much more stable since I gave up refined sugar, although I always suffered with PMS too.

I had terrible angry moods but they totally stopped on hrt. Thank goodness.

@Hugstoall

I feel this rage more and more (I'm 44). It's definitely hormones, but I'm sure it's more than that. I'm never angry when I'm alone, or when I'm with supportive friends or colleagues. I'm only ever angry with the people in my life (mainly my family!) who take me for granted, who are lazy, and who have expectations of me that I no longer want to meet. So rather than medicate my anger and try to become the compliant, gentle person I once was, I think I need to listen to what it's telling me. Which is that I need to stick up for myself, speak up and make some changes. Sometimes I feel crazy and irrational, but really I don't think I am. I think I've just reached a stage in my life where I'm not prepared to be a doormat anymore, and it may be that I have to get angry with those people who still think they can walk all over me.

It's how that anger is expressed that's key though, I suppose. I am trying to explain my needs more clearly and firmly and put boundaries in place without making anyone else feel like crap, especially the kids.

Magnesium supplements and a good multivitamin are helping a bit too.

I thought that at the time. But actually I was just being a stroppy difficult angry cow. Now I can be firm and have boundaries without shouting at everyone!

While you wait for HRT, you may find you feel better with a good multivitamin for the menopause, specifically containing enough Magnesium, potassium and vitamin D. You'd be amazed at the difference when you cut out sugar too. Although the benefits took about a week to kick in. I was more even-tempered and zen once I'd kicked sugar.

The vogel menopause supplement is excellent

Thanks for all the replies, there are definitely some points in there that resonate.
I don't really have any other symptoms so I'm not sure my doctor would give me HRT (there's also a COVID related shortage of HRT in NZ at the moment, it's being rationed until December).
I'll look into some supplements and consider the sugar thing- cutting that might also help with the spare tyre I've acquired...

Fair enough noideawottodo! I guess it's hard to judge that when you're right in the midst of the righteous anger at people who leave dirty socks on the floor. I'm not anti the idea of taking HRT, I just also think the anger is there for a good reason. Hormones aren't separate from the person, iyswim.

May I direct you to this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4057480-Carbs-are-amazing

(Warning: will not help with spare tyre issues)

I just couldn't stop crying.
Cutting sugar and exercising more was helpful.
HRT sorted it completely as it wasn't me and now when I cry I know it's for a reason.

Oxytocin

Hugstoall

Your post really resonated with me. I am trying to work out, how much is me putting up with less and how much is just unwarranted anger/irritation. I can't take HRT for various reasons. I'm hoping to receive counselling when covid eases - there are many things I need to talk about and I'm hoping for a bit of clarity. But I feel a shift in my attitude in many different areas of my life, it feels unsettling. I too, felt like I was trying to medicate my feelings away...when they must just be genuine/trying to tell me something.

We have reasons to be angry sometimes, I feel your pain and I also have the uncontrollable crying for no apparent reason. It's great being a woman sometimes.

@Noideawottodo

The vogel menopause supplement is excellent

I agree! I am so much calmer on it..Also they do a seven day free trial!

Caitlin moran wrote about this, she said middle aged women lose their rise tinted glasses and fully see how shit and unfair do many big and small things are

You can bathe yourself in soothing HRT hormones to go back to your happy place, or become a fighter for justice someone who takes no shit, someone to be reckoned with

I may choose the latter

Like Neo in the Matrix, do you choose the blue or the red pill ...?

Same here. Just generally pissed off. I can't have HRT so I've just bought some Black Cohosh herbal supplement for menopause and vit D. Having day and night sweats too and cry a lot!

wise words weary

When I’ve given up sugar it’s massively made a difference to my peri menopausal issues.

Caitlin moran wrote about this, she said middle aged women lose their rise tinted glasses and fully see how shit and unfair do many big and small things are

As younger women we tolerate a lot bringing up our families and then when we mature sometimes we do want to rage at all the shit in our lives and the world. We are socialised to be kind, tolerant, polite and all encompassing, but if you have a less than perfect husband, ungrateful kids, financial difficulties, housework overload, working life boredom, etc etc then you have earned the right to rage a bit!

(I think I could tick all of these boxes.)

And...I could really do with talking to another grumpy old woman over a bottle, I mean glass of wine. The only person I know who lives on my doorstep (so I don't have to drive) who is potentially in the same boat has taken up outdoor pursuits and trying to run marathons...not exactly someone who will sit and moan and wallow...which I know isn't positive but something I want do do in light of the above paragraph!

However, I am trying to look forward, first on the list is to socialise a bit more through meeting people who do like-minded things. It's not all gloom and doom, potentially, I have become more creative over the past few years.