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Menopause

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Original poster

Struggling with People

45 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 28/02/2020 08:47

Nit sure if anyone else gets this but recently getting very cross with random small things such as people in general...not so much close family (Dcs and DH, although they can be annoying also) but for example

People in shops fussing
People in yoga making phone calls
Crowds
Irritating people on the radio / fussing over small things

Just odd things like this giving me the rage, especially week before period (am mid 40s)

I'm generally quite anxious anyway but this is difficult and also things like yoga which is meant to be relaxing being actually pretty annoying at times - thinking better to just read and stay home or do an online video

But this isolating yourself socially is not meant to be a good thing either is it? Not sure whether to just go with it and stay away from such stuff or deal with it and keep going on all the time, don;t want to go into a depression either.

But people can be so annoying and selfish at times. am trying to be compassionate and remind myself they also have stuff going on..

and of course not expressing my rage / irritation!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/02/2020 08:54

Hi im placemarking because im just off to my gp to talk menopause and low tolerance is on my list.

MellowMelly · 28/02/2020 09:21

I totally retreated into myself (definitely for self preservation) because of this ‘irritation’ at others. To be fair your rage/irritation sounds a little tamer than mine. I honestly have never felt anger like this in my life and it always occurred a week before my period. I’m relieved that I seem to be past that stage now. I never let it out but I seriously hated that overwhelming feeling of anger ready to explode. It was so bad sometimes I would hyperventilate with it.

So I stayed away from shopping at the busier times, I tactically diverted any conversational subjects that might give me the rage, I avoided/minimised any situations that I knew would make my anger flare up.
I made more time for myself to do ‘peaceful’ things, like reading, and mindful breathing, I stopped to listen to bird song and just take a few deep breaths of fresh air. I would go and sit in a quiet room and close the door and just be ‘quiet’.

I just think you do what you need to do until this stage passes. My friend had to go on medication to relax herself whereas I managed to survive the phase by doing more mindful things.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 28/02/2020 09:34

Well it seems it is a thing for some of us then, I am thinking to myself
(having done a bit of CBT and mindfulness in the past)

Feeling bad about having it might make things worse, women in particular at times, can feel they 'shouldn't be angry' but to remember it is OK to have feelings and feel angry, not to judge self for it as that can make things worse

Maybe try some thing stop help. Like I'm finding St Johns wort quite calming, in the morning I will take this and do my Calm meditaion when i can and imagine it calming me (if it is placebo mainly so what, maybe it works.) Also aerobic exercise seems to help me get the stress out a bit.

However there are People at the gym which is annoying too, quiet times I guess.

Thankfully the DC are a bit older so don;t have top talk to people at the school gates anymore. Although a little bit of chat about something benign like the weather is usually OK, anything else can be a bit triggering at times..

It's a bit like being a teenager again isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 28/02/2020 09:35

Excuse typos brain also going obviously

OP posts:
MellowMelly · 28/02/2020 10:13

I have the Calm meditation app. It’s excellent and certainly stopped my brain running over time before going to sleep at night. I definitely suffered with bouts of insomnia which I think contributed to my irritability due to lack of sleep.

It is like being a hormonal teenager again. My daughter had said to me she had noticed I was snappier and more highly strung so I knew I had to get a grip on it as I certainly didn’t want to upset her.

Another thing I realised was to give myself more time to do things rather than rushing myself. Rushing around definitely heightened my stress levels. I had a habit of almost power walking everywhere even when I didn’t need too so I learnt to slow down. I would rush to the linen basket, rush to the washing machine...getting the washing on 30 seconds quicker wasn’t ever going to make a massive difference to my day Grin

Mrsjayy · 28/02/2020 11:55

Well Gp suggested some anxiety medication ,mindfulness and avoidence of stressful situations Hmm stress I can cope with it is everyday gripes I am not coping with, she also said it is probably just irritabilityto everything else that is going on with my hormones, So I don't know if I am any furtherforward

Mrsjayy · 28/02/2020 11:57

I volunteer a few days a week and it is somewhere you need a lot of patience and empathy and tbh I am thinking of giving up because i feel wrung out and grumpy Sad

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 28/02/2020 12:21

Fair enough Mrs Jayy, don't beat yourself up about it. That's somewhere we don't need

I do think women especially, as well as 'not being angry' get the feeling of 'having to be caring / empathic / helpful' which also clashes with these symptoms perhaps.

OP posts:
MellowMelly · 28/02/2020 14:02

@Mrsjayy I actually left my last job due to my sudden lack of tolerance to people. It was in a pharmacy and having to deal with some very rude and ungrateful people every day took its toll. My patience grew thin so I made the decision to leave for my own well-being.

I had no idea at that point that I was peri menopausal until about two weeks after leaving that job when the doctor ran a hormone profile due to my symptoms. I was surprised at the results as I was only 37!

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 28/02/2020 14:59

I can imagine customer service being hard. I used to work in teaching but glad I am not now due to the stress and dealings with parents etc

OP posts:
stellabelle · 29/02/2020 00:22

It could just be this time of your life, rather than the menopause being the reason. I had the menopause at 35 because of having a total hysterectomy . I had two little kids and a full time job - didn't have the time to be irritated or get the rage about anything or anyone.
I'm 60 now, and do get irritated. So for me it's the time of my life, rather than a hormonal thing.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 29/02/2020 08:47

Yes that's true stella, lots going on and overwhelming.

OP posts:
missmouse101 · 29/02/2020 08:58

Yes, I have been like this for the last few years and am not menopausal yet, but surely not far off as I'm 49. I can't bear other people near me, wittering at me, getting in my way, and being wet instead of getting on with things. I have no tolerance for dreadful spelling, bad driving, conspiracy theories, other people's mess and belongings and their drivel on Facebook. I just keep away from everyone! Grin

TheNavigator · 29/02/2020 08:59

I had never known rage like it so I went to my GP and I now have an HRT patch and the menopause symptoms are much more managable. I could cope with meno, apart from the rage. Why suffer when you don't need to? Plus HRT has other health benefits - such as reducing the risk of osteoporosis.

Mrsjayy · 29/02/2020 09:35

I am on Hrt and still have rage maybe this is who I am now Grin

MayFayner · 29/02/2020 09:49

This is me too. I was worst before my period and I would always have a FURY going on, usually directed at DH. My cycle was only 22 days so it was happening very frequently.

I’m on the pill now for it. I take it all the time with no break. I think I’m low-level depressed on it though, and it’s only reduced the rage by half or so.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 29/02/2020 14:01

Ok, when I posted this I was in week before period and seems slightly better now it is here (in it's half hearted way)

Yes have to go into town now which will be busy and not looking forward to the people. Might start doing more online shopping perhaps.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 29/02/2020 14:05

I think im due felt glum yesterday. Enjoy the shops just tut and sigh that will see you through.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 29/02/2020 14:13

Thanks Mrs Jay, I go to the self checkouts with lots of space due to this and sometimes take a breather in the library. can't just hide away I guess.

I have been increasingly dreaming of living alone, in a tiny house, not sure if this is normal either. In reality live with two teenage boys and DH. They are all quite annoying and get in the way.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 29/02/2020 14:17

Aww yes a little seafront house somewhere lovely eh.

JhustJenny · 29/02/2020 14:19

Yep I hate the world and think I’d be better off on my own (and so would everyone else)

Lordfrontpaw · 29/02/2020 14:20

This is a menopause thing?

missyB1 · 29/02/2020 14:31

It does seem to be one of the menopause symptoms. I am definitely a lot less tolerant than I used to, and I have always been proud of my tolerance levels (I was a Nurse for over 20 years). Since starting the menopause I changed careers and now work in a school, some days I have to walk around literally biting my lip all day and fuming inside Blush
I feel guilty about this and often worry that my colleagues will notice and talk about it amongst themselves - paranoia is another symptom!

JinglingHellsBells · 29/02/2020 14:38

I think it's called 'getting older'! Grumpy old woman syndrome. I think as we age we do become less tolerant of some day to day things but maybe more tolerant of others ( ie 'seen it all before'.)

Lordfrontpaw · 29/02/2020 15:16

I’ve been grumpy since I was at primary school!